(‘Within the Light’) Seonghwa x f!reader (Smugglers! San & Wooyoung, Resistance! Yunho)
──── The Galaxy is ever turning, something is shifting in the force. Maybe paths will cross again.
2026 : Word Count : 5, 326 : Warnings : I think think there’s any
Note : Said I would work on finishing the next chapter of ‘A Tribute’s Heart’ but here we are. The latest ep of Ateez X N12D motivated me to write this. I’m tired and it's so late so I will post the rest of the blurb later in a part 2. This is mostly preliminary information that sets up for part 2 (Sorry no Yunho yet)
This is a revised version of this blurb.
If you have any recommendations/ideas for a part 2 let me know!
This is purely a work of fiction and delusion lol, I do not own Star Wars or any of its canon characters. Dividers from @/uzmacchiato
18ABY (After The Battle of Yarbin)
The planet was beautiful.
Lush green grass bent softly in the wind as it stretched over rolling hills far as the eye could see. The teal hued bodies of water which covered 85% of Thaleryn sparkled under the planet's sun. Looking out it appeared almost glasslike, the waters only occasionally disturbed with incoming soft wind that rippled over the surface.
Thaleryn sat on the galaxy’s outskirts, forgotten to most except those born beneath its four moons. A quiet planet with no big cities or ports, most Thalerianians never felt the need to explore off world. While those who may find themselves visiting the tranquil planet never lingered long. The largest town, Eryndel, housed every government building and central commerce hub. Even then, the almost city was tame compared to my home planet of Corellia.
Peace clung to Thaleryn. The planet’s short mountains were embedded with glimmering waterfalls as its nomadic peoples moved with the planets alternating summer and spring seasons. Living with the rhythm of the land was easy here. It was ideal for one of Luke Skywalker's New Jedi Order outer rim enclaves.
I arrived on the planet at the age of 9. A young Corellian unaware that a planet could have such clean air. That a planet could fall silent to soft humming of wildlife in the night and not drumming machinery, or billowing ship horns which competed with the machines that clanged in endless rhythm. I recall following the Jedi who escorted me up the smooth stone path to the Temple. He walked without a sound, and I found myself wondering if all Jedi walked with such grace. His robes brushed faintly against the Temple's main marble steps as we reached the entrance. Stepping into the grand hall, Ondine Temple radiated a soothing warmth with its stained glass windows casting color across the empress green marble hall floors.
Standing in the grand hall, I remember feeling the eyes of the other younglings, curious and assessing. Looking at the others, I had gathered nine was considered less common of an age to be brought to a Temple, my peers seeming at least two to five years younger than I. Tears had threatened to gather in the corners of my eyes as I realized just how far from Corellia and my mother I truly was. But, to train with the Order meant to sacrifice home and attachment from a young age on.
When the Jedi Knights had arrived at our door on Corellia gently explaining their observations of my acute Force sensitivity, my mother hesitated. I still faintly recall the distrust in her eyes as she all but glared at the two young Jedi Masters, her fingers curling protectly into the fabric of my sleeve. Though Luke’s Order had been generally well received and was steadily rebuilding, the Jedi had been gone for so long. And the shadow of the Jedi Order of the Galactic Republic lingered. The massacre of its Padawans and Jedi Masters alike was not so easily forgotten, and for many across the galaxy, that memory left a quiet but persistent unease.
Ever persistent, my pleas to leave and learn the ways of the Force eventually won her over that night. If we want to keep peace in the Galaxy won’t it be worth it? At nine, that seemed not only so simple but achievable. But, when was the darkness not lingering.
The weeks on Thaleryn passed quickly. A structured routine of meditation, Force attuning/sensitivity, history, and drills for unarmed combat, flowed from dawn to early evening. It was during one of our Force based classes that he arrived. The classroom had fallen silent as Jedi Master Seren entered with a boy standing a quarter of the way hidden at her side.
“This is Seonghwa,” she said gently.
The fifteen of us who were sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the floor stared curiously at the shy ten-year-old who shifted bashfully at the attention directed at him.
