gone girl.

[k-pove-blog]

[exitivm-deactivated20160705]

“Sharing is caring, no?”

He wasn’t interested in her food at all, Sehun merely joked around and he found it cute how protective she was over food.. though it was true, some people were too much. Taking someone’s food without asking beforehand is rather rude and people shouldn’t do such things, one bite usually meant half of the sandwich or.. well, things along the lines, he knew that all too well himself.

“Don’t we all? But I’m not even hungry so your food’s safe..” trailing his words off, he flashes a mischievous smile, muttering a soft “for now.” underneath his breath, to tease further. Sehun ran slender fingers through his hair and then just smiled down at his friend, the need to pat over his head was there, but he didn’t do it, keeping his hands to himself. “How about.. if someone tries to steal your food, you tell me and I beat them up? We can make that a deal, Soojung.. though you’d have to feed me every now and then!”

[somekindofarchivedurl]

“Humans are scary.” Far scarier than any predator in the jungles or any of the supernatural creatures myths, legends, and horror films portrayed to be utterly despicable and devoid of any sanity or humanity. But, she knows deep down that she’s the kind of person who forgives and offers second, third, chances because there’s bound to be a tiny speck of good in everyone. As naive as it sounded, that’s just how she was. Thinking about people’s flaws and being overly cautious and nitpicking about every little thing all the time was tiring. She much preferred to be called stupid or idiotic for being quick to forgive. (Only the truth was, she did not forget.)

Despite how quiet Sehun had been, Soojung still catches the muttered words and eyes him warily before she wrinkles her nose and proceeds to poke at her jajangmyeon, appetite diminishing as the seconds pass. “I only share with you because you’re nice to me.” A pause. Eyeing him carefully, she weighs the odds of his offer before nodding as though to accept it, and then lifts her free hand and gestures at the half-eaten noodles. “Want some? I think I ordered too much.”

[ganbarubie]

“Hey, it can’t be that weird, can it?” Jackson furrowed his brow, folding his arms in front of him. “I mean, I imagine it’s just the same as a milk bath. Just a bit sugary and crunchy but.. There’s nothing bad with that! It’s a lot tastier, if you ask me.” He gave a firm, serious nod and when the girl let out a laugh he couldn’t help but smile. The whole joke was ridiculous, but he just hoped that he didn’t take her too seriously. It would be a pain to read comments on articles with titles like GOT7′s Jackson bathes in cereal! Who let this weirdo into our country!?   “You won’t get clearer and softer skin with that kind of attitude,” he joked with a laugh.

He tilted his head and a look of curiosity came across his face. And for a moment he had forgotten that normal people kept their lives private and didn’t go around telling people they had met just a couple of minutes ago about where they were born or whatever. He shrugged it off, though, remembering that privacy wasn’t necessarily something he had after signing up to be an idol. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I mean, you managed to find out I was, well… me. Hopefully I don’t have anyone around following me with a camera.” Just the idea of somebody following him around as he was grocery shopping made him shiver and slowly turned to check if anybody had been following him. A sigh of relief came from his mouth when he was sure there was nobody else there.

And in one… two… three seconds, the thought completely flew out of Jackson’s mind and he was taking a step back to let the other grab her cereal. His mind wandered off and he didn’t really know what he was still doing at the grocery store, talking to a stranger about cereal baths. He would already have been on his way home if it weren’t for the… erm, distraction he had. But he didn’t mind all too much. It was nice meeting a friend, even if they probably weren’t going to see each other ever again.

He gave a wave to the other as she moved towards where he had been, turning around to leave the aisle and head over to check-out. But when he heard her voice, he turned back around to see her. (He had only taken a step towards the exit.) He tried to keep his laughter in, but the sight of the girl being too short to reach the items on the top shelf was just too funny to him. “Sorry,” Jackson started, moving back to pick a box of cereal up for her. “You’re just so… tiny.” He showed a grin, handing the box to the other. “How many do ya need? One? Two? Twelve?”

