summary: your boyfriend begins to take notice of how often you accidentally fall asleep during the day and can’t figure out why - then he realizes it’s because of him.
warnings: angst, nightmares, mentions of blood and gore and such, some cursing, happy ending, steve is once again so damn boyfriend, probably more but that’s all i got for now.
word count: 5.3k
from jen: this was a request, and i hope i did it justice! it got way longer than i intended but i hope you guys like it. as always, with love <3
Steve loved naps as much as the next person. I mean, after a long day of unpaid babysitting, monster hunting and hours of dealing with irritating customers at his minimum wage job, he loved the idea of jumping into bed for a few hours of shut eye.
But he definitely didn’t love it as much as his beautiful girlfriend did.
He looked over at where you sat. It was early into the evening hours, you were curled in an adorable ball on the couch of the Squawk, wrapped in a handmade blanket he stole from Lucas to cover you with. Your hair was a little messy, pieces covering your face.
You’d fallen asleep barely a few minutes after Hopper ended the weekly meeting to discuss any new findings to get you closer to Vecna. It was pretty much all the same information as last week and at this point, it was more of a formality than anything else.
Everyone had quietly dispersed after his dismissal. Nancy and Jonathan went home together, El and Mike ran up to the roof hand-in-hand for some alone time, Dustin had quickly made his way to wherever he’s been spending all his time lately. That left himself, you, Robin and Lucas inside.
Steve was standing near the projector, cleaning up papers and blueprints left under the scope. Beside him, Robin helped clean up some of the snacks the kids left behind. It was quiet for the most part, only the sound of your sleepy breathing and the faint hum of the record Robin played for the radio.
Lucas was sitting across from you, and Steve noticed the way he kept glancing over at you. He was ready to ask what his deal was before Lucas spoke up.
“Should I like, wake her up or something?” Lucas asks, looking away from you and up at Steve.
His brows furrow, hands still moving papers into their folders. “What? No, she’s tired. Let her sleep,”
“Yeah, she’s sort of always tired,” Lucas mutters under his breath.
Steve can’t hear even an ounce of attitude in his tone but he’s also not understanding what Lucas is implying. Next to him, Robin huffs a laugh and he whips his head at her. He doesn’t like the idea of them having some sort of private conversation about you.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks. The papers are long forgotten and he crosses his arms over his chest. His eyes flicker from his best friend and the young teen.
“Nothing,” Lucas shakes his head quickly, scrambling to gather his things. Steve’s annoyance spikes: so they are having a private conversation about you. So what if you fall asleep sometimes? It’s not like you’re lazy – is that what they’re trying to say? That you’re lazy?
It’d be an insane implication considering how you’re almost always the first one out in the field during a crawl. El grew pretty attached to you after she closed the gate the first time and ever since then, she’s practically begged you to accompany her everywhere and now that includes the intense training she does with Hopper – not once have you missed a session. You tag along with Steve and Dustin in the van for the late night crawls, and you volunteer for stakeouts with Nancy when it comes to the military cordon.
The last damn thing you were was lazy and he wasn’t about to let anyone, his best friends included, imply otherwise.
Robin seemed to have sense his thoughts and quickly jumped to Lucas’ defense. She sets the bowls of half eaten snacks back on the table.
“That’s not what he means, Steve,” She assures and Lucas looks grateful. Still, he doesn’t soften but he lets her continue. “He’s kinda right though. I mean, I’m a little worried she’s got some underlying medical condition we don’t know about or something. She knocks out at the drop of a hat lately,”
“She does not,” He scoffs but his shoulders loosen. Just barely.
Lucas jumps back in. “I wasn’t trying to be a jerk, man. I’m just worried. What if she’s not just tired? Max still hasn’t woken up, it could be something like that,”
Finally, Steve softens. He sees the fear hidden behind Lucas’ eyes and he knows how hard his forced separation from Max has been. It’s been six months since that night at the Creel house and there was still no change for her. You and Steve have spent most of your free time with Lucas visiting her.
