@merdeva : " come on, you slip of a creature. come find shelter under my wing. "
eulalie is a pathetic thing. & she knows that she is a pathetic thing , hollowed out by fear & grief & sorrow , all of her anguish making a home inside of her. how it consumes her , controls her. she , a corpse , being puppeteered by those maggots inside of her. & all the while , she is painfully aware of all that is happening to her. she feels the dull , unending ache as her innards are eaten away , & the worms steal from her something essential that she is sure she misses , but no longer has the capacity to place.
& so of course , of course , when inara beckons her ⏤ oh , but it just feels so right. how comfortably the creature of her body tucks itself under her wing , how well it fits in that diminutive space. & when she looks up to inara , who casts a knowing gaze down on her withered & fragile body , doesn't she feel so safe ? & deep down , some part of her knows that this is perverted , that any normal person would feel a pang of embarrassment & disgust , to see themselves reduced to a snivelling animal , a dog for fighting , curled up obediently against the warm body of a master that does not love them ( at least , not enough to let them out of the ring ).
but eulalie does not , can not , bring herself to care. she has already done the work of choosing to live beyond life. it was simply too much for her to bear , that she might , now , be asked to pick up the pieces of her shattered life ⏤ which , in truth , she feels no connection to ⏤ & construct an entirely new sense of self from them , with all those necessary , respectable , difficult qualities like dignity & obstinance. why should she carry the burden of undoing a curse placed forcibly upon her , when inara was here ? soothing , & cooing , providing her with a perfect , stunningly simple alternative to such turmoil : be the animal you are , here , & i will protect you , like a stray come in from the rain.
what she does not say , but is sure is implicitly understood by the winged woman , is simple : thank you. be the hand that feeds me , & i will never bite you.
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