[somekindofarchivedurl]

"Well, when you put it that way, it doesn’t sound quite that absurd.” It made sense in a rather far-fetched kind of way and Soojung, being the open-minded person she liked to believe she was, could never object to anything when it was argued in a fairly rational manner. After all, didn’t society preach that anything was possible? Cereal baths could very well be the next trend. Still, Soojung couldn’t quite take him seriously, knowing full well that despite how serious he was being, it was all in the name of fun. So she smiled in amusement, shaking her head at him as though she couldn’t believe she was having such a conversation. “But I already have nice skin...”

She’d been joking, feeling content in making casual conversation without seeming like a rambling mess, but then her voice trailed at the mention of cameras and Soojung felt herself freeze, eyes growing wide. Suddenly afraid, she spun around on her heels to survey her surroundings, trying to make out any suspicious people or devices popping out of odd places. When she didn’t see anything, she allowed herself to relax. “I recognize your face. My mom--” She paused, realizing that it had been a while since she’d mentioned her mom to someone that wasn’t her dad. “She used to watch those music shows...”

She trailed off then, biting her lip in an attempt to keep herself from chattering on and on and on about things he probably did not care about. By the time she got ahold of herself, he’s holding out a box of cereal, his laughter jolting her back to reality. “Tiny?” Well, it wasn’t like she hadn’t heard that before. Small, short, petite. Midget. She’s heard them all. It no longer bothered her--the names. “I prefer to be called fun-sized, thank you very much.” The pout on her face, however, gave away her slight annoyance as she placed the box he handed her into her shopping basket. “Four? Do you think that’ll last me a month?”

[somekindofarchivedurl]

iso2108 ( x )

It wasn’t late by any means (at least not according to her definition of late)--perhaps, a minute or three to midnight the last time Soojung thought to check her wristwatch. Though, she didn’t think it mattered because it was broken anyway; the hands not quite meeting at the twelve. Her sense of time at this hour was kept by merely casting wayward glances at drunk passersby and people walking arm in arm or side by side chattering about the latest hit kpop song, the movie they’d just watched, or whether they should eat ddeokbokki or patbingsu. Night life in Seoul was something else. It wasn’t surprising in the least that she’d yet to encounter a lull of silence in the neighborhood. It was like New York in that respect. Cities that never sleep, that’s what they both were. And she? She was a person who wanted to sleep, but could not. A grade A insomniac. A lonesome soul roaming the streets in an attempt to find some kind of entertainment to waste the hours away.

Soojung’s made it around this particular block for the third time when she noticed a group of rowdy teenagers crowded around two parked cars. She had about a second to realize they were up to no good when the car alarm went off. Amused, she watched as not only the troublemakers jump out of their skin, but the young man two feet from her. She’d spoken out of necessity, though her tone was matter-of-fact. It was his reaction, however, that made her lift an eyebrow in curiosity. 

“Here,” she murmured quietly, rummaging in her jacket pocket for a pack of tissues and offered it to him. “Surprised you, didn’t it--the alarm?”

[somekindofarchivedurl]

suerotonin ( x )

Soojung had been in the flower shop for nearly an hour, initially roaming and soaking in the sight of beautiful flowers and was simply content in breathing in the multitude of floral scents. It wasn’t until she rounded the corner towards the back of the flower shop did she hear what sounded to be sniffling. Curious, she’d wandered over, stopping only when the crying woman came into view. Not quite sure what to do, Soojung had responded out of reflex, offering what she hoped to be comforting words in an attempt to help her. When the woman had looked up at her, she slowly lowered herself to a crouch, her hands gently tucking the hem of her skirt beneath her as she listened, expression gentle.

“That’s okay,” she smiled, tone neither offended or condescending. After all, she hadn’t really expected the other woman to spill everything to her. “What do you need me to do? Should I lock the front door and flip over the sign?”

[victoriajoan]

I fear I will be ripped open and found unsightly.

Anne Sexton, A Self-Portrait In Letters  (via ohdreaming)

[somekindofarchivedurl]

emeravd ( x )

Soojung never minded the teasing. After all, she liked to think she had a decent sense of humor and the capacity to be understanding, jokes and all. It was never really a problem growing up (aside from the dark period of time when she’d been bullied in middle school for her inability to laugh or even smile at her fellow peers when they both complimented maliciously and then mocked her for being unable to retaliate), so she took his teasing in stride. 

