seriously, craigslist?

hand-picked gems from the landfill that is craigslist

[srslycraigslist]

[srslycraigslist]

Any female vapors (Salisbury)

Looking for female vapors to get together with mwm here

[srslycraigslist]

I need a girl to help me secretly record a oldman trying to blackmail (dc)

I need a girl to help me secretly record a old man trying to black mail me...... this man is harmless but I still need to get him on video tape...... i have a hidden video camera pen that you will use...... entire job should take about 1 -2 hours.... I will pay you $500 CASH when your done.

[srslycraigslist]

Party/Turn Up This Weekend

Good Morning, I live alone in a Mansion in a secluded area of Northern VA, I'm 30, black, single and athletic.

I want to have a big, lit, great gatsby style party this weekend, house is completely empty. im supplying drinks, food and lots of 420. anyone with a good vibe is down to come please shoot me an email. Anyone with party planning tips who wants to help me, PLEASE reach out.

[srslycraigslist]

Fart in my son's face as my guitar gently weeps. (Tough love for son) (Washington DC)

My son has been out of control. He's skipping school, tells his mother to fuck off, and steals my pot. It doesn't matter where I hide it...he fucking finds it and smokes it all. He needs to be taught a lesson, like my father taught me. My father would hire a stranger to fart in my face as he played turn turn turn on acoustic guitar. So here's the deal... I need you to go to taco Bell (I will reimburse you) eat 3 Doritos loco tacos, 3 soft shell tacos and 1 chimichanga. Then meet me at the house immediately after your meal and torch this fucker for me. Fart right in his eyes as I play turn turn turn gently on my acoustic guitar like my father before me. Please help and God bless. Thank you.

[srslycraigslist]

booty bumping (MD,DC)

We were both in the wheaton giant this morning, you a very thick Dominican/Puerto rican woman with yoga pants, me a light complected African American woman, being thick also we could have almost been twins, me having yoga pants on also, we ended up almost back to back putting our groceries on the belt, waiting in a very slow line, I was kind of uneasy because be both had very jiggly butts, and we managed to bump butts several times waiting in line, wanted to know what were you thinking? if you see this?

[srslycraigslist]

You were showing your dad around, but I wanted you to call me daddy - m4w

[srslycraigslist]

found here

[srslycraigslist]

Successful single white male seeks young Asian female for marriage. - 49 (anywhere)

Swm here. 5-7 185 lbs fit attractive seeks young attractive Asian femalemale for love marriage and children. picture exchange if serious. thankks for read.ing

[srslycraigslist]

I will marry you in 9 months. - 42 (DMV)

As the title states I will marry you in 9 months. I am looking for an attractive fit or average body white man. I am an attractive single black full figured woman. I have a 10 year old child, so you must love or at least like children. I would like to have one more child, therefore you must be willing to make that happen. I crave love and attention and I will give you the same. I am very affectionate and I would like you to be as well. You must have a job your own vehicle and your own place to stay. You must be ready to jump into this relationship whole heartedly. You can move in with me or we will move in with you. You must be willing to cater to my every need as I will cater to your every need. I am not looking for drama or anyone that wants to play games. I have found that there are a number of guys that want to play games or scammers that ask for money. I am not interested in either. I figure if I do something drastic like this it will weed them out. I have a lot to offer the right man. All I ask is that you be serious, sane, loving, happy go lucky, truthful, trustworthy, mature, affectionate, positive, romantic and caring. As they say if you have a happy wife you have a happy life. If you are tired of the endless search for love and you are ready to make a lifelong connection send me an email. When sending your email please do the following. 1. In the subject line type "Hubby". 2. Attach a current picture of yourself. 3. Tell me about yourself and why you would make a good husband and stepfather. 4. Tell me your height and body type. ONLY SERIOUS INQUIRIES PLEASE If you do not do what is listed above your email will be deleted. I look forward to hearing from you. Once I have found my future husband I will remove this ad.

[srslycraigslist]

We'll always have that uneaten cheese sandwich on New Years Day - m4w - 38 (Bushwick)

Still trying to forget you  like you said to Though I could find you  From your haiku If it were the right thing To do.

[srslycraigslist]

garbage - w4m

On grand, passed you taking out garbage.  I said, "fuck off." You were unbelievable.  I was wearing a parka. You were wearing  spongebob pajama pants, no shirt.

[srslycraigslist]

Hi, saw you on the train - m4w - 21 (Bushwick)

Saw you on the train, you were wearing clothes, so was I. Not sure of other details but if you think this is you then hit me up

[srslycraigslist]

dear bushwick - you were dumping your crying boyfriend - m4w (bushwick)

You were breaking up with a guy. He was wearing super skinny jeans and bawling like a baby. Every few minutes you would take off your glasses and pretend to cry too, but it was obvious that you were actually just so over it. You just wanted to hang out with us at the next table, so now that you're done with whatever that is, lets get drinks

[srslycraigslist]

warehouse/studio/shop/terrorist hide out 2700 sq' (johnston sq. mt vernon station north are)

[srslycraigslist]

Looking to assemble a group of good friends ala Parks and Rec - m4w (Baltimore)

Are you missing a circle of quirky and attractive friends a la the popular tv show Parks and Recreation? Well look no more. I am a 24 yo Ben Wyattesque male looking for my TV counterparts to hang out with and experience great friendships with. Lets go out, have adventures, bond, express our creativity with eachother! Please respond and tell me a bit about yourself. Thank you

[srslycraigslist]

People of craigslist, please help me find out who shit on my car. - 36 (Baltimore Downtown)

Ok everyone this is no joke. I really need to know if anyone on here saw anything, that being a person defecating on my car. Yesterday while walking out to my car, right after work, I discovered that someone, man or woman, took a massive shit on my windshield. I am also certain it is that of a human due to the apparent texture and smell. And also, I am sure it was NOT thrown at my car as many of my friends have been suggesting because there are two feet marks located on my hood facing away from the poop. When I finally admitted to myself that someone had done this, I was very upset (and I still am). So trust me when I saw that good information on this perpatrator will bring about a good reward.   I drive a grey Honda Civic, 2014. I don't want to mention the area I was at because I want to make sure any source on here is legit. I am also not sure if this matters, but the poop was in the form of two logs, followed by a small one. DNA analysis is pending (yes I took a sample to a friend who knows a guy). I suspect by the foot size on my hood that it is from a male. What kind of world do we live in when someone can run up and shit on a car in broad daylight?   We can't be a society that just lets this pass. We have to make a stand and ensure that all children are safe, healthy, and that no cars ever get shit on by some jerk. I have ruled out the very few people I could think of personally that would have done this. So I have since inferred this was a random act of cruelty and possibly a hate crime cause I am half white.   And to the person who did this, I will find you. And you will pay. I have taken the liberty of netflixing Taken 1 and 2 and I plan on seeing 3 as soon as it comes out. I have also started working out and eating right too. As a matter of fact the other day I almost benched 135 pounds. And when my trainer saw this he was like, 'Whoa! Dude you are not joking about catching this guy!' I got up from the bench and replied to him, saying, 'You got that right. His soul now belongs to me.' Scared yet? Hm? Yeah. Your soul does belong to me and guess what? After I catch you and have my way with you, you are going to J A I L where you will get sold for a pack of cigarettes and forced to to like it. So if anyone has any leads, please let me know because I will be very happy to compensate if the information is good. In your reply, confirm where you saw my car so I know you are not just another woman on here looking for sex or dick pics. Mike