I can’t even recall time correctly due to how much I’ve blocked myself from even noticing it pass. It’s probably been around two years now? Or atleast about to be. I’ve never been so much more lonelier. I’ve done it. I’ve gone and ruined everything. I fell apart so quickly, I disintegrated into pieces and now, well, I don’t know. I miss everyone so much, I ache and I ache and I ache. Why has my mind done this to me? I isolated myself from everyone and created higher barriers for what? To be even more lonely? The thing I least wanted to happen? But again it came from my fears being triggered again, from finally having something, I automatically self-sabotaged my friendships. There are no words to express my rage within myself. There are so many words left unsaid on my behalf that’ll never see the light. In my own depression I missed being a good friends to the people I cherish. I missed out on birthdays, on special events, on achievements, on anything new I have yet to find out since I stayed cooped up inside my own mind to even communicate. I don’t plan on sticking around for long. I hope that in the small amount of time I give myself, I’ll be able to have no regrets. Despite there being so many things I’ve wished I’d done differently, I can only do so much. And to be honest, I’m tired. I’m tired of it all.
Goodnight.
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