Just a bunch of random quotes from my professors during my first semester of college. Enjoy and feel free to make any changes !
“The heart is a dramatic organ. The bowels are also pretty dramatic.”
“I don’t remember why I put that picture of a water slide there.”
“By that time, you’ll have figured out my brain. I haven’t yet.”
“Woah, you have big shoes.”
“Make sure you don’t take my picture. I’m copyrighted.”
“We don’t really know what it’s like to be a rat or a pigeon.”
“Hello. Welcome to the planet.”
“You wouldn’t be able to tell if your toe fell off in the middle of the night.”
“I know you are a millionaire. I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I’ve taught you to see the fun in pain.”
“Get rid of the dog mask.”
“I actually think nasty things when I smile.”
“I know you don’t want to see me. I don’t want to see you too.”
“I’m just making stuff up.”
“The other day, someone called me nurturing. I was like, ‘you’re ruining my reputation’!”
“I said the exam is NEXT Thursday. Don’t scare people.”
“I wasn’t drunk, but I was acting like it.”
“I profoundly believe that humans are absurd creatures.”
“It’s my job to embarrass you.”
“When I was young–I’m still young, right?”
“Uh oh. [grunt] I’m okay.”
“If you solve this, I’ll buy you lunch.”
“I’m going to tell you a story about farts.”
“I know a lot about corn.”
“Wow, you are super. *high fives*”
“I saw you walking past the library, and you looked as though you were lost in thought.”
“I’m glad to see that you’ve decided to stay.”
“In the game, you can die many times. In life, you can die one time.”
“This is just dessert. There’s a banquet coming.”
“What do you call it? A ‘snake’, right?”
“Impossible means ‘I am possible’.”
“You’re completely aroused.”
“There’s a stop sign. You have to stop.”
“No one likes to feel pain. Actually–never mind, I don’t want to ask.”
“Do I sound cynical? I’m trying to be nice.”
“Dude, you wanna compete with Jimmy Hendrix? Fuck you.”
“I don’t want to talk to most people. It’s not a gender thing, please just go away.”
“We’re making tortillas now.”
“Be careful, somebody might beat you up.”
“I can say nice things, but if you remind me, I’ll deny it.”
