Humans Are Space Orcs

[hero-school]

Was rewatching the Disney Hercules with my sibling @spaceorc9 just for funsies. Making fun of the inaccuracies (as one does) when we brilliantly slipped into making a My Hero AU.

Now of course we immediately started the obvious route of Midoriya=Hercules, Hades=Endeavor, Meg=Todoroki duh. Then we realized that our sweet, poor, socially awkward Todoroki probably wouldn’t last long as Meg. Thus spawned this disaster of a flip flop.

Hercules=Todoroki

Zeus=Endeavor (because he’s a dick and Zeus only thinks with his dick lol)

Hera=Rei Todoroki (cause she deserves something nice for putting up with Endwh*re)

Pegasus=Shinsou

Hades=Small Might (or Dad for One…we couldn’t decide which was better. Both of us have read some very well written All Might bashing fics recently and All Might basically owns Midoryia’s soul after they share a quirk anyways)

Meg=Midoryia (because BAMF Midoryia for the win)

Phil=Aizawa

Panic=Kirishima

Pain=Kaminari (we think it is Pain who says to Pegasus at the end ‘I really do find you attractive’ and ShinKami duh)

The Guy who left Meg and caused that whole shit show=Bakugo

Muses=Momo, Asui, Jiro, Mina, Uraraka (height order)

Thebes is Hosu meaning Hydra is Stain. The toxic towns people (you know who they are)=1B

Sundial guy=Sero (you KNOW why)

The Titans =LOV (here is the break down we thought of)

Cyclopes = Shiggy

Mountain = Twice

Icy = Toga (sharp pointy)

Lava = Dabi (duh)

Swirly Boi = Kurogiri

Hermes = we couldn’t decide between Hawks or Presentation Michael

Ares = Vlad King

Hephaestus=Power Loader

*Of note before the flip flop occurred we had Nessus/RiverGuardian/Centaur as Muscular and Hydra as Overhaul for Midoryia as Herc*

Please tag both of us in any fics or other headcanons y’all think of… we are thoroughly invested at this point :]

[spaceorc9]

@hero-school <3

[spaceorc9]

Traditions

So my school has this tradition where the graduation students bring our uniform shirts and tie dye them and rip them and sign them. It’s very bizzare from an outside perspective. We have 178 students in my graduating class and today is our last day of classes so we are doing nothing all day but signing shirts and the bare minimum of work. But the bizzare tradition stuck out to me. What other things that seem normal to us would be bizzare to others. What if us wearing certain clothes for bed and certain clothes during the day is bizzare? What about school? What if aliens don’t go to school or find it weird that we have all girls schools, all boys schools, co-ed schools, and home schools?

[spaceorc9]

School

School is the most screwed up thing I have ever seen. 20-30 kids are put in a room with an adult for 45min to 1 hour+ to learn about one specific topic and they do that for 6-8 classes a day for 5 of the 7 days. And don't even get me started on the work load. And the stress levels. Students are so stressed over all of their work. Also can we point out that teachers are expected to only be strong in one subject while all of their students are supposed to get As in 6-8 classes? I know this isn't the way schools work around the world but how would this make aliens question our reasoning? "Ugh I hate college. I have way too much work to get done." "Human- Suzy certainly it isn't that bad, right?" "I have over 3 hours of homework to complete in one night for ONE of my classes alone." "What? That is too much for only one class. Certainly you mean 3 hours for the whole night and that is still too much for one person." "Um.. no I have 6 classes and three of those are advanced classes so they expect more from us and the average amount of homework per night for those classes is 2-4 hours." "You have 6 classes with that much work.. surely the negative health effects are being addressed in a positive manner." "No actually this is pretty common for students." "At least tell me all of these classes are over the same subject." "Actually no. I have a math, science, history, english, language, and art class." "And all of your teachers are experts in all of these fields." "Once again no. They only know basics for all of the classes and are good at their subject."

[spaceorc9]

Tests

So midterms and final exams are some of the most stressful things in school. Kids stay up until 3am to study and even then some do not go to sleep but keep studying. It is a very stressful time. Now imagine how aliens would react to seeing someone who has 8-10 recommended hours of sleep and only got two hours a night at best for the past week. "Human-Suzy... are you okay? You appear to be falling asleep. Did you get the required amount of sleep for a person of your age?" "Hmm what? Oh yeah. No I didn't. I got...um... 10. Yeah 10." "Oh 10 hours is a healthy amount. I am curious why you are still tired." "Oh yeah, no. 10 minutes." "That is not a healthy amount of sleep. Why are you not asleep?" "I can't sleep if I have a test" *John walks in and hands Suzy a coffee* "You really need more sleep before a big test. You know that right?" "... yeah" "Human- John I am wondering why Human-Suzy stayed up so late when she knows she should not." "Stress" "but how does this 'stress' prevent Human-Suzy from sleeping?" "She is worrying over a grade because society has made it seem like her grades are more important than her health for her future"

[spaceorc9]

Voice

What if aliens don't understand our voices? We talk in different dialects and some people can change their voice and talk in a different accent. We also lose our voices when we sing to much or talk to much or even if we get sick enough. I am in theatre and can do five or six different dialects. My friend can do ten+. How confused would the aliens be if someone was explaining a story and one of the people in the story has a different accent and so they talk with the accent and the aliens are just ??? How? Or if someone comes onto the ship and is very talkative and one day just stops talking because their throats hurts from being sick or yelling and the aliens are so concerned for their wellbeing. If they think that the human is dying.

