Bascially an account where i post stuff about us and our disorders; you can ask for us to make a flag for disabilities and stuff
BAH BLOG: https://www.tumblr.com/thespiritwoodsystem
We are a mixed origin system (OSDD-1) and we're currently in a hyperfixtation of how our brain works. So we are gonna post some stuff about our disorders and stuff. No dni but i may block if i feel uncomfortable or you argue (we have bad online experiences) Also keep in mind we are cognitvely and fuctionely eight years old. You can refer to us with He/It/Fae pronouns
Also we have a hyperfitation on disorders and tests so not all disorder tests are ones we have.
our autism level is level 3 so please keep that in mind when interacting
Before you interact!!! im tired of peple overanaylzing wat i write. Its horrible; im intellectusly disabled and autistic, i promise idk wat underlying meaning means. Which is really bad when you fake claim me for not wording stuff correctly. No Karen, I dont go nonverbal, I am semiverbal which leads to me not speaking most of the time. I didnt understand that aac doesnt count as speaking fully. To argue with me, consider the fact im mentally eight, and then please accommodate for that. I have an emotional maturity of an eight year old too. Not only will I not understand much of your argument, its likely i will lash out and make the argument worse due to me having low emotional control and maturity. This is not to excuse my actions but simply to understand why I react certain ways to stuff.
dont blame us on stuff, we have warned you about us.
call us Evan and or SpiritWoodSystem
we have no dni and are an empty husk so like no stances on controversial stuff bc we want to be friends with everyone. We do have personal views but we are not sharing them bc we find it nice to have friends/mutuals with differing opinions
I have gynophbia (intense fear of women), so if you are female in any way please proceed with caution, you guys can still interact bc i love interacting with peple of all different kinds, but just know that I might behave weird/irrationally if there is an argument or something.
i didnt think i needed to mention this but gynophobia has nothing to do with misogyny. Misogyny is oppression and discrimination to women and gynophobia is a phobia of women and for me my symptoms include things like having panic attacks if a woman slightly raises her voice at me. I should not have to share my trauma every time bc “having a phobia must mean im discriminatory”
Also dont suggest i dont know stuff about DC comics, its my special interest and it WILL trigger a meltdown or shutdown
Also also im an IRL of Evan Afton due to delusions, so I AM HIM. I dont want fictives/fictionkin of him to interact bc i am him and thats weird. I mean u can interact, just like please dont talk about it with me.
Biggest devoted follower of Ares
Im Romani, Lenape, Ethiopian, Hispanic, Latino, and much more! (U can ask if u wanna know more) its a special interest of mine :3
We have some nonverbal descriptors on here bc its easier to call ourselves tat then explain semiverbal to every person. At the end of the day words are just words
We live in a system that makes money off of your misery and ambivalence. It relies on people thinking that they are inherently bad for the planet and that the world is ending so why change? Why try? --This is untrue! We belong here, on this one beautiful green earth and we have to work together to protect it. You have the power to do more than you know. You have a role to play in your ecosystem!
"Choco tries to get into drama because we won't ever stop getting into drama shittalking them and dragging their name through the mud with false accusations to cover our crimes!"
You, sent, porn, to, children.
"Choco is a groomer because they let minors follow them on an sfw blog!"
YOU SENT PORN TO CHILDREN.
" if we fantasize that Choco gets off to our harassment it didn't happen and it's their fa-"
YOU SENT PORN TO CHILDREN
"Choco-"
YOU, SENT, PORN, TO, CHILDREN!!
The Choco situation won't be any LESS of a grooming ring by trying to provoke them for the rest of their life, you ARE groomers, you DID sent porn to minors, you fetish-mined from children and to subvert it, you headcanoned what Choco got off to, are you okay????
