Off Like a Shot [3/?]
Pairing(s), Characters(s): Kurt/Sebastian Rating: teen (for now) Triggers, Tropes, Kinks: none (for now) Length: ~2,200 (~6,300 total) Genre(s): romance, humour
A/N: Please note that I’m making this story up as I go even more than I did when writing its predecessor.
These assholes talk so goddamn much, I s2g.
Previously in The Shots Verse: A Shot In the Arm (AO3)
Read on AO3: from the beginning | this chapter Previous chapters on Tumblr: -1- | -2-
Summary: A ridiculously self-indulgent pile of fluff and the like. Directly follows the events of A Shot In the Arm.
Because Kurt was cool as a cucumber, he didn’t check his texts first thing when he got home for the night. He checked the mail, brought the trash bin back in from the curb, started a load of laundry, swept the (already spic and span) floors, and did a quick tidy-up of the living room and kitchen. Because he hadn’t forgotten his promise to himself to go back to doing regular workouts, he changed into sweats and filled himself a water bottle before heading down to the basement where the Hummels kept their home gym. Then he checked his texts.
From: Bastian 😏😘🍆
I’m mad at u.
Kurt frowned in confusion and sprawled out on the daybed, content to give his phone his full attention again. He and Sebastian had discussed their schedules for the day, and all Sebastian had really had on his docket was a single lecture, an intramural basketball game (except not really an intramural game, since the season hadn’t started. Just a group of friends who booked a gym), and nebulous hangout time with his teammates. Kurt had no idea what he could have done to draw any ire.
To: Bastian 😏😘🍆
What did I do?
From: Bastian 😏😘🍆
My team won tonight and I was pretty much the MVP of the game, so I got to suggest what we do for chill time after. And you know what I said? “I could really go for a karaoke night, you guys!” And everyone agreed! These fuckers couldn’t carry a tune if I gave them a bucket with rubber comfort grips. &+ I drove here, so I can’t even drink until they sound okay unless I'm willing to spend several more hrs with this caterwauling.
To: Bastian 😏😘🍆
How is any of that my fault???
From: Bastian 😏😘🍆
I spend ONE day with you and suddenly I wanna find the nearest stage and jukebox? Clearly your sing songiness rubbed off while we were rubbing off.
To: Bastian 😏😘🍆
Bitch please, you overthrew the warblers council so you could become their uncontested lead soloist before you even met me!
From: Bastian 😏😘🍆
Yeah ok but I did that because I love being on top of the social ladder, not because I love singing. And FYI I was still in the process of doing it when I met you.
To: Bastian 😏😘🍆
Are you actually mad at me or just grumpy because your friends are hurting your ears?
Kurt smirked in victory when Sebastian went a full minute without responding.
To: Bastian 😏😘🍆
Because you know I didn’t make it into the best vocal conservatory in the country for nothing. So if you want to sing with someone who knows what they’re doing, I’d be more than happy to make a night out of it with you. And I have SingStar too, if you wanted to have a night in instead.
From: Bastian 😏😘🍆
You still free tomorrow?
To: Bastian 😏😘🍆
I’m going shopping with Santana in the evening. Nothing else, though!
Instead of buzzing with another message, Kurt’s phone rang. He accepted the call quickly and sat up to talk.
“The same Santana who reamed you out the day before yesterday?” Sebastian was shouting, and Kurt knew it wasn’t just because he was calling from a noisy bar where some stranger was butchering Tell Her About It.
“Hello to you too, Sebastian. My day was lovely, and yours?”
“Don’t tell me you forgave her already.”
“Okay, I won’t tell you.”
“Kurt!”
“She apologized! We had a big dramatic moment about it. Tears and hugging and everything.” Kurt heard a heavy huff on the other end of the line and squeezed his leg to his chest, tucking his knee under his chest. “Bastian, come on, please don’t be angry at her on my behalf.”
“It’s no trouble on my part!” A heavy thud, and suddenly the background noise was gone. Kurt assumed Sebastian had stepped outside so they could talk comfortably. “I know you said you can’t hold a grudge to save your life, but you know she at least deserved to be frozen out for a few days. She has to understand that she can’t treat you that way. And I don’t just mean chewing you out.”
“She understands. She told me she’s gonna be here for me from now on and she’s already walked the walk,” Kurt said, voice soft and soothing. “I actually think you really got to her with that text. Thank you by the way, for defending me like that.”
“Anytime, babe,” he replied. They were quiet for a moment, content to listen to each other’s breathing, before Sebastian spoke again. “So how was your day?”
Kurt let out a small chuckle and relaxed again, repositioning himself to sit cross-legged with his back against the wall. “It was lovely, thank you for asking. Breadstix was delicious in its awful Breadstix way.”
“You plan on telling me what ‘you probably will, winky face’ means now?”
“You’re a worldly young gentleman, Sebastian. I think you can figure it out.”
“But I wanna hear you say it,” he teased.
“No.”
“Say it.”
“No.”
“Say it.”
“No!”
“I am the youngest of five children, Kurt. I could literally keep this up for hours.”
“Five children? Are your parents quiver full or something?”
Sebastian barked out a loud laugh and Kurt felt a smile take over his face at the sound. “Oh man, imagine my gay heathen ass being raised by evangelicals.” He let out a happy little sigh and Kurt could just picture him shaking his head in amusement. “No, my parents just really wanted a girl.”
“And they didn’t get one after five tries?” Kurt gasped. “Those poor souls! What are the chances of that happening?”
“One in… thirty-two,” Sebastian answered easily. “That’s not what happened though. They had three sons before they finally got Mia on the fourth try, and then I happened nine years later.”
