Starting new chapters, romanticizing life, falling in love with myself and asking you along for the ride.
Maybe it’s because I’m listening to a beautiful instrumental and I’ve taken like 2 different sleeping tablets, but I feel like it’s time to explain my life, explain this.
Starting a new beginning and changing, is for most people a truly terrifying experience. And for years, I have been morphing and changing and growing like everyone else, but, one thing has stayed very much the same: I have not wanted to live, I have hated my life, I have been everything but who I want to be. Change, real change, big change, significant change takes real, big, significant effort, and courage.
And, you see, I’m tired of this ever growing change that happens but means so very little apart from everything gets a little saggier, and everyone gets a little older. I now want nothing but change, because I’m bored of being so damn sad all the time.
I have a very bad habit of removing people from my life for very little reason. I go through chapters, once you’re chapter is over, you go. I don’t think many people can handle changing with you. Just talk to people who used to be best friends, they’ll probably both talk about how they changed, and things just didn’t work any longer.
Removing myself from 3k plus followers is my way of saying “hello this is the end of a chapter, and I’m going to change and I’m not sure I want you to see it, because you’ve seen who I was.” I’m not saying followers you come with me are not wanted, however, I am going to change.
Largely and drastically and happily because that is what my life requires. That, is what I require from life.
The chapter I have just lived through- the past 2 years- is over. And now I shed this skin and transform once more, maybe this is my version of spring cleaning.
I’m no longer interested in being the person I was last week. Or last month, or last year, even a minute ago. Life dictates constant change, and I want to live which is something I haven’t done in such a long time.
I want to romanticise the fuck out of life. I want to love it as much as I love the way my significant other smiles. I want to laugh and feel how rich joy tastes, I want to sleep deeply and happily, I want to orgasm HARD and a lot, I want to run and swim and sing and jump, I want to hug people! I want to take beautiful photographs and kiss people I love on the cheek and have conversations with people whilst buying tampons. I want to love my life simply and happily.
And yes, maybe I have been watching too many Richard Curtis movies but those, those make me feel like I know the world. They make me feel like I’m home. Because films are so beautiful and life is just so perfectly flawed. And of course awful things exist, and terrible people happen and I will be angry at the world soon enough but isn’t that just life? One beautiful spectrum of colours and memories and emotions?
It’s a spectrum I want to be on, everyday, and appreciate.
I want to love life! I want to love it. That is my intention. To love this beautiful, stunning, crazy world, to love the stars and the moon, rivers and rain, people I hate and people I love, I want to live each day knowing I lived it as well as I could.
I want people to come along on this frightening but awe inspiring journey because life is giving you an opportunity, and it is up to you not to miss it.
So, if you've reached the end of this, you can find me here from now on: http://sankariabigail.tumblr.com/
i hope to see you there x
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