Limerence or Love
Limerence has been described as being compulsive longing for another person. Its defining traits and characteristics are:
- Idealising the person you’re obsessed with/ infatuated with (either in an all good or an all bad way)
- Being troubled by uncontrollable and intrusive thoughts about them
- Suffering from overwhelming feelings of shyness, nervousness and confusion whenever you are near them
- Desperately fearing being rejected by them
- Feeling euphoric at the smallest sign that they may be interested in you
- Fantasizing continually about being in a relationship with them
- Desperately hoping and looking for sign of reciprocation (This can lead to wrong conclusions and “reading into things”)
- Feeling that everything around you somehow reminds you of that person
- Replaying every little detail of any conversation or encounter with them
- Analysing everything they say or do in great detail to try and figure out hidden meanings
- Maintaining romantic intensity even when they totally ignore you, or treat you badly
- Arranging your schedule to try and bump into, or catch a glance of, the person
It has been suggested that limerant relationships tend to be too intense, and one person is generally over-committed to the relationship compared to the other person. In healthy relationships, both of the partners grow in their love and affection for each other through shared interests and a mutual enjoyment of each other’s company. Neither should be emotionally dependent upon (or addicted to) the other.
