lonely writer.

Spilling the thoughts inside my spinning head that being over taken by my stumble heart.

[standingnut-blog]

Generation of Fear

the generation of fear, we were created by the fear of society,

"the dangerous society", the trouble of unlimited and accesseable information,

we lived in the day of "prevention" scare of everything, so we need to PREVENT everything.

they dont give us any opprtunities to make any mistakes.

then, we will be trapped. being two distinctive of people, the first type is being totally

a scardy cats, fear of everything, and never explore all the beauties of the world beccause 

too afraid of everything, and being a totally scare and STUCK to be GOOD KIDS.

Maybe they will achieve one-two things but then stop when times get hard, they will lower their 

expectation and living with other expectation by growing up, hacing children, and so on.

or, the second type, will be totally an asshole by don't give a fuck about everything and make all

kind of mistakes that could be done by their situation, and later, keep being labelled as

a trash of society. 

They ALL, being the new kind of ZOMBIES, living in the life that they dont understand.

dealing with themselves without knowing and understanding themselves. Fragile with any kind

of challenges that being offerred by life, or being fragile of society that always having high expectation

of them, asking them to be perfect from the outside, but inside, they keep destructing themselves with fear.

It will be totally depressed, anxious, some end up kill themselves, some keep being a zombie til they died,

some will live in a fantasy, not live in the present, maybe in past or future, or somewhere, life that didnt exist.

[standingnut-blog]

First Love

Now, I know why first Love is so important, and you can't help but remember them. It is because they are the first person you are open up to be sincerely yourself without any masks, and since you are experiencing first Love when you are young, you show them the real innocent you. 

So, in ages later, you will miss them to giving you a simple thought about you and your life, because they are the person who knew many things about you, the real you, the innocent you, that even you have forgotten. They will be the person you will miss the most in the peace of mind.

[standingnut-blog]

What do I do with pain?

What do I do with the pain?

As an over thinking person I taste it carefully before swallow it. Very slowly to make sure that I do understand every single taste of it. Is it sour? Bitter? Or even sweet? Why is it taste like this? Do i deserve to feel such way toward this pain?

And so many other questions just to make sure I understand myself better on encountering such a bad event. Sadly, it makes me harder to forget it and to cope with it, the pain staying longer and in the meantime I better not being disturbed or I probably could share it to you with my own act.

But rather than forget it, I think it is better to do this way so that I can keep on reflecting toward my own feelings, and it keeps me working on response instead of just a reaction (I don't do this before; I keep on go back to my immature act). The problem are; first, right now, I'm not good enough on enduring the pain in the meantime of tasting it (but at least, I'm brave enough to facing it). Second, when I figuring out the taste and the reason behind it, it's better I am good enough to talking about it to other people just to make everything could start again in such a clean state or else the same thing could happen and I'm gonna be the one swallowed it slowly, it is not healthy.

PS :

I think it is better that I do the same with my own happiness so that I do understand and embrace the happiness as much as the pain, cause both situation taught me life lessons and self improvement.