Sometimes called Mommy

Single foster mom trying to navigate the crazy world of fostering and adoption.

[sometimesmommy]

Posting here because I can’t other places and I need to get things out. -

A coworker died of covid this weekend.

I am a teacher in a district that had people removed by sheriffs and people screaming and chanting at a board meeting over kids wearing masks. How do we explain to kids that your parents valued your “right” to not wear a mask more than her life? How has her life become a “well, but…”with excuses on mortality rates and children not getting it and of course us trying to strangle their kids and hiding their smiles.

She was my daughter’s teacher last year. I don’t know how to hide my own fear of what this means for me and the rest of my coworkers from my daughter. I don’t know how to hide it from my students where I’m not allowed to mention vaccines or the science of them or wearing masks or where there aren’t consequences if you don’t wear a mask right

I don’t even know how to walk back into the building on Monday. How do we walk past her door when we could do more but people won’t? Please wear masks. Please get vaccinated. Please stay home if you are sick and get tested (I’m on day 18 of quarantine now w my kids). Please hug your loved ones you are around.

[sometimesmommy]

In case you use to follow Rebecca and didn’t move with her to Twitter. Sandy will finally get permanency.

[sometimesmommy]

Adoption officially scheduled: 2/3 at 3pm. A year and a half in the making, 367 days since she came to live with me, 545 days since I knew she was born.

545 days I’ve been fighting, calling, driving hours and hours, spending weekends in hotels, snuggling, loving this little girl.

I can’t wait for us to be a forever family of 4.

1 week until I’m done with foster care. 6 yrs, 11 placements, 9 kids, 3 adoptions. It will be weird to just be a mom and not foster mom.

[sometimesmommy]

Searching for a new vacation beach house

Which is not as easy as it seems. 9 people, 3 families, picky bro in law when it comes to decoré, needs 5 bedrooms so teenage niece doesn’t have to sleep with little kids in a bunk room (oh the horror!) Must also allow pets because my 14 yr old dog will not be kenneled (all she does is lay on her bed- no beach for her because she hates the sand and waves). Needs to be short distance from beach access so carrying stuff/ kids doesn’t seem like too much of an endeavor and for bathroom stop because someone always needs a bathroom when we are at the beach. Oh, and this needs to be in state because of foster care. And less than $4500 for the week.

Additional observations when deciding on a house -“that one has too many breakables we will need to put away before the kids come in” “I bet those swivel stools will become sit and spins” “there is carpet under the dining room table- kids will have to eat somewhere else” “Metal chairs (at dining table) look awesome. Kids can’t break them or wipe crab covered hands on them!” “That is a very steep ramp into the house. I wonder if we can convince the kids it’s a game to push the groceries up it” “Wtf! You don’t get to actually count pillows in the closet as a room!!”

[sometimesmommy]

DNA testing

I want to (but won’t) set up a go fund me to be able to buy 5 dna tests with health reports. We don’t have background on either side of the girls’ families and don’t even know their racial makeups. $650 is a lot. I could send people to my go fund me when they ask stupid questions about my girls histories- I don’t know but if you would like to help me find out, please donate here...

[sometimesmommy]

Sad day

We are camping and it’s a high of 45 low of 25. We had gloves, hats and winter coats out. Llama didn’t say glubs. This makes me very sad. I will forever miss glubs.

[tempmom]

“We need trauma informed care in public schools…”

I was just thinking how strong the democratic candidates are, I like most of what I’ve heard and seen so far, then one of them said that ^ and I dont know who he is, but I will.

[tempmom]

Eeek who said it? Who’s watching? It was one of the white guys with grey hair. They all look alike. 🤷‍♀️

I’m liking the Major (I think) from Hawaii…

[tempmom]

Was half listening to parts and definitely got the Tulsi part wrong, thought she supported LGBTQ rights but Google tells me otherwise. She came across as authentic and strong at first but there are issues I wasnt aware of. Still not sure who responded to the school shooting question with discussing therapeutic and trauma informed interventions in schools, but wasn’t impressed with the grey haired white guys for the most part. Still like Booker. Warren. And Castro was really strong (though his eyebrows bother me and it’s very very very petty). Also liked Klobuchar. Really like Beto but I dont think he can beat trump, too cerebral. The main thing is who can win. Any of these would be a huge improvement. Lets see what tomorrow brings. :-)

[sometimesmommy]

He talked about it on the Daily Show last week. As a teacher, I love this. We have had trauma informed training at school but really without support (nurses, counselors, psychologists, therapists) it only does so much.

[sometimesmommy]

Baby sister/Nari

I’m sitting waiting outside of the courtroom for Nari in Nearby State. Been here for 1.5 hrs with a 10 month old who just wants to crawl around and put everything in her mouth. Here, they don’t give any clue when each court case will happen. At home, you at least get morning or afternoon docket. We could be here all day. I brought multiple bottles, Cheerios, toys, a stroller and my Tula. I may look like I’m moving in.

Court today in TPR in unknown dad. Basically a formality seeing the dad is unknown is trying to say they are the father. Mom relinquished at 1 month old.

After court, I’m going to be able to sign intent to adopt papers 🙂 Then, there is a two week period after the TPR papers are signed and I can adopt. This seems so unreal compared to the waiting game we played for 4 months before w me traveling 6+ hrs every other weekend to see her.

