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Feeling Helpless? Do Something Positive Instead

Feeling Helpless? Do Something Positive Instead

Helpless? Everyone at one time experiences it due to aging, declining health, shattered relationships, or deteriorating world conditions. The way we confront the feeling shapes our lives. I learned how to corral being helpless from a scary African-American scholar, people nearing the end of their lives, cancer, and my father—a grocer who rose above racism.

  Four Stories

Story 1. At a University…

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Morality, Bombs, and Trump: A Descent to Alabama, 1965

Morality, Bombs, and Trump: A Descent to Alabama, 1965

We are faced with a morality crisis that will structure the values of our country for generations. As a voting rights activist in Montgomery, Alabama in 1965 I watched proud parents hand their children rocks to throw at our bus. If a child was accurate enough to hit and break a window, their parents glowed with admiration.

The events over the past few days draw me back to that time in the 1960’s…

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The Meaning of Life—Why the Question Makes No Sense

The Meaning of Life—Why the Question Makes No Sense

I was honored by a request to join world leaders in answering the question, “What is the Meaning of Life?” I hope my response is useful. You can read other responses by visiting http://dld.bz/gNR4zI

The Words We Use

The words we use and questions we ask ourselves often shape our lives in ways that can be insightful or hurtful. What is the meaning of life is an example of the latter. This…

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Why Apologies May Not Work

Why Apologies May Not Work

In a workshop I gave on regrets and apologies, someone asked “What was the cruelest thing you ever said or did?” After sifting through my many transgressions, one stuck out—something I said more than forty years ago and still brings back pains of regret. A colleague had repeatedly asked me to do something I preferred not to do. In response to his incessant questioning of my refusal, I said in…

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Caregiver Abuse: The Role of Personality and Illness

“How do I separate my loved one’s old abusive behaviors from those caused by his illness?” It’s a question I often hear from caregivers and one that’s difficult to answer definitively. Yet it routinely impacts relationships between caregivers and their loved ones.

Abuse Occurring in Short-Term Caregiving

During short-term caregiving, abusive behaviors are transient and usually subside when the…

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Alabama Euphoria: Why Principals of Change Suggest Restraint

I was arrested in Alabama 52 years ago. It was March, 1965 and there was a nationwide call for college students to descend on Montgomery in support of the civil rights workers marching from Selma. Black citizens were determined to register to vote and white state officials were equally determined that they would not.

The Old Alabama

I witnessed parents proudly accompanying their young…

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Three Subway Christmas Carols

It is December, 2003 and I just got off the C train at 53rd and 5th, when I see his arms flailing above the thousands of people ascending the stairs.

“Ban people not cigarettes,” he yells as two police officers standing off to the side with machine guns discreetly move their rifles in the voice’s direction. He stands immobile on the stairs lecturing everyone coming in the opposite direction. The…

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Coping With Anger: Why You Should Substitute Forgiveness With Understanding

Coping With Anger: Why You Should Substitute Forgiveness With Understanding

Originally published by Stan Goldberg, Ph.D. in Very Well. com June 14, 2016

The Tibetans have a saying, “You can throw hot coals at your enemy, but you’ll burn your hands.” The same idea applies to anger. Rarely do we think about how our anger hurts ourselves. We hold on to anger as if it was life-sustaining rather than destructive, believing we can throw hot coals without getting burnt.

Ask…

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14 Questions to Ask Before Selecting a Nursing Home

14 Questions to Ask Before Selecting a Nursing Home

by Stan Goldberg. Originally published by verywell.com, January 23, 2016 There may come a time when, despite wanting to care for your loved one, it may not be possible. Either you’re physically unable or the emotional strain on you has become unbearable. Placing a loved one in a nursing home is difficult, especially when a loved one pleads to remain at home. But allowing him to remain at home…

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Forgiveness: The Best Gift You Can Give To Yourself and Others

Forgiveness: The Best Gift You Can Give To Yourself and Others

By Stan Goldberg, PhD Originally published by Verywell.com, December 19, 2016

We often struggle with what would be the perfect gift. We fixate our attention mostly on objects and events. “What could Aunt Sarah use the most in her kitchen?” Would Mother like a cruise?” While objects and activities offer temporary happiness, there are two gifts that can last a lifetime: Unconditionally asking for…

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The Best Gift You Can Give Yourself: Forgiveness

The Best Gift You Can Give Yourself: Forgiveness

In this holiday season, we are obsessed with what to give people we love. Few of us think about what we can give ourselves. So here is a suggestion. One that will not cost you anything, other than the anger you have been preciously guarding for years: Forgiveness.

Forgiveness and Throwing Hot Coals

Tibetans have a saying, “You can throw hot coals at your enemy but in the process, you’ll burn your…

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Letting Go: When Losses are Inevitable

As the Soberanes fire in Carmel, California comes closer to our vacation home, I’m devastated knowing the source of wonderful memories will most likely become a charred monument to quiet weekends, solitude, and cherished family gatherings. I know it’s time to let go.

Fire Path

According to the heroes fighting the fire, it is roaring through canyons with heat sufficient to melt metal. These 3,000…

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Loving, Supporting and Caring for the Cancer Patient

Loving, Supporting and Caring for the Cancer Patient

My new book on cancer is in production and will be published as a hardback in October of 2016 by Roman & Littlefield. It’s now available from Amazon as a pre-order.

“Everyone will benefit from his advise“-Jack C. Westman, M.D.,author of The Cancer Solution: Taking Charge of Our Life with Cancer

“Simple but profound advice…rich in wisdom”-Betty Ferrell, Director, Division of Nursing Research and…

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Depression? Four Simple "Non-Therapy" Strategies to Reduce It

Depression? Four Simple “Non-Therapy” Strategies to Reduce It

There are more things that can cause depression as we age. I can’t run as fast or as far as I did ten years ago, my weight only fluctuates upward, I take more time to process information, and I feel under attack from a variety of infirmities associated with aging and chronic illnesses.  If you’re over 50 (I’m 70) you probably have similar complaints. My Father’s NoisesWhen I was a child, my…

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Living With Cancer: Don't Call Us Survivors

Living With Cancer: Don’t Call Us Survivors

Thirteen years ago I received a diagnosis of an aggressive form of prostate cancer, yet I still don’t think of myself as a “survivor.” In fact, when someone attaches the label to me, I feel uncomfortable. I’m living with cancer, not surviving it.  Surviving—A Zero Sum Game Surviving is a zero-sum game. Either you live, or you die—there’s nothing in between, just like there isn’t a “little bit of…

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Meditation: How to Take the Wobble Out of Our Minds

Meditation: How to Take the Wobble Out of Our Minds

An Exclusive Article by About.com’s Caregiving Expert, Stan Goldberg Ph.D. We often associate meditation with Eastern religions or new world cults. But modern science has shown the value of this ancient practice. As a caregiver, learn how you can use meditation to reduce stress by clicking here.

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When Less is More: Three Strategies for Preventing Caregiver Stress

When Less is More: Three Strategies for Preventing Caregiver Stress

An exclusive about.com article by Stan Goldberg We want to alleviate the emotional and psychological pain of the person for whom we are caring. The mistake many caregivers make is believing “doing more” is the solution. Read More.

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