“Nine years, huh? It wasn’t enough for you to be a ‘we thought we were done but nope, one more’ kind of oopsie baby; you had wait to nearly a decade just to blindside ‘em even harder. So dramatic, Sebastian! I live for it.”
“Wow, you really don’t beat around the bush, do you, sweetheart? Story goes that when my parents found out about Mia, Dad drove my mom to the jewelry store and bought a diamond the size of a baby’s fist because that was gonna be her birthstone. When they found out about me, Mom drove my dad to get a vasectomy.”
Kurt couldn’t contain his laughter, only stopping when Sebastian whined his name in protest. “Sorry! I’m sorry. I’m sure you were a welcome blessing in the family home, unexpected though you were.”
“Hell yeah, I was,” Sebastian agreed. “Now back to Breadstix.”
Kurt groaned heavily and pressed his cold water bottle to his cheek, trying to stave off his blush even if there was no one there to see it. “Why do you enjoy my suffering?”
“Because it nourishes my soul to think about how red you must be right now.”
For a split second, Kurt seriously considered checking his house for surveillance equipment. He had debugged the place before moving back in— Sue Sylvester deserved to be in jail, no two ways about it— but the urge was still there. “Ugh,” he grunted instead. “Fine! So Lima used to have a drive-in theatre, but then since this hellhole just isn’t allowed to have culture, it got shut down by some local advocacy groups because apparently it was a hotbed for teenage immorality or whatever. Then in came Breadstix where the theatre used to be,” Kurt said in a rush, wanting to get his explanation out quickly. “And in order to spite the parents who got their beloved drive-in shut down, the adolescents of Allen County collectively decided that Breadstix would be their new hotbed of teenage immorality.”
“Does that mean you and your friends had an orgy after eating?”
“Ew, no!” Kurt cringed and shook his head before gathering the will to continue. “We’re incestuous enough, thanks. That first generation of teenagers held on to their hangout spot even when they had teenagers of their own, and slowly Breadstix became a legitimate family restaurant. The history of the place has been pretty much entirely forgotten, especially after they opened another one in the mall, and now it’s just where you go if you wanna get a meal. But if someone is going there for date night… maybe it’s like, genetic memory or something, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a sexually active couple who planned a Breadstix date unless they had the house to themselves after.”
Sebastian let out a long, low whistle. “That was a much more involved explanation than I was expecting.”
“Sorry,” Kurt mumbled. “I’m really rambly about really useless stuff sometimes, as I’m sure you’ve gathered. Feel free to shush me whenever, I don’t take offence.”
“Just because it’s not useful doesn’t mean it isn’t interesting,” Sebastian reassured, and Kurt could just tell that he was smiling one of those smiles that shone with fondness and tended to precede a kiss. “So does Kurt Hummel fancy himself a local historian?”
“Oh no, I don’t think I have the enthusiasm to call myself one,” Kurt demurred. “When I was younger, one of the things I hated most about Lima was how unbearably, unendingly plain everything is. Or maybe plain isn’t the word so much as bleak. I dunno, I guess I was always just desperate to find out that things here have deeper underlying meaning. For the places I go to be more than they were, for this town to have some flavour and colour beneath all the beige. I think that’s what’s so magical about New York,” Kurt continued, a wistful smile on his face as he thought about home. “Every brick in every building has a story to tell. And even if I never find out what the story is, I know it’s there, and I know there are more stories being written every day. The city is bigger than itself, and when you become part of it you feel like you’re bigger than yourself too.”
Kurt didn’t get any response for a while; he would have wondered if their line dropped, were it not for the ambient noise still carrying through. Finally, Sebastian cleared his throat and spoke again. “Not the shopping or shows?”
“Well, those are pretty great too,” Kurt conceded.
“I bet,” Sebastian murmured. “So, will you and the she-devil be shopping in Lima tomorrow evening?”
“I feel like you should be aware that Santana considers she-devil a complimentary nickname. And yes, we will.”
“So you probably won’t be willing to drive down here and back to spend the day with me,” Sebastian surmised.
“I’m sorry, hon, but I don’t think my butt could handle another four hours of driving as it is,” Kurt apologized. “I thought you had an essay that needs writing, anyway?”
“Eh, I’m gonna dip out of this black hole of talent and head home. I can get that shit finished by the end of the night, so that opens up my day tomorrow.”
“The infamous Sebastian Smythe doing homework on a Friday night?” Kurt let out an exaggerated gasp. “What has the world come to?”
“Hey, now! I’ll have you know I hooked up with this really hot guy last night. My body is still recovering from exhaustion.”
“I know the feeling. Strangest coincidence, but I also hooked up with a really hot guy last night! Now I’ve got a hickey the size of Texas on my ass to show for it.”
“Sounds gnarly.”
“Oh, it is. You better bring some arnica gel when you drive up to Lima tomorrow.”
Sebastian chuckled lightly. “I can do that.”
“Wonderful,” Kurt said. “What time are you thinking?”
“Is eleven good? We can do lunch and then whatever. But not at Breadstix, their Yelp still scares me.”
“Eleven’s great,” Kurt agreed. “And we actually do have more than one restaurant in this town, shocking though it may be. But you gotta know that Breadstix is an inevitability for you.”
“We’ll see,” Sebastian said, still sounding dubious. “I’m gonna bid farewell to my buddies now, text me your address.”
“Of course, see you tomorrow, Sebastian.”
“See you!” With that, Sebastian hung up.
Kurt sent his text and got up to stretch before hopping onto the StairMaster for a spell. It took about ten minutes for his mind to drift and start going over the events of the day. It took another twenty to realize they had moved their first date up five days, for no reason other than wanting to see each other sooner, and had done so without a trace of fuss or awkwardness. It took another fifteen to realize that he would be spending the rest of the night with a stupid grin stuck on his face.
