I never thought I’d write a letter of resignation to a fandom.
There's a certain flavour of sadness when you realise you're no longer into something that once meant so much to you. I would love to feel the magic I once felt when I first started getting into Stardom. Watching every show top to bottom, learning the characters, meeting some great people who were fans and who helped welcome me into the fandom. Stardom came to me at a kinda tricky time in my life. Nothing awful, just things were getting harder than they had been. It was January 2022, and I remember watching my first show on my lunch break at work on my phone in a nearby coffee shop. Stardom had put a free show out on YouTube days before. Such a smart move on their part to welcome new fans in the new year.
I was hooked. And it happened so fast. I wanted everything. I wanted it all. I got the streaming service, I was watching the PPVs live (which as a UK fan isn’t the easiest).
I was in love. As the people closest to me in my life would attest, I was obsessed. Fan books, merch… made a whole ass shrine in my bedroom lmao.
Stardom was a constant source of serotonin that I could rely on. I refreshed Stardom-world hourly looking for the latest show to be uploaded. I went into older footage to look at some fantastic and hilarious moments from years back. I made thousands of Tumblr posts.
I went to Japan and travelled around the country following them from show to show. It was a dream come true. I went places I never would have dreamed of because of Stardom. I had the time of my life.
I also bought an unhealthy amount of merch back with me XD
Once I got back home, things started to change. I at first attributed that to me being depressed I was no longer in Japan, that I wasn’t at the shows live and therefore just felt like something was missing in me. There was this disconnect. I couldn’t really understand it at first, but I was drifting. I checked for shows with less urgency, I posted less recent stuff on Tumblr. I thought it was just me, but then other fans around me started to voice things I was starting to pick up on.
The booking felt off, the product felt more hollow. We know now there was some management bullshit that was affecting everyone backstage, and it bled through to the product. They did some bullshit gimmick matches that even the workers hated. They stopped making Stardom as English accessible by no longer subbing in-ring promos. Stardom was getting worse. On top of that, there were big changes on the horizon. We all suspected Giulia to be leaving, and when DDM (my favourite unit) broke up without much fanfare, I was heartbroken, because it signalled to me that my era of Stardom was ending. I managed to grin and bear it when Himeka left, because DDM was still going strong, but once they disbanded, we knew the writing was on the wall for Giulia, who was one of my absolute favourites. She was leaving.
In a weird way, it was fortunate that I had drifted far enough out of the fandom when Utami announced she was leaving too. If she had done that in my fandom prime, it would have broken me.
So it goes. Two of my favourites were leaving. I was losing pieces of this wonderful puzzle. It was starting to fall apart. It had become that the thing that meant so much to me was becoming a chore I was forcing myself through because I felt like I HAD to.
More things have happened since then. Mina, who was one of the ones who got me into Stardom, left. Kid, who I loved as a heel, turned face. As of April 28th, the day I’m writing this: Tam retired yesterday, Mayu left Stardom, Thekla is looking to leave Japan.
It’s inconsequential, in the grand scheme of things, I know that. But I just feel so utterly sad today. Tam and Giulia had some of my favourite matches of all time, their rivalry was electric. Mayu, the icon of Stardom, who’s been there since day one, who I love to pieces, has left. Thekla, the one who truly did hook me onto Stardom since that very first show, she was the one I was enamoured by… now she’s gone too.
And I think I have to leave this fandom. I have been debating this for a while, a clean break. It only just occurred to me today - or at least, I only just let myself voice and accept it today - that trying to cling onto Stardom is hurting me. I check the Twitter and see things I wish I was invested in but aren’t. I read the Discord chat and see people discussing storybeats and I wish I was able to love the stories like they do and be a part of those conversations again. But I can’t. I want to, badly, and I’ve tried, but I just can’t. And it drains me.
I don’t feel how I used to feel. That breaks my heart.
The period I was into Stardom meant so much to me. If you look at the archive on this blog, you'll see just how much I was consuming in the height of the hyperfixation. I want that feeling back so badly. I just know it's not going to happen, and that crushes me a little. It may not have burned as long as some of my other hyperfixations, but it burned BRIGHT.
Jan 2022 - June 2023. I think that pretty much sums up my golden era. For me, anything after the Oedo Tai/Queens Quest cage match was the start of the end.
There's so many moments and wrestlers I wanna talk about but this ramble is long enough as it is 😅
I still have projects left unfinished. So many clips I meant to put on the blog, AMVs half done, other projects I started but never got around to completing. I think the only thing that will continue for me for a while is my writing, because I do want to finish what I started there, and they’re just a great cast of (gay) characters to write for. Plus, for the two people that might read my fics, most of them take part in the era of Stardom I’m most fond of, with my favourite roster.
This blog will stay up, of course. It may have the occasional post now and again, but little more.
As for me, I may come back to Stardom in the future, when enough time has passed that the slate is wiped clean and I can start anew. Wrestling will always be a huge part of my life, so I may find another promotion to get into. It won’t be WWE or AEW. I’m done with big Western promotions. Marigold or any of the other Joshis don’t call to me at the moment. I’d really like to get into DDT, and I’m going to try that on for size. Hopefully it sticks 🙂
There’s too many people I wanna thank for being a part of my Stardom journey, you all know who you are, my Discord bretheren, and I love you dearly. I doubt anyone has even read this far. This post is a vent that I wanted public, I just needed it to be Said, it needed to be Out There.
Thank you, Stardom. I will always love you.
Believe today, shine tomorrow.
