henry sheridan.

henry sheridan. i mostly woodwork and help backstage. i suppose i do write sometimes. though nothing of worth or interest, of course. there really is nothing like a good book.

[stagehandsheridan]

Last person you slept with?

Oh! Well, um... he was just a friend, so... I- you know, I don’t want to spill anybody’s secrets, of course... 

[stagehandsheridan]

Three people you wouldn't mind going on a date with?

Well, oh... I mean, I wouldn’t want to make anybody uncomfortable? I think... wouldn’t it be strange, or rude, you know... sharing those things online? An invasion of other peoples’ privacy? Which isn’t to say I won’t answer it, of course. I mean, I know lots of very beautiful girls, boys too- people of all genders, I mean. I’m not picky- no! Wait, not that I’m not picky, that sounded bad, but I just mean... more factors into things than looks, of course? Take Eliza, for example. She’s very beautiful, and sweet, very funny, too! She... Well, I think she’s so intelligent, and so interesting, and she makes me laugh, and I enjoy her company so much, so I think if I ever took her on a date it would be such fun, you know? Because we get along. I think. I assume she also enjoys my company- which I shouldn’t do, really? I shouldn’t assume. Maybe she doesn’t, I don’t know. But of course that’s just one person! I mean- well, Ariadne, of course. She’s a good friend, and she’s beautiful. I don’t think Ariadne does dates, but... But, of course there’s also Olive? She’s a pretty girl that works in the florist, actually. We’ve only met a handful of times- I was buying Lillies for my neighbour, and she went on to tell me how they’re some of her favourite flowers, and- well, yes. Um, Preston? He’s a good friend, handsome too! I don’t know, is it the same thing if we’re friends? I- I don’t know, perhaps... I don’t know. I think I over answered this, didn’t I? And I said too many people.

[ecbradshaw]

Any time you feel like going on that date, doll, you know where I am. I happen to enjoy your company very much, actually.

[stagehandsheridan]

R-really? You’re- I mean, you wouldn’t... you’re not teasing? 

[stagedoorhalliday]

What's your deepest insecurity?

I’m not a particularly insecure person. You wouldn’t be either if you had an ass like mine.

I’m scared people find me so fucking annoying that one day I’ll have nobody left. How’s that for insecure?

[stagehandsheridan]

Hey, Ariadne? I think you’re kind of great, if that means anything? 

[stagedoorhalliday]

Name 3 people you know that you'd fuck if given the chance (that you haven't already).

Okay, this is going to be fun. Please don’t be upset if you’re not listed, darlings.  Chances are I’d fuck you too.

Let me see. Rose from my English classes, if she’d have me. Henry, for sure. He’s gorgeous and probably filthy. And Jasper. No, bitches from my class, we’ve never fucked.

[stagehandsheridan]

I- Is this... You mean another Henry, right? 

[stagedoorhalliday]

I only know one Henry.

Sorry if I scared you off, darling.

[stagehandsheridan]

Not scared! No, not- just, well, surprised?

[stagehandsheridan]

Three people you wouldn't mind going on a date with?

Well, oh... I mean, I wouldn’t want to make anybody uncomfortable? I think... wouldn’t it be strange, or rude, you know... sharing those things online? An invasion of other peoples’ privacy? Which isn’t to say I won’t answer it, of course. I mean, I know lots of very beautiful girls, boys too- people of all genders, I mean. I’m not picky- no! Wait, not that I’m not picky, that sounded bad, but I just mean... more factors into things than looks, of course? Take Eliza, for example. She’s very beautiful, and sweet, very funny, too! She... Well, I think she’s so intelligent, and so interesting, and she makes me laugh, and I enjoy her company so much, so I think if I ever took her on a date it would be such fun, you know? Because we get along. I think. I assume she also enjoys my company- which I shouldn’t do, really? I shouldn’t assume. Maybe she doesn’t, I don’t know. But of course that’s just one person! I mean- well, Ariadne, of course. She’s a good friend, and she’s beautiful. I don’t think Ariadne does dates, but... But, of course there’s also Olive? She’s a pretty girl that works in the florist, actually. We’ve only met a handful of times- I was buying Lillies for my neighbour, and she went on to tell me how they’re some of her favourite flowers, and- well, yes. Um, Preston? He’s a good friend, handsome too! I don’t know, is it the same thing if we’re friends? I- I don’t know, perhaps... I don’t know. I think I over answered this, didn’t I? And I said too many people.

[stagedoorhalliday]

Name 3 people you know that you'd fuck if given the chance (that you haven't already).

