The Side of Me I Never Knew

I thought my life would be many things, but the one thing I never thought I would be is a mother...this is my story. The journey through motherhood I thought I would never take.

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A Fathers Love

One of the best things about being a parent is watching your spouse being a parent. I had psyched myself out thinking that there might be this chance that having a baby would negatively impact our relationship.

To my surprise and delight, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Having Michael has made our relationship evolve into this new beautiful connection. There is nothing more heartwarming than watching Steve, the love of my life hold our beautiful son. The two things I love most in this world bonding, there is nothing more beautiful.

Don’t get me wrong, we fight, we get frustrated with one another, because no relationship is perfect. But watching him become a father has been one of the greatest privileges of my life.

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It’s All About Survival

Having a baby requires a vast amount of sacrifice, and it is all worth it in the end. For me one of the worst things I had to give up was caffeine, Especially after he was born.

During my pregnancy I stuck to the strict doctor recommended 200mg or less of caffeine per day. But once Michael was born I learned that the caffeine I consumed could still be transferred through the breast milk. I was so upset! But for the sake of my baby I was OK with keeping my caffeine intake to a minimum. That is, until we came home from the hospital. I was fine for the first week, but then the sleepless nights were starting to take their toll.

I ended up being weak and giving in to the need for caffeine, and I felt absolutely terrible. We have to remember that we are human, and we can’t always be superhuman (no matter how hard we try). Without the extra boost from caffeine I was a walking zombie, which wasn’t good for me or for taking care of my baby. The point being, sometimes you do what you have to do to survive, try not to put a lot of pressure on yourself to be “perfect”.

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Always Be My Baby

You guys have seen me talk about my fur babies in previous posts, well this guy here is Whelen. One of the challenges that I haven’t talked about yet is how important it is to do proper introductions between your new baby and your fur ones. I know I was secretly terrified to bring Michael home, because I had no idea how the boys would react to the new member of the family.

My dogs turned out to be amazing. My little dog Harley almost instantly bonded with my son, and he treats him like his own little puppy. Whelen however had a hard time adjusting. Whelen is a velcro dog and always wants to be attached to you at the hip. We have had to watch him carefully because he likes to force one of us to pet him. Which can be dangerous if we aren't paying attention.

So I would strongly suggest making the time for your fur baby. The more normal you can make their life, the easier it will be for them to transition and welcome the new addition. I love my son, but I still adore my time with my fur babies. I always let them know, that they will always be my babies.

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Getting to Know You

Everyday is a new adventure when your a new parent. My doctor says that just when you think there is a routine, things will change and then change again. Little Michael is developing and growing everyday, and everyday I notice something new about him.

Spending more and more time with your baby is like getting to know a new little person everyday! His personality is so beautiful, and he is such a sweet little boy. I started noticing these little changes in his face, and I keep praying that he keeps his beautiful blue eyes! Enjoy the surprises that you get everyday with a little one, its one of the best things about being a parent. Life is never boring!

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Time Flies

It seems like just yesterday I was bringing my little bundle of joy home, and now he is 2 months old! Its so true, they grow far too fast. I take so many photos of my son, but up until recently I didn’t notice all of the changes he has already made. I went through his clothes and realized he had grown out of so many already. My little boy is getting bigger, and I am taken back by how sad this makes me.

This stage is hard work and there are times when I feel like I can’t take anymore, but that doesn’t mean I want my sweet little baby to grow up. I have never been one to like change, but I can tell that motherhood is going to force me to deal with that.

Hold tight to your little ones, they grow up and change far too quickly! Cherish every single moment you have, because someday they wont want mamma snuggles, and oh how I dread that day.

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Let Them Be Little

Babies are wonderful, they are fun, and they will light up your life. There are moments when they give you a certain look, and your heart just melts. Cherish those moments, laugh with your baby, make funny faces with them. Let them be little. There are so many pressures in the world, and you will feel like your missing so much, so laugh, cry and hold on tight. We spend so much time at work or get caught up in life's other distractions, make your kid a priority. Its not about just you anymore, make them your number 1, it will make a difference when they are older.

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Family is Everything

As I have said in previous posts I have a full schedule. With school, work, and a baby, there is little time for anything else. When you are facing a life changing event (like having a baby) family is everything. You NEED a support system.

I struggled and continue to struggle with this. I am an incredibly independent person. I want to do everything myself, and I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t. The house was a mess, homework piles up, visitors drop by, errands need to be run, and bills pile up, all while you’re trying to figure out how to be a new parent.

It’s OK to ask for help, and you will need all the help you can get. Babies require around the clock care and leave little time for anything else. Family and a strong support system can be the difference between being successful, or falling behind. If someone wants to come over for a visit, ask them to help you, even just something small will feel like a weight lifting off your shoulders.

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Little Moments

The bond between a parent and their child is unlike anything that comes before it. These little people that we give life to become our whole world in an instant. When your child is little, life is a whirlwind of crying, bottles, play dates, family visits, and work. But I implore you, take a moment a day and take a pause. Just watch your little one, hold them, love them, be with them.

In the short amount of time I have had with my son I have already watched milestones come and go. They pull at your heart strings, they make you lose your marbles, but in the end they are your whole world, so make time for them.

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Braving the Crying

We all know babies cry....a lot. I think this was one of the things I feared most about being a parent. Before I had Michael I couldn’t stand the sound of a crying baby, and I was terrified of holding babies.