[sometimesmommy]

Medicine

I picked up my prescription on the way home from work tonight and was going to take one of the pills. Usually it is large, white pills and these were tiny white pills. I checked the side of the bottle where it and the pill description ( with pill identifying numbers) and it hadn’t changed. I know sometimes prescriptions change especially if going from name brand to generic. This was not the same medication- it was Abilify instead of Lexapro. Took it back to the pharmacy and the pharmacist said it was the fault of the pharmacist who just quit. Glad I paid attention and didn’t just pop one thinking they changed the size. Glad this wasn’t something that was life or death. Glad this happened to me and not someone who wouldn’t have noticed.

[sometimesmommy]

Aging parents

My dad called at 5:45 this morning to tell me that he had fallen getting out of this car and could get up. He said it was like he didn’t have any muscle support in his arms or legs. It took an hour for him to crawl through the driveway rocks to the porch steps. He then sat on the steps for a long time before getting back in the house. He said nobody drives past his house at 4 am.

We are currently camping. We bought a membership to a campground 10 min from home for this reason.

My dad is all bruised and scraped up from crawling in the rocks. He is a large man, overweight and not in great health. I worry about him especially when we will be 12 hr away for two weeks. I worry he won’t call (we have friends who would help).

Has anyone used a medical alert system with family? Who? Pros/cons?

[clem3ntin3]

Court Dates

Fellow FP’s: 

Are you made aware of what court dates are for and/or what the outcome of said court dates is?  How soon after court are you told?

Has anyone else been discouraged from attending court dates?  We haven’t hit a permanency hearing yet, but I definitely was discouraged from attending what I now know was a custody hearing, as well as two different court dates (well, technically three) where it was her case (as opposed to drug court or criminal court or something).

(trying to figure out what is normal vs. what is my worker)

[sometimesmommy]

We get a letter in the mail a few days before the court hearing and we are encouraged to go. I find out it’s the only way to get true information about what went on instead of “no changes”. A lot of foster parents here try to go but can’t always because of jobs. Kids don’t go here unless they are teens. I get dates ahead of time from the SW if I ask and can get updates but not usually all the information. I’ve also been at court where SWs misrepresented what was going on so I like to be there to make sure they are being honest.

GA (Nari’s case’s State) has sent me petitions in the mail for court hearings after I was determined to be a interested party. I was told the next permanency hearing I can skip as it will basically be a case review and is when school here is in state testing mode so I can’t really take off. I was told I need to be at the TPR for unknown dad to show that their other plan (adoption) is there after they terminate all parental rights. I don’t know when that but am hoping it isn’t during our annual two week trip to NY.

[sometimesmommy]

Hospital stay

For Nari. We went to the dr this morning and her oxygen levels were low so they had us transported by ambulance to the children’s hospital. They though she needed the oxygen during the trip.

We have been admitted and she is finally asleep for the night. She’s pathetic and sick, sleeping on my chest in the chair next to the crib. No way will she let me out her in there tonight. Hopefully this is a short stay and tomorrow she can be off the oxygen. I just want her better.

[sometimesmommy]

Doctors again

Nari has RSV in September which required hospitalization. She had a bad virus at Christmas that had her foster parents take her to the ER on Christmas to make sure it was turning into pneumonia. She received the nebulizer then. Every respiratory virus kicks her ass and she gets very sick. I’m not sure how to keep my baby from getting so sick

Sitting in the waiting room at the doctors surrounded by sick people. This is our third visit this week. First was a foster care intake that I needed to do for Narwhal (Nari). She may have gotten sick from that visit and we came back Friday. Nari is congested, low grade fever, is very tired and not eating well. Doctors office was out of flu tests on Friday so he gave me Tamiflu but said t could be that, another virus or RSV. We are back today with their emergency hours because her breathing is rapid and shallow even with the nebulizer treatment every 4 hrs.

[sometimesmommy]

Baby sister update

I am driving home with baby sister tonight. I got the call Monday that I was selected and today’s our day. Unfortunately, she’s sick with an awful virus that is causing her to have diaper rash that looks like a burn. She’s miserable. I’m driving her by myself but preparing to stop after 3 hrs tonight and drive the other half tomorrow. Oh an I got a flat tire on the way down here so I’m currently sitting at the tire place getting new tires before we drive.

Please keep her foster moms in your thoughts. They are amazing and you all would love them. They are having a hard time after loving on this amazing baby for the past 6 months. We all know this part is going to be hard but it doesn’t make it easier.

[sometimesmommy]

Permanency meeting

Is this morning. I know nothing happens but I feel like I’m going to throw up. My heart has been racing all morning. I hate foster care. I hate others being in control of my life.

[sometimesmommy]

Of course nothing happened. Relative made it seem like she was fantastic and would have taken the other 4 girls had she known about them. I jumped in with relatives knew, even if they didn’t tell you. (Because you aren’t really close and just happened to be around to know about this baby otherwise nobody would told you about her either).

I’m trying to not shut them out while not letting them lie. My girls need a relationship with them- when all this is decided and they can just be relatives and not trying to take Baby Sister away from them.

[sometimesmommy]

Permanency meeting

Is this morning. I know nothing happens but I feel like I’m going to throw up. My heart has been racing all morning. I hate foster care. I hate others being in control of my life.

[sometimesmommy]

Baby sister update

She still isn’t here.

There is a permanency planning meeting on Tuesday that I’m going to. Driving 6-8 hrs each way for what I’m sure is a 15 min bullshit meeting. We are still waiting for the ICPC paperwork. It is finished from my end. My licensing worker said they completely recommend me to take Baby Sister. The paperwork is now on its trip back around the planet to Nearby State. Unfortunately, it has been delayed at the first stop for over a week because the one worker in charge of ICPC for our county at the state level was out of the office. This seems to be how things go. Maybe she’ll get to be her for her first birthday in July.