Fine But I'm Gonna Complain The Whole Time

Gay, He/Him, 32. I'm just here because I don't wanna lose track of my friends and stuff. I'm an artist but won't be posting that shit here. I cannot be stopped, I cannot be killed and I will never die. I like teeth and bugs. Dead dove shit will mostly be under a cut and will probably be content warned unless I forget. Blank accounts will be blocked.

[prohaloplayer-deactivated202601]

your mom is a baked potato your dad's dumb ass is asparagus and you are a god damn green bean

[ravens-a-whore2]

cutting a glory hole in the fourth wall

[ohummhi]

I can and will suck that nerd's dick

[twinktorturer]

feeble delicate dignified and middle aged twink. and hes crying while getting railed

[sourpeachpit]

("sounds like you're just feeding shelter cats to coyotes" tweet) my housemate keeps throwing large quantities of meat and seafood in the trash so I was like why is that happening and she just leaves her raw meat on the counter all fucking day and night so I said it looks like you're just feeding your food to the trash can and then her kid started crying

[hangsawoman]

on this day in 1953 shirley jackson sent this to an unhappy reader

[sourpeachpit]

good news: I have written over 3000 words today

bad news: it was not for the fic I'm supposed to update next

[sourpeachpit]

worse news: this new wip is at almost 8000 words now

great news: it's so hot bro it's so fucking hot

[boydswan]

Tyrone Power in In Old Chicago (1937) dir. Henry King

[drmobiusvanch]

child ballad protagonists rizz/game/whatever they're calling it tierlist

[drmobiusvanch]

top tier:

willie o'winsbury: objectively the top of the tierlist. commoner who slept with a king's daughter and got away with it because the king's like 'damn i'd do the same thing if i was in my daughter's position'.

janet: not only is her level of thirst relatable, she's perhaps one of the most hardcore characters in any child ballad. an icon, frankly.

tam lin: has done more for the paranormal romance genre than any other character on this or most tierlists.

matty groves: hot enough to seduce random married women. apparently better in bed than lord darnell. great sense of humor. snarky as hell. honestly, he's boyfriend material.

lady isabel: capable of fucking suplexing an elf into the sea. keeps a pet parrot. kills serial killers. definitely one of the coolest people here.

mid tier:

lord darnell: one-liners only second to matty groves. responsible leader. however, will escalate to murder if you cheat, so...

long lankin: this entirely depends on how you see the song. if you see long lankin as a human home invader, he's low tier. if you see him as some sort of cryptid, he's mid-to-high, because that's kinda hot honestly.

the twa corbies: while sentient birds they do pass the harkness test. responsible and practical homeowners. aside from being carrion birds that steal corpses there's no real downsides here. on the other hand, that's definitely a downside to some people, but still better than some of the others.

low tier:

willy(high germany): there may be WORSE pick-up lines to use out there than 'i'll take you to the cruel wars' but i can't think of them. his pregnant girlfriend had to explain to him that he should not take her to war with him when drafted. even the genuinely sweet 'all of my delight shall be a-riding at my side' cannot save this.

the lady and the blacksmith from the twa magicians: one of them is a rapist, the other is aggressively classist and snobby, both WILL pull some zeus bullshit on you. avoid.

[necromancelena]

sadism is literally cute. its really really cute.

[sourpeachpit]

refraction railway 6 got hands, I've had about enough of this fuckass dragon

[diana-andraste]

Outfit of my Dreams, Daniel B., 2021

[dogpuppy]

[dragongirlbunny]

time for a fun game called can we finish a shower before the edible hits

[dragongirlbunny]

good lird there was boobs soapy in therw 😳

[guiltfactory]

"this isn't romantic because their relationship is unhealthy and abusive" YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ROMANCE

[utopians]

I consider myself a real hater but sometimes you really do go too far with haterism. once I had to break mutuals with someone bc they hated the entire art form of poetry and the final straw was when they started hateposting about soup. The food

[whitealbum]

does anyone else feel like we need to raise the standard for writing quality across all mediums like right now