CHOCO DEALT WITH NATHAN, PIERCE, PROXY, THE ANTIS WHEN EVERYONE WANTED CALEB GONE, AND FALSE ACCUSATIONS FOR A WHOLE FUCKING YEAR TO KEEP THE COMMUNITY SAFE AND EVERYONE HAPPY, AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO DIRTY IT UP BECAUSE A PREDATOR WHO REBLOGS FROM MINORS ON AN ADULT ACCOUNTABLE AND WAS SEXUAL WITH A 13 YEAR OLD ILLEGALLY SHARED CHOCO GETS OFF TO THEIR TRAUMA? THAT'S RAPE RETHORIC, THAT'S HOW ANTISHIPPERS ACT, THAT'S VICTIM BLAMING.
You have spent over a YEAR defaming them, purposely cherry picking misinformation, leaking it to different blogs, keeping tabs on them from discord, sending rape to followers, sending them to minors, threatening ICE and actually calling it on a black follower of theirs, and tried to compare it to Choco saying something that hurt your feelings after you REENACTED THEIR RAPE THROUGH THEIR INTROJECT.
You stalked them for a year
You defamed them for a year
You drama leeched them for a year
You baited them for a year.
You sexually harassed-them for a year
You sexually harassed their followers for a year
You made rape imagery of them
You called them "physically disfigured"
You spread lies about them not being autistic or not being BLIND on reddit
You supported xenosatanists ON PURPOSE if they were against Choco
You made gimmick blogs about them.
You made impersonation blogs about them.
You went on different inboxes on anon to lie about them
You accused them of the most ludicrous things without any evidence, while constantly deflecting when the evidence against you grew.
You did everything in the Mirmo situation
The Caleb Situation
The Choco Situation
The Syummer situation
The Alfie Situation
The Gravekandy Situation
You tried to rewrite a rape victims identity, and because you were too weak to do this individually, or even as a group, you needed a RING, in which Choco following you back was a bigger issue than you sending them unsolicited porn up their inbox.
In which you being told mean shit was worse than you baselessly calling a known victim a groomer WITHOUT ANY EVIDENCE.
But no, when this is brought up you'll claim you're being calked out for disagreements, as opposed to. .*check notes* running operations in which your only goal was to destroy someone's identity by any means necessary, involved other victims, terrorized other victims, and the only people who supported you, THE ONLY PEOPLE were users who ALL turned out to have been sexual with minors.
And when you no longer have any control because you lost in your own fucking games, a "new user" that's never a new user comes to hear the "victims" which are just the ABUSERS using numbers to suffocate the truth, and that new user is never new, but a predator from their circle, an alt, or someone they paid.
You can keep lying to whoever is guilible and impressionable enough to be your apologists, none, and I mean NONE of you can handle a smidge of what you dish out against Choco.
Your evidence is a joke, out of order, unsourced, cropped, and made by onlookers and people who felt like having a say on things that was never about them, for clout, and none of it is grooming.
Choco's evidence against every single one of you is so overwhelmeing that your only jail-free car is saying there is so much you can't unpack it.
No. You don't get to lie about people just to be comfortable in your bullshit.
No. You don't get to prey on minors and deflect onto Choco calling you out.
No. Hundreds of predators filling the same tag used by you to orbit minors to obfuscate attention away from your crimes doesn't make you innocent.
ADDRESS ALL YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY, THERE'S A YEAR OF IT, DEFLECTING ONTO CHOCO MAKES YOU THE MODT UNSERIOUS FUCKING TROLLS I'VE SEEN IN MY LIFE.
Summer typo! and accountable instead of account, silly you! /pos
Anon, listen to me, I will never have to explain anything to my abusers, to groomers, and to predators, when their disinformation is corrected it isn't an explanation being brought to them, it's them being held accountable. I could follow whoever I want, wherever I want, whenever I want, and it wouldn't be something said groomers would have a say on, when they stalk people and orbit kids, the job isn't to defend against false accusations, it's to question them on why they were orbiting minors in the first place.
