stoopid bb💕❤️👀

a spicy piece of trash

[spicyorangejuice]

when the coffee drink (yes coffee w calories😳) said “not finished? refrigerate” and I’m low key triggered cuz some ppl don’t finish itt

[spicyorangejuice]

omg I just tried to drink this appetite suppressant weight loss drink (powder that u mix w water) and it tastes SO bad. like u melted a lemon head...idk if I can do this. Although it tasted so bad I may have lost my appetite anyway.

[spicyorangejuice]

so I started actually restricting (instead of just restrict b/p cycle) for the last few days but like I felt fine I’m not restricting very much but today I woke up just SO hungry and woozy and no matter how much I eat and drink I’m still not full...idk what to do cuz I rlly rlly rlly don’t wanna binge.

[spicyorangejuice]

Me: *actually is forgetting about calories and making genuine strides and not binging but eating a good amount*

random bitches on snap: omggg I’m starving myselfff woops

me: *dies in I’m fat*

[spicyorangejuice]

I never rlly abused laxatives but I used them once in a while after a binge (not rlly more than the normal dosage tho). I wanna make sure my body doesn’t get dependent tho so I’ve completely stopped and I’m constipated af cuz I’ve also been eating a lot more (and a lot more unhealthy) soooo this suxxx. Hopefully it will b worth it 🤞

[spicyorangejuice]

how come when my sister complains and lies in bed and won’t come w us when we do shit or do anything for Mother’s Day she’s depressed but if I do that shit everyone hates me and my mom guilts me for doing nothing. Like ok but haven’t I been the only one to do shit for like the past 15 years??

[spicyorangejuice]

Istg if my fam calls me dramatic when I try to actually say how I’m feeling I’m gonna kms.....and then fail again and get called dramatic

[spicyorangejuice]

Tb to my time in the psych ward when they were like “does mental illness run in the family” and my mom was like ye her sister has severe anorexia. And then they asked how much of their breakfast everyone ate and I was like “10%” and they were like “ok!” And I ate like 2 pieces of lettuce at dinner and they were like “woah she’s actually eating something healthy!! Good job!” it’s a great place yk

[spicyorangejuice]

Just casually thinking about how my fam has like no food and is trying to save money rn while I’m chewing and spitting

[spicyorangejuice]

No one:

Me: so what’d u eat today???

[spicyorangejuice]

I wasted tofu my mom cooked for food prep for me and an entire loaf of expensive bread that my mom buys just for me....I feel rlly bad bc money is tight rn and everyone is fighting for food bc of covid. It’s not like I wasn’t even eating I was eating but I was only binging processed shit instead of making actual meals. I hate myself. I feel so guilty.

[spicyorangejuice]

What I look like rn after thinking I could stop counting calories and intuitively eat without binging🤡:

[spicyorangejuice]

If one more person talks about how little they’ve eaten today when I’m trying to stop counting calories I’m gonna kms

[spicyorangejuice]

I rlly hate when I count out and plan out what I’m gonna eat and then my sister or someone takes a bite without asking like idk y it rlly bothers me.

[spicyorangejuice]

Me after debating if I should recover or not for a bit: hey (little sister) can I have a chip??

My little sister: THEYRE MINE NO

Me: oh ok...*goes and cries for an hour*

[spicyorangejuice]

Okay tho I’ve been eating a lot more and gained a little bit (might be cuz of water retention tho) I’m starting to realize that my health has been better..like I’m less fatigued, overall less bloated, haven’t been constipated, etc. like maybe..just maybe...I’m doing something good by not b/p??? Still unsure rlly and I’ll wait and see how I feel but I haven’t purged in like a week and It’s been rlly hard but maybe I shouldn’t ignore the fact that my body is feeling happier.

[spicyorangejuice]

Hey! For u ed gals who still get their period I just thought I’d mention that naturally ur body needs more calories on ur period!!! U will also gain slightly (up to 5 lbs) but will lose it afterwards! Overexercising can actually cause ur body to decrease muscle and increase fat!!! Sometimes u just need to listen to ur body and realize that it has its reasons for cravings and doesn’t just hate u :)