i can't hear myself anymore. @solongpoorboy-blog - Tumblr Blog

mmazikeensmiths-deactivated2019

no más please

#blood tw #bruises&medals.

soft-princesa

me???? tired???? sleepy??? yes constantly

sierrasarchive-deactivated20200

“You’re it, you’re my person”

— 12:38 am going through videos of you

production has a break for a bit till it picks up again. everyone’s staying in hawaii to abuse the free vacation, meanwhile i’m here packing and trying to buy a plane ticket home.

i mean, i would probably do this regardless cause i love surprising daisy. and i miss new york, maybe more so than usual, but... daisy hasn’t been talking to me the same? i could be overthinking--fuck, i really hope i’m overthinking--but she hasn’t really been responding to me. and when she does, it sounds so... default. it’s scratching at the back of my mind in the wrong way, and i’m worried.

sure as fuck know how clingy i am, i get it. gossip has me on edge and we’re still not public, i know i can’t be too obvious, i’m probably just anxious, i haven’t been sleeping at all ‘cause my insomnia is at full blast, i don’t even remember the last time i punched something even at the gym, but, but--

i just know something’s off. and i’ve never hoped so badly to be wrong.

#Introspective.#Daisy.

two things.

i went a little... hard during my training session today. i think my trainer noticed. pedro definitely did. i miss throwing a punch at someone, you know? in a good fight. it’s been way too long, and there’s no way i’m going to hit another club till i’m back in new york, maybe even la. i’m restless. doesn’t help that my insomnia has been worse than ever.

then there’s daisy. i miss her terribly, i do. it hasn’t been a week yet, but i’ve missed her from the moment i got to hawaii. she called me this morning to talk about the snow, how she wished i was there for it. and i wish for that, too... but there was something else. something more, i don’t know, somber? off? let’s go with off. this is the furthest apart we’ve ever been, and maybe the distance is getting to my head, but for a moment this morning it sounded like something else was bothering her. i asked her about things and she gave me okays all around.

maybe i’m just in my head. like always.

#bruises&medals.#introspective.#daisy.

paper-mario-wiki

you know you got it bad when i haven’t even been gone a whole day, and i miss her so much already. i was getting so use to waking up to her at home--our home, wow, i’m still not over that (when did i get so sappy and gross? oh, wait, always, i guess.).

meanwhile, there’s no clubs to fight in around here, so i’m going to continue pretending like that doesn’t stress me out.

#introspective.#bruises&medals.#daisy.

/loosely/ ignore the below

will be reusing blog. most ship related things still valid, though.

#ooc.

in the past few days i told more people the truth about my divorce and everything than I have in the prior months. and, man, it’s been fuckin’ liberating. and frightening.

like, oh, yeah, i told my family everything on my birthday. divorce, daisy, everything. even a few more long time friends, like pedro. and it was more of a whirlwind than i anticipated. elvira had to fill daisy in at the door, i still feel awful for not getting around to telling her... i mean, i was scared. and maybe my birthday wasn’t the best time to do it. i just needed to do this. and it worked out.

being able to hold my girlfriend’s hand in front of people i care about, getting to be less careful? i haven’t felt that relaxed in a while. seeing her get along with my family meant the world to me, too. also, i need to say how amazing daisy is, i mean, she baked me an entire cake. it was delicious. i’m in love awe of her.

i think the rockiest point was telling my dad. it was over the phone, he’s still in florida, and as much as i told everyone to keep quiet about all of it, i guess someone slipped up to him. i think he just never wanted to see me in what he had to go through, when he divorced mom. and i don’t think he’s happy how quickly i found someone else; i think that’s only because of how much he liked elvira, and i get that. overall it still went mostly for the better. i think meeting daisy properly (hellos at premieres don’t count) will have him understand. i want him to understand because she’s so important to me.

#introspective.#daisy.#el.

quoteconfessions

Even though I have my difficulties you still accept me and love me for who I really am. You are my everyday motivation that makes me want to become a better person. Thank you.

Poets Love Her (via poetsloveher)

#daisy.

yeah, so i picked my birthday to start being fully honest with some of my family. no big deal, just about how i’ve actually been divorced, been lying to the press with my ex, and now i’m head over heels dating someone else entirely.

oh, also, i only talked to elvira about it two nights ago, and i haven’t exactly told daisy i was planning on this yet...

so yeah, hope this goes well? i have poor planning skills.

#introspective.#daisy.#el.

meiselr

1000 Picspams Challenge | #861 - Fight Club Aesthetic

#bruises&medals.#blood tw #nsfw #getting to go back to the club with alessia was so much fun.#all the whiskey. actually won a few bets.#i love this place.

yesterday was the academy awards: i got to present an award to one of my closest friends, celebrate representation, and enjoy the experience with some amazing people.

and yesterday there was an after party: there was so much champagne which makes me so... smiley, and daisy was able to come through by the time i already had a glass or two. maybe i hugged her for a moment too long in public, but no one seemed to notice.

maybe, when we managed to sneak away for five minutes, just the two of us, the words did just fall out because the champagne had me feeling so good, and she was smiling at me so sweetly--

blurting out “come back with me” ended up being the best impulse i could follow, and the way she kissed me after was the perfect cherry on top.

maybe i still think about how she told me she loved me almost a week ago. yes, she said those three words to me, but she doesn’t remember and that’s alright. we were so stoned at the time, the weed was so good, and i don’t think she even realized she said it, so i didn’t say it back. but it’s on the tip of my tongue, i swear, baby.

one day i won’t be so afraid and i’ll finally say it, hopefully no champagne needed.

#introspective.#daisy.