Nothing exists in abstract, everything has intent, and they're not used to having that intent be exposed, other than their federal crimes.
Hey, look, I'm serious. Don't be upset.
there's something you need to understand about .. people like this.
They are nothing outside of this.
They have no lives, struggles, experiences, the biggest thing in their lives revolves around their eternal obsession with baiting for my attention. It's all they are, cut off the power cord and get them off the grid, and anything they are is gone.
They can't beat me, they know this, I know this. They struggle even running their campaigns, that's why all that's left is online and privileged people whose biggest issue in life is a syskid calls them out for the buttons they chose to press on a keyboard, that is it.
I do not take any of them seriously, even if it might look different from my tone on voice, in videos, I'm mostly going on autopilot, because dealing with them us an automatic process, you flick them away the same way you kick off a pebble or get dirt off your shoes, or even easier, dirt has some valuable properties at least.
Here's the thing, they're not part of the equation. The Choco situation and everything the grooming ring did, is for me and their victims to speak, all the noise being made around is a public retreat and damage control, it's the hope people hear their buzz and white noise and venture there as what matters.
Nobody does this.
They are groomers who spent a year issuing false accusations without evidence, I'm a syskid and rape victims who gets groomers deplatformed whose said nothing except the truth, every single time, with the evidence to support it.
And if a predator in their cult has a problem with reality, they can direct it at someone who cares, here and anywhere else, primary sources go first, a year of proof goes first, always, than anyone else who wants to speak, it's the same way with the law, nobody as a tertiary source gets to disagree with a primary one about what they lived, just like you can't disagree about people's disorders, or worse, spread misinformation about those, and pretend you, as a stalker, gets stalked if your public misinformation is called out, your comfort in this situation is irrelevant, you don't deserve any.
💬 0 🔁 9 ❤️ 9 · I have seen a user who follows anyone who is Proship or Anti say YOU follow anyone who "is Proship or Anti" which is absolu
💬 0 🔁 1 ❤️ 10 · Proship Froggo and Friends' Abuse tactics. · Hey! What's the choco situation about? I keep seeing extremely long posts abo
I'm as strong as I've ever been, they can't frame me, they already should know from how it went for Antishippers last year that they can't, predator allegations against me never work, because I don't want anything sexual with minors, groom them, or anything in that respect, because I don't do any of these things regardless of the many ways the cult tried to find an opening for this, they will never work, on the opposite end, against everyone in the grooming ring, there is nothing to fabricate, they expose themselves as predators and child groomers
and I will continue to hold them accountable every single day, just like I've said before, their greed, their entitlement, their selfishness, and their false belief that they exist on a pedestal if they hide up enough reality won't crash them down to the earth is the only reason they continued, numbers gives them the impression of being untouchable, and reality says otherwise.
Nobody likes them. Not even they like themselves.
One by one more and more keep getting exposed, and this will only continue.
Sanctuarium-agnusdei has the user's typing style, considering they sexually harassed minors before, this isn't rare.
But, morbid-pixie claimed there were "documents" about Choco doing something they didn't, yet fail to corroborate this with any real evidence, even if it's just a link to the document.
Except there isn't, Gravekandy's documents link nowhere, they got banned for breaking TOS, meaning direct interaction with both users was necessary for a copy to be distributed, said copy being barely twenty screenshots long, with none talking about minors, while Choco's ten documents all expose them for being sexual with children.
So, where is the proof of them "preying on" minors? mind you, the audience wants proof, not. "If you squint enough and replace receipts with a narrative you can fabricate"
Screenshots.
Sources.
Timestamps.
Anything that indicates that someone who has spent years fighting predators has become one.
There isn't.
What exists is massive amounts of documentation, archives, links, primary and secondary sources, and a chain of custody with the complete timeline proving what people did not just to Choco, but several minors victims, and using Choco's own reactions or retaliation as a way to deflect accountability.
