Self-hatred can damage an individual's view of themselves and how they view the world. An individual who has hatred towards themselves will see only the negatives in things. Not all, but some. For example, in the show Bojack Horseman, the main character, Bojack, and an acquaintance of his named Princess Carolyn are in a freezer due to unknown reasons, and they are both having a conversation about Bojack. Princess Carolyn attempts to build up Bojack, and during the attempt, she tells him that she could list 10 good things about him, followed by a few bad things, and he’d choose to focus solely on the bad things.
And she started to listen to all the good things about him to prove her point. And he did exactly what she said, only focused on the bad things. Self-hatred and trying to be social are like pouring oil into a bottle of water. It’s like whenever someone says something good about Bojack, he’s wearing tinted glasses that have dirt on the lenses. He’s never seen the good in himself. And when he does, he’s haunted by his past mistakes in his head. It feels like he isn’t deserving of the good things that happen or are said to him.
It forbids you in this never-ending cycle of never being able to trust yourself. Self-hatred can also make individuals believe that they are a bad person. Bojack always tells people he’s a bad person, from the beginning of the show to the very end. But it wasn’t that he was a bad person (Well, he was). It was that he was stuck in this cycle, believing that he is a bad person based on small flaws or mistakes, and ends up making bad decisions because he believes that he’s a terrible person. That’s usually how the cycle starts.
An individual feels shame for a mistake they’ve made, and they start to doubt and bully themselves for it, then it turns into them repeating their mistakes, and regretting it and wanting to change, but whenever they attempt to change, they are reminded of all their regrets, which causes the individual to go back to square one and repeat the cycle. It’s like a snake slowly eating itself alive. Hence, why I call it the never-ending cycle.
Thus, He continued to make bad decisions, and some of those decisions would end up taking part in his demise. Though he decided not to change. Because he felt like he was incapable.
Just because change is possible doesn’t mean it's easy. At times, it could feel unachievable, it could feel untouchable, even. But it all depends on the individual who looks towards change. Change will never be easy. Especially for an individual like Bojack, if you’ve dug a hole as deep as he has, it feels impossible to move from where you’ve landed. You might even think that if you take time to reflect on your actions and see what makes you a bad person might help you change, but it doesn’t help influence change. What really helps influence change is two things.
IT might sound hypocritical, but you don’t have to like yourself to change. You have to learn to tolerate those thoughts. Those thoughts you wish you could bury far away, you have to face them. Understand them. And work towards not repeating those decisions.
But as I said, change isn’t easy. If change were easy, we’d be living in a false world. Taking one step forward is all you can do. It might sound difficult, but through is the only way out of a dark, ominous forest.
(This is not proofread or was made coherently)
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