[spaceorc9]

Sick

So I am a very stubborn person and I swore to myself that this year at school I would get perfect attendance, but I am now sick. I had work last night and I was so sick for like 3 hours and I managed to fool everyone I work with for that time. Then my headache got so bad that I started crying. The reason I fought through was because I was worried that if I let myself get sick then I would still be sick come Monday. I can image someone with this thought process with aliens and work. "Human-Suzy... are you okay? You look very upset." "*sniffle* I am perfectly fine. Just give me a second and I can get right back to work" "nah Suz. You go up to your room. We will finish here." "NO John I told you guys *cough sniffle* I am fine." "Human-Suzy, you appear to be... um.... 'sick'. Is that the correct Earth term Human- John?" "YES it is now Suzy just have some fluids and get some sleep."

[spaceorc9]

Swimming

I was at the pool today with my family and I just thought about how weird it is. We dress in specific clothes to go submerge ourselves in water in an attempt to cool off in the heat of summer. Also we don't drink this water. We HAVE to drink water but not this water. We put special chemicals into the pools so we don't have to worry about how gross it is when little kids go pee in the pool. Or what if some humans and aliens are exploring a newly discovered planet and the humans see a lake and decide that they are sweaty and tired and decided to go for a dip in the lake. "But human-Suzy what if it is poison?" "Right now I am too hot and sweaty to care. I want to cool down and this seems like the best course of action" "yeah I'm exhausted and a nice cold dip sounds great" "not you too human-john" *John jumps in and so does Suzy* "see nothing is wrong you worrywart"

[spaceorc9]

Contacts/Glasses

So I was just thinking about how different I look with my contacts in rather than when I am wearing my glasses. People say I look like a completely different person. I'm imagining a human waking up on a lazy day and not putting their contacts in and just wearing their glasses. "AAHH INTRUDER ALERT" "WOAH calm down pal. Where is this intruder huh?" "...human-Suzy... is that you?" "Yea.. how can you not tell? I've been working on this space craft for like 2 years" "why are you wearing that metal on your face?" "Huh? Oh my glasses? My eyes are shaped different and so I have to wear a prescription. I was too tired to put contacts in this morning so I just wore my glasses." "But... do all humans do this?" "No just some people. Oh hey John." "Hello human-John. Do you also wear the glasses?" "Nah I got perfect 20/20 vision" "really John?" *John nods* "Read that sign over there" "Easy 'Colt Equity" *sign says 'Exit Carefully'*

[spaceorc9]

Mimic

I'm sure this has been done before but I was mimicking my cat today and realized just how often humans do this. We make a noise in response to an animal making it to us. So I'm picturing a human bringing their cat on board the ship and the aliens being confused when they hear the human responding to the cat. "Meow" "MEOW" "Um... human-Suzy why are you yelling loudly at your earthpet-cat?" "She's yelling at me. She was an annoying booger last night and slept on my face. I am tired and now she is trying to yell at me." " Can- Can you understand earthpet- cat?" "What?? No that is absolutely ridicul-" "MMEEEOOOWW" "MMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!! Ha that's right I bet you."*sticks tongue out at cat*

[yourunicornmind]

“Signal does not conform to expectations.”

The message was not unusual in itself.  The investigation that followed was.

The junior on duty flagged the deviation message for investigation in the usual way and paid it no more attention.  Staff on duty the following day would follow up, he just wanted to get to the end of this shift and go enjoy his forthcoming holiday.  

The handover to the next shift passed most conventionally, he went off duty without a second thought to the deviation in sector N1MB.

The next shift worked through the log in time order as usual.  The N1MB signal was passed to the anomalies team for further attention.  

The anomalies team leader did pay a little more attention.  The signal type was one she had never encountered before.  A rhythmic series of short and long pulses.  No decoder currently in use could read it.  But the signal was clearly far from random.  She alerted her manager to this unexpected turn of events.

“Are you sure?  Run the decoders again, please.  Its probably just a glitch.”

“I’ve run them 3 times already, Glode, it must be a glitch on our system.”

“I’ll run them here, that should help us identify the fault.”

“Thanks”

Glode ran the signal through the decoder sequences.  “No match found.  Signal does not conform to expectations.”