Mayday was sexual with minors. morbid-pixie advocated for it.
Gravekandy was sexual with minors, morbid-pixie advocated for it.
Same with Rook, Same with Shotashotgun, same with everybody Choco exposed.
So, why wouldn't we, who have seen this unfolding for the past year, pretend this pattern isn't all too obvious?
A way to move the goalpost and derail, by lambasting baseless accusations In order not to address the ones against them, using the numbers of people Choco called out as the "sources" and deflect from the original source?
This is a common way for predators in a cult to hold themselves harmless, it goes without saying morbid-pixie is a predator. I think everyone has seen that already, but what I'd like to point out is that pretending to have a career around something you don't is an incredibly easy way to have people call you out.
Especially if it's people who have genuinely taken down predators.
Morbid-pixie is the "pedophile" that they mention, and supports other "pedophiles" I don't think this needs to be said, but people who support a grooming ring are groomers, this is another thing Choco was right about.
We have all seen it, both with Antishippers and people like Piercethesyko, anybody who did what this user has tried always turned out to lie and be a predator, this is why nobody falls for their antics, because we've seen it all before a million times.
And isn't it what they have always been doing? the user already knew about my blog. They're just inconsistent, they want to keep the charade of being new, but not be linked to sanctuarium-agnusdei's or the others, despite evidence pointing the other way, as well as simple logic.
Do you honestly believe anonymous messages without a source or exchange are "evidence" that you're not who you are? I know you are stupid, but I didn't think you were this stupid.
Nobody is "dickriding" anybody just because it's common knowledge that you are abusers, it takes minutes of digging, the dickriding was done by those who believed you without any research, this is thankfully not a problem anymore.
Stop roleplaying, have some respect for your victims, you're not in fiction and you're getting nobody to jail for calling you out, I'm the one getting you to fucking prison with the rest of your grooming ring, one year of evidence against you is foul, save your fodder level intimidation tactics, your scare factor is zero, pretending you weren't them, you're getting a proven groomer who sent nsfw to minors to help you get rid of someone who hunts predators like you? groomers of one feather flock together.
If they cared about not siding with pedophiles, they wouldn't side with Mayday.
💬 0 🔁 8 ❤️ 9 · Calling out Travistouchdownshusband, remember to block and report him and his supporters, he is a proven groomer and a sex
Gravekandy
Or any of the others, they do, because they're part of the grooming ring, and they're trying to deflect and cover up for their crimes, pretending victims speaking up against them while addressing every bit of misinformation, both existing at the same time, is. "Deflecting" when that's just projection.
I'm a primary source, I can't deflect when my source is the original, it's your job to address what's been said, instead of deflecting.
You have to back up your deflection with evidence, saying "there's xyz!" without backing it up is a classic your accusation is a confession, it's predators who group up trying to sway in different directions line circus monkeys to try and find something that sticks and doesn't have you needing to take accountability.
Throughout all this time, I've spent over a year holding people accountable and refuting every single bit of lying they did, while they all got proven guilty of everything.
