˜”*°•.˜”*°• Jojo •°*”˜.•°*”˜

[lamignonette]

[4getherandfindher]

Maybe I wasn’t meant to be loved by someone else, not my parents , not my siblings , not friends , no one.

They say god gives his toughest battles to the ones that are the strongest

While I’m a soldier

A tall Latina , 5’9 blue haired , very mentally challenged soldier.

I cry every other month.

Thinking spiraling .

It takes one text message, one call

One little itty bitty ounce of attention to get me wrapped around his finger.

[4getherandfindher]

You say “female” as if a women is an object

Yet forget you were brewed in a woman’s womb the same way you beg to let your seed seep into mine.

You follow over 1.5k women on instagram

That show off their body.

Body’s you can only wish and dream to touch.

I’ve given my body to a man that doesn’t deserve to feel the warmth of a woman.

The curves of comfort and stability.

You say the word “female” as if the woman you so eagerly bickered a few words at isn’t on your mind. Undressing her with your eyes. She looks at you in your eyes and sees a “male”

I’m 24 years old.

My dad didn’t love me obviously I’ve said to multiple men as I send seductive photos of myself. Eyes looking up so I give the illusion I’m under them.

When i was 14 no “boy” ever looked at me.

It was humiliating. I spent seconds,!minutes, hours , days , months , years wondering why!

Why wasn’t I likable.

Of course it killed me I was a child…

Life works wonders for loosers

Because I’m 24 , have blue hair.

A a very pretty face.

It’s in my blood to be drawn to fucking loosers. But for my benefit it worked out .

Men pay me because I’m just that “fucking hot” just as I am a “female” you are a “male” a 22 year old man that is pathetic.

Plays the victim but is actually the villain.

Continue to touch your under average male genitalia. To the women you’re brain is so rotten for but continue to call “female”

[4getherandfindher]

Best friends forever?

When blood is not as thick as water

But water is thicker than blood.

When sisters are not biological but are bonded by chemistry.

I had a best friend forever.

There was never a forever.

Envy at 14 years of age.

Jealously of attention by others.

I was jealous of her. I can admit.

I’m sure she could never admit she was jealous of me.

I’ll admit it. I didn’t like the way I would talk to a boy and that same boy say “oh your friend is cute”

I always felt less of a teenage girl because of her.

I would starve myself for hours days even sometimes months with just 12 full meals.

I spent years hating my body, sticking in my stomach, measuring my wrists. Drinking water and chewing gum so the hunger pains can go away.

She did too.

I will never know if we were toxic for eachother. The laughs and the toxicity we were both grown up from.

Was what bonded us…

I talk to bystanders and they say “yes you guys were toxic”

I often think about how you would say “what is not meant for you will be let go”

Was that meant for you too.

I know I wasn’t the best friend.

But I know I did care for you as a sister.

I’ll always live life with “I hope she’s happy”

I hope she has that perfect boyfriend she’s dreamed of “

“I hope she has that bmw she wanted to badly”

“I hope she has that pure bred husky she wants so badly”

I miss you but I know you don’t miss me.

Some how I think you hated my lifestyle because it was more exciting then yours.

Does the puddle dry up if there’s no sun?

My life since 8 years old has been a puddle I prayed to god for sun

Yours was a puddle in the sand on a very hot summer day.

The heat will always dry that puddle or the sand will rescue it and swallow it.

I’m sorry my puddle was deeper than yours. So the sun came to dry it up.

Just be thankful you don’t have the lines of the water being evaporated.

Everything leaves a mark.

My mark is ptsd.

So I’m sorry I wasn’t the best friend.

I’m still rooting for you though. ❤️

[ssoftdecay]

Oof this is so real

[04k96]

[tequilahag]

Pride & Prejudice (2005) dir. Joe Wright

[honeywine0]

[4getherandfindher]

⭐️

She didn’t know it but I loved her.

I didn’t know I could feel this way for a girl.

But she was just so pure. There was always something so special about her.

I never wrapped my head around it.