“Are you?” She mused, her voice dulcet and seemingly all-knowing. Soojung stopped in her tracks and looked up at him, umbrella cocked at such an odd angle, the rain still managed to pelt her. She didn’t believe in what she’d said--it was merely an observation, a statement made bluntly for the sake of conversation. A musing, so to speak. Words such as these held no merit to someone who believed that anything and everything was possible. She didn’t believe in finite and concrete things. “I never said I agreed with what I said. It is possible to have things happen to you multiple times--lightning striking twice?” Her lips curled in an amused smile, her eyes twinkling with suppressed mischief. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll be the lucky one.” Or unlucky one.

[somekindofarchivedurl]

plviophle ( x )

And she’s only heard that piece of advice a thousand times in the past. After a while, Soojung doesn’t even know what she expects when that’s all people can come up with. But that’s the thing with advice--you give, but you don’t abide by them yourself. They are words meant to reassure, encourage, placate someone else during times of struggle. Words that begin to sound bland, generic, and overused because they have become trademark phrases people (and society in general) has learned to hoard in the back of their mind for future reference. She isn’t even sure if the look on her face is one of disappointment or resignation.

“Is there?” Her voice is hollow, the unamused chuckle following after sounds forced, choked. She doesn’t know why she wanted Sehun to say something different--to be different. But the realization that she, him, and everyone else were so terribly alike broke her. “I believe there’s only darkness at the end of mine.”

[somekindofarchivedurl]

"You're really pretty.."

Soojung had a habit of being preoccupied no matter where she was or who she was with. Her tendency to let her mind wander while the world carried on around her had always been the subject of ridicule when she was younger and still in school. Oftentimes, teachers would praise her for her intellect and talents, but when asked to write down additional comments on her report cards, they’d always say: a bit absentminded at times, seemingly in her own world, occasionally inattentive. During parent-teacher conferences, Soojung would listen with half an ear on the conversation, her mind already somewhere else. It was an oddity she’d long grown used to and had embraced early on. For her, it provided a method of disassociation and, sometimes, freedom to pretend she were some place far away. To others, it was sometimes a discourtesy and few had the patience to keep up with her peculiar habit to drift in the middle of conversations.

Today, like always, she had allowed herself to daydream. Sitting on a lone bench far from the spattering of people sprawled on the grass and children running around, Soojung had let herself imagine what it would be like if she were young again. Five minutes spent dwelling on the fantasy brought up a flurry of memories she would rather not revisit and she grimaced, unaware that someone had approached her.

It is only when a voice startles Soojung out of her reverie does she register that someone was talking to her, his abrupt compliment bringing forth a blush that warmed her cheeks. “I..um…thank you?” She winces, the hesitation clear in the faltering of her words. In an effort to salvage her image, Soojung tries to muster a friendly smile; though what she manages is something akin to a miniscule twitch of her lips. “I’m sorry, I’m not used to being complimented in such a way. It’s a little strange to me.” A pause, a glance to gauge whether she should be outwardly wary of his approach, and then a tiny, but tentative smile. “Do you need help with something?”

[seunghyvn-deactivated20150802]

 He wasn’t a good actor anyway, which was only further proved by the frown currently displayed by the female next to him. And while it served to make him slightly nervous, due to the fact that he wasn’t sure what he’d do if she were to question him, Baekhyun soon found himself offering her a bright smile as soon as Soojung dropped the unpopular topic, even though he could tell she was still curious and likely not satisfied with the answer he had given her.  

                ❝No!❞ He was quick to deny her kind offer, but a wide grin soon followed suit and manifested his only good intentions.  ❝I was the one to suggest, so I’m going to be the one to treat you this time ‘round. As long as you help me with the books, we can call it even. Besides, it’ll be nice to catch up       and my stomach is basically begging for something to eat as well.❞

[somekindofarchivedurl]

For a split second, Soojung almost reeled at his rejection, hurt blossoming in her chest at the rather loud exclamation. But why sat at that the tip of her tongue, the words threatening to spill forth in quiet, unsure syllables, but she clamped her lips shut, swallowed, and composed herself. It proved effective when she glanced at him and was met with a grin and none of the hostility she’d been expecting. She sighed inwardly. She really should work on being a little less sensitive. One of these days, she’ll bite the big one and say something in response to misinterpretation and put her foot in her mouth. Again.