And no matter how scared Steve is of the possibility of you falling victim to Vecna’s curse, he knows this isn’t that. You don’t have visions, you don’t have nose bleeds and you very clearly have no issue sleeping. It’s been a rough few months and you’re tired. That’s all.
He hopes.
“She’s not Max, Lucas,” Steve says softly and watches the way his face falls. “She’s not going anywhere, she’s just napping, alright?”
The younger boy nods, and Steve knows despite his relent, he’s still worried. Robin gives Steve an empathetic smile and finishes cleaning up the dishes from the coffee table.
“Come on, I’ll drop you off at the hospital,”
Lucas smiles in return this time, happy to see his girlfriend even if she’s still unconscious. He quickly grabs his jacket and backpack, practically running out of the building. She turns towards Steve once he’s out of earshot.
“Maybe that’s all it is. But with our luck, it wouldn’t hurt to check in with her. I don’t think we can handle losing someone else,” She suggests with a shrug. Her words hit uncomfortably under his ribs, and he nods once before she’s turning to follow Lucas.
Steve turns back towards your sleeping frame, where you haven’t even twitched despite the entire conversation that took place around you. He leans down next to you, his hand raising to push the hair from your face. He watches your face and the way you look so peaceful.
The normal pinch between your brows is smoothed out, pretty pink lips slightly parted, there’s a tired flush covering your cheeks and your fingers are loosely gripping the blanket close to your chest.
He smiles to himself, but his mind begins to wander. Maybe they were right – you did fall asleep pretty often these past couple months. He’s not sure when it started but he knows there’s been times he’s noticed.
Whenever he lets you know it’s safe and just a waiting game now, you fall asleep in the passenger seat of the van during crawls. You fall asleep at normal group hangouts, head resting on his shoulder and both arms wrapped around his one. You fall asleep at times like now, after a meeting is over.
He shouldn’t be worried, he doesn’t have a true reason to be. When you’re awake, you’re here. You’re helping Nancy make plans, you’re helping El train, you’re helping keep the boys occupied when they get scared. You’re just a girl who likes extra sleep, that’s all.
Gently, his thumb glides across your cheek in a quiet way to rouse you awake. His other hand comes up and pulls the blanket from your skin. Slowly, your eyes flutter open and when they land on him, a sleepy smile covers your mouth.
“Hey, pretty girl,” He can’t help but wear his own matching smile. Your cheeks redden at his pet name, but he knows how much you love hearing it.
“Hi Steve,” You murmur. He’s pretty sure his heart just physically bursted in his chest – you always talk so softly, so sweetly to him. “Did I fall asleep?”
He hums and nods in response. His hand is still stroking your hair back. “Just for a bit. Everyone left, why don’t we go get somethin’ to eat before we go home, yeah?”
Almost immediately, you perk up. You’re pushing yourself off the couch, using his shoulders for balance. “Milkshakes too?”
There’s that adorable glint in your eyes and he knows for certain if you asked him to bring you the moon, he’d create a plan to have it in the palm of your hands within two hours.
“Of course we can get milkshakes, baby,” He promises. You gleam up at him, more than pleased, and rush to clean up the evidence of your nap. Once you’re satisfied, you’re slipping your hand in his and letting him lead you towards the car.
Steve feels content now that you’re awake and talking his ear off about basically nothing, but there’s still something that tugs at his chest. Part of him that thinks he should bring up your excessive napping, like Robin said, but you seem so happy. If it’s truly nothing, like he knows it is, why risk upsetting you and make you feel like everyone’s talking about your sleeping habits?
He glances down at you, and nods at the random piece of information you throw his way, and he’s made his decision. He’ll keep a better eye on you, but he won’t bring it up to you unless he’s left with no choice.
Later that night, Steve has you wrapped in his arms in your shared bed. The house is dark and quiet, only the sound of your favorite movie playing from the TV. You’d had dinner together at his favorite diner, with two milkshakes of course, and came straight home.
Your head lays on his chest, legs tangled with his and your fingers trace little shapes – Steve is pretty sure they’re hearts – across the skin of his arm that rests on his stomach. His other hand sits comfortably in your hair, gently running his fingers through it. He feels his exhaustion catching up to him and his eyes slowly begin to flutter.
