Sometimes people donât want to hear the truth because they donât want their illusions destroyed.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
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@spoonielifee
Sometimes people donât want to hear the truth because they donât want their illusions destroyed.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
đđ§ đđ§đ¨đđĄđđŤ đŽđ§đ˘đŻđđŤđŹđ đâđŚ đđđŹđ˘đđŤ đđ¨ đĽđ¨đŻđ đđ§đ đĽđđŹđŹ đđ˘đđđđŽđĽđ. đâđŚ đŹđ¨đŤđŤđ˛ đ°đ đĄđđ đđ¨ đŚđđđ đ˘đ§ đđĄđ˘đŹ đ¨đ§đ.
excerpts from a book Iâll never write
There is this constant voice in my head
"You aren't good enough"
It makes me push myself over the edge
"Is that all you can do?"
Until I burn out completely
"I knew you were a failure"
Unable to move, it swallows me whole
"You should just give up"
And it's getting harder to resist it
My mind won't shut up
if I'd listened to the thoughts last night, I wouldn't have had to deal with this shit today
âSometimes it scares me how much I think about going out for a walk, and never coming home. How willing I am to leave everything I have, and everyone I know.â
â s.m
I don't want anyone to know that I have an ED until I am skinny!! I DON'T NEED HELP!! I NEED TO BE SKINNY!!
things that i find comforting in my ed
my resting hr being under 60 bpm
feeling my rib bones
feeling my collarbones
being able to wrap my fingers around my wrist/arm
going to bed hungry
waking up and feeling faint
barely eating anything and not feeling hungry
feeling dizzy when i stand up too fast
Looks like I'll really never get out of it.
The number on the scale is too scary for me to choose health instead of making it smaller.
i will never leave this house
"Tell me: what are you thinking?"
I'm thinking of killing myself, I'm thinking how things would be better without me, I hate myself, I hate comparing myself to other people, I'm so sick of myself...
Self harm doesnât always happen when a blade touches skin.
Itâs skipping meals because you donât feel like you deserve to eat today. Itâs having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. Itâs drinking recklessly because you might have the âcourageâ do something stupid. Itâs smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know itâs bad for you. Itâs banging your head against a wall when youâre angry. Itâs crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. Itâs thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. Itâs not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. Itâs taking painkillers in excess because you know itâs dangerous. Itâs walking home the more dangerous way because youâre kind of half hoping youâll get attacked or raped or stabbed. Itâs going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you canât find your way back. Itâs seeking out triggering material. Itâs all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.
Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you donât put any effort into doing the things you like or need.
Itâs a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesnât only happen in one way.
This sort of behavior is classified as âpara-suicidalâ Itâs putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.