As the lesson progressed, our instructor, Jedi Master Atticus, presented us with six overturned cups hiding a series of varying shaped objects. Our job was to each take a turn using the Force to sense which cup hid what object. Seonghwa surpassed what seemed to be most of the class, briskly identifying each one with quiet certainty. Jedi Master Atticus applauded him for his intuition.
Weeks passed again. Seongwha had kept mostly to himself, while I in my time at Ondine managed to make a few acquaintances among our peers, but nothing that felt anchored. The ache for home only grew stronger. I missed my mother. The realization settled in that I was on a foreign planet for a time that would not stretch just months, but years. The concept of never seeing my home planet possibly ever again weighed heavily on me.
Younglings weren’t permitted to wander the Temple’s halls at night, the Order performing a regimented schedule, but what harm could come from some mediation in the garden? Ondine’s gardens were enclosed in prismatic glass. In the large greenhouse the flowers seemed to bloom even brighter beneath the moonslight.
I sat on the cool marble bench fixed along the winding walkway. Tears that I had held back for months at this point began to silently stream down my chubby cheeks. As I screwed my eyes shut trying to quiet the sound of my own breathing a presence settled beside me.
I was startled, I looked over to see Seonghwa sat at my side. His gaze was tilted upward looking through the intricate glass ceiling toward the four moons suspended above us.
“My family,” he clarified quietly. “I know we’re not supposed to think much of home, or speak of it.” His voice wavered just slightly before steadying. “But it feels nice to reminisce.”
As the confession hung between us Seonghwa finally looked over at me, our eyes meeting.
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that,” he finished.
We sat in silence for a stretch of time, two children pretending they were braver than they felt.
I think that was the first time he ever spoke to me, and the first time I felt that being on Thaleryn, however long, might actually be okay.
I didn’t bother knocking before bursting into Seonghwa’s quarters.
“Notice anything different?” I asked, unable to keep myself from giving a spin, a smile beaming on my face as I looked at the 13-year-old-boy who sat at the head of his bed. Seonghwa’s glasses sat low on the bridge of his knows as he sat reading a hefty history book on the Force. His eyes flicked up at me briefly, seemingly disintered as his gaze returned to the open page before him.
Storming over to Seonghwa I snatched the book from his hands.
“Try again,” I said pointedly, leaning into his space. The new braid that said behind my left ear slipped forward over my shoulder softly swinging.
Seonghwa’s eyes widened slightly. He reached out, delicately caught the braid between his fingers and ran his thumb over the woven strands. “When?” he asked softly.
“This morning!” I said, dropping down onto the edge of his bed. “ I was asked to the Council Chambers. Honestly I thought they were going to ream me out for never adhering to curfew, but then I noticed Jedi Master Jakai was in the room and he rarely ever visits from the Ossus Temple,” I rambled.
At the mention of Ossus, a look of worry passed Seonghwa’s features, “Are you being relocated?” he asked.
“No, thank the maker. Master Jakai is relocating here, but it is expected that if he goes on off-world assignments I am to join for the learning experience.” I leaned back slightly, staring up at the ceiling. Turning my head to look at Seonghwa, he was zoning away into the vast corners of his mind. He did that sometimes, retreated inward, not that I was much better with that.
“Hey,” I urged gently, nudging his knee with mine and breaking him from his trance, “You’ll be a Padawan soon too.”
A quiet beat passed between us.
He nodded once as he retreated back to whatever thought was now plaguing his mind.
A few months later, I had been scheduled to join the next Gathering. My weeks leading up to the Jedi ritual were spent crafting and engraving my saber hilt, refining its balance, and adjusting for personal aesthetic choices. Now, I would finally be permitted to attune to a kyber crystal.
For most, the event would take hours. However, for me, the Gathering hadn’t taken long. The cavern was dark, only to be illuminated by glowing white rocks embedded in the rough walls. The air was cool and damp, but the energy was peaceful as the Force gave a warm buzz into the air. The other Padawan’s moved cautiously around me, as we all began our individual quest.