I’m not going to lie to you, there is a lot of crying, and it will be hard, but honestly it isn’t as bad as you think it will be. I think it goes back to maternal instinct, you just love your baby so much that the crying doesn’t seem like such a big deal. This also isn’t to say that your patience won’t be tested, and I hate to tell you but you will have breakdowns, but remember in the hard times..it gets better!

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The Transition

I was determined to breastfeed my son. I knew that it was the best thing for my baby, and for me. But as the weeks went on Michael started to become more and more upset. I knew babies would cry, but this was beyond just crying. Michael would go through these periods of pure screaming, and the poor little guy looked like he was in pain. Steve (my fiance) and I knew something was wrong.

We talked to the doctors several times, but they all kept saying to keep breastfeeding and that this was normal. To be frank, we didn’t agree. So we made the decision to switch Michael to formula, just to see if there was a difference in his behavior. Low and behold it was like he was a different baby. Michael was always so happy, and smiling, instead of the awful screaming and retching. It was amazing, and I didn’t want to go back, but I started getting looks and everyone had an opinion.

“Isn’t formula not as good as breast milk?” “Isn’t that not good for the baby?” “Why would you switch to formula if your producing just fine?”

On and on...so out of guilt I started breastfeeding him again, and we almost instantly regretted it. The acid was back, the gas was back, and so was the screaming. That was it, we couldn't watch Michael be in pain.

My advice to anyone, not just new parents would be to stick to your guns. If deep down you know something is wrong, go with your gut. The only thing that matters to me is that Michael is healthy and happy, it’s that simple.

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The Balance

Before I became pregnant I was going to school full time, working nearly full time, trying to run a small business, and balance my family life! Whoa, talk about a lot on my plate! When I got pregnant I had one more year of my college career left, and I knew that there was no way I was going to stop now.

So here I am, a new mom, finishing my degree, working, and trying to run a small business! It has NOT been easy, and to be honest it has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. BUT now that I am just a week away form being done school, I can honestly say it was worth the struggle, the sleepless nights, the homework, the sacrifice, all of it.

I strongly recommend to anyone that is juggling a full plate, DON’T GIVE UP! You can do this! Whenever you are at your lowest, remember you CAN do this!

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A Different Side of Me

Before I became a mother I was so sure of myself, I knew exactly who I was and who I wanted to be. I was confident and secure in my independence. But as my pregnancy progressed I became more and more afraid that becoming a mother was going to be the end of “me”. I felt like I was going to be so consumed by motherhood that I would no longer be the person I had come to love.

I was wrong. Becoming a mother has definitely changed me, but I haven't lost myself, I have been reborn, remade anew. I am still confident, independent, but now I have a new identity. Becoming a mother has opened this maternal side of me, a more patient, caring version of myself. I am a better me, because of my son. Motherhood was a identity II once feared, but now it she is someone who I accept, and embrace.

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You’ll always be my baby

In my family I have always had 4 legged children. I love my dogs like they are family, well because they are! We knew that bringing Michael home was going to be a big change for us, but it was also a big change for them too. Our two dogs had been the center of our attention for so long, it turned out that it was a harder change than we realized.

We must remember that its important to include your fur babies in the excitement of meeting the new member of the family. Our boys were depressed for a while, but they have come to love their new “pup”. Family is family, whether your babies have 2 legs or 4.

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This Too Shall Pass

Everyone will try and prepare you for how hard being a new parent is, but I am here to tell you nothing will come close to preparing you for whats to come. I would be lying if I said there haven't been times where I have broken down crying right next to my screaming child. I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to break, it’s ok to cry. You are only human.

There will be moments where you have been up for 48 hours straight, the baby is screaming at the top of his lungs, you haven't showered in days, and you just cant take any more...these moments will come, but they will also pass. Take a moment and just breathe! You are doing great, you will be ok, and your baby will be ok.

As a parent we all have these moments. But I promise you, this too shall pass.

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And then there was you...

Michael loves to be held, if he isn’t in your arms, then he is usually very upset. I think my favorite moments of being a new mom are late at night, when the world is asleep, and I am up holding my precious boy.

I really wanted to capture the bond I have with my son, how holding him has become my favorite pastime. I never knew how much I could love someone so quickly. I really thought I knew what love was, after all I absolutely am head over heels in love with my fiance. But no one can prepare you or truly explain to you how deep the love is between a mother and her child. It really is like nothing I have experienced before.

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The Next Generation

When Michael was born it was such a monumental moment for our family. Michael is the first grandchild, and the first great grandchild of my family. How surreal it was, I had a baby!

We knew that we needed to get the ever so rare 4 generation photo. It is  such a special image, 4 generations of family, with a combined age of 138. 138 years of experiences, or hardships and joys. Michael was born into such a large family of love. 

But his birth was also the end of an era. It’s an Italian family tradition to name a son after your father. In this image there are 3 generations of Donald’s, but the first generation of Michael.

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Things are Changing

Setting up the crib was more of a bonding experience than I had ever realized. My dad really wanted to be apart of the building experience with my fiance. It was so nice building the place where our baby would soon rest his sweet head (even though we did bump into a few “issues”). I loved the idea that someday I would be able to look back and tell Michael that his dad and papa helped build his room together.

Just like the bars on the crib, we could see the future with our son slowly come into focus. Once his crib was built I would find myself standing by it, just before bed. I would look down and try to imagine the life that would soon be there. Our home was nearly filled with all of Michael’s belongings, the only thing we were missing was Michael.