Okay, this is going to be fun. Please don’t be upset if you’re not listed, darlings.  Chances are I’d fuck you too.

Let me see. Rose from my English classes, if she’d have me. Henry, for sure. He’s gorgeous and probably filthy. And Jasper. No, bitches from my class, we’ve never fucked.

[stagehandsheridan]

I- Is this... You mean another Henry, right? 

[stagehandsheridan]

TEXT: ARIADNE

Ariadne: Well, most women aren't as scary as I am, so there's that? I know to you all women must seem terrifying, but it just ain't so, Sheridan.

Ariadne: Oh.

Ariadne: You did?

Ariadne: You definitely said 'friend' though, right?

Ariadne: I mean, yes. But no. Nice is fucking refreshing. Dickheads are fun and dangerous for a while, but it'd be a nice change to date a guy who like, pays for stuff and makes me come.

Ariadne: So, yeah. Sometimes girls do just want nice guys.

Henry: I definitely said friend, yes.

Henry: I think...

Henry: Maybe? Does it matter? You are my friend.

Henry: Dangerous...? Is that really what people want? Danger?

Henry: I can do those things!

Henry: I mean, be nice, and pay, and stuff. I didn't mean- not that I can't. I can. I just... didn't mean that.

[stagehandsheridan]

TEXT: ARIADNE

Ariadne: Like, I'm offended I've been usurped but weirdly pleased I make you nervous?

Ariadne: Listen, it sounds like she already likes you a lot, right? You don't have to be all smooth and suave like most of the amdram dickheads in the theatre department. You're handsome and you're nice, you can go pretty fucking far on that alone. Especially the nice part.

Henry: Ariadne, you terrify me? But only because you're, well, really beautiful and confident and things. I don't know how to match that.

Henry: You're also really talented! I talked a lot about you to Eliza, actually? About how talented you are, and a cool friend, and stuff.

Henry: You don't think, well... You always say, um... You're always saying "treat them mean, keep them keen", and how dickheads and badboys are sexy... Isn't nice considered, well, boring?

[stagehandsheridan]

TEXT: ARIADNE

Ariadne: I don't know how to be more literal about this.

Henry: Well, I mean, I'll see her around but...

Henry: I'm not good at this stuff, Ariadne

Henry: Look at us, for example. You are undoubtedly the most beautiful girl I have ever met - until today, obviously - and any time we speak in person it takes me a solid minute to stammer out a sentence and even then I'm usually sweating bullets.

Henry: Wait! Not /obviously/, just... Sorry.

[stagehandsheridan]

TEXT: ARIADNE

Ariadne: Oh uh, thanks, Henry? You're cool too?

Ariadne: I'm getting a bit lost wondering how your eighty something neighbor factors into all of this, but sure.

Ariadne: Name rings a bell? Is she blonde, thick Brooklyn accent?

Ariadne: If it's her, she's around the university a lot. Wouldn't be so hard to bump into her, if you know what I mean?

Henry: Like I said, you had to be there?

Henry: Yes! That's her! Beautiful accent!

Henry: No... What do you mean?

[stagehandsheridan]

TEXT: ARIADNE

Ariadne: No apology necessary, dear. I don't have many either.

Ariadne: But you can like, talk to me, or whatever.

Ariadne: Shy. But it's endearing, you know? It kind of works in your favor.

Ariadne: You were telling her about your elderly neighbour and she considered this flirting? Henry, is this girl as cute as you remembered, or?

Ariadne: She flirted with you because you're hot. No two ways about it, darling. But a writer, hm? How dear! Has she written anything I would've heard of?

Ariadne: When are you seeing her again?

Henry: Thanks, Ariadne. :) You can talk to me too!

Henry: Yeah? I dunno. People scare me. You sort of scare me, sometimes. But maybe that's a me thing. You're cool.

Henry: She was cute! But I meant... well, my neighbour said she was pretty, and then I guess... you had to be there?

Henry: Anyway. Not the point. Um, Eliza Bradshaw? Maybe you've heard of her! You know Rose, right? She's friends with her, too. She knows her, really well actually. But, she's really pretty, and I have no idea when I'll see her. I... gave her my number? I've never given anybody my number! Well, except for you?

[stagehandsheridan]

TEXT: ARIADNE

Ariadne: And you came to ME for advice? I'm delighted. I feel so honoured and privileged to be the one to receive this information.

Ariadne: Flirting is one of my many talents. But Henners, you're not like a bagel. You're actually really fucking hot and pretty charming sometimes.

Ariadne: She TOLD you she was flirting? She had to spell it out? fr fr?

Ariadne: Tell me everything about her.