He’s not sure when he finally falls asleep but he’s sure you’re bound to follow right after him.
One minute, Steve is laying comfortably with his beautiful girlfriend and the next, he’s laying in a pool of his own blood. His eyes are turned upwards, staring at the swarm of Demobats flying in the dark sky, flashes of red lighting are striking every few seconds and the light it offers shows him the amount of bats multiply as they get closer.
His breathing is uneven, he can feel the terror already carved into his stomach. His heart is racing and the sound fills his ears like ringing. He takes a quick glance beside him and sees he’s surrounded by dead bodies.
Robin’s body is covered in blood, her eyes open but lifeless – her blonde hair is stained red from the blood spilling from every injury on her body. Nancy is next to her in an almost identical manner. He feels his own face wet with tears, and it only worsens when his eyes move to the other side of him and he sees Dustin’s body. He has his homemade spear clutched between his fingers, like he was fighting to the last second. Lucas is next to him, blood staining his clothes and he’s gripping Max’s hand in his. Steve sees how all her limbs are broken, blood seeping from her eyes.
He wants to scream. It all happened so fast, but he was right there. How could he have let this happen? He’s supposed to protect them, and now they’re all gone. Brutally murdered right in front of him and he couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t save them.
He hears the bats screeching and the Demogorgons roaring get closer and he knows he has to find a way out but does he even want to? All his friends are dead.
Suddenly, your face appears in his memory. He looks around around and you’re not here. You could be alive, somewhere out here alone.
Steve forces himself to sit up and nearly cries at the painful sensation that shoots up from his abdomen to his chest. He glances down at himself, sees how his shirt is torn so bad it’s basically ripped in two. He has angry red slashes he can only assume are from Demogorgons across his ribs. There’s smaller cuts, like bites from the bats on his arms and chest. His arms are scratched up, spilling blood all across his skin.
Despite all the pain, he has to get to you. He couldn’t save everyone else but he can save you. He has to.
Ignoring the echos of the monsters getting closer to him, he forces himself to stand – pushing down the pain spiking in his feet and up his spine from the sharp ground of the Upside Down. He tries his best to run further into the forest, but all he can manage is a limp. Still, he moves as fast as he can.
It’s so dark down there, he’s relying on the terrifying flashes of red lighting to give him some sort of light. He moves further and further into the trees, careful to avoid any moving vines, in search of you. He ignores the burning in his weakened legs and the sharp pain from his stomach injuries.
He doesn’t know how long he’s been looking for you when he finally hears it. It’s distant and quiet but he knows it’s your voice screaming for help. His stomach drops at the way you sound so scared. So weak and broken, but you’re trying. You’re fighting to hold on. It pushes him to move faster.
He forces himself to run towards your voice. He’s shouting your name, begging you to keep talking to him. He’s promising you he’s close, that he’s gonna find you and protect you.
“Steve!” He can hear your voice clearer now and he knows he’s closer to you. There’s a waver in your voice and he has to fight back tears. He walks a few more yards and finally, he finds you. His heart drops at the sight.
You’re near what would be Lovers Lake in your world, lying on your back and a palm pressed tightly to your stomach. He doesn’t know where the strength comes from but all the pain in his body disappears and he’s running to you.
He falls to his knees beside you, hands ready to grab you but he halts when he finally takes in your state.
There’s so much fucking blood.
Your hair is already matted from the blood spilling from the wound on your head. The palm pressing to your stomach is soaked in blood from the slash covering the entire right side of your stomach. Your short covered legs are littered with slightly smaller but deep cuts. But the worst is the one on your neck. There’s a gash that tears open the skin from just under your ear, all the way out to the middle of your throat. The wound is pouring blood, staining your beautiful skin he loves.
Steve lets out a sob at the sight of you and he doesn’t even know what the fuck he’s supposed to do. You glance back at him and the only thing he can see in your eyes in pure fear.
“I-I’m here, baby, I’m here,” He cries. Frantically, he looks around for something – anything – to help him but there’s nothing. Only himself. There’s tears streaming down your cheeks and he watches you cough up blood when you try and respond. “Don’t talk, don’t talk,” He rushes out. Steve tears off a large piece of fabric from his own shirt and forces it into a ball, pushing it against the wound on your neck.