Was it her hair ? The way her brown eyes sparkle. Or was it the way her eyebrows furrowed when we talked about something deranged?

Life goes on

She said she misses me and kimchi.

I wonder if she just misses me or just kimchi.

I miss her that’s definite.

The way I would do my make up specifically for her to compliment me on it.

The way my eyes would wander til they stuck on her like a magnet.

The way I found her by just her presence.

Her energy was always so attracting.

I’ll never forget her.

I think about her all the time.

She said she’s so happy she met me.

I wonder is she really meant it cause I did.

[4getherandfindher]

H8 ~

Why do you hate me?

Lips, lips , ass tits

Sex, head , unspeakable things.

We did them all.

I did them…

All we did was have sex.

I worshiped you like the god you thrive to be.

Now when I feel aroused all I want is you.

And it fucking sucks.

You fucking suck.

Putting me as a last option.

Like if I’m a boring convenient video game.

They’re to use whenever you want.

I’m not your fucking boring video game.

And I fucking hate you.

I hate everything about you.

Your smile

Eyes, teeth , nose that nose I once used to kiss to give affection the affection you craved… the affection you’ve wanted since a young age. You have mommy issues and I helped you through them when I wish I didn’t. I washed your fucking hair In the shower like if you were 5 fucking years old. I scrubbed your back like the girlfriend you made me pretend to be. I’m pathetic for wanting you back.

But you’re pathetic for everything you ever did. You think you’re a god when in all reality you’re a pathetic human being.

You drink to make whatever thoughts you have to disappear. You go out to hide the fact that you’re lonely. You snort coke to forget everything. Now I wish I could forget everything. God I fucking hate you.

[4getherandfindher]

I’m breathing but there’s need for more air

My lungs tighten and my heart does too

Thoughts after thoughts after thoughts.

I don’t care but I can’t help that I do.

Can’t choose between loving and smothering.

If I smother them they leave.

I choose to be true to myself.

I smother them with affection.

That’s taken as a threat.

A threat that there will be too much love.

So I chose to be someone else.

A text message after an hour of being on delivered. My heart still hurts and yearns for the attention. But mind is safe because there’s no way for the heart to hurt again.

I don’t smother them I push them away.

With the thought of wondering if they even truly cared.

It’s the 14 year old boy that tore my heart to pieces

It’s the father that I was blessed with

Called a bitch an age 16 to the years I turned 19. Called a whore for wanting love at age 20.

The man I saw when I was 2 I knew he was scary. I had to be brave. At the age 3 for the warmth of something to eat or something to sleep on. A restroom was a privilege at age 5. Everything blurry but my siblings were always in a hurry to empty the bucket that we used to you know…

And I can’t blame my parents for the way that I am. I’m smart I’m loving and caring but I don’t care about others. How was I supposed to care for others when no one cared about me.

I was 9 and I saw my parents fighting.

It became electric so my brother covered my eyes. It was years of being shoved in a room while my ears were ringing. Dishes breaking , screaming, my mother crying.

Then I turned 18, mothers know best right.

You trust the person that gave you life because that’s what the heart says to do.

But when you have a mother choose between two children she’s bared. The boy always wins.

Heart pounding. Hands shaking , screaming. Dishes breaking.

Sounds not too new.

Now I’m the one that fights. with my brother that once protected me from the electric air.

It was the day I turned 18 and I lost all respect for the one that has brought me into this world. I’m 18 my brother is 27.

I just turned legal.

Betrayed is an understatement.

I was a teenager and my mother chose my brothers side.

It was 8:54pm and my brother threw my mother against the wall.

Cocaine. Was the fault of it all.

“You never disrespect the person that brought you into this world “

Is the words my mother has taught us.

Just like my dad my brother fought his own demons.

He punched me on the day I turned 18

You see I don’t want to show I care for them for him for anyone because no man’s has ever cared for me.

From birth , my father chose alcohol over me.

Now I’m 23

And I can’t seem to agree with anyone who chooses to love me.

