disloyal order of water buffaloes || the end?
(voice mail) I am honestly relieved you didn’t answer this because I think I would have lost complete faith in myself if I heard your voice - but I gotta do this.
When I saw you with that girl, I was furious. Not because you were with her, but because you just led me on like some puppet. I always thought I meant more to you than that. I know I shouldn’t blame you. I get it, I left, but… I just want to know how you could… move on so fast…? I feel like you didn’t even give me a chance… Doesn’t matter now. You moved on, great for you(/sighs deeply).
The reason I’m saying all of this is because I can’t do this anymore, Jinki. I can’t keep sending you messages, hoping you’d realize without any hesitation that it was me or staring at my phone, hoping that every call I get is you. I can’t do this.
Maybe in a few years, when we’re long gone from SNU and have made something of ourselves, we could try again, but until then, I think it is time… to call it q-quits. (/chuckles sadly.) shit.
I’m on the next flight to Tokyo tomorrow night. I’m going to be finishing my internship there. I don’t… want to see you so no epic love story airport romance thing okay? (/chuckles again, but it sounds pathetic.)
Yeah…. (/a moment of silence for broken jongyu). I really do love you, Jinki…
(/replays the message, wiping tears on the back of his hand as he stuffs the last pair of shorts -- the ones hwayoung wore not so long ago -- into his duffel bag. he's packed everything up and not said a single goodbye. his exams are over and everyone he's ever been enamored with is gone, save the girl he's scared to talk to, but he'll never get up the courage to apologize, so he sees no need for goodbyes. his breath is shaky. there's nothing left for him here. jonghyun is gone forever, and with good reason. it would be ridiculous for jinki to ever thing he's worth the beautiful boy. he knows he should apologize to hwayoung and start over, fall deeper in love and have kids and forget about his little college problems, but there's a massive hole in heart that he's pretty sure jonghyun and only jonghyun can fill, but every night he spent with jonghyun, hwayoung wouldn't leave his head. it's as though he can't have one without the other, and in a last ditch effort to save himself, he's chosen neither. his mother is waiting at home, he knows, and he'll try his hardest to sort himself out. he'll get another job and quit drinking, maybe hone his singing talents again. he needs to get out. and no matter how much his heart hurts, he'll leave anyway. jonghyun will get rich in japan and hwayoung will move on to better things. all jinki can do is remove himself from their lives, cease to cause inconveniences, and start again. he'll graduate next year and try his hand at a career, but for now, he just needs to get out. he picks up his bag, scrawls out an apologetic note to minseok, and walks to the train station. this is it. seongnam is behind him, at least for the summer. he approaches the ticket window and exhales.)
-- one one-way ticket to suwon, please.
(/and the train pulls out of the station, taking jinki's body with it, but he knows his heart will remain in seongnam for quite some time.)
romaincrisis
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