This is it.
I was going to blank slate it and delete this whole thing but I thought, What if I have a daughter one day? I would want to show her this blog, or to my son(s) if they/he wanted to see. I’ve had this blog since January 2010 and it’s up to almost 60,000 posts. So many things have happened in 5.5 years. I’ve poured all of my thoughts, feelings, and personalities across the whole thing. I have grown up so much in 5+ years and it’s all throughout my tumblr, like a choppy story. But it’s a story to tell one day and look back on with my kids. It’ll show them that I was like them once and that I went through the same things that they did. I’m lucky to grow up in an age that preserves all of these memories on an accessible platform.
But for now, I am done. I unfollowed everyone except the two most important people in my life ( thedishthatgotaway and secondapplepie ) because I can’t get myself to leave them, even on the smallest platform; I’ll never leave either of them in any way possible because they are the best people in my life and I love them with everything I have. I also changed my password and put it in a safe place for later and I deleted all of my tumblr apps and history so that I won’t be tempted to come back.
A few things:
My future self:
First (but not most important), I hope you and Ed found careers that you are passionate about and I hope you’re both rewarded every day within those careers, are working hard, and always support each other no matter what. Remember the big things and little things that keep your relationship going and work at it because you love each other to the moon and back. Above all else, I hope you and Ed are happy. If he still makes you laugh the way he does now, and if you take care of him the way you do, then you won’t have a problem. Remind each other of that. You two are, and will always be, perfect for one another. There is so much love there. You have a life time of adventures to keep you guys truckin’ through life with each other, with a lot of love, fun, and happiness. I love you baby! <3 You are my sunshine.
I hope you and Rachel keep making time for one another because she is your rock. She’s had your back since you guys were 13/14 and you’ve had hers. You are never going to find a best friend like her, so hold onto her tight and have fun, eat lots of food together, cry at each other’s weddings together, laugh together, and still have chicken wing nights (no more New Kids nights, though). Also, you and Ed & her and Sean better have cute lil’ kids that are teeny tiny homies. And puppies. Both the Ratelles and the Sullivans better have a few puppies between y’all.
I hope you visit your parents a lot. They’ve given their all for you. They deserve all the 5 minute and the multiple hour long visits you can give them. I still take them for granted at 23 sometimes. I hope you’ve grown up since then and realize that they tried/did their best with raising you and your siblings and that’s all that you can ask them for. I know you’ll repay them with bringing over their grandkids a lot -- they’ll love that so much. Keeping it in the family, I also hope Bubba, Lysia, & you hang out. We’re all socially awkward, but I hope you’re still socially awkward together and actually try to spend some time with each other. You only have one big sister and one Bubba.
To my kid(s):
Never be afraid. If someone tells you not to do something, do it anyways -- even if it’s me (I’m going to pay for that one). Go for it. Don’t let others hold you back, even if they think they have your best interests at heart. You will learn yourself and grow even if you fail. Push yourself out of your comfort zone every single day. Even I’m still learning that one. Never pretend to be anyone you’re not. Be yourself. If others don’t like you, screw them. You’re amazing and you don’t need them. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you like you appreciate them. Love your mind and body. Keep growing. Find a passion and go for it. Work hard, have fun, love even more.
To everyone one else, thank you. Remember to always love.
Spray-can.
:)