In the back of my mind I still think it’s my fault.

Wash me in the water

You can love me like a daughter.

And I’ll never be like him.

[4getherandfindher]

(Don’t deserve to be sad )🧸

I swallow my tears,

They go down my face and throat.

Then spit up like a sobbing toddler

A big baby is what I am.

Why am I so miserable when my life is “not that bad”.

The validation I scream for is hushed down by gaslighting.

“You deserve love dream”

Is replayed in my head like a funny meme

Didn’t hear it just read it.

The one who said it isn’t my family.

She’s a girl that lives in Ohio that I trust more than my own family.

Blood family.

A pretty girl that also feels my pain

I never knew true friendship and love until I met her.

Wanting to be loved isn’t a bad thing dream I must remind myself.

But my pride and ego won’t let me.

My mother always told me I’m weak.

And my father always told me I would be nothing.

The usual sappy story that begins and ends with success.

But my story isn’t going to end with success.

I don’t have money or talent.

No music producer or movie producer will come and save me.

I’m poor and miserable.

And I don’t know if I want to keep looking for that saving.

[4getherandfindher]

DREAM.

I wake up, it’s not real

When I’m in a dream it feels so real

Heavy breathing, looking into your eyes

The smell of you. I can smell it in my fucking dream.

I can see the way you looked at me.

When I would worship you.

Kiss your lips then your cheeks

With the prickles of your shaved face.

I can feel your hair between my fingers

It feels so soft.

My body’s warmth is on you. So I move lower so I can kiss your chest.

I lightly scratch your back as I press my lips back to yours. Shaking your body starts to shake at my touch.

I remember it all too well.

And my brain does too.

To have that much detail in a dream

Is just cruel.

I wake up from the dream and feel a sudden melancholy mood.

Now I’m here in my bed waiting for it to be true. Will i ever see you again.

Or is my brain just rude.

[4getherandfindher]

I feel like I can’t cry because what’s there to cry about.

You have a job.

You have a life

You have family

You have food in the fridge

A roof over your head

I have nothing to cry about

The more I experience life

I understand why i shouldn’t complain.

I need to be grateful for everything

For the grudge the jealousy

The uncertainty in my career

She is better than you.

She worked her ass off to be where she’s at.

So that means you do too.

You haven’t worked your ass off

You got it handed to you.

While she had to sweat for it.

Even though you were there.

You didn’t work as hard as her.

You didn’t get no sleep and then get up @7am to go walk in the dead hot scorching sun for an hour or two.

You didn’t be sleep deprived and

Still had to go to work.

The hypocrisy is astounding

The way her words twist to fit perfectly for the right reactions

The look and smirk on others faces

Believing anything that’s true.

The wayy words get smothered by jealousy and envy.

Envy that I’m 23 years old and she’s 40.

I’ll never get it.

Waking me up at 7am to go walk in the dead hot scorching sun for an hour or two

Being sleep deprived and still having to go work.

What was it for. Was it for me or was it so her ego can grow?

[kosmogrl]

late summer melancholy is real and it will kill you

[ashstfu]

fast food, fast fashion, songs being sped up, tv show seasons being only 8 episodes long, replacing youtube vlogs with fifteen second “day in the life” tiktoks, people in their 20s complaining about being too old...everything is so rushed, we have lost the art of lingering.

[4getherandfindher]

When I’m alone all I can do is think about you.

It frustrates me because I don’t want to think about you.

But you are the one that has given me that dopamine.

That rush in my chest that is soon slowed down with insecurity and melancholy

All I can think about is how it felt when you would text me.

When we would stay up late at night on FaceTime.

I was so unsure of sleep calls.

But they did bring me comfort.

A comfort I’ve never felt before

The comfort that was needed for me as a child.

You gave me that.

And I hate that you’re bad for me.

When you felt so good to me.

The anger I hold in me is that child.

That child that gasps for air as her body is submerged In desperation for that comfort.

[4getherandfindher]

Real 🙏🏻