Mind you, there is all of this against them
Abuse and Manipulation tactics of Proship Froggo and friends. This document existing is not harassment, it is evidence compiled of the mane
Proship Froggo’s Sexual Harassment campaign against lnfinity-survivor-choco/infinite-proship-choco/infinite-survivor-mirmo. Below are re
Tab 1 This document serves to highlight patterns of behavior and criminal intent on the part of the perpetrators in the harassment campaign
Sexual Harassment Documentation & Evidence Doc from Infinite-proship-choco//Infinite-survivor-mirmo. This document is a direct continuation
This document uses the tabs for ease of organising. Some portions don’t have author commentary, and that’s because I believe the screenshot
My short experience with Mayday. I had met Mayday on tumblr in January of 2026 because I thought his layout looked super cool. So I DM'ed th
I have a few things I would like to say first before getting into any of this. I want to say first and foremost not to harass any of the pe
Sexual Harassment Documentation & Evidence Doc from Infinite-proship-choco//Infinite-survivor-mirmo. This document is a direct continuation
Because they failed to address this, they got spotted, outed, and proven to be part of the grooming ring, your attempts are a joke, your delusions of a career when you can't even spot chain of custody in admissible evidence or even back up your claims, and pretend that after a year of stalking from your stalking tag and behind your discords I'm going to stop holding you accountable just because you say something false
Your cult has tried anything to erase your victims, by launching smear after smear and pretend that people defending themselves from you is the same as your actions, you are a crybaby and a crybully, but most of all, a predator, and when this many abusers together can't even beat a syskid, it's no longer just about me being strong, it's that objective reality and verifiable facts call you out
But you are aware of this, you know that you failed, but you hope it lingers, so another predator like you in the future can pick up your tactics, it's the recycling loop of your grooming ring, you never pray on victims just once, you feast and you scavenge, and when you're all but done, you hope bystanders have that doubt in their mind, it's why most people can't handle even one person falsely accusing them. I handled last year, corrected everyone, and exposed your atrocities, in stronger than you'll ever be.
You are a fraud, but you know this, If I were scared like you are, i wouldn't have posted my biological name and my face likeI did.
My morals and ethical code aren't for internet brownie points about shipscourse's Tumblr drama, they're my soul and what I am, I am about truth, and that's why I sleep like a baby at night, because I know what's true and what isn't, and you very well know that you're finished, both you and your cult are on your last legs, so you're desperately trying to reach mutually assured destruction.
You have grown too comfortable behind a screen, you are a predator, this isn't debatable, none of you deserve to be safe online, all you deserve, is to be locked behind bars for all of your life
concept: no astrophage au where eridians and humans still make first contact but like, properly. a whole diplomatic mission meeting in the middle of space to save travel time. stratt is humanity's greatest representation. the eridian equivalent is equally as scary and secretly soft. it's all very star trek.
but rocky and grace put the whole diplomacy thing in jeopardy by being too best buddy with it. like they're both really low level members of the mission. some engineer necessary for ship maintenance, and an obligatory molecular biologist they brought along in case they found more alien cells out in space. and these two guys like, somehow keep ending up hanging out essentially "at the back of the classroom." consistently left out of the actually important negotiations, and well, they're bored!
grace steals some laptops and starts jury-rigging his own personal translator for rocky, despite the fact that the official translation software is way quicker to learn and much more nuanced. rocky starts learning english, simplifies his eridian, and immediately starts mocking grace for needing the software. they start blabbing to each other about all the weird quirks of their respective cultures and advanced science their planets can do. the whole time they are ribbing each other about culture stuff. grace eats in front of rocky. rocky forces grace to sleep in a corridor somewhere so he can keep watch.
then stratt and the eridian leader find out and it's like
stratt: you. you've been meeting in private with a member of the eridian deligation?
grace: ... yyyes.
stratt: and you shared with them classified scientific documents?
grace: i... maybe gave him. a laptop. he's so smart! what was i supposed to do?
stratt: HIM? you've assigned male pronouns to a genderless species?
grace: he said he likes to match!
stratt: do you even know the name of this eridian?!
grace: i call him rocky :)
stratt: 😰
then on rocky's side of things it's like
eridian leader: sorry did you say you called the human after one of its digestive noises?
rocky: yeah :)
eridian leader: and. you've been telling it about how to make xenonite. one of our most vital trading resources.
rocky: yes yes, grace is very ignorant about basic chemistry 🙄
eridian leader: right. and you watch it sleep. despite the fact that all the human beings we have spoken to have described this as a cultural violation?
rocky: well he didn't like it at first but he came around!!
anyway both sides of the delegation are sweating profusely (metaphorically speaking) until they see rocky and grace in action and are like ohh! they're both freaks. we are not to blame for this. these two are just really bad at navigating cultural norms.
cut to grace curled up with rocky while he sleeps like a baby.
