🍂Flowers in Japan (DK) ¦ masterlist
🍂seventeen short?? au
🍂synopsis: your friend dokyeom visits you in japan during your semester abroad
🍂genre: angst
🍂word count: a lot... like a good 5 min read
🍂author’s note: this is a garbage but happy new year:) also this is like reupload ?? kinda idk ALSO sorry for any typos
🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂
“Please everyone hand in your exam, time’s up.” Mrs. Yoon says and you get up your seat and hand the last exam of the semester to the teacher. “It was nice teaching you guys, have a nice summer and I’ll see you in the fall with Organic Chemistry 2.” She said once she had packed everything and left the class. Ah, amazing how the world felt when one was free of responsibilities.
Or well, almost. You still had a month to see if you and Seokmin were accepted for the exchange you were planning since freshman year. One year studying abroad in Japan. At first the idea of living in Japan with Seokmin was fun but now you were dreading it. You both busted your asses to bump your gpa to make sure you guys would go, since there was a lot of competition.
“Damn that was hard” you hear the voice that has been wandering in your mind lately. The voice that made your heart skip a few beats. It was Seokmin’s “Did you answer problem 24? I’m pretty sure it was an aldehyde but Dongmin told me that it was a ketone”
“Yeah, it was an aldehyde.” You reassured him and you could see his pretty smile while he celebrated.
“I knew it!! Let’s go eat in celebration that we’re free from this hell and that the best summer of our lives has started.”
————
The next few weeks were absolutely amazing. You and Seokmin went to all the places you’d miss once you were abroad, but spending time with him came with a cost: your heart was beating faster, your face would go red and you’d have to blame it on the heat, you would wonder what it would be like to hold his hand or what it would be to see him waking up each morning.
The month passed quickly and it was the day where you’d get the email of acceptance or rejection at midnight. To say you were nervous was an understatement so Seokmin agreed to go drinking and clubbing with some friends from your class to ease the nerves and at midnight you would check the emails and drink whether you got rejected or not.
And so, you dressed in the hottest dress you owned because tonight was the night where you would confess your feelings to him, was it risky? Absolutely, maybe he didn’t like you but the thought of going to Japan and living as a couple was big enough to overshadow the risk.
—————-
The night was not going as you planned. You were sticky, dancing in the middle of the club with your friends. Not even the silk dress gave you enough confidence to confess your feelings to Seokmin and now he was dancing too close with a girl that was not you. You felt sick.
Dongmin came with two drinks of whatever he asked at the bar. He gave you one and you chugged that down as quickly as it touched your lips. Your friends cheered you on but you still felt like shit.
“I’m going to the bathroom” you shouted in Dongmin’s ear. The music was too loud and you needed to be somewhere less crowded. He nods and you make your way out of there.
—————
The nice girls that were in the bathroom never expected and were horrified to see you puke a yellow petal and a little bit of blood.
“Shit, whoever that person is, they don’t deserve you and they’re an idiot.” Said one, you don’t know who because your head was still processing what just happened. You just puked petals from Seokmin’s favourite flower.
“Girl you need to get surgery asap or you’ll die.” Said another voice and you hear a bunch of mmmhs in agreement. The only thing you could say before going out of the bathroom and before tearing up a little was an almost inaudible “Thanks guys.” The girls look apologetic and wished you the best. Outside of the bathroom was Dongmin.
“What are you doing here?” You said, clearing up your tears, so he wouldn’t notice.
“Waiting for you, you took too long, are you okay??” He asked. You appreciated Dongmin, you were not as close with him as you were with Seokmin and most of the times he thought he was too intelligent for his own good and he liked Twilight a little bit too much, but he was a good friend nonetheless.
—————
Dongmin called an Uber for the both of you when you said you felt bad and wanted to go home. It should’ve been Seokmin taking you home and giving you an earful for drinking too much but apparently he went home with the girl he danced all night. You almost gagged when Dongmin told you.
The drive to your apartment on campus was silent and Dongmin was very much of a gentleman so he made sure to walk you all the way to your door.
“Thanks Dongmin.” You said sincerely.
“Yeah, no problem. Have a nice night. Remember to take some painkillers when you wake up.” He says, you enter your home and go straight to bed.
—————
Waking up to the sound of your phone going off to a hundred messages was not something you were expecting.
From Seokmin🥸
9:46am
I got rejected...
