Actually, I would love to.

[dailyniallnews]

niallhoran: philly I’m here and I can’t wait to see you tonight 📸 @christiantierney

[catasters]

[ilastaroth]

who is this graceful medieval noblewoman

[drxgonfly]

Birthday Flowers (by Zuzia Paluch)

[spoonfulofemotions]

I promise you - it’ll all make sense again

“And there will be a day when you can say you’re okay and mean it”

Finally got to the point of writing again. It’s the 1st of November and I’m sitting at hovedbiblioteket. 1 paragraph kinda done. And it feels nice. 

For 2 months I wasn’t able to focus normally. Not on uni, not on my friends, not even on myself. And to be honest, I don’t even have an explanation for it. Autumn was supposed to be nice and fun and cozy. But nah, I feel broken again. Sometimes I worry about how much I actually worry. And then I worry about how all the worrying is gonna lead me to something even worse. 

I want too many things in life for me to just sit and do nothing. Therefore, I’m sitting at hovedbiblioteket trying my hardest to stay focused, to keep writing, to keep reading this bulshit that is going to pave the road for my journey of life. 

[spoonfulofemotions]

Am I the stupid one?

Anxiety is back. Full on. Every day. 

How can I be sure that will find a job in the next year? Therefore, how can I be sure if I will have a proper place to stay at? I’m not the best one in my field. I have never been. And I probably never will be. 

To be honest, I secretly hope for that woman to write to me and offer an internship position in design. At which again I’m not very good at. 

Love the new guys. When I’m with them I’m able to forget about the big and scary things in life for a second. But I think that I might be getting too old and too boring for people like them. It feels like a faux safety net where you don’t have the master thesis coming towards you with those gigantic steps. 

I am super jealous of people who have people. I also want to be someone’s someone. I want to build a life together. I want to use those baby names I have chosen many years ago. I want to feel safe and loved. Because my heart has a black hole in the middle that just wants to be filled. 

I really feel the age gap between me and the “kids”. Not because it’s “not fun together” or that I think they’re “totally weird”. It’s because I’m ready to move on. To grow and live bigger. 

[sleepin]

[nudied]

NUDIED 

[spoonfulofemotions]

The night is young and so are we

I’m very bad at talking when it comes to going into the deepest corners of my mind. Those thoughts are kept behind a key with a super complicated pass-code. Every smallest detail of how and why I’m feeling at that exact moment. 

I didn’t want to let you know that for like 5 months I’ve been totally crazy about you. Because I’m afraid of losing people just because of some kind of incident or in this case - crush. I can get over it, I know it. And because I can do that - everything can go back to normal after a while. But if this information goes into the sunlight, the person connected to this problem might change their point of view and idea about the other one. 

I never wanted to let you know this because We can’t be real anyway. Because you already have someone in your life. And from the stories that I’ve heard - you seem happy. 

But why do you come to me and say “when I’m high, I really want to kiss you”? How can you do this when your heart already belongs to someone else? 

In that moment I asked “why” because I knew that you’re just messing around. And because I don’t want to get hurt. Even though fuck, oh fuck how much I wanted you to do it. 

If you really manage to find my blog one day and read this - know that I enjoyed every little thing that we had, even though for the most of it I was super awkward and unsure about my words and actions. 

[danielhowell]

ye olde bleak england winter sky

[fifthtee]

if you’re feeling sad

[spoonfulofemotions]

All I want for Christmas is You.

First time being away from home for this magical time of the year. Feels weird. Although, I’m too busy to even get sad about it. 

It does feel a bit empty. Maybe also because of the fact that everyone has this pumping muscle in their chests, that “hurts” from time to time. Not literally of course. 

It is nice knowing that there still are some people that you can go to and ask for a supporting presence during the holidays. Thanks to the bright minds of human kind for the amazing invention of internet, that feels like a savior and connects people’s voices all across the world. 

[spoonfulofemotions]

What if someone asked you - when was the last time you were stupidly in love?

[spoonfulofemotions]

Just one ticket, please.

Pretty words. Beautiful lies. 

Knowing that you’ll never be able to have a person completely and utterly yours.

Breaks my heart. 

[spoonfulofemotions]

“The taste of sweet revenge, best served cold”

Why do people keep on lying to themselves all the time? I’m strong, I’m free, I’m independent!!! We just have to drop our cloaks and shields, and look in the mirror. Ask yourself, is this really me, that I’m trying to make myself believe in? Am I really this carefree and untouchable? 

We feel like we can protect ourselves in this way. But in reality - we just keep on crushing.

[spoonfulofemotions]

New beginning - same old me

“I actually didn’t think that I was this broken.”

I totally agree to those who say that people can’t really change. Even if you’re thinking - I will start fresh, new people, new environment, new me. But let’s not dream that we are all actors and that we could play or best role in this next chapter. 

Feels like my hobby is collecting problems and unnecessary thoughts. Getting into things that are not needed at that exact moment and then trying to figure out how to fix it. Didn’t think that people would pay so much attention to me. It is weird having all these social interactions all the time just because I’m not that used to it. Not saying that it is something that I don’t like - I just have to get familiar with this feeling and these faces surrounding me. 

It is impossible to achieve life goals that you’ve set for yourself if sitting on your ass all the time. It doesn’t matter how tired you might be or how much you dislike some people. Fuck everything and everyone. It is you that matters. It is you that will turn your life around. It is you that has to get up. 

[raccooncomic]

04. Don’t

[raccooncomic]

11. Adult

You did it! Now panic.

[photography-cnl]

I notice Autumn is more the season of the soul than of nature.

Friedrich Nietzsche (via landscape-photo-graphy)