Dude, till' this day.. You're STILL in the trenches 😭?? The last time I saw you, I thought you're in a Minecraft peaceful mode now. So WHAT the hell happened??? (I mean tbf, I should've just look more into your recent posts but I'm not really feeling well and there's like a wild ass typhoon in my place so I might do that later)
Additionally, based from what I've understand so far... I find it really weird how the ppl you called out refused to acknowledge their past actions despite the evidence, which is obviously a huge red flag (I keep seeing some of them and they're not really saying anything about it so yikes). I also find it weird that you follow them too, but I supposed that's your way of reminding them(?) It's even more weirder and annoying that random ppl are joining in because it's so obvious they liked the attention and the drama revolving shits to make their lives slightly "remarkable" as if that's going to prove anything useful.
Honestly there's a small part of me that would think of you same as these people for a little bit w/ the "liking the drama part"... Though considering the fact that you've been dealing with these exhausting ass stuff for more than a year, It isn't that difficult for me to accept that my words toward you aren't fully accurate (Which I think a lot of users with black-&-white thinking need to learn). And I wouldn't really blame you having to develop some sort of an automatic reaction for these, that's for sure. When you're disabled and struggling with mental health issues, you're prone to experience certain triggers yk.
Moreover, I find it hard to keep up with what's happening.. And I'm definitely not picking any sides since I find it difficult to place a trust here nowadays. However, I do wish this whole ass mess will someday stop soon. I don't think anyone should be forced to deal with whatever this bs is just because others are sooooo desperately thirsty for more issues to unfold (excluding those that keeps hiding, trying to appear "righteous" for attacking others while avoiding any discussions revolving around their bigotry and/or crimes). But whatever, It's up to you and to anyone if ya find this negative, positive or "neutral" (like how I feel).
all I can say is goodluck and hope things go back to normal for you guys
Most of them followed me first, but either way, cyberstalking cult aside, sorry this took a few hours, my last post ess after this ask.
You may want to check my latest posts, it's a doozy, a parasocial groomer just popped up and decided that deflecting their sexual interest in children onto someone known for deplatforming predators would be a good idea, while they failed to provide any evidence of their claims, alleging instead there's "mountains of evidence" and by mountains, they're talking about the slop that took me days to refute and isn't even 1/100 in size or even quality against my receipts against everyone in the grooming ring, not to mention even legally speaking tertiary hearsay will never have the authority that primary sources do, the predators only role is right at the back, they presented themselves as something...and it fizzled against reality, because their premise is a divergence that no one has to entertain, they came here last and came guilty, the only reason they didn't get made to wait in line to be held accountable was that several people had reported being uncomfortable around morphine-dr1p
Another thing is, like the predators they are, they've spent a year deflecting and are still doing so, when "new" members pop up they recycle what the past ones attempted, that way it becomes a never ending wave of deflections from their cult, all affiliated with one another, and none of them are able to do a thing to address the year long proof against them.
Speaking of, here's the confirmation that shotashotgun was an adult, interacting with a follower who wanted nothing to do with them and blocked them, this makes the situation with mayday even more clear, which the latest groomer was aware of and attempted to cover up, leading to the unquestionable verdict of what they are
The last predator is an afterthought, not someone to focus on beyond deplatforming them and making sure they face social and legal repercussions, the rest will continue being called out without a change in pace, groomers dance to my tune, not the other way around.
Hey! What's the choco situation about? I keep seeing extremely long posts about it and it makes me slightly confused reading about them, I would like to know what it's about in your words if it's alright?
Hey anon? words alone aren't enough, it's too big of a situation, but I can give you a head start.
The Choco Situation is a tag that was coined by another large user in the Proship community back in 2025, it because since a nexus for groomers, with cyberstalking and harassment campaigns being launched by the offenders.