9:47am
Ughhhh I’m so maddd, that means Dongmin is going
9:52
I should have studied harder
9:55
Maybe I can ask for an exchange during winter??
Idk I have to think about it
You can’t believe your eyes and before you can respond to him another message comes in.
From Dongmin
9:59
I got accepted, so I guess we’ll be roommates
10:00
Pack up baby we’re going to Japan🇯🇵
To Seokmin 🥸
10:02
Seokmin you’re super smart and you worked hard enough, I’m sure they’ll let you go for the January semester
To Dongmin
10:03
Can’t wait
———————-
“Don’t miss me too much.” Seokmin says once you’re at the airport. The last few days
Seokmin was over at your apartment. What once was happiness because you guys would be alone became unbearable. Scared you might puke a dozen of yellow lilies anytime.
“I won’t” you said making him laugh but deep down you wished being apart would make the feelings and the body ache subside.
“I’ll call you everyday.” He says
Your chest felt heavy. Knowing damn well he would keep his promise and that wouldn’t be good for your feelings.
“Y/N we have to board now” said Dongmin. Seokmin hugged you and kissed your cheek and you couldn’t help but shed a few tears once you were on your way to Japan.
——————
The next few weeks had you wishing telephones didn’t exist and that Seokmin would shut up for once. But you didn’t tell him to shut up, because his voice had you high only to smack you back to the ground whenever he talked about her.
You managed to throw up more petals three more times, once was on a sushi place. Dongmin didn’t know yet.
It was a hot Friday night where you and Dongmin came back from exploring Tokyo the whole day. You guys grew closer really quickly and to your surprise he was more organised with his stuff than Seokmin ever was. You were making dinner when Seokmin called you, you put him on speaker. Dongmin was on the living room watching a reality show.
“Wait you’re making dinner??” He says “you’re going to poison poor Dongmin” he laughs and you do too. You once agreed to wash the dishes if Seokmin did the meal but that was before finding out you both were rejected. Things have changed.
“I’m making spaghetti, nothing fancy and he won’t definitely die” you say “what are you doing?”
“Oh I’m getting ready to go on a date” you stop stirring the spaghetti and you feel your airways constrict. You left Seokmin and ran through the living room until you got to the bathroom, making Dongmin panic.
Seokmin could only hear the faint voice of Dongmin asking you if you were okay and then being paranoid.
“Mmm Seokmin, Y/N went to the bathroom. I think the food we ate for lunch went bad and she’s throwing up.” That was the second time Dongmin ever lied to Seokmin, the first one was when he asked him the answer of a problem. That was a prank to see if he would believe him.
Now he lied that you were food poisoned when he saw you pucking a yellow flower mixed with blood instead.
“Oh that sucks, I’ll leave her so she can relax and rest. Take care of her Dongmin.” Seokmin hung up.
————-
“You should tell him”
“And you should mind your business Lee Dongmin.” You said while chugging a bottle of water. You guys just came back from your first class together and you’re thirsty. After that night, Dongmin have told you that you should tell Seokmin thousands of times.
“Well if you don’t tell him then get surgery.” He says while taking off his raincoat. “You know it’s for the better”
“I don’t want to.”
“It’s not whether you like it or not, you’re hurting. A boy it’s not worth it.” You hated Dongmin some times because he was right. It wasn’t worth to be hurting for a boy, but it was Seokmin. The boy that stuck to you since the first day of college...
————
“Good morning can you tell me where’s classroom 546?” You asked a scrawny tall boy. You forgot to set your alarm and lost the bus. You didn’t have time to have breakfast and you were sure the teacher was going to hate you for being late.
“Ahh... actually I’m looking for the same classroom too” he scratches his head “I got lost” he admits and lets out a small laugh “...but we can find it together!”
That day, you both found the classroom together, you also found that the teacher was nothing but cool and after the class, the boy bought you lunch.
A tradition that you guys would recreate every start of semester. As time passed, that scrawny boy became the Seokmin you’ve grown to love. You just couldn’t erase him from your memory like that.
———
The symptoms worsened as the weeks went by, slowly Seokmin’s calls were subsiding, mostly talking through texts. Which made you miss his voice like crazy. In some way, Dongmin had it worst, he was living with the hard headed you and your puked yellow lilies, and with thousands of projects for his classes. There was this particular day where Dongmin took you to the hospital and asked a doctor to convince you to just do the surgery.
