Tried a new storytelling thing this chapter! I jumped around the timeline a lot more than I usually do (and even then. Only managed to cover like. 2 weeks.) But wanted to do this kind of, hand-off baton passing back and forth between the POVs of the others and Soleil's highs and lows (While jumping around the timeline). Also I was a bit more direct to the reader, with things like "but before any of those moments, there's this"
In any case, I'm hoping that it comes off as like a series of vignettes. And ofc there's all the stuff in between like breakfast and watching TV with Ness---all the daily stuff. Which I tend to write quite a bit about so I wanted to break from that while also highlighting some of the ongoing themes / issues / things brought up or laid out a while ago (like Evan existing) and wrapping some things up
Because he is, in their sessions, they’re spending at least half the time now working on ERP—making fear pyramids and sitting and talking about all his uncomfortable thoughts.
Am Mostly skipping going into ERP in detail bc i don't want to focus on it SO much bc it will absolutely eat my time like nobody's business but also it genuinely IS localized to when people are actively sick around soleil so it's not acting up So Much generally
But Soleil urges Ness away with both of his hands on his shoulders and even though Ness looks up when Ray calls to him, ultimately, he scampers off to his room.
I'm not sure how well it comes across to people who Didn't read Sick Days bc i Wrote it and have that character development in mind but i wanted to point a little bit to how ness starts looking to ray for guidance too, and not just Soleil (like. he does for cyrill and athena too, but in this case, ray Very specifically)
Ray stops short, holding his breath for whatever’s triggered Soleil this time.
...
“Soleil.” Ray says firmly and Soleil quiets himself, waiting for—he’s not sure what.
I liked the mirror image of both of them waiting v cautiously for the other
“Stop— you shouldn’t—” he mimics raising Ray up, even if he’s sat far away enough that he can’t reach.
So, Soleil being able to say "stop" in this context is very good!!! He still cuts himself and redirects but being able to say the word at all to someone that he perceives as having higher status than him is !! Even if it's just to get said person to stop debasing themself and freaking him out bc now the roles are getting all messed up
But he can’t help but wonder if he ever reacts this badly with Athena, a female beta, or Cyrill, a male hybrid omega.
I don't /think/ this is something I've voiced in fic yet but it's been on Ray's mind for a while now.
"one thousand five hundred dollars…”
I put this in specifically!! Because i remember as a kid hearing "fifteen hundred" dollars and being like, huh. Before I clocked that the more common way to say numbers like these is Not saying each place out loud. I still don't think even with exposure to money talk by Grey etc, that Soleil would have cared enough or had the bandwidth to parse this so it's a sign of his immaturity (neutral) when it comes to money and having + using money
“It’s okay,” he says finally, quietly. “I think you probably only had my best interests in mind, right?” He smiles at Cyrill’s vigorous nod. “Then it’s okay. Did you mean it about the budget and going over the other documents?”
I think that Soleil is still uncomfortable with receiving apologies. And he means his forgiveness here, that's why it's so short and simple, "then it's okay." And no stuttering or long pauses this time, but then he Immediately wants to topic change because he doesn't want to linger or give Cyrill the chance to linger.
Also fun fact this was originally Athena doing the card giving but since I wrote that scene in my ideas doc, Cyrill has been kind of very !! about Soleil getting that card so I thought it fitting that he should be the one to give it. (In that version, Athena was much more manipulative from the get-go @ getting Soleil to accept it by talking about some of the things he could do with Ness/for Ness with it)
imo, Cyrill's low is the lowest of the lows and that's on purpose! kind of? in that, based on soleil's level of comfortability with the others, his lows reflected that. so in order cyrill (highest stress, newest / least developed anxiety, which he feels comfortable enough w/ cyrill to come to with) -> athena (medium developed anxiety @ asking for things and wow look at how successfully he does it!) -> ray (most baked-in anxiety, retreats to older coping mechanisms)
So ray's suspicions are correct, in that soleil Doesn't act this way with the others and it /is/ because athena is a woman and cyrill is both an omega and a hybrid, whereas ray is a big, tall guy and most resembles his abusers in the past bc of that. but like ray also says, soleil can look him in the eye now etc, there's obvs trust there, soleil just tends to be more antsy around ray
“You should be able to go be with your family for Thanksgiving, especially since you have a mother who actually loves you."