You cry out from the pain of the pressure and he feels his heart break.
“I know, I’m so sorry baby, I have – I have to stop the bleeding,” His cheeks begin to stain from his own tears as he watches you struggle.
“C-Can’t bre-breathe –“ You’re coughing out the words and more blood stains your lips. His head nods in understanding and he’s racking his brain to come up with a plan. A way to get you out of here alive.
But he doesn’t even know if that’s possible. You’re bleeding so much, and the pressure of his shaky hands is barely enough to cover the wound on your neck. There’s still the injury to your stomach, the cut on your head, and the deep cuts on your legs. You wouldn’t be able to walk because of them and if he somehow managed to get you up, he’d have to carry you out himself.
He wouldn’t even be thinking twice if he didn’t have his own injuries. The slash across his ribs is screaming in agony at him and the bites along his own legs make him weaker. What if he can’t get you out? He can’t let you die like this.
“I’m gonna get you out of here, okay? I promise. You’re not gonna die in this fucking place,” He swears, carefully taking your hands and replacing his own to hold the fabric to your neck. He glances around to make sure there’s no monsters near before sliding one arm under your knees and the other under the back of your neck and moves to lift you.
Almost immediately, you’re screaming in pain. He nearly drops you out of fear from the loud sound of your pain. Your body is shaking from pain and you’re shaking your head at him, wordlessly begging him to put you down. He knows the two of you are far from the gate and if you were in this much pain from him picking you up, you were going to feel like you were being tortured if he carried you the two mile run back to safety.
He has no choice. Quickly, he drops back down to his knees and eases you out of his arms and back onto the bloodied ground. His vision is almost completely blurred from his tears. You’re gonna die out here, and he feels so fucking helpless.
“Baby please, I have to get you out of here,”
“You can’t,” You suddenly sob and he doesn’t think he can take much more of that sound. His body is shaking – from fear, anger, anxiety, every terrible thing someone can feel. “You were supposed to protect me, how could you let this happen?”
Blood still covers your body and you’re crying as you speak, but your voice is suddenly clear – as if there’s not a ten inch cut covering your throat.
He feels a pang in his chest. You’re right, he’s supposed to protect you. He dragged you into this and now you’re going to die, just like all his friends, and it’s all his fault.
“I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” Steve sobs, gently cradling your face in his bloody hands. Blood smears across your skin.
“You did this to me, Steve. Why didn’t you save me?”
From behind him, he hears the monsters screech and clamor again and he knows it’s only a matter of minutes before they get to you both.
“Please. Please don’t leave me,” He begs. His arms are still wrapped around you and he cradles you to his chest. His arms are covered in the blood leaking from your body and it feels like you’re beginning to slip out of his arms from the amount of blood but he holds on tight.
Until you go limp.
Right there in his arms, he feels the way your body stills and falls aimlessly into his chest. No, no, no. He pulls you from his chest and when he looks down at you, your eyes are shut and your chest is unmoving.
He calls your name helplessly, tries to shake you awake but you’re not asleep. You’re dead. His body shakes with sobs as he stares down at your emotionless face, stained with blood and all he can do is remember every time you smiled at him.
And how you’ll never do it again.
The monsters are so close now, probably only a few feet away and for the first time, he wants it to be for him. He wants them to kill him, force him to be with his dead friends .. with you.
His friends are gone, you are gone and he has nothing else to live for. His greatest nightmare just came true and there’s no waking up.
“Steve!”
Suddenly, Steve’s body is jolted upwards and he’s back in his bed.
He’s overwhelmed with the smell of your presence. The soft cashmere and vanilla scent that makes him feel like he’s wrapped up in his very own security blanket.
He can feel your hands across his skin, trying to bring him out of his dream and back to you. He can hear you murmuring soft comforts to him, even if he can’t fully grasp what you’re actually saying.
He tries his best to regain his bearings as fast as possible. His body is all but drenched in sweat, his clothes cling to his skin. There’s a distant ringing in his ears he can’t seem to get rid of but he looks around at his surroundings.
