i feel alone, stressed, upset, overweight, drained, suicidal, tired, and like at any moment i could collapse. I fight roaches every morning when i go to brush my teeth and i fight roaches every night when i lay down to try and sleep. I keep all the lights on in the house at all times. I haven’t showered in 6 days bc i feel so afraid and grossed out of the bathroom. I wake up and take care of zucchini alone, a few times a week someone takes her out for the day and i get a chance to depression sleep without feeling guilty for trapping puppy in the house all day with me. I take her for walks, i feed her, i hold her, i kiss her, we’re the only two that have no where else to go but this roach motel and in a few days i’ll never see her again. It’s hard to look at her and it’s hard to think about it. I cry at night thinking about it. i cry when i think about how badly i wanted to move her out to CA with me. i cry when i think about the last 6 months her and i spent together almost everyday. I cry when i think about the hikes we used to go on every weekend and the dog food brand she has to eat so her stomach dosent get messed up. I cry when i think about how much i didn’t care for her when we first got her and how badly i wish i could reverse time and plan better to move her out with me. I feel like my baby is being ripped from me and i have no say. it feels hard to be snuggled up in the same bed together at night knowing in 4 days it’s never again but it feels harder knowing if i didn’t snuggle up with her in my bed she would be alone in the living room at night. i feel heartbroken. feel drained. feel like i didn’t do enough or fight hard enough or plan hard enough to keep her in my care. I love zucchini and that hurts really bad