Reaching the center of the cave something tugged at my chest. Turning my head towards the back left corner of the space, I spot a geode sat snug in the stone wall seemingly almost out of reach. Making my way over to the jagged wall I stretched up on my tippy toes to grasp the buried stone. As my fingers grazed the rock a force pressed down on me. A dizzy spell settled over me as I attempted to tug the sphere free, whispers falling upon my ears.
The dark side will call you.
Your attachments will grow too strong.
The Order will fall by your own hands.
Shaking the thoughts from my head, the geode shifted free and the air returned to my lungs. I recalled from my readings that some padawon’s experienced strong false images among other illusions to the mind. A test to impede and push the mind during the selection process. From my knowledge, this is what deterred Padawons to the point of spending hours in search for their crystals.
The geode, held in my left hand, I slammed it against the cavern wall, reinforcing the impact with the Force. With an echoed sound the stone cracked open. Pulling the broken shards away, inside, nestled in the fractured stone, sat a green kyber crystal that glimmered within the barely illuminated cave.
Pulling my saber hilt from where it hung off my belt it was cool to the touch. I popped the small door to the main crystal mount open, my fingers trembling slightly as I placed the green kyber crystal on the primary mount. Closing the latch and turning the hilt in my hands, I ignited the blade watching as a pear-ish-emerald-green saber burst to life. As it hummed steady the warm light washed over the space around me.
Returning to Ondine, I made my way to Seonwha’s dorm. Knocking on his door, I waited for his hum of approval. Two beats of silence passed with no response, ‘Maybe he’s in a lesson’ I thought to myself. Giving the door another round of short knocks before declining to leave, another minute passed before the door cracked open. Seonghwa held the door at a degree that was barely open enough to see half of his face, his usual well trimmed hair had grown out longer now as it brushed over his eyelashes.
“What’s up?” he asked softly. “Aren’t you supposed to be at the Gathering?”
“I finished early,” I said, tilting my head, I added, “want to see what color I got?”
“Isn’t that process supposed to take hours?” he questioned, still not budging from the door.
“Are you going to let me in or not?” I asked, hands falling to rest on my hips.
Seongwa finally stepped aside, pushing the door more open to let me in.
Once inside, I turned back towards Seonghwa who was re-closing the door, “Guess what color.”
With an unserious smirk on his face, “Hmm. Pink,” he guessed.
I scoffed,“I’m not that special.”
A small smile tugged at Seonghwa’s lips.
A comfortable silence fell over us. I pulled my saber from its hilt and ignited it, the warm buzzing sounds and green light filled the room. “It suits you,” Seonghwa said, an expression I couldn't place, or maybe I didn't want to place at the time, on his face. I had felt bashful at that moment, a shy “thank you” leaving my lips.
This was the year Seonghwa was upgraded to Padawan as well. At 14-years-of-age, he was considered unusually old to become a padawan. Not unheard of though, as Master Skywalker recruited older force negatives on a fast track to be Jedi Masters during the initiation of his Jedi Order. However, despite his unconventional timing, Seonghwa excelled beyond most within our Temple, myself included. (In the aspect of academia, combat was another story)
I waited outside the Temple, not far from its front steps, waiting for Seonghwa’s return from his Gathering. The moment I spotted Seonghwa making his way up the walk towards the temple, head tilted down watching his steps lost in a daze again, his hair no cut back once again and not obstructing his view, and saber hilt held tight in his grasp, I rushed towards him.
I waited outside the Temple, not far from its front steps, for Seonghwa’s return from his scheduled Gathering. Seonghwa made his way up the long walk toward Ondine, his head hung down as he watched his steps, lost in a daze again. His hair had recently been cut back again, no longer obstructing his view. Seonghwa made long strides, the hilt of his saver held tightly within his grasp. The moment I spotted him I ran towards the teen boy.
“How’d it go?” I asked ecstatically, falling into step beside him. Seonghwa’s tense shoulders seemed to relax as he lifted his head to meet my eyes, his pace slowing down.
“Seems like it went quick for you as well” I observed.