“If you insist.” Soojung would never deny a free meal, no matter the circumstances, after all. “I can help you carry all the books,” she insisted, dramatically flexing her arm in an attempt to demonstrate her strength, hoping that such lightheartedness would linger and keep them both in relatively positive moods. “Oh? So you’re ready for all my prodding questions, are you? Okay, deal! Now let’s go get your books and feed you. Can’t have you starving on my watch.”

[yurasday]

[somekindofarchivedurl]

mvnic ( x )

“No, I’m being serious!”

People never understood the concept of manners. Among friends and acquaintances, Soojung had experienced first hand that when food was involved, all bets were off. It wasn’t the first time she’d had her food stolen straight off her plate, meal practically inhaled by people who “only wanted to have a bite.” (Since when was a bite ever the entire serving of a meal? Never, that’s when.)

“You looked a little suspicious,” and it was only a testament to her self-restraint that she didn’t turn her back to Sehun, arms protectively shielding her lunch. Instead, Soojung eyed him carefully before sighing heavily, the pointed ends of black lacquer chopsticks extended towards him. “And I’m not calling you a thief. Just other people.”

[justalittlegreen]

If I Were...

If I were a month, I’d be november. If I were a day of the week, I’d be sunday. If I were a planet, I’d be neptune. If I were a sea animal, I’d be a jellyfish. If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a bookcase. If I were a gemstone, I’d be an alexandrite. If I were a flower, I’d be a oleander. If I were a kind of weather, I’d be rain. If I were a color, I’d be pastel blue. If I were an emotion, I’d be restless. If I were a fruit, I’d be an apple. If I were an element, I’d be air. If I were a place, I’d be the british library. If I were a taste, I’d taste like bittersweet. If I were a scent, I’d be lavender.  If I were an object, I’d be a pen. If I were a body part, I’d be the skeleton. If I were a song, I’d be one summer’s day by joe hisaishi. If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be worn converse sneakers.

[disfunctoinal]

He’s hungry and not just for food to fill in his empty stomach but for company who’d fill his rather empty thoughts with stories and thoughts to ponder over. Work isn’t so kind (what’s new) and he’s scrolling through his contact list over who to invite when his eyes scan a familiar one. He hasn’t contacted the young female student in a bit, busy schedule not exactly permitting him to see whom he’d like to meet anytime he wishes. So without ado he contacts and calls her, wondering what she’s up to and whether she’s free for the evening. 

Filtered noise of the hospital doesn’t give him much direction to go to though he drowns himself at the click of the other line when he hears the Soojung answering from the other end. “Don’t I always?” He replies as snarky as she does, bag slung against his shoulder as he exits through the doors. Heavy lines of exhaustion is evident beneath his eyes but his need for something to down is greater than the need for sleep. 

He can worry over that when he gets home- for now, the impulsive need to have someone to talk to while swimming through a good meal would do him well. “So how is this going down, am I picking you up or should I just invite someone else to a free dinner?”

[somekindofarchivedurl]

“Yes,” she readily agrees if only to appease him. For all she knows, he pays because he’s a gentleman and she’s a lady--and not because he is wealthier. While Soojung is reluctant to make known any ties to the Choi family and their political connections, she is aware the elite know of her in passing. After all, their wealth, which she is speculated to inherit, had been a much discussed topic. But Soojung doesn’t think it is necessary to mention that she’s more than capable of paying for her own meals because it is far better to accept gifts on the assumption that they were given out of free will and sincerity and not out of pity or even obligation. “And one of these days, I really should thank you properly for all the delicious food you’ve treated me to.”