“Sadly we can’t force her into doing anything if she doesn’t want to” the doctor says, looking preoccupied “but I would seriously recommend getting the surgery. You don’t have to suffer because of it. It’s quick and you’ll be brand new in no time. People who have taken this decision are now living their life with contentment. You have a whole life and a brilliant future ahead of you, don’t let this take it away from you.”
“I’m sorry Doctor for wasting your time” you got up and Dongmin did too, frustrated.
—————-
Dongmin developed a habit of taking away your phone. Ever since you saw a picture that Seokmin posted of her on his Instagram with the caption “meet my girlfriend🤍” and you puked for an hour straight. Dongmin grabbing your hair on a ponytail while your face was deep down the toilet. It was so bad you passed out from the exertion and Dongmin had to rush you to the hospital.
“Please take the surgery” Dongmin asks once you woke up, he’s sitting next to the hospital bed you’re in.
“I already told you-“
“You’re dying!!” He yells, startling you “the doctors said that there are roots already forming in you lungs...and” his voice cracks “it’ll suffocate you if you don’t take the surgery”
You take a good look at Dongmin. His eyes are reddish, he’s got bags under his eyes, his irises didn’t have usual cheekiness you were used to, his skin looks pale, his lips are quavering and he looks like he has lost ten pounds. All because he was taking care of you when he should be enjoying his new life at Tokyo. That’s when you understand, it’s not fair. It was not fair to him. So you nod your head and agreed that you’ll have the surgery the weekend after finals.
——————-
It was Wednesday night when Dongmin decided to go out with some friends of class. You were getting better, little by little, knowing that your feelings for Seokmin will die in less than two weeks gave you strength to focus and to study for your finals.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” Dongmin asks, you could tell he was a little bit anxious to leave you alone and for a split second you really wanted him to stay. You still didn’t understand some topics and it would’ve been of help if he stayed and helped you out but he deserved to have a night out and be the 22 year old he was.
“Yeah don’t worry, have fun” you said sitting in the living room with all your notes splattered on the floor. Dongmin was on his way out “Hey, put on a scarf, it’s getting cold” you said.
“I don’t have a scarf” he says.
“Take mine then…” you said
“Where is it?”
“Ummm, my room…”
———————
Seoul was covered in the whitest snow you’ve seen. You were freezing while doing a lab report in the library during a free period. Your nose was red and your hands were stiff from trying to write in such conditions. Your coffee that was once hot turned cold so you didn’t dare to take a sip out of it. Focused, you continued doing your work, not noticing someone sitting in front of you.
“Are you cold?” Seokmin mumbles, you look at him, beanie resting on his head, his round glasses resting on his nose, rose cheeks and a scarf hanging on his neck, mittens on his hands which were holding a thermos. Even in the cold you felt warmed up only by his presence.
“Yes it’s freezing in here” you said trying to focus again on the screen.
“Here, take this” he says handing you the colourful scarf “you’ll get sick otherwise, and if you get sick, who’ll explain me the things that I don’t understand?”
You can’t help but laugh and both of you finish the report in no time, the cold long forgotten.
——————-
“This one?” Said Dongmin, showing you the scarf that once was Seokmin’s
“Yeah, that one” He hanged it around his neck and look at himself in the mirror
“Damn I look fine” he says and you snort “I’ll get going then...if anything happens I’m one call away okay?? And don’t do anything stupid”
“Yep...thanks Dongmin, for everything”
——————
You knew you shouldn’t have answered the phone but it’s been so long since you’ve heard Seokmin’s voice. Don’t do something stupid Dongmin said, but even so, you answered. To your surprise, you didn’t feel any gagging or your lungs without air, in a way knowing that those unrequited feelings for him would be taken out of your body, kept any flower at bay.
“Wait so when are your finals?” Seokmin asks
“Mmmm, they start next Monday” you said as you highlighted some of the notes you needed to remember. “Did you had your finals already?”
“Yepppp” he says “I aced them actually, got a better gpa than last semester”
“Oh so you’re waiting for your acceptance letter?” You asked, thinking that if he improved his grades there was no way they wouldn’t give him the opportunity to come to Japan.