“It was… good,” he replied, a far off look akin to concern passing over his face quickly. I don’t think I had even caught it at that moment, but there was something measured in the way he said ‘good’, it was controlled.
“Yeah?” I asked softly, searching his expression.
“Yeah.” He offered a small smile, the kind meant to reassure. The false visions must’ve been intense I assumed.
“Well?” I said, nudging his arm lightly, a big smile gracing my features, “What color did you get?”
“Blue,” he answered immediately.
“ Yeah right,” I rolled my eyes playfully, causing Seonghwa to laugh.
“Ok, ” he said in fake defeat.
Igniting the saber in his grasp, a beautiful radiant purple blade sprang to life between us casting a violet light across our faces. The smile fell off my face immediately in shock, my eyes stuck on the saber.
“No way” my gaze unmoving from the blade.
“Jealous?” Seonghwa asked playfully, de-activating the blade as we carried on.
“Whatever,” I muttered, “Green’s cooler.”
“Sure, sure” he said with a half lifted smile tugging on his face. But there was pride there, an inner reassurance to all the murmurers from other padawans and younglings of his odd age to come into the Oder and its rankings.
“How many people even have purple?” I non-rhetorically asked, break almost knocked from my words. Looking ahead at the Temple coming before us, stopping just before the steps, “I told you you’re special, Hwa,” I state matter-of-factly.
I couldn’t do it anymore.
The Order had its own screwed beliefs. Why couldn’t we love with all our being? Why couldn’t we have deep attachments? What exactly am I saying is worth dying for?
Arriving back on Thaleryn, the rain pelted down, each droplet jabbing into my skin with renewed vigor. My lips were sticky with drying blood as I struggled to breath, each step towns Ondine feeling like I was dragging my limbs through sand. The path to the temple was blurred, my vision struggling as the thick storm clouds blocked the moons light from lending a guiding hand.
The assignment had gone wrong.
Master Jakai shoved me aside as the unnamed Sith swung at him again and again, the red and blue blades sparking with every clash. I stood frozen in the dark, the planet’s clouds pouring down a dark blue liquid that stuck to every inch of the skin and soaked through my robes until they felt unbearably heavy.
“Got out of here” Jakai had screamed at me.
Normally I would have protested, joining the fight beside him. But the Sith had struck me moments earlier, his blade tearing across my top left shoulder and down towards the center of my chest. The gash was deep, jaded, and throbbing in pain. I could feel the skin surrounding it bubbled and blistered from the burn of the crimson red saber blade. I was losing blood quickly as it mixed with the blue rain and bled down my front.
Staying would make me a liability.
How I managed to get back to the ship and put it into hyperdrive back to Thaleryn without passing out from the blood loss was a miracle itself. My memory and vision fading in and out as I gripped the entry to the ramp, body trembling, as I put my remaining energy into the Force. Honing in on the buzz of energy around me to keep more blood from exiting my body and sewing some of the skin back together.
By the time I staggered into the Temple's front hall, drudging myself towards the hall heading to the informery, my adrenaline rush had worn off as I struggled to stay conscious any longer. Not a soul seemed to be awake. Fatigue took over, ears ringing and all senses faded out, my knees buckled and struck against the marble floor that's going to bruise.
Hinging forward, no energy left to flinch at the impending collision that would be my face smacking the floor, hurried footsteps echoed down the haul. Strong hangs grabbed my elbows before I could make impact, “Y/N!” Seonghwat all but yelled at me, as he held me up right. My vision blurred further from the tears collecting in my eyes as I struggled to formulate words.
Seonghwa’s usual composed features were drawn tight with alarm, his gaze fell to the gaping wound in my chest and blood soaked robes.
“What happened?!” he asked urgently, his eyes trying to catch mine as I fought to keep consciousness.
“Seonghwa” I managed to hoarsely whisper before everything went black, the last thing I recall is the feeling of steady arms wrapping around me.