With her phone in hand, Soojung slips out bed and heads over to her closet, rummaging over the display of clothes, pausing only when she hears his question. Slightly annoyed at the thought of someone else eating her free dinner, Soojung frowns, frustration leaking into her voice. “Pick me up, ahjussi. I’ll meet you down in the lobby in thirty minutes. Don’t you dare call someone else.” She pauses, already busy throwing down outfits on her bed. “Do I have to doll up or just make myself moderately presentable for the general public?”

[somekindofarchivedurl]

scaeviitas ( x )

Soojung didn’t buy it. The hesitation in his response only fueled her curiosity and she’d wanted to push him until he told her the truth, but a tiny part of her understood the need to back off. After all, she had a habit of being secretive and purposely vague about her own private matters, so what right did she have to poke and prod? Sighing, Soojung merely shook her head, deciding it was best not to ask. Some things were better left unknown.

“Nothing in particular, really. My schedule is woefully empty.” She glanced at him, eyes first meeting his before trailing to his injured hand. “Of course, I’d love to. And please, Baekhyun, how about lunch on me? We can go for patbingsu after too, if you want.”

[ganbarubie]

♛      ─    ─       “No way! Jokes like that are a form of lying, and I would never lie.” A lie about lying; Jackson couldn’t help but laugh. “Have you never laid in a cereal bath? It’s seriously good for your skin. How else do you think my skin gets this smooth?” He held out the arm holding the basket of cereal boxes and ran his other hand along it, a grin on his face. He was probably acting way too laid back in front of this stranger, but he didn’t mind all too much. Fan or not, the possibility of this girl writing a fanaccount of the famous Jackson Wang would be pretty high, and Jackson wanted to be as real as he could be. Dumb jokes and all.

He placed a hand on his chest when she confirmed that they didn’t actually know each other, a sigh of relief escaping his lips a few moments later. “Alright, cool. I was afraid you were like… some kind of friend from high school that I’d have to suddenly remember or something.” And though it didn’t seem likely for Jackson to find any of his friends from Hong Kong there in some little market in Korea, he never rejected the possibility. He shrugged it off before tilting his head, trying to make sense of the girl’s comment. And when he had finally realized what she was talking about, he glanced down at the watch on his wrist. “Well, it’s still pretty early, so I wouldn’t expect there to be anyone following me around. Besides, I’m not all made up or anything. I should be barely recognizable.” Jackson turned to look at the shelves of cereal before glancing back at the other, pointing at the boxes. “Oh, but do you wanna grab something from here though? I can move.”

[somekindofarchivedurl]

“No, I haven’t. I mean, I’ve heard of people bathing in milk to get baby soft skin but cereal?!” The image of him pouring boxes of Frosted Flakes into a bathtub and taking some sort of exaggerated swan dive into it was too much for her to handle and Soojung burst out laughing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just--the idea is so strange. Maybe one day when I’m brave enough, I’ll try it. But in the mean time, I think I’ll stick to soap.” 

She sobered up after that, giggles tapering off as she grew less self-conscious in his company. Caution, however, still managed to keep her from becoming overly friendly. “I don’t think that’s very likely as I grew up abroad.” Vague and entirely unforthcoming information. Call it habit but her past was not something she liked to bring up, especially in the company of a celebrity. After all, Soojung was here to buy banana milk and stock up on some Honey Nut Cheerios not exchange life stories. 

“Call me presumptuous, but it’s better safe than sorry, right?” Paparazzi in the States was one thing but when she decided to move permanently to Seoul, her mother had warned her that there was something even scarier than those vultures--sasaengs. Despite the caution she ought to exhibit, Sojung still wanted her cereal and her hunger was what enabled her to inch closer, her attention now on the display of branded cereal. “If you don’t mind,” she began hesitantly, index finger pointed at the cereal boxes placed far out of her reach. It was moments likes this that Soojung cursed her petite stature, “do you think you can help me grab a few boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios?”

[c0ntemplations]

It’s like we all forgot how to live. How to watch a movie for fun without criticizing it. How to eat and taste the flavors going through your body without worrying about their calorie content. How to look at someone and see the passion in their eyes and not the lines on their face. I already know how to survive. I need to learn why to breathe again.

note to self (via c0ntemplations)