I write this in the hope that when I go home, I will look back on the first few months of 2016 and remember what I achieved, what I fought and what I learnt. The main focus of this writing to be to keep the lessons I have learnt close to me and keep me on the path I wish to be on, and aid the person I want to be with kind and balanced motives.
Living abroad in Vietnam, a country with 7.7 million people crammed into tiny bedrooms under polluted skies, and approximately 4 million mopeds zipping around contributing to the fresh air nightmare - it’s both a miracle I have been able to hear myself and find myself amongst the business. Hanoi is one of the most vibrant, chaotic and intense cities I have ever found myself in. Whether this is a representation to come of the rest of SE Asia when I embark on my travels in the next coming weeks is to be seen.
Living amongst this has taught me a further confidence I didn’t have before in the same way. My mother always brought me up to be the black sheep and not follow the crowd - this echoed through my mind as I was teased at high school for wearing a skirt with long socks. However, that situation was one I could chose to fight or not be in. Living here and being Tây (western) unfortunately sticks out like the elephant in the room when everyone is questioning who will eat the last slice of chocolate cake. From my blonde hair, my gangly height, translucent skin and the hundreds of mosquito bites dotted around my body, the Vietnamese see me coming a mile off.
This encourages pointing, staring, silence within large groups or on another scale scores of men and women alike sprinting towards you with a camera and throwing ✌🏽️ in any direction or a chorus of excited “hello!” - seemingly memorable word from their schooldays.
As uncomfortable as any of these reactions make me, I have had to learn to adopt a coping strategy of friendly acknowledgement, cracking a joke in Vietnamese or posing with the peace sign also.
It’s not always been pleasant though and I find some Vietnamese, both in the city and the countryside can be hostile or suspicious towards Tây - which I now accept judging their history and the US war. This has lead to extortionate prices being amplified towards us or cases of racism, one standing out clearly in my mind of being refused to allow to park my moped where the Vietnamese park, despite paying money alike to the locals. Forgetting all my broken Vietnamese I forgot to question the defiant shake of a nod of the parking attendant as he pointed brusquely away. Finally, the fourth area I drove too one answered why by pointing to his skin and signalling my colouring. Red as a beetroot and disappointed I drove off angrily and defeated.
Perhaps my white colouring leads me to forget I am not the only person in the world dealing with discrimination briefly. I have since come to realise there is far further racism and division in the world that many more alongside myself have to suffer and I need to get off my high horse and just smile and accept suspicion and if possible try to alter this opinion of Westerners.
I have fared better than some of my colleagues on the internship who have been denied access silently and angrily to the teachers room at break times and lunches, simply for not being Vietnamese/a full time teacher in the school, which seems dreadfully worrying from those in an occupation of education.
Albeit, I must stress that this is only a mere tiny proportion of reactions I have faced in my last 4 months. As most travellers declare cities are full of friendly and helpful people, I strongly stand by the fact Vietnam has some of the friendliest and hospitable characters I have come across on a whole. From eagerness to share Vietnamese culture, food or aiding lost teachers get on the correct bus with an atrociously large language barrier in the way - the Vietnamese are definitely up there in kindness. The language barrier obviously makes things difficult but I have now learnt to thoroughly communicate with people without relying on language. Instead body language, gestures and generally making a bit of tit of myself is perfectly sufficient and of humour to either parties. This ranges from furiously pretending I have a tail to a class of 50 8 year olds as an attempt for them to grasp understanding; the clinking of rancid rice wine shots together before the inevitable burning of the throat that I only allow a brief smile/grimace and a swift nod of thanks to a gleeful face or wandering up to a house in the middle of nowhere to sheepishly ask them to give you some petrol so you can continue to get lost. The wealth gap between the Vietnamese appears to be humongous, the majority surviving whilst not having a lot. Each province is known for being poor but despite this people who have barely anything are so generous. I recently found myself in Thanh Hoa, a holidaying destination for the Vietnanese but not travellers. Here my Vietnamese listening and speaking rapidly came into test as English was not spoken amongst Viet’s friends. They paid attentive attention to me the whole weekend, from encouraging running into the sea fully clothed, delicately removing smudged eyeliner from beneath my eyes and making sure I never wanted for food and drink.