Glode inspected the message crossly.  It was going to be one of those shifts.  He loaded the signal onto a second system.  “No match found.  Signal does not conform to expectations.”  He shrugged.  It was lunch time.  He set a scan to run on the machines to find the error while he ate.  

After lunch, he reviewed the log.  No errors found.  He ran the signal through once more, firmly expecting a different outcome.  “No match found.  Signal does not conform to expectations.”

Glode signalled the anomalies team leader.  “Matina, have you any more anomalies from N1MB?”

“I haven’t rescanned that sector, its not scheduled for another 17 cycles.  There is nothing in it recorded as even close to intelligent life.  There is only one planet with any life signs recorded.”

“Oh.  Can you run an extra scan and let me know if you find any more deviations?”

Glode looked up the planet with life signs in N1MB.  The Imaging showed a blue-green planet.  Zooming closer indicated land masses.  The remote scans indicated high levels of geological instability along with substantial atmospheric flows.  But life forms had been identified despite the apparently hostile conditions.  

Hardly any time passed before Matina signalled back.  “I’ve got a whole bunch of anomalies, Glode.  They all follow that pattern of long and short pulses, they are similar but not the same.”

Glode stared into the monitor, “This has all the indications of a new language pattern.”

[spaceorc9]

Such a good story!!

[spaceorc9]

Earrings

I got this idea talking with my friends. Have you ever thought about how girls and guys force pieces of metal in their ears, faces, chests, abdomens,etc? For instance no one bats an eye when someone says that they haven't worn earrings in a while and need to before their holes close up. Or when people double pierce their ears or maybe even more and it's seen as cool or intimidating in some people. "Human-Suzy... why are your ears sparkling? Is that metal in them?! Are you hurt?! Do you need medical care?" Or maybe aliens would be more confused/interested about it. "Why is this seen as intimidating? Are they battle scars? Do they represent something?"

[spaceorc9]

Musicals

So I just saw a musical called "Something Rotten" (HIGHLY RECOMMEND) and there is a song called "Musicals" and this guy from the 16th century is explaining what a musical is and I just pictured humans showing this to aliens to explain what a musical is. "Human- John what is this music-al you speak of" "Do I have a video for you??!" *watches the song* "so wait, your kind does not know of musicals all of the time" "no wait. I showed you this video to explain what it is. Everyone knows what a musical is." "Why does this man not know?" "Because- UGH He is from another time!!" "*gasp* your people can travel through time as well as space??" *facepalm* "*sigh* yes. Sure why the heck not"

[spaceorc9]

Relationships

So I was just thinking about LGBTQ+ and that’s when I thought how would aliens react? Not to just the different relationships but also to the controversy about them. I honestly think they would be really relaxed about relationships between LGBTQ+ but horrified when they find out how most of them are treated. “So, I really didn’t want to say this because I have no idea how you would react but me and Suzy are dating.” “Why would you not know how we would act? Of course we are happy for you and Human-Suzy” “Oh that’s such a relief. I was so worried you were going to get me fired like at my last job.” “… you were fired for being in a relationship?” *angry alien finds out as much as possible about LGBTQ+ and becomes even more angry about how they are treated*

[spaceorc9]

Superheroes

Hey guys!! So another random thought. How confused would aliens be if they saw our comic books/tv shows/movies/etc. about superheroes? What if they didn’t understand that they were fiction? So when a human is sad on the ship they are like “Human-Suzy, I have a question about the United States of America government.” “Yes? What about it?” “How well do the President and The Captain America work together? Does The Captain America do speeches or is he more of a figure head while the President does the government work?”
And so Suzy realizes he doesn’t understand and goes to explain but instead John interrupts and is like “Yeah he is a figure head but he also helps with military attacks so overall they are about equal in the government” “Ah yes. Thank you Human-John. That makes sense.” *Suzy face palms

[spaceorc9]

Music

So I got a bad thought. What do aliens think about our music? What do they think about the "try not to sing" challenges? I know that whenever I hear music I IMMEDIATELY try to sing along, and I know I'm not the only one. I've also seen posts about what they think about us talking or making noises to communicate and I can just picture their confusion at our singing. "Oh don't you dare look back just keep your eyes on me. I said your holding back. She said shut up and dance with me...." "Human-Susan... what are you doing? What are those noises? Are you in pain?" "Hey my voice does not sound like I'm dying" *cue silent treatment (which also confuses the alien)*

[spaceorc9]

Space Orcs

Ok so this is my first tumblr post. I decided to take a stab at it. Imagine aliens seeing humans and not understanding our slang or why all the girls say that they are ugly. "UGH I look like a trash can in that picture" "Human-Suzy why are you comparing yourself to an inanimate object from your planet that holds waste products" "Because" "..." "Honestly Suzy, me." "Human-Katie why do you say the 'me'. You are not Human-Suzy. I also am confused at your need of comparing yourself to your containment units of waste"