I awoke to the sterile scent of the med bay, the bright light of the sun baring down upon the entire room. I never liked having to spend any sort of time here, it was always too bright and eerily quiet. Looking to my left, Seonghwa sat slumped over in a chair. His cheek rested on his shoulder, that was going to leave a crick in his neck. Seonghwa always seemed so peaceful with his eyes closed, but currently his stress seemed to be bleeding through his sleep. His brow tweaked in his sleep as his jaw ticked. Before I could assess him further sleep pulled me back under, the effect of whatever med was giving to me taking over.
Later that day, after some food was brought to us, came meeting after meeting of the Jedi Council of Temple Ondine. They stood at the foot of my bed, asking question after question; ‘What did the Sith look like?’’ How long were you possibly followed?’’ Was the Temple in possible danger of invasion?’ As the meetings went on the questions became more and more meticulous, but the details eluded me. Everything had happened so fast on foreign planet.
Seonghwa had remained at my side throughout the entire time amid our superiors urging him to continue with his daily lessons and tasks. He would not budge, even when the suggestions became more or less a suggestion but an instruction. Seonghwa’s long fingers wrapped around my hand beneath the knitted hospital sheet as the Masters stepped out of the ward. As fatigue would pull me back to sleep his thumb brushed faint circles along my knuckles.
As the sun sat and the stars graced the night sky, the medication wore off enough for me to sit awake longer than a few minutes. As I sat up, bleary eyes blinking to adjust to the oddly lit room at this hour of the night, and looked towards Seonghwa, he was still sitting at my side. A single tear sliding down his face caused my eyeshows to draw together in concern.
“You almost died,” Seonghwa croaked, head shaking as his eyes closed tightly.
Attached, it was undeniable at this point. The emotions shared between us sparking amount the force as its energy all but pushed us together,
“I haven't seen you in weeks,” he continued, swallowing down a hiccup, composer falling away, “And you show up bleeding out.” Seonghwa’s tears were now dripping off the sides of his cheeks, “I thought you were going to die.”
His anger, or more truthfully fear, was justified. Our superiors, sensing the connection between us and the general fondness, had begun separating the last few months. No dueling practice together, no lessons paired side by side, and off world assignment after off world assignment for me. Padawans were generally busy, the path to Jedi KNight ranking rigours and dedicated, but this separation had been calculated. Seonghwa’s refusal to leave my bed side would only drive their reasoning, and moreover suspicious of the chance to stray from the Jedi path, for the splitting up further.
“I’m sorry,” I said earnestly, my own tears gliding down my cheeks.
Silence passed over us, the weight of our emotions filling the room, the weight of a mutual understanding without the needing of words.
“I don't know how much longer I can do this Seonghwa. I don't know if I’m cut out for this,” I confessed quietly. “
Seonghwa squeezed my hand, anchoring me in place, the energy around us melding together in a softening cushion. The med bay’s door swung open, Seonghwa’s hand reluctantly pulling away from mine, as the nurse stepped in to administer my next dosage of pain reliever.
As sleep began to take back over once more, Seonghwa whispered something to me. The world slipped away at the perfect moment, his words in that moment still a mystery to me.
A few days passed, my wound already scarring over as my healing skin held together by precise stitches ached less day by day. I was banned from anything but meditation for two months.
Just what I needed, too much time alone with my thoughts, to marinate on not only the questions I had before the incident but where Seonghwa and I’s dynamic was going.
The sand meditation room has large droplets of water falling directly into the circular pools placed around the room and scalene windows pouring light in from the ceiling. The floor was covered in fine sand, shaped into grooved lines. One had to step down into the room in order to grant access to the large sandbox. The soft sand settled around me as I sat alone trying to clear my mind.
Outside the muffled sound of excited padawons and younglings resounded through the halls. I screwed my eyes shut tighter, resisting the urge to gaze out the cracked door to see what the excitement was about. Nothing THAT exciting ever happened at Ondine.
“Y/n” came calmly from a male voice.
My eyes opened, widening in shock as stood before me was Jedi Master Luke Skywalker.
Master Skywalker was known to visit the smaller Jedi Temples set up to re-estash the order and train new jedis, but very rarely. The middle aged man was known to stay mostly on the main Temple on Ossus. Even if Master Skywalker did visit, he maybe made an appearance to a single class and was gone before any other younglings or Padawons could rush over to catch a glance at the Galactic Legend. By my understanding, Master Luke only interacted and made his presence known to those high ranked within the order at the Temple.
