Tom is a tumblr shitposter who somehow ended up in middle earth
Tom is Feanor being eternally punished for all his arrogance by putting him in a form that’s almost impossible to take seriously
Tom is a pony but Goldberry makes him a not-pony sometimes
Tom is the last of the entwives
Tom is every dwarf that died in The Hobbit all stuck in one form
Tom is a tree who Escaped
Tom is a dragon but squishier
Tom is the not-evil twin of the nightly noises
Tom is Farmer Maggot’s carrots
Tom is the One Ring who decided he was sick of Sauron, the one Frodo takes to Mt. Doom is a fake, and Tom just kinda self destructs at the same moment Frodo drops the ring into the fire. This is solely just to mess with them because he thinks it’s funny.
Tom is John Mulaney who ended up in Middle Earth during the first age and went “this might as well happen”
Tom is that one hobbit who invented golf
Tom is one of Beorn’s bees
Tom is a greek god who ended up in Middle Earth and Goldberry has him captive because she knows exactly what that means
Tom shares one brain cell with Goldberry and all those times Tom just is gone for a while it’s because he’s trying to convince Goldberry that it’s his turn for the brain cell
Tom is the result of a valar or maiar getting frisky with a mortal race
Tom was an attempt at making life by one of the Valar (like Aule and dwarves) and gets shoved in the forest when Eru checks on them like a kid at night hiding a their DS under the blankets and pretending to be asleep
Alternatively, Tom was immediately shoved in the forest because one of the Valar was like “WTF MAN PUT IT BACK”
Tom was Melkor’s first attempt at turning elves into orcs but instead of going all crazy and evil he just ended up like That.
Tom is Eru’s absentee father
Tom is Eru’s ex boyfriend
Tom is Aslan when he’s not in Narnia for years and years. Even Jesus Lion needs a vacation sometimes
Tom is actually Goldberry. Goldberry is actually Tom. Sometimes they’ll satirize or overemphasize certain parts of the personality they’re impersonating just to annoy the other.
Tom is the middleman for Gandalf’s fireworks
Tom IS Gandalf’s fireworks
Tom is a college student who is still giddy that their student debt doesn’t carry over to middle earth and possibly high
Tom is a different person every day. They just randomly vanish from their homes, appear as Tom in his house, mess around for a bit, and then appear back in their homes the next day. One time Melkor got picked and it was awkward trying to explain why the evil being trapped in chains forever and ever in the darkness suddenly was not there for about 24 hours.