“Ahh actually about that...” you stop highlighting your notes when you heard his tone of voice, the same tone he’d use when he messed up a lab practice and didn’t want you to get mad at him “I didn’t apply”
“What? Why?” You ask, your notes long forgotten and now your undivided attention in whatever Seokmin was going to say next
“Well, I didn’t want to leave her behind you know?” He said and you feel something, not the horrible feeling of puking, it was an acute pain in your chest, but you felt angered. He worked so for the last three years and now he says “they say long distance relationships don’t last”
“So you’re just going to throw all your hard work away?” You say, altered
“What? It’s not going to waste? I can just do a masters later outside of the country, I don’t know why you’re mad” he says which fuelled your anger even more
“I’m not mad it’s just...” you felt cold sweat start to form at the nape of your neck “you just met her less than six months ago and she changed your plans now”
“Well that’s how it works, I don’t think you understand” Seokmin says a little too passive aggressive for your liking, you almost whine at your chest aching but still ask
“That’s how what works?” You knew, you damn knew by the way your head was feeling dizzy, not enough oxygen going into your lungs, still your voice filled with poison, you can’t help it, but not even feeling the thorns grasping the inside of your lungs ached as what he said next
“That’s how love works” the burning sensation in your throat and eyes weren’t enough pain apparently
“Seokmin you don’t know what love is”
“Yes, I do.” You can’t help but let out a sarcastic snort and let the tears roll down your cheeks once you feel your lungs collapse.
“Do you love her?” You asked with the last breath you had, you want to hear no as an answer, but by the way your body was acting, you knew he would tell you otherwise; because that’s how Seokmin is. He’s madly in love with his girlfriend, madly in love with someone who’s not you.
———————-
Seokmin decided to do a surprise visit to Japan after your finals week. He felt bad because of the fight you guys had two weeks prior. Since then he tried to contact you, he called you the day after but you didn’t respond and he sent messages but he didn’t received an answer.
He thought he would let you have your space since you tend to get on edge when it was finals season. Plus he broke up with his girlfriend the day after you guys fought.
———————-
“So you’re telling me you want to go to Japan?” The girl Seokmin loves asks. They were having coffee by Han River while watching the sunset.
“I mean yeah, I-…..” he scratches his head unsure of how to word what he’s going to say next “…I’ve been planning on going to Japan since first year of college and I just can’t postpone it any longer.”
“You know what I think of long distance relationships Seok…” of course he knew, that’s why he didn’t even bother to send the application that semester.
“But we can make it work.” He takes her hand in his and tries to kiss her knuckles but she moves her hand away. “You don’t believe we’ll make it work?” Seokmin asks, she looks at him and he found himself lost in her eyes but this time he was confused, because those eyes were not home anymore.
That day Seokmin’s coffee went cold while he walked home. Tears leaving his pretty eyes and drying with the cold wind the night brought. One would’ve thought that he would’ve gone to bed and cried his heart out but the first thing he did after throwing the coffee down the drain was to open his laptop to search for flights to Japan. Seokmin tried to call you when he purchased the ticket and tell you the news and that you were right. As you always were. But you didn’t answer.
————————-
So when he knocked on your apartment’s door on Saturday’s morning while holding a bunch of yellow lilies he bought on his way there he was prepared to see you or Dongmin on the other side but there was no one to open the door and invite him in. So he called you, but the call didn’t go through. He was about to call Dongmin and tell him everything so he can come open the door and surprise you when he saw him come out of the elevator.
Dongmin looked like hell. It seemed like a typhoon hit him. His eyes were void and puffy, his hair was long, his cheekbones were more prominent, he was wearing a black padded jacket but still looked slimmer. Seokmin noticed though, that his neck was adorned with his once and now yours, scarf.
When both of their eyes met, Dongmin stopped in his tracks, not believing what he was seeing. Dongmin rushed to the apartment and before Seokmin could say anything, Dongmin closed the door.
—————-
The next two days were the same. Seokmin would go to your apartment early and would wait until Dongmin appeared trough the elevator doors. He would ask him what’s wrong, why were you guys ignoring him, and ask if he could see you. He would get no response as Dongmin wouldn’t even look at him and just shut the door in his nose.
On the third day however he decided to spy on Dongmin, waking up earlier to see where he was going, and to see if you were going out too. He followed Dongmin, he bought white flowers at a shop near the train station and then he disappeared from his sight. Seokmin went back to your apartment waiting for Dongmin to come back, and when he did, Seokmin decided it was time to talk.
“Why are you ignoring me Dongmin?” he said, blocking the door with his body so it couldn’t be opened, childish? yes, but if he was going to get answers like that he didn’t mind. “Where do you go everyday? Where’s Y/N? Are you guys mad with me?”
