The refined is for the rich

I AM going crazy, thanks for noticing!

[dexhasit4you]

"just let yourself be bored" haha wonderful advice have you ever considered that i might mutilate myself over it

[dexhasit4you]

the body does keep the score lmao. i don't feel anything in particular when i think about what was done to me (aside from "i wish i could kill them in revenge") but then i randomly feel a dull ache somewhere i remember being hurt. why are you doing that. you're supposed to obey me

[peerless-outlaw]

Relationships with ASPD, to me, feel like being a wild animal. You're either a threat or you're prey. If you somehow manage to make yourself look both harmless and respectable at the same time, I may just decide to lay down next to you. Amicable and gentle.

But my instincts are still there and that's not something you can ever forget. If you threaten me, I will bite; if you give me a reason, I will hunt you. If you're not enough to fulfill my appetite, I will not bother with you.

Handle at your own risk.

[dexhasit4you]

amphetamines would fix me

[narcopthy]

i think the npd and aspd community needs to take a long look at themselves before screaming 'demonization' when anyone says anything negative about the disorders.

what IS demonization? obviously those articles telling you narcissists eyes turn black when theyre manipulating or that theyre incapable of love are clearly overly stigmatized depictions of the disorder.

what ISNT? a professional telling you that the disorders have interpersonally harmful traits such as exploitation of others. that's just common sense and if that offends you and you think it's being called a bad person, you might need to rethink your labeling...

[the-d0llh0us3-system]

Things that I firmly believe are ableist

1: "npd abuse" "BPD abuse" "cluster b abuse"

2: using "do you lack empathy" as an insult

3: "oh you have BPD? My friend has NPD so I think you'll get along!!"

4: "you and your partner work so well because you have BPD and they have NPD"

5: people who DON'T have BPD calling it "beautiful princess disorder"

6: "I want a BPD girl to be obsessed with me so bad!!"

7: non cluster b people using the terms "psychopath" and "sociopath" ESPECIALLY on other people who don't have a disorder.

8: using "narcissist" to describe someone who's just self-centered

9: "you have ASPD? You're probably gonna become a serial killer in the future lol" (actual thing I have been told. Multiple times. By several people.)

10: "you have the same disorder as (horrible person) so I don't trust you!!"

[narcopthy]

i don't think people without ASPD understand how hard masking is for us.

let me try to explain it.

imagine you are in a sensory deprivation chamber all of the time and you are desperate for a way out. someone opens the door a crack. of course you're going to claw at that crack until you feel a bit of sunlight on your face - it's more than you've had in forever.

now, that, but emotionally. i feel bored or dissatisfied to an excruciating extent and when i find a 'crack' (such as a reason to argue with someone, breaking rules, theft, lying, etc), i will claw at it until i get an adrenaline rush - also known as thrill-seeking.

but imagine you're also NOT allowed to do that and are expected to sit and be pretty for the world because they don't like when you do that. it's hurtful. i understand that, and i don't want to necessarily hurt other people, but if it happens i am not torn up over it because i got that bit of sunlight on my face.

masking is very vigorous and tiring. the 'basic expectation' can wipe me out completely for days. even people who i'm supposed to be able to trust and unmask around, i still have to mask a little bit at least. it makes me seem irrational and completely immature when i explode off of little things like being disagreed with, but what people don't understand is that everything i do is masking and it all adds up to the bomb going off.

everything - smiling, laughing at jokes, small talk, following directions, listening to others, comforting someone, apologizing for mistakes - all of it is masking. that bare minimum that's no effort for other people? that's all draining. and the worst part is that you only ever can be yourself, by yourself. and you know that nobody in your life will ever understand how to be 'normal', you have to try 10x harder than everyone else, and you have to live with knowing that nobody would do that for you. so it is VERY tempting to throw that away sometimes, especially with the impulsivity that comes with it.

[shushututu]

People seriously underestimate the long term effects of constant loneliness

"why are you so weird?" Idk, maybe because being completely isolated while growing up has destroyed my brain and now I'm nothing more than a human-mimicking creature that bases all of my actions on what I think is normal human behavior rather than just doing things naturally

[big-condiments-official]

Survived.

[big-condiments-official]

post canceled it's all fucked

[idc0o]

Somehow being a person does not come naturally to me

[peerless-outlaw]

"Why would you want to find community if you have ASPD?" I don't know, maybe because I'd like to know I'm not the only unfortunate bastard forced to live like this.

[msh2o2]

My hot take this that people with ASPD have some of the lowest self esteem of any demographic, even worse than BPD, but it's coupled with such apathy that they think they're unbothered. Oh you think you're basically evil? You don't care what happens to anyone, including yourself? You don't think you can love or be loved? Your objection to describing yourself as a terrible person is the person part, not the adjective "terrible"? You hurt people and animals because nobody, including yourself, believes anything better of you? If someone's nice to you they're just trying to manipulate you? Please ... tell me more about your mother.

[dogpuppy]

[orcboxer]

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

[antisocialcrow]

"Stalking?" God forbid I'm detail-oriented and curious by nature.

[peanutgallerymemes]

real actually, i desperately need a reason

[aliceofthewolves9]

Daily affirmations:

-I look perfectly normal

-Everyone can tell that I'm normal

-No one can sense the barely contained bloodlust behind my mask of friendliness

-I will not commit an atrocity and ruin my life