Ofc, the implication here is that soleil's mom does not/did not love him. Also when i started writing this fic I was trying to set it in some nebulous, possibly nonexistent country and then i gave up (bc i don't feel like making up new customs/holidays/traditions and i think just linguistically i out myself as a usamerican w/o realizing it, like by saying cart instead of buggy or w/e) so, here's thanksgiving. AHDKASHKDJSHAJKHDJSHALFHLAKSHF i don't actually do traditional thanksgiving stuff, author lore but my family got into a huge fight one thanksgiving and it caused a rift to the point where i don't even talk to that side anymore so like lol.
And Cyrill, who was busy daydreaming about all the delicious food he’d get to eat tomorrow is completely taken off guard.
“I checked her Facebook again.”
HM. I just clocked that i think you need a facebook in order to look at someone else's facebook but i can tell u for sure that soleil does not have one/did not make one so. just, suspend your disbelief i guess
"I worked it out with Rhys that we can do a walk through during non-business hours so you can get a feel of how big the rink is and where everything is.”
Listen. I love a Time Dedication as a love language and Cyrill being like, i know it will lessen your anxiety at least a Little Bit if this place is not Completely New to you so I set up a way for that to not be the case. Am I going to bark over my own fic and the relationships within? YES. BARK.
"And you know that I absolutely chose to stay here for Thanksgiving, of my own volition, right? Because I love everybody here?”
Soleil sniffles some more, letting out some weak hitched breaths.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to come in here and,” he waves his hand.
I think Soleil still gets Super psyched out about saying that he loves the others but he's now at least a little bit less deer in headlights about Hearing it. still wants to change the subject tho.
The ceiling and walls are painted a darker olive green, broken up by wood beams. She has a cubby bookcase filled with yarn organized by color—a riot of said color and genuinely the opposite of her office. Half-finished projects wrap around their skeins, anchored by knitting needles or crochet hooks.
I think this is a good representation of Athena in general? I think she comes off as very mature, and she is. Her office is very austere, her room is built up of these dark, mature (again) colors. I think the way that she presents herself makes it seem like she is very put together (which again, she is) but then within all that there's this riot of color - her thoughts and desires and playfulness, and I think the yarn and those projects are a good metaphor for hopes / visions / dreams etc of the future and her making that happen with her own two hands. (Though I had made this her hobby without having that in mind, I am just 🥰🥰🥰🥰 about her)
“I think it’s a nice idea, not dumb at all. If you wanted to try some creative writing, that could be fun.”
Soleil gives a considering little laugh but doesn’t say anything
Incredibly interesting feeling to write Soleil being like, haha, about creative writing bc he doesn't think he'd be good at it (and probably...wouldn't? be good at it?) when it's like such a vital part of what i Do as a person.
“Yeah,” she says with an encouraging smile. “Just like any other week at the park, right? And what’s the best possible outcome?”
Soleil blinks hard before he thinks.
“Uh. I don’t know. She, uh…is so happy to see me that she uh, doesn’t want me to leave and invites me out for lunch. Or something.”
“And you could always set up lunch with her for another time, right? In fact, you can always text her back now. ‘Sorry for the slow reply. Thanks for the well wishes, I’m feeling better. Looking forward to seeing you.’ Something like that.”
Couple of points here: I think it is? a bit sad that the Best Possible Outcome is something that feasible. When I do this exercise I go Way in the opposite direction in the same way as catastrophizing.
Also I think it's so fucking funny when Athena texts like she's on an email chain
“I know it’s been a while since you’ve been outside, do you need me to carry you out to the car?” He asks, knowing full well that’s not the problem, or at least not one that Soleil mentioned to Athena.