“Shh, it’s okay, it was just a dream,” Your gentle voice whispers comfortingly. You’ve managed to pull him into your arms, his face tucked under the crook of your neck and your hands slowly stroke his back.
He can’t help himself when his arms squeeze you tight, almost too tight. You don’t complain, you hold him just as close. He listens to the sound of your heart and does his best to use it to calm his own racing heart.
You’re here, you’re alive. It was just a dream.
“I’m here baby, I’m right here,”
He’s back on the verge of tears, this time out of relief instead of fear. His nightmares are something he’s dealt with since he fought the Demogorgon at the Byers house and it’s something he’s never gotten used to. He knows for sure it’s not something he ever will.
But you’re there every time, comforting him and reminding him none of it was real.
He buries himself further into you, and you can feel his nails digging into your skin but you don’t seem to care. You’ve dealt with your own share of nightmares but they never seem to be as bad as his.
You hold Steve in your arms for a long time before his breathing has returned to normal and he’s ready to talk about it. When the nightmares first started, he refused to tell you what they were about but it didn’t take long for you to realize it was because it was almost always centered around losing you.
Slowly, he pulls away from your neck and lays on his back, resting against the pillow but he keeps one hand holding yours. You’re still sitting upright, your free hand resting on his chest, just above his heart.
“D’you wanna talk about it?” You ask.
He takes a quick glance at you and sees the concerned look on your face. That pinch between your brows is back, and despite yourself, there’s a small frown on your lips. He takes a deep breath.
“It was the same dream,” He begins. “I woke up down there, dead bodies all around me and you’re screaming for me. And it ends the same way..” He hesitates for a second, looking back into your beautiful eyes he loves so much. “I can’t save you,”
He watches the way your eyes sadden and he hates it. He hates the way he feels like he’s burdening you with his stupid nightmares.
“It wasn’t real, Steve,” Your hand raises to cradle his jaw. “It’s never going to be real. You know why?”
Wordlessly, he waits for your response.
“Because you’ve saved me every single time. You saved me in the tunnels two years ago, you saved me from evil Russian soldiers, and you saved me from the bats down there last year,”
He feels his eyes burn but he lets you comfort him.
“You’re always going to save me, baby. There’s nobody else I feel safer with than you. Nobody,” You promise fiercely and it’s enough for him to let his tears fall.
There’s a faint voice in the back of his head that tells him he’s weak for crying like this in front of you but when you wrap him in your arms again and coo into his ear, he can’t seem to care.
Because he knows you’re right. He saved you all those times and he’d always do it. He’d rather die than let anything happen to you and even if he has to live with these nightmares for the rest of his life, he still wakes up to you every time.
It’s probably an hour by the time he’s completely calmed down from the nightmare and you’ve sat wrapped in each others arms the whole time. When you shift to lay more comfortably, Steve looks around the room again.
He notices the TV is still playing, but it’s no longer the movie he fell asleep to. Instead, it’s Friday the 13th. There’s two other VHS tapes beside the TV, ones that weren’t there before he fell asleep, and he also notices the array of snacks on your bedside table. When he glances at the clock, he sees it’s nearing 4:30AM and that’s well past when he’d fallen asleep but from the looks of it, you’d stayed up.
You don’t seem to notice his confusion until he shifts to lay on his side. Your head tilts up at him and he can physically see the sleepiness on your face.
“Have you been awake this whole time?” You blink up at him, but he notices the way you look almost guilty and that confirms what he’d been thinking.
You nod hesitantly. “Yeah, I-I couldn’t sleep,”
When you nervously bite your lip, he knows you’re lying and you know you’re caught when you see the way he tracks the movement.
Steve would probably be more inclined to believe you if he didn’t have the conversation earlier about you falling asleep so often during the day. But he also can’t make sense of it – you’re choosing to stay up at night and nap at random times instead of getting decent sleep at night?
You moved in with him a few weeks ago and coincidentally, that’s around the same time you started napping more. Could it be his fault? Maybe he’s hogging the blankets, or maybe he moves too much in his sleep. He knows he runs too hot for a normal person, and maybe you’re too uncomfortable to fall asleep.
