[space-human-not-alien-blog]

So I do awkward things a lot and when I do I just try to get away as fast as possible. Last week I walking into a store and a lady who worked there said “hey what brings you in” and I said “good” then sprinted across the store

[space-human-not-alien-blog]

I’m mad. I’ve been 18 for about a month now so I decided to turn Safe Mode off and Tumblr keeps telling me I’m under 18

[space-human-not-alien-blog]

My friend said he has never has a paper cut

[space-human-not-alien-blog]

If I had any power it would be to give anyone a papercut at anytime with my mind

[5sos]

charliegirl02: What are the stupidest/most annoying nicknames you have for each other?

[space-human-not-alien-blog]

Idk what my favorite is, breadstick or Daddy

[5sos]

@taquito00: Whats the best advice someone has given you all? And who gave it to you? :)

[space-human-not-alien-blog]

I think this is my favorite

[stateofirrelevancy]

more like everyday

[apapayashapedspace-deactivated2]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

My teacher accidentally tripped me down the stairs but because he’s afraid of talking to me, he just baked me a cake that said, “Sorry I tripped you, I popped a Xanax before work” and I had to keep the Xanax from my parents so he wouldn’t get fired but the only way to get rid of it was to eat is asap so my friend and I went to the janitor’s closet to do so, but this girl in my English class was giving birth there. Eventually, word got out around the school about “the forbidden cake” and people started rioting because everyone wanted some and then a dog bit my leg off.

[space-human-not-alien-blog]

Why is my sister so bitter? I’m just watching Say Yes To The Dress being happy for this bride to be as she says yes to her dream dress and my sister just looks up and says “ew, she’s so ugly I hate her”

[space-human-not-alien-blog]

I had a dream

My art teacher told me to go get a bowl of chili out of her room before I left school and she handed me a pack of crackers. So I went to her room and there was a man there, idk how I knew but he was planning to put a spell on the chili and kill everyone with it so I kept getting refills on the chili so maybe he would just leave. He was getting kinda annoying like half way through cause it was getting late and I wouldn’t leave him alone about wanting more, well i looked back in the pot to get more and it was all gone. I had just ate a whole crockpot full of chili. I never actually found out if he was a witch or not. He looked like a normal man but I thought he was a witch.

[space-human-not-alien-blog]

Frosted Flakes

I was eating a bowl of frosted flake and my sister told me something that I thought was hilarious and I could not stop laughing. Like it was the kind of laugh that you’re not making a now and every now and then there’s a noise. And a frosted flake shot up my nose. We after I calmed down for about 10 minutes I started sneezing so I blew my nose. A huge frosted flake came out of my nose and I also thought that was hilarious. So my sister found me in my bedroom floor unable to move cause I was laughing so hard

[space-human-not-alien-blog]

Today I was at med express cause I have a sore throat and there is a woman and her son who looks about 8 here. The boy is playing his DS and the woman is on the phone and says “yeah I think he has an ear infection” not a second passed and he says “ I DO NOT have an ear infection mom” and continues playing his game. Later the woman is called up to the front desk and tells her son to stay here, he says “I am your child I have to go with you” I swear this is the funniest kid I’ve ever seen

[writing-prompt-s]

A powerful Guardian was made to save a planet from destruction.  But the enemy never showed up.  Write about this all-powerful Guardian trying to entertain itself.

[writing-prompt-s]

You were summoned to another world to be its Hero. You attained amazing abilities and powers. Traveled to distant, fantastic lands and exotic cultures. Met and fought alongside incredible allies to stop the unspeakable Evil. Lost friends along the way. But now you’ve returned to your own world.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

It was my birthday, and no one got me anything, and my house was being haunted by a ghost fish that tried to vacuum me up with its mouth.

[space-human-not-alien-blog]

Once when I was in first grade one of my classmates sang ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot’ to me and I punched him in the face