//cw: vent, s/h, just really sad stuff
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every time i think it's getting better i end up realizing how truly hurt i am, and how this will never change.
i keep thinking i'm feeling better, but at the same time i'm already making up a plan to s/h this winter without people finding out.
i don't think i will ever heal
I just logged in this Tumblr again after almost 4 years. I can't be happier than this realizing I'm feeling so much better. I realize now that for the most part I was just around the wrong people and that I just had to grow up... and get off the internet. I truly found hope in navigating the real world. I could talk about how and why everything changed for hours probably, but this post is not the right place.
Most importantly: I feel real now. Being and angelkin was strictly tied to my dissociation (depersonalisation and derealization, both connected to gender dysphoria) and it's not like it completely vanished, but it's not a part of my identity anymore... I'm not an angelkin, I only feel strongly about the concept of angels and fallen angels.
Everything's actually going okay. Even if I'm hurt (and this will never change), finally I can say: I'm healed.
(I'm posting this to try and spark some hope to whoever could read and feels lost: there is a possibility to get better.)