Before I left the UK I was one of the fussiest food eaters I knew, refusing to try new things and instantly turning my nose up. This improved slightly in university and I would then consider eating a chicken salad sandwich from Tesco’s with revolting mayonnaise in it, and turned to eating bacon in the last year. Vietnam has kicked all fussiness out of me and I hate to see food wasted as well, as anyone should do. It’s also considered incredibly rude to not finish your meal or turn down what is offered to you. My parents would honestly have a heart attack watching me eat here, for one thing I can half use chopsticks to an acceptable level without dropping food all over the tablecloth (happened a lot in my first week). This is accompanied with happily gorging on endless rice, noodles and eggs (quail eggs included), exploring a wide range of meats such as buffalo, frog, a potential goat amongst other things and learning to eat peel a mango. I’ve often said being fussy is a psychological issue, and I have kicked this down to the ground! I shall not return to the UK and return to my old ways!
I drive at home, although as many know wrote my car off rapidly after passing my test back in 2012. Since then, I have not driven regularly and my confidence definitely shrunk alongside numerous nightmares about my brakes not working etc. Upon my return to the UK in February, I drove to Manchester and back on my own, the trip being the longest trip of my life and seriously testing my attention span. I have now learnt to focus on roads properly after plucking up the courage to act like a local and hire a moped. The roads here are insane, and when you drive a moped you move in mob force. Singularly you are threatened by absolute dickheads in modern Range Rovers or some other shit 4x4 (the classics are far nicer) which constantly have their hands unfortunately glued to the horn and radiate heat out of their stupid metal boxes which could make a dead man sweat. As you swerve round traffic driving towards you, alongside you, across you and just stopping in front of you, you gain a new type of focus and patience. Road rage has evaporated from my soul, whats the point, just smile and deal with it.
I recently took the plunge wishing to test myself further and learn a new skill and opted on my renewal of my bike to get a semi-automatic. I feel like I fly down the streets and have truly embraced mopeds and their glorious freedom. So future Amy, I encourage you to take the plunge and challenge yourself out of your comfort zone, particularly learning new skills with opportunities that come your way, chances lessened when you leave school!
Morals - morals are constantly being challenged here. One’s that I thought I believed in but are now being tested. This is precisely one of the reasons I moved to Vietnam, as many of my friends will remember “i wanna get skinnier, browner and more cultured”. I’ve debated endlessly on the rights and wrongs of happenings in both Western society and over here, these debate from the husbandry of animals, the eating of animals, discipline of children in schools or simply leaving your air conditioning on. You’re a fool if you came here with a hazed perception of how living in South East Asia would be and rate restaurants on how well they speak English or how clean they are. It is no use to not travel with an open mind and see beyond the first impression of a culture.
Now for the more emotional part. As I grow older I’ve determined all the cliches you hear in films, or parents remark to you during disciplined chats begin to come true. This can be from the great ‘learning to love yourself first’ to ‘finding yourself whilst travelling’. Nonetheless I will always cringe upon hearing them, let alone slap myself when I hear myself saying them. Before I came out here I made sure I had as little tying me down to the UK as possible, therefore making my inevitable leave easier. Many friends from home are searching or in relationships, climbing their career ladders or just paddling around in comfort zones at home. Travelling out here with Amber has reminded me that I am absolutely fine on myself, gaining confidence and new friends and I do not need to lean on anyone, or rely on somebody else for my own happiness. Self-sufficient happiness is real and if you pursue your goals in life despite being blinded at times it does happen. At the same time, with recent events in my life, I’ve learnt to not be afraid to lean on people when support is needed and those most surprising will help you out the most.
Lastly, quarrels with people. Learn to take these with the saying water off a ducks back. Blow up immediately, but does it also that matter if somebody’s being a prick, cannot realise it then rubs it in your face. It’s annoying but not the end of the world and certainly not worth the hassle. Taking the high road or shrugging things off is seriously an important lesson to be applied in all areas. This can be from working for a crazy company which has little understanding of different cultures and lacks compassion and organisation to personal quarrels with friends. There are usually reasons for these happenings, and it’s not worth time or energy to pursue upset feelings.
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