Henry: I don't have many friends

Henry: Wait, sorry. That sounded awful, Ariadne, I'm really sorry.

Henry: I wanted to come to you, I just... wouldn't know who else to talk to about this kind of thing.

Henry: Am I? Why sometimes? What am I the other times?

Henry: Sorry. But, yeah, she had to spell it out. I was telling her about Jennifer, my 87 year old neighbour, and I guess it came up. I didn't realise. Why would someone flirt with me? She's beautiful... why would a beautiful girl flirt with me?

Henry: Anyway! Sorry. Again. She's... beautiful. Funny. Sweet... And, um, a writer! She's an author. Her name is Eliza. She kept calling me 'doll'. It was nice.

[ecbradshaw]

Oh! My bad, I didn’t mean to - looks like we have the same coffee order. Go ahead and take it. I can wait, sweetie. You look like y’might need it more than I do! No offence. 

[stagehandsheridan]

ecbradshaw​:

ecbradshaw​:

Oh! My bad, I didn’t mean to - looks like we have the same coffee order. Go ahead and take it. I can wait, sweetie. You look like y’might need it more than I do! No offence. 

You know what they say, practice makes perfect?

I do! What kind of writer would I be if I didn’t have a pen? I would say, y’know where I work, but that would be pretty weird if y’did. So here’s… my number! And maybe I can swing by and see you next time I come to see Rose? If that’s okay!

See? I’m all red. You’ve made me go red. You’re sweet.

Yeah, I definitely don’t know where you work, hah. I’m not a total weirdo, promise! But, yeah... That would be nice? I’d like that a lot. Or even if you weren’t, um, visiting Rose? If you wanted to stop by, or... not? If you wanted. Or if you don’t. Up to you.

[stagehandsheridan]

TEXT: ARIADNE

Ariadne: HENNERS.

Ariadne: Hit me, baby (one more time)

Henry: Haha. Ariadne :)

Henry: Ummmmmm

Henry: I talked to a girl? She was pretty. She told me we were flirting? She called me handsome

Henry: You're good at this stuff. You're pretty, you like to flirt with people? I am more like a bagel who evolved and discovered the ability to speak

[stagehandsheridan]

TEXT: ARIADNE

Henry: Hey, Ariadne! I... hope you don't mind me texting?

Henry: Anyway. Um. I kind of sort of need your advice?

Henry: Sort of

[ecbradshaw]

Oh! My bad, I didn’t mean to - looks like we have the same coffee order. Go ahead and take it. I can wait, sweetie. You look like y’might need it more than I do! No offence. 

[stagehandsheridan]

ecbradshaw​:

ecbradshaw​:

Oh! My bad, I didn’t mean to - looks like we have the same coffee order. Go ahead and take it. I can wait, sweetie. You look like y’might need it more than I do! No offence. 

I mean, I was certainly flirtin’. But I can stop if it makes you uncomfortable.

Well, let me get Jennifer a signed somethin’. No charge, really. You already got her one of my books, I can’t be takin’ any more of your money. I can give it to Rose to give to you sometime? Or you could give me your number? If that’s alrigh’ with you, of course.

No! No. No, I’m not uncomfortable. Definitely not. Just... bad at flirting?

Yeah, I mean... I could- do you have a pen? And, if you can’t get through to me, well- you know where I work now!

[ecbradshaw]

Oh! My bad, I didn’t mean to - looks like we have the same coffee order. Go ahead and take it. I can wait, sweetie. You look like y’might need it more than I do! No offence. 

[stagehandsheridan]

ecbradshaw​:

ecbradshaw​:

Oh! My bad, I didn’t mean to - looks like we have the same coffee order. Go ahead and take it. I can wait, sweetie. You look like y’might need it more than I do! No offence. 

You’re too kind.

She did not say that! Aw, tell her sometimes I am too busy flirtin’ with pretty girls to write. And sometimes pretty boys in coffee shops. But we’re both familiar with deadlines, ain’t we? What’s your friend’s name? Tell her I say hi. Better yet, tell her I’ll sign her book. If that means anythin’ to her. I don’t wanna sound like one of those authors who thinks every damn person wants my autography. I’m continuin’ March Hauntings soon too, if she’s stuck on reading about Elena and co. Listen to me, plugging my own book! You’ve just got no shame, Eliza.

Flirting with boys i- oh. Oh. Are we flir- we’re... oh.

Her name’s Jennifer. Her wife passed just last year and I think she likes the company, so I think she’d like that a lot, actually. A signed book? Only if you want to...? I’d pay! I mean, I’d be happy to.