Mel's Place

[spookycollectivezombie]

Time to dye my hair again, the wisdom highlights are showing but still dont look bad for my age https://www.instagram.com/p/CrydZAJufKb/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[spookycollectivezombie]

Heard really good stuff about this gal foaming face cleaner so I thought I would give it a try....feels really nice going on, foams up nicely, and has just a hint of pear scent...give it a try!! @myurbancalm #myurbancalm #urbancalmpartner #poseredbyferments #mucrobiome #skinbarrier https://www.instagram.com/p/CqrXimfO0es/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[spookycollectivezombie]

Smile....You never know who loves your smile... https://www.instagram.com/p/CqZGryGua0N/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[spookycollectivezombie]

So some things are getting ready to happen. Cant say a lot just yet because I dont want to jinx it and I want it to be a surprise. I will say it is going to be great when it all comes to pass. https://www.instagram.com/p/CqRPq6mu0ZN/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[spookycollectivezombie]

Not bad for my age really... https://www.instagram.com/p/Cp4BQfuuMJ_/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[spookycollectivezombie]

[spookycollectivezombie]

Another visit

Well hello there!  Glad you came back!  Settle in for the story for today.  So now where were we? Oh yeah, they had just came and picked up Al and taken him off to the funeral home.  Well I managed to make it home that afternoon after only stopping once for a session of scream therapy.  What is that exactly?  Well pretty much what it says, I just sat in my car on the side of the road and screamed.  I screamed all the pain, misery, and grief out that I could. It was just hard to fathom that a simple coughing fit took him out after he fought the liver disease for so long.  It hurt to know that he thought he was going to get a liver transplant and get better and now there was absolutely no way he would get that chance.  Al was funny and smart and sweet, he was one of a kind and once you got to know him you couldn’t help but love him.  I made it back to town, stopped at my favorite mexican place and had a very tall, very strong margarita and just thought about things.  

You ever just feel empty and lost and alone?  Yeah that was me that day and for several days after that.  This is bringing up a lot of feelings I didn’t think it would bring up.  

Ok so what is my point for today?  I guess todays point is just to tell those you love how you feel, nobody is promised tomorrow because the littlest thing can take you out of this world. Until next time kids....

[spookycollectivezombie]

To Catch You Up

So you came back! Excellent!  Ok well that means you want to know what happened over the last year.  Settle in, would you like a drink?  A snack perhaps?  Are you good?   So you remember that last January Al had the blood vessel that busted in his head from a coughing fit right?  Well that was rough.  I mean a coughing fit taking out someone who had fought so hard against Stage 4 chirrosis of the liver (I know I didn’t spell that right) for so many years??!! But yeah it happened.  Al spent 2 weeks in a coma in ICU while we all hoped that once the swelling in his brain went down he would recover. He  had a final MRI and his GSC was a 5 and we were told that even if he did wake up he would be nothing but a shell and would never be able to breathe on his own.  He didn’t want another trach put in after the one back in 2020 so the decision was made to take him off all the machines and move him to hospice care.  I stayed by his side day and night from the time they removed the machines until he took his last breath a week later. The girls that had taken such great care of him allowed me to stay there with him as long as I needed before they called the funeral home to come and pick him up.  Which gave me another hour before they arrived.  I layed there in the bed with him and I talked to him and told him how much I would miss him and how I truly hope that he was pain free.  The girls brought the body bag in after making sure I was ok watching everything, talked to him while they got him inside of it, gave me hugs and told me the funeral guy was on his way up. I figured I had watched everything up to that  point and didn’t want to be away from him at any point until I absolutely had to so I stayed. I spent the next few minutes talking to him through the bag until the funeral home guy came to pick him up.  I said my goodbyes and the nurse walked me downstairs to wait for the shuttle to take me to my car.

I’m going to end this here because I know it’s a lot to take in huh?  I appreciate you taking the time to listen.  See this is what a grieving person needs. to have the chance to talk about our person.  While it may weird some people out to talk about the dead, that’s one way to keep them alive in a sense. Talk about them. Memories are all we have once they are gone.  

Take this away from our little chats here kids....life is short and tomorrow is never promised...tell those you love how you feel...

[spookycollectivezombie]

I’m Baaaccckkk

Hi everyone!  Did ya miss me??  LOL  I needed to take a bit of a break, I was really struggling after Al passed last January.  I guess mostly because the loss of him brought back a lot of memories of the loss of Ray. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again.  I know it is hard to even comprehend getting involved in a romantic relationship even though I kinda am, more on that another time.  I have lots of changes going on with me right now and loads to talk about.  So stay turned and hopefully something will catch your eye and you’ll bring a friend next time you stop in.  Feel free to say hi and let me know you were here!

[spookycollectivezombie]

Rather tired today..tired of thinking, wishing, and hurting....most of my problem today is the "woulda, shoulda, coulda" thoughts..... I miss them both so much...I can't express to you all how much this is tearing me apart...tell them how you feel folks..show them how you feel... I wish I had done and said it more...and now it is too late for me... https://www.instagram.com/p/CbTIlkWuyPx/?utm_medium=tumblr

[spookycollectivezombie]

How awesome he said that it would light up so since it was dark enough in the room to see AND get a picture....I thought I would share...makes me love it even more!!! https://www.instagram.com/p/CZqI61hOWJe/?utm_medium=tumblr

[spookycollectivezombie]

My son painted this for me by hand for Christmas/Birthday.... I love it kid thank you!! https://www.instagram.com/p/CZpvwlRuiyw/?utm_medium=tumblr

[spookycollectivezombie]

Al had a rough night but he's still hanging in there. Drs were surprised but say that with all the breathing pattern changes and temperature spikes that he is in the end stages, his body is just beingstubborn. He's a fighter right to the end.... #mrfeistyman https://www.instagram.com/p/CYWZLyTuyry/?utm_medium=tumblr

[spookycollectivezombie]

Mr Feisty Man and I want to wish everyone a safe and happy new year...please tell those you love how you feel....Feisty Man had a simple coughing fit two weeks ago which led to all this.... https://www.instagram.com/mellissacollinswilliams/p/CYLOvITOntS/?utm_medium=tumblr

[spookycollectivezombie]

Mr. Feisty Man is really going through it. He could use thoughts,prayers, positive vibes..whatever you believe in... #mrfeistyman #scootermcsmooth https://www.instagram.com/p/CYGDj4du6Yr/?utm_medium=tumblr

[spookycollectivezombie]

Al's nurse is super busy so I haven't gotten an "official" update but here is what I can see... the drainage from his head isn't as bright red as it has been...urine still has blood in it...suction canister for the lungs has some major nastiness in it.....looks like the propofol level is lower so he's not as heavily sedated....and looks like he is doing more of the work in regard to the ventilator....once the nurse comes in and can give me an official update I'll let everyone know... https://www.instagram.com/mellissacollinswilliams/p/CX4fgqfOgN3/?utm_medium=tumblr

[spookycollectivezombie]

A childhood favorite memory...this has brought a smile that has been desperately needed...add in a "visit" from my late Gramma via a picture sent to me out of the blue from my aunt at the same time I was thinking of her and my Grampa...it has gave me a little lift.... https://www.instagram.com/p/CX2Ontvudmk/?utm_medium=tumblr