context: james breaks up with regulus and cites the reason being that sirius doesn’t want them to be together (“im sorry baby, i really am, but maybe it’s better this way. maybe it’s better to stop before either of us get in too deep”)
Okay maybe James was overcompensating. Maybe he felt like he was breaking apart at the seams, but he just couldn’t lose Sirius. It was bad enough for those few months after The Prank. And maybe he really really thinks he loves Regulus and breaking up feels like he’s stabbing himself in the heart. Maybe he’s saying this to reassure himself that Regulus doesn’t care to that degree about him. But maybe James miscalculated some things.
Because oh. Oh. Oh. James had forgotten. How had he forgotten? He had gotten too complacent. He had forgotten what it looked like, felt like to be blocked off from Regulus Black. Where James was once privy to knowing how every minute twitch of his face represented a shift in his emotions, that was now gone. This was the stone cold Black people whispered about in the hallways. This was the emotionless thing that people didn’t even consider human, that was feared. James had unknowingly bought himself a one way ticket to losing all ties and attachments with Regulus Black, back to how they acted in 2nd fucking year, and oh how it hurt.
Maybe James didn’t belong in Gryffindor. Maybe he truly was a coward, a coward too afraid of losing his best friend that he willingly broke up with his boyfriend. Maybe it’s stupid he just. He didn’t expect it to hurt this much.
Regulus doesn’t say much as his face shutters closed until all those layers are reformed. He stitches up his bleeding skin with a smile because really, who was he to think this would last anyway?
“Goodbye, Potter.” And oh, oh, oh, how just two words can rip the wound even further. Regulus is falling apart at the seams, coming fully undone, but it doesn’t matter. James doesn’t care. He doesn’t care and Regulus cares so much that it is a physical pain inside of him. But that’s okay. Regulus knows how to deal with pain. It’s been a constant throughout his life. What’s a little more?
Only, Regulus isn’t prepared to deal with hope. He never really had to. So, when he got some, he let it in unprotected. He let his guard down. He didn’t realize that hope came with barbs that stuck deep into his skin until it was all ripped away and he was left bleeding.
Regulus turns. There’s nothing for him here anymore. He just. He needs to be in his dorm. At least there he can ward it to the nine hells and back and just be alone. He’s far too exposed here in this empty hallway with only a past “but what if” as a witness.
But there is something snarling in him through all this pain. People have used many animalistic words to describe Regulus. Snake, shark, feral cat, wolf. Regulus isn’t afraid to live up to their instincts. He can’t push down that animalistic urge to bite and tear when threatened.
“Oh, do say thank you to Sirius for me, Potter. He deserves it.” And with that he’s gone, disappeared, fading into plain sight. He’s gone before James can utter a syllable, before the fallout can truly begin.
He makes it to his dorm in record time, more thankful than ever that Barty and Evan are not there. He calmly sits on his bed, takes his shoes off, and then climbs further in. He shuts the drapes, mutters multiple spells as he waves his wand until he is fully satisfied that not even Merlin himself could disturb him for the next 12 hours. And then. And then.
