He couldn't remember. His name, everything about him was lost. It was as if he didn't exist. Didn't someone tell him who he was? Didn't he have family or friends? Was there someone, anyone who could tell him who he was? He stared at his reflection in the mirror, desperately trying to recall who he was. Nothing came to him. His mind was blank, thinking only about blue eyes. Wait... Dean looked more closely at his reflection in the mirror. Blue eyes... his eyes weren't blue, he didn't think. Green. That was the color. They were green. Blue eyes. Who did he know that had blue eyes? Dean pressed his forehead to the sink, trying to remember. Angel. A name! He could work with that. Frantically, he repeated the name in his head over and over again, not wanting to forget. He dug through his pockets and pulled out his phone, immediately opening his contacts.
Almost immediately, his heart sunk. There was no one named Angel on the list. He could still see those beautiful blue eyes. They made his stomach flutter, his heart race. What kind of feeling was that? Almost absently, he continued to scroll through his contacts, staring at names that meant nothing to him. Except one. Cass. That name brought that same feeling back. The thud in his chest, the twisting of his stomach. This person must of meant something to him, right? His finger hovered over the call button, staring at the name. Cass, Cass, Cass. He could remember that, right? Finally, he pressed call, bringing the phone to his ear. He held his breath as it rang. And rang. And rang. Who was he calling again? He didn't remember.
"Hello, Dean." The gruff voice coming from the phone startled him out of his struggles to try to remember.
"Dean... thats my name right?"
There was a long pause. "Dean, is everything okay?"
The voice was comforting. Who was this again? "I... I don't remember," he muttered, "Just blue eyes. Do you have blue eyes?"
"Dean, what don't you remember?"
"You are. Your name is Dean Winchester." The gruff voice was surprisingly patient, though also filled with concern.
"Dean Winchester... Dean Winchester.... Dean...." he hesitated. What was the second part again. "Blue eyes... who has blue eyes? Who are you?"
"My name is Castiel, you call me Cas."
"Cas... thats someone I care about. Blue eyes.. you do have blue eyes don't you?"
The voice said nothing for a moment. "Yes."
"Okay... good... good. You mean something to me."
"We do share a profound bound."
Dean slowly processed the words. "A profound bond... are we.... dating?"
"Well... um... I don't think- ask Sam." He sounded flustered. Why was he flustered?
"Who's Sam?" The name didn't ring any bells. All he could remember was Cas. Cas and blue eyes.
"You don't remember your brother?"
"Yes. His name is Sam Winchester."
"Sam... Sam is my brother. And Cas... Cas is my boyfriend."
"Ah... well, I'm not sure if I would..."
"Oh... it must be one sided then." Dean felt sadness at this thought. Being in love and the other not feeling the same must hurt. He could feel it in his gut.
"No, Dean, it's not that," Cas said quickly, "I just... never realized how you felt."
"How I felt..." Dean squinted his eyes, desperately trying to remember. A hand gripping him tight, raising him from fiery depths. Blue eyes watching him with infinite curiosity and strange tenderness. Passing touches, shared looks of longing, feelings of frustration, anger, and deep caring. A feeling of need. Desperate, desperate need. "I... really care about you... I need you."
Cas took in a sharp breath at the last three words. "I know..." he managed to choke out, "You've said that before."
"Yes. It's been a few years now. I almost killed you. And despite all of that, you still had faith in me. You still believed in me. I wasn't worthy of that loyalty. I don't think I ever will be."
"How can you disagree if you don't remember?"
"A gut feeling. I feel like I'm the type of person who trusts their gut."
"Yes," Dean could hear the smile in his voice, "You are."
"Do you... do you feel the same way I do?"
There was a long silence. Dean waited for the rejection inevitable to come. He would say he cared, but not in the same way. That Dean was his best friend and nothing more. He waited to the words to come.
"I've loved you for a long time, Dean," he said gently. Dean felt his breath catch in his throat. "From the moment I reached out to you in hell, we had an unbreakable connection. I knew then that I would do anything to save you, anything to protect you. At first, I simply thought it was my duty. That I was following orders as I always did. I quickly realized that it wasn't just duty. It was affection. However, I knew you had you're own concerns and didn't believe you felt the same. So I sat in silence and never revealed how I felt. But your feelings are not one sided, Dean. I love you terribly. I have fallen from heaven for you, betrayed my brethern for you. I cannot stand the thought of losing you. You mean everything to me, Dean. Everything."
Dean didn't remember everything Cas had mentioned. All he knew is that it felt right. "I... I don't know if I'll remember any of this," he slowly said, "But I think.... I love you too. I need you in my life." He took in a sharp breath, tears burning in his eyes. "Don't let me forget, Cas, please don't let me forget. I don't want to forget."
"I won't, Dean," Cas whispered, "I won't let you forget, I promise."
He remembered. His name was Dean Winchester. Sam Winchester was his brother. And Castiel... Cas meant the world to him. He felt excitement bubbling I'm him at the thought of seeing the angel again after their conversation. Dean had held back his feelings for a long time. He had loved Cas for a long time, and never said a word. There was always an apocalypse, always some big bad to stop. So Dean dealt with passing touches and stealing glances. The occasional dreams followed by a very steamy shower. But now Cas knew. And Dean knew Cas felt the same.
Dean was ecstatic to get back to the bunker and see him. He half-assed answered Sam's seemingly endless questions as he sped down the road. All he could think about was that conversation. He didn't forget. He didn't forget, and he wouldn't forget. Not ever again.
They arrived at the bunker and Dean jumped out, running inside. He ignored Sam's voice calling after him. Dean flung open the metal door of the bunker, practically sprinting down the stairs. "Cas!" He called out, looking around for the angel. No sight of him in the map room. He ran through the bunker, searching room after room, frustration filling him. Where the hell was his damn angel? Eventually, he arrived outside the bathrooms, where he could hear the sound of water running inside.
Dean considered waiting. Cas didn't need to take showers, he just enjoyed them, and he probably wouldn't take long. Well, there was that time Cas used up all the hot water after being in the shower for over an hour, leaving Dean with none. Fuck it.
Dean pushed open the door, walking in without any hesitation. Cas looked to the doorway, standing naked under the flowing hot water, surprise in his blue eyes. "Dean?"
Dean was suddenly in front of him, the shower water soaking his clothes. He pressed his lips firmly against the angel's and wrapped his arm tightly around him, pulling him closer. Cas kissed him back without hesitation, his fingers entangling into the locks of his hair. Hands hastily ripped off clothes, steam wafting in the air as the two ran their hands along bare skin. Heated kisses, desperate panting, and guttural moans. Backs being slammed against the tile of the shower wall as hips thrusted up. Teeth nicking at the soft skin of a neck, leaving a mark. It was an entanglement of limbs, flesh on flesh. They moved with each other until the water ran cold, the two sitting on the shower floor, arms wrapped around one another.
"We should do that more often," Cas said, nuzzling his face in Dean's neck.
"No arguments here," Dean ran his fingers over the angel's messy hair. "Hey."
Cas looked up to him. "Yes, Dean?"
A smile played on the angel's lips. "I love you too."
