spocky chimney @spicychimney-blog - Tumblr Blog

daylight savings time is the devil i have already made two incredibly dumb mistakes at work because the time change has me stupid flustered and there is no excuse for it and i hate myself

two open houses today

work tomorrow, then after work i'm taking a friend to meet a dog at the shelter i volunteer at. this dog is SOOOO sweet and so timid and so sad. she needs a good loving home

work tuesday, then after work i'm meeting with a woman who rescues and rehomes cats for another animal adoption agency. she has 20+ cats, always some kittens, that need socializing and love. she's going to give me a key to her place so i can socialize li'l cats

wednesday i'm going to the shelter with my friend and the dog she already has--if she falls in love with the monday dog--for a doggy playdate to see if the two dogs get along

yonks

i'm tired

the internet has been spotty the past few days, kicking me off every five minutes, probably due to the 183923987298372937 feet of snow on top of the lines

i'm volunteering at 2 different shelters now, the first one primarily with dogs/dog walking, the second with cats and administrative duties. i officially begin the second shelter work on saturday. i am excited for it

also, i've been working with my uncle on plans for the future... i'm going to try to go in with him, my cousin, and my parents on a 4 family house somewhere--i'll use the rent from my apartment share in order to pay the mortgage, basically. it's a long term plan but it's something that feels kind of like adulthood in a way? here's hoping it doesn't all go spectacularly wrong. i am hopeful. my uncle knows his shit and he's basically the only reason my parents have a roof over their head, so. i've been doing intense amounts of research since he approached me about it, we'll be sitting down to prioritize viewings on sunday

still crying at least twice a day over leonard nimoy

also hit a rough patch with an insomnia relapse this past week. i pray it is a fluke. if not what is the point of anything

i'm literally lost right now

trying to write work related time sensitive emails with a broken heart.

traaaapped trapped trapped trapped trapped

there are so many things i want to do and feel it's possible to do but i am surrounded by people who shoot me down time and time again, people who say "but no" every time i offer a "what if" and it's really shitty but there's no way out of it so here i am

now and then i will come here to this sideblog and contemplate ending my tumblr hiatus and then i immediately have a violent stomach reaction and either throw up or shit my brains out so that seems to be an emphatic "not yet" sign

i looked up to him so much; he was my cool older cousin who didn't fit in just like i didn't fit in. and for whatever reason, this sixteen year old boy with red hair and baggy pants let me tag along behind him wherever he went. he humored me. he was honestly nice to me. he never told me to run off and play with the other kids who were my age and he never made me feel like i was bugging him when, looking back on those days, i must have been. i was half his age and i seriously wanted to be him.

one day, he took me to the arcade near my aunt's house. i played whack-a-mole and he did that skee ball thing and he got way, way more tickets than i did, but he gave me the giant yellow stuffed dog he cashed his tickets in for at the end of the trip because i was so taken with it.

that giant yellow dog was my guardian. i slept with him night after night--i had night terrors when i was little, always sleep problems even then, but i believed in mystical things and stuffed animal souls and bravery and i believed that the yellow dog could protect me.

years later, when my mom's brother told his kids that he was divorcing their mother, my little cousin was distraught. i wanted to do something for him, and i knew how much he loved to play with the yellow dog when he came over; i remembered what it was like when i was given that same dog, so i passed him on. my little cousin took that dog with him to college. that yellow dog has seen a lot and guarded plenty.

i keep looking at the mugshot of that same older cousin i tagged along behind, his red hair, his unfocused eyes. to me, back then, he was this supernaturally special person. i was shy around him and happy around him at the same time. he was arrested for doing heroin in his car at three in the morning and two days later he overdosed. i haven't seen him in a few years. this is a story that has no conclusion.

1. my favorite cousin on my dad's side ODed on heroin and almost died earlier this week

2. my grandma (my dad's mom) is in the hospital (again) with pneumonia (moved there from the hospice)

3. on top of that this past week at work was unreal and horrendous. the only good thing i can say about it is that now thank god the week is over

4. at the end of all this i crawled into bed next to deforest and we snuggled for an hour with her purring ever so faintly... i am a snuffle monster of allergies but it was what i needed so desperately

came home to learn that i need to visit my grandma (on my dad's side) in the next month before she passes; the hospice she's at says that her health is really rapidly deteriorating

cole immediately jumped on my lap and curled up and nuzzled my chest so that was really, really nice

The vet thinks it's a sore so ;; she's gonna get an antibiotic and hopefully be feeling better soon literally crying with relief

shuggie has a really frightening lump on her back

gonna go to the vet tomorrow on my day off and just hope......things are ok

yesterday one of my coworkers was talking about her dog and she said that over the weekend he was just over the top

then she asked me "have you ever had those days where you just fall in love with your pet all over again?"

and i started to laugh because that happens to me multiple times a day with each one of my four cats

i just now realized i'd been gazing lovingly at deforest for over two minutes

actually excited for work tomorrow because i worked extra hours the past two days so that tomorrow i can leave at 3:30 and go straight to the shelter again and walk some dogs until it starts to get dark. it's going to be warm tomorrow and thursday (my day off) so volunteering until the blisters on my feet reopen and bleed into my socks again!!!

ol shuggie... she doesn't often pose but i spent an hour trying to groom her today and she looks soft and fluffy and then she stole my hat as revenge so here we are. here we are

the lovely deaf white cat found his forever home today ;; i would pet him every time i went to the shelter and he would purr and snuggle and i LOVED him and he got adopted today!

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