His mind races with possibilities.
“Alright, what’s going on?” He asks and watches the way you swallow.
“Hmm?”
“Babe, you’ve been falling asleep in the middle of the day and tonight, you’re up and having your own movie marathon till 4am. Somethin’s up,”
He tries his best to ignore the anxiety simmering in his stomach.
“It’s nothing,” You say softly, looking away from him. Gently, he raises his hand to cup your chin and pull you back to him.
“Hey, whatever it is, you can tell me,” He sounds so gentle that it breaks you almost instantly.
“I don’t like to fall asleep at night,” Steve’s brow furrow at your words, but you continue, your voice timid. “I want to be there if you have a nightmare. I don’t want you to wake up alone,”
Instantly, Steve is filled with guilt. You’ve been sacrificing your sleep to comfort him – but he’d never want you to do that. His nightmares don’t happen every night but he’s sure you’ve spent every night the past few weeks awake just in case. Probably busying yourself with movies, or a book, or just simply watching him as he slept.
He feels sick.
“Baby, I..” He sighs and he’s not even sure where to begin, and you look even more guilty. “I don’t want you to stay up like that for me,”
Steve watches the way you look away from him, and you’re nervously picking down at your fingers. “I know. I just – when you wake up, you look so scared, and you’re so confused until you see me and what if I fall asleep and you have to deal with it alone?”
When you finish, you look back up at him and he sees the tears lining your eyes. He feels his chest tighten uncomfortably, because he can hear the pure love in the voice, but also the fatigue. You’re exhausted.
Gently, he says your name and presses a kiss to your cheek. “You don’t need to be awake for me to realize where I am. When I wake up and I feel you next to me, your warmth and your breathing – that’s enough for me, baby,”
You raise your hand to hold onto his that rests against your cheek and you sink further into his hold. “I’m sorry,” You whisper and he immediately shakes his head. “I just don’t want you to feel like you’re alone,”
“I know, and I love you so much for caring, but I need you to be okay too – not running yourself into the ground, trying to make me feel better,”
“I am okay,” You argue, but you both know it’s futile and when he tilts his head at you, you relent. “I’m sorry,”
He strokes the apple of your cheekbone. “It’s okay, sweet girl. I’m sorry I didn’t notice earlier,”
“It’s not y’fault,” You squeeze his hand once. “I wanted to do it. Being able to see you so peacefully when you sleep, where nothing can hurt you again .. After everything, it just makes me feel better too,”
Steve’s eyes soften even worse, because you love him so much more than he ever could’ve imagined. He knows the feeling, he’s overwhelmed with it every time he looks at you, but knowing you experience the same feeling – that intense need to protect and comfort him – every night, is enough to have him on the verge of crying again.
He leans down and presses his lips to your own. Every ounce of love and adoration coming from both of you is poured into the kiss. You’re both clinging to each other for the same reasons and he doesn’t ever want to let go.
When he pulls away for air, you have a dazed look in your eyes and he knows he looks the same way.
“I promise, I’m not going anywhere and definitely not while you’re sleeping, okay?” He murmurs against your mouth.
You nod, pecking his lips again. “Okay,”
“Promise me you won’t stay up anymore, yeah?”
You’re nodding again, arms wrapping around his middle. “I promise,”
Steve gathers you in his arms again, pulling you to lay on his chest while he settles on his back. “Good. Now let’s both fall asleep for the next twelve hours,”
You laugh softly into his skin. “It’s 5 in the morning. We probably have less than three hours before the kids are showing up on our doorstep with a new crisis,”
Steve huffs. “Let ‘em deal with it alone. You’ve got a lot of sleep to catch up on,” He smiles when he hears you laugh again, but you burrow yourself further into his arms. “Sleep, baby. I’ll be here when you wake up,”
He’s not exaggerating when he says less than two minutes later, you’re snoring softly against his skin. It’s his turn to watch you sleep and even though he knows your fear won’t go away immediately, he knows now and he’s gonna do his best to make sure you’re okay.
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