Dongmin couldn’t hold it anymore. He was tired and angry and everything in between. Every time he saw Seokmin the last few days his anger would worsen. His eyes would sting and he would try his best to not cry angry tears. But he was human.
“Shut the fuck up Seokmin... for once in your life shut the fuck up.” It stung, even Dongmin himself was amused because of how dry that sounded but he needed to let it out. “Why the fuck are you here? After what you did to her how come you dare come to our apartment? You say we’re ignoring you but fuck... that’s what we should’ve done the past few months”
“What are you talking about? What happened?” Dongmin looked him straight in the eyes. Eyes red and tears falling.
“Well, for starters Y/N’s dead.”
“That’s not what you expected to hear right?” Dongmin lets out a sigh and the air it’s visible with the cold weather. “She loved you and you didn’t love her back. So she died”
“That’s not true.” Seokmin said “She didn’t love me, we were friends”
“Yeah well tell that to the doctors who tried to get oxygen into her lungs but failed because they were filled with your shitty yellow lilies”
——————
Dongmin came back a little earlier than expected that night but he wished with all his heart that he would’ve never left you alone.
He heard Seokmin talking on the phone once he opened the door to the apartment and he felt alarmed
“I do love her, a lot actually, I don’t expect you to understand.” Dongmin didn’t hear any more because Seokmin hung up.
He rushed to the living room and there he saw you unconscious. The next moments to him were a blur. He knows he drove you to the hospital. He saw the doctors trying everything to pull out the flowers from you. He remembers the nurses asking him to stay calm when the doctor announced your death. He remembers the teachers telling him that he doesn’t have to present finals and that they’ll grade him with all the work he’s done. He knows he was the one that filled in the paperwork at the funeral home. He knows he had to clean all the flowers that blossomed when you were unconscious on the floor.
——————
It was bitter, everything felt bitter for Dongmin. You were so close to happiness. Dongmin was haunted by the what if’s, what if he insisted more? Would you be alive now? What if he stayed home that night? Would he have prevented you from answering the call?
“That can’t be posible, i called her two weeks ago and we had a fight” Seokmin said, a little tearstained, its must be some kind of joke. Maybe you told Dongmin to play along because you’re still mad at him.
“Yeah you did and it killed her, even before you said that you love your girlfriend, she was already dying. She probably started dying since that night at the club.”
“How do you know it was because of me?” Seokmin says in denial, it couldn’t been true. For the sole reason that you were too good for him, he knew it from the day you guys meet. That’s why he bought you lunch, at first it was in an attempt to win you over and maybe get your number but after hanging out with he knew he would never get the chance to be your boyfriend so he refrained himself before the feelings even developed.
“I can’t believe you’re that stupid to even ask me that” Dongmin says. “Who else would she been in love with?”
Seokmin didn’t know why he felt so cold, maybe it was because the news of you dying, maybe because it was actually cold. The ugly realization that he actually had a chance with you and that he had caused you so much pain was unbearable.
———————-
Seokmin was crying when he saw your grave. It was infested by yellow lilies and the white flowers Dongmin got you a few days after. Dongmin told him the address that day. “If you don’t believe me you can go and see for yourself.” Dongmin said.
“Was she your girlfriend?” An old lady a few graves from him asked, Seokmin tries to compose himself. The words burned him.
————————
It was Valentine’s Day during the first year of college when Seokmin saw your lab seat filled with chocolates, letters, flowers and even plushies. He felt embarrassed because he only brought you coffee. He made his way to you, you were focused doing some work.
“Hi Y/N…” Seokmin says before taking a seat next to you “I brought you coffee.” You look at him with the warmest smile, as if he had just told you that you won the lottery.
“Thank youuuu, so muchhhh…” He sees you take a sip and notices how your shoulders relax “…mmmmh just what I needed.”
“Who gifted you all of this?” He says, afraid that another guy might have won your heart. You chuckle
“Oh no, the girls from class decided to do a valentine’s exchange, so this are all the gifts that we’ll exchange later.” You said and Seokmin felt relieved. He didn’t knew why at that time but now he did.
———————
“Mmmm no… she is…” the lady had come closer, “well she was…”
Seokmin looked up at the sky in an attempt to not let the tears fall from his eyes. He saw the little snowflakes start falling from the sky. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and looks back to the old lady.
“She was someone I could’ve loved”