because i unfortunately developed a deep and uncharacteristic attraction to her.
Warnings: angst, f!reader, writing of drastically poor quality probably, codependency,
Jinx isnât all there, you knew it very well going in, both of you, which is why her intelligence, depth, and capacity for love shocked you. Of course her mental illness rises and falls. Flaring up and resolving itself several times each day. Itâs not uncommon for her to be extremely lucid and seemingly resolved of any mental block for a few hours, behaving so ânormallyâ youâd forget she struggled at all if you didnât know her so very well.
Of course the longer you loved her, the more resilient you became to the emotional roller coaster she dragged those around her on. You learned not to take it personally. And even more importantly, to never hold it against her, after all, if it was hard for you to deal with her mental anguish, it must be infinitely more difficult for her.
However, what most people donât know about loving jinx, when they picture it, is that all the work it was seemed minuscule in comparison to the pay off.
She was a force of nature, complex and beautiful and unforgiving, to witness her was to be put in awe. Any struggle she gave you was collateral. Youâd walk through fire for her love. Enormously more warm and sweet and all encompassing than that of any of the smirking pilties that turned their nose up at her.
Sheâd wake up in the middle of the night. To watch your chest rise and fall, and to thank her lucky stars that you were here with her.
She thought of you in everything, saw you in everything she did, evrey task she carried out, every tool and trinket she built
It was near constant youâd walk into your shared room to find something sheâd crafted for you with her own two hands and her remarkable genius. Welded flowers, jewelry boxes, wind up toys, hell sometimes you didnât even know what they were supposed to be, all painstakingly painted in great detail with her signature colors.
That and the notes, oh the notes. all scribed in her chicken scratch with her special quill fountain pen. Youâd find them everywhere. Under cups, in your journals, on the walls, hidden beneath pillows. Some were proclamations of love, some were slightly nonsensical. Some were drawings of you two, or sketches she did of you while you werenât looking, ink strokes depicting you distracted with a task, face scrunched in concentration.
You guessed all her little tendencies were not only small acts of love, but also reminders, that she was there, even when she was away. Jinx struggles with abandonment, scratching grading voices telling her youâll leave her, storm off and forget about her without a second thought. So, Subconsciously she reminds you, tries to entertain and to please even in her absence.
You are her first thought in the loneliness of the morning when youâre not yet awake, she often feels a pang in her heart at the thought of you and wraps herself desperately around your body, nuzzling her face into your neck or chest to capture your scent and your presence.
She lets loose for you, lets her hair down, lets her hips sway to the music while sheâs working, lets her foot tap absentmindedly, lets her subconscious train of thought out, and finds herself loving nothing more than when you reply to each bit of her ramblings as she goes.
She has never felt such relief as she has for the duration of your relationship. Someone to stay, to rub her temples and hum for her when the voices swarm hurting her head. Someone to disarm her when she hallucinates, using practiced exercises to help her check reality. Someone to bandage her hands when she chews at her cuticles and skin absent mindedly
The care absolutely goes both ways, though, and jinx truly does dote over you in endless ways.
She can sense when you are even slightly altered in any way, frustrated, sad, doesnât matter. She can tell, and she uses her supercomputer of a brain to make a mental bullet list of the most effective ways to make your uncomfortably dissapear
Sometimes jinx looses herself in her scattered mind and forgets to come up for breath. Forgetting to bathe, to eat, to sleep. You take the burden off her shoulders, slowly and tediously washing all of her long blue hair, braiding it back into a wearable style. Scrubbing days old makeup of her face with a washcloth and a gentle hand, taking turns biting out of something you cooked for her.
After these sessions you dress her in your clothes and lay in bed together for hours wide awake, while she stares at you with wide beautiful eyes, saying very little, iorn grip on your arm or your hand, her heart racing with immeasurable love and affection
Thatâs a whole other thing, jinx has a very serious staring problem, your not sure what it is, but youâve come to accept it, she often goes selectively silent and stares with her eyes blown wide. Taking in evrey facet of your being. Itâs unmistakably affectionate
Jinx wants to be buried with you, jinx wants to see you through evrey season of every lifetime. Thereâs no question that girl loves you
jimmyeatworldofficial
areudirty