Soleil blinks rapidly, his scent doing something complicated, before he pulls on the jacket. There’s a dusting of pink across his cheeks as he softly shakes his head.
“No, that’s…I’m okay. Thank you, though.”
I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN!!!!!! every day of my life i am rooting for ray to carry soleil again
“I don’t even think he realizes he’s doing it. Or maybe, not all the time, he definitely does it on purpose sometimes.”
“Does what?”
“Makes Ness quiet. Or pulls him into his lap or distracts him, if he thinks Ness might bother us.”
“Oh. I didn’t realize he did that with everyone.”)
YAAAAAAAAY I've wanted to address this for so long it's finally being voiced in fic <3333
“Ness wanted to show you something,” he says with…it’s not quite cheer but it’s something like that. And he thinks it’s for Ness’s benefit because there’s something watchful and calculating in Soleil’s eyes.
I think the way Soleil speaks here is ^^ cheer-y BUT Ray is clocking that something is off bc it's very fake cheer. Bc he himself is hesitant but he doesn't want Ness to clock that and is also giving Ray the chance here to prove him wrong. And Ray v much does that!
Soleil will swing his right foot every now and then
i THINK that i have already put this little character habit in for soleil w/ him on the sitting bench outside but he likes either swinging his foot or having his foot swing him ^^
“Wouldn't it be nice if we could make a couple for him though?” His eyes widen just a bit and he gets a bit of sparkle in them. “If you wanted to, you could still play your joke and then show him that you did make some of the ones he likes, that would be funny too, right?”
When he makes eye contact with Ray next, he has his tail in his lap, hands resting gently on it, his eyes are happy crescents, and his cheeks are pink with mirth. Ray knows that Soleil can be playful, he plays with Ness every day. But he's never seen Soleil be mischievous.
I think this is sooooo fun and important. Soleil growing out of his shell just a little bit more, and the way that his mischievousness is tentative and a bit unsure but still rooted in kindness and surprise
And ofc the final line line in this chapter: It’s a good, healthy look on him.
Is meant to mirror the final lines in chapter 7, "Soleil is still flushed a pretty pink but he’s smiling easily and happily this morning.
For the first time since he’s arrived at the manor he’s looking like a happy, healthy omega."
And this time!!!! He's got the tail involved too, which has been more and more present the more comfortable he's become. And having his hands on/in his tail is often a self-soothing gesture but I think this time it's just bc he likes the way it feels and he's Not denying himself the urge to mess with it. It's becoming somewhat of an absent-minded habit like Cyrill messing with his hair or a bunny ear.
Soleil revels in the ability to plop a kiss on his curls and so he kisses Ness all over until his baby is shrieking with laughter and his own cheeks hurt from grinning.
Baseline Soleil says kissing Ness is allowed again!!!!! Esp since last chapter it Wasn't allowed i wanted to have a BUNCH of kisses.
And it strikes him with awe, as he looks up at the ceiling—lit softly with light from the moon, that he goes to bed with a full belly and he had not a single doubt that both he and Ness would.
Initially, Ray's High moment was meant to be the last section of this chapter but Soleil decided he wanted his own high moment and i think it's just a lovely point to end this chapter/arc with (arc being fall season since i have this fic split roughly into four main parts by season)
Just, the feeling of safety and security, for both he and his son, highlighted by two of the largest points of contention: access to food and having a connection to the outside world
also it just came to me that it would be a good way to bring things full circle since the moon is one of the first things that was important to soleil + ness in Being outside for the first time (freely, not under duress). And when soleil is in his suite in the beginning, he wants to look at the moon but "can't bring himself to look outside" so he gets up and closes the curtain. and is then anxious that maybe he Shouldn't have Touched so he puts the curtain back.
And now!!!!!!! It's just a baked in part of his life. the moonlight, the outside reaching in, is just There and he can look at it freely while basking in this safety and comfort.