Abuse and Manipulation tactics of Proship Froggo and friends. This document existing is not harassment, it is evidence compiled of the mane
Proship Froggo’s Sexual Harassment campaign against lnfinity-survivor-choco/infinite-proship-choco/infinite-survivor-mirmo. Below are re
Tab 1 This document serves to highlight patterns of behavior and criminal intent on the part of the perpetrators in the harassment campaign
This document uses the tabs for ease of organising. Some portions don’t have author commentary, and that’s because I believe the screenshot
Debunking Gravekandy's “Doc” and correcting it CW: MENTIONS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT, BAZI RETHORIC, CULT DYNAMICS, AND EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION
Debunking Gravekandy's pos and adding part of my ownt. The following document contains: Emotional manipulation Blackmail Coercion Sexual
A response do Gravekandy's pinned post This doc was made in direct consequences to Gravekandy's pinned post: A well regulated start to
Sexual Harassment Documentation & Evidence Doc from Infinite-proship-choco//Infinite-survivor-mirmo. This document is a direct continuation
Here is some rather recent posts exposing some of the most egregious members.
💬 0 🔁 4 ❤️ 7 · I see the sex offender got offended about the truth and is back on his bullshit deflections, you better keep it to yourself
The reason you see me making extremely long posts is the perpetrators are many, even just these documents is just scratching the surface, that's why I have all of the links and supportive receipts on the post in my pinned, it's an easy thing to believe, based on numbers alone, that abusers in the situation are not because they have the numbers to amplify their false narrative, to counter this the evidence is incredibly vast, sourced, and full of secondary sources as well as first party ones, it's a tag where just about anyone who doesn't know where they're getting into or what they're saying will simply use to feel in power, it's become a free use thing in the minds of my abusers, it has since been repurposed by myself and other victims to speak up against a grooming ring, people will often gravitate towards the louder buzz and believe anything they heard once, but the second they do actual digging they never side with the cult.
After you read through the documents there's all the stuff in my pinned post, which even without the videos as archives will probably take you weeks to a month to do research, good luck! /gen
i don't think people without ASPD understand how hard masking is for us.
let me try to explain it.
imagine you are in a sensory deprivation chamber all of the time and you are desperate for a way out. someone opens the door a crack. of course you're going to claw at that crack until you feel a bit of sunlight on your face - it's more than you've had in forever.
now, that, but emotionally. i feel bored or dissatisfied to an excruciating extent and when i find a 'crack' (such as a reason to argue with someone, breaking rules, theft, lying, etc), i will claw at it until i get an adrenaline rush - also known as thrill-seeking.
but imagine you're also NOT allowed to do that and are expected to sit and be pretty for the world because they don't like when you do that. it's hurtful. i understand that, and i don't want to necessarily hurt other people, but if it happens i am not torn up over it because i got that bit of sunlight on my face.
masking is very vigorous and tiring. the 'basic expectation' can wipe me out completely for days. even people who i'm supposed to be able to trust and unmask around, i still have to mask a little bit at least. it makes me seem irrational and completely immature when i explode off of little things like being disagreed with, but what people don't understand is that everything i do is masking and it all adds up to the bomb going off.
everything - smiling, laughing at jokes, small talk, following directions, listening to others, comforting someone, apologizing for mistakes - all of it is masking. that bare minimum that's no effort for other people? that's all draining. and the worst part is that you only ever can be yourself, by yourself. and you know that nobody in your life will ever understand how to be 'normal', you have to try 10x harder than everyone else, and you have to live with knowing that nobody would do that for you. so it is VERY tempting to throw that away sometimes, especially with the impulsivity that comes with it.
You're welcome! just one small correction, it's actually child predators, not pedophiles, pedophilia is a paraphilia and isn't the same as the act, I don't have that paraphilia but I know people who do, most groomers and chomos aren't what they are just from attraction.
SpiritWood System @spiritwoodsystem - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