I rose immediately. “Jedi Master Skywalker,” I said with a respectful bow, ““To what do I owe the honor of making your apprentice.”
“Ms.L/n,” he starts with a kind smile, "there is no need for that level of formality,” he replied gently.
Straightening my posture I wondered what type of trouble I may have found myself in. Was I a danger to the Order? Had he seen some type of premonition? Was I going to be sent away to a far off planet and never allowed to see Seonghwa again?
“I hear you are one of the most promising pupils here. Master Jakai spoke highly of you.” The kind disposition still had not left him, from what I could sense he held no malice of ulterior motive.
“Is he ok? I have not heard word since the assignment," I asked cautiously.
“That is what I am here to discuss, Padawan. We identified your attacker as Darth Zalcar. Jedi Jakai has returned to Ossus and is recovering slowly.”
The air in my chest restricted at the mention of Ossus.
“I am here in his place to ask if you would like to return to Ossus with me, or if you would prefer reassignment here. Jakai’s recovery may take very long, which could derail your training.”
To be re-assigned a Jedi Master wasn't unheard of in light of an unexpected death. Under Luke's new Jedi Order, Pawadawon’s were in abundance but not Masters, it also wasn't uncommon to see a Jedi Master with more than one Padawon as the Order grew steadily.
I sensed him before I saw him. My eyes flickering past Master Skywalker briefly, standing within the threshold of the room, Seonghwa stood curious-confused eyes fixed on me.
“Padawon Park,” Luke said, his attention still set on me. “I’ve heard quite the praise for both of you. Those at the Temple think they may be unable to have you train to your greatest potential here.” Whether this statement was sincere or a double edge sword I could not tell.
“I think that I would like to remain here upon Thaleryn. But I am honored to be offered such an opportunity to accompany you back to Ossus,” I say carefully, trying to keep my eyes from straying back towards Seonghwa.
The truth was, as great as an opportunity it would be to train at the main temple, I didn't want to leave Seonghwa. I had heard the murmurings from the elders that they found our bond dangerous, possibly volatile. I was surprised that they weren't twisting my hand to leave for Ossus. My gaze fell to the floor, submerging into my thoughts. Besides Seonghwa, I always felt too much. It’s probably why I had also been able to tap into the force so easily, that didn't mean that most times moving within the force feels like being stuck in the ocean during a storm. It jostles you, stumbling forward and back as one tries to find their footing.
Do you wish to stray away from the path child? Skywalker's voice rang in my head as he studied me briefly.
“I won't interrupt your mediation any longer. The offer on Ossus stands if you change your mind.”
As I lifted my head to look back at Master Skywalker, his figure was already retreating back towards the door. And just like that he was gone as soon as he arrived.
Seonghwa, posture stood tall, stepped fully into the room.
“That’s quite the offer. Why say no?” he asks.
“I don't know.” Pausing briefly, “Doesn't feel right I guess.”
Seonghwa’s master, Jedi Master Nira, had taken me under her wing as well. Nira had always had a slightly different view than the more traditional Jedi values I had noticed. Following Master Skywalker's departure, Nira put her foot down with the council, insisting that their fear of the past should not dictate the training of promising strong Padawans. Mainly, the separation of two that were so skilled when paired together. Her insistence won the verdict of if it was responsible to have Seonghwa and I under the same guidance.
It was a warm night on Thaleryn. Seonghwa had insisted that we sneak out to enjoy Eryndel’s summer festival. The streets were basked in warm lights as lanterns were strung overhead connecting the food stalls which lined every street. The air was filled with savory smells wafting from stalls, beckoning those within distance to come taste the cuisine. Vendors stood calling out to those that passed by to come try their hand at the all but impossible to win games. The people of Thaleryn were buzzing with excitement, laughter and chatter threaded together in a lively song.
The realization that, We’re not supposed to partake in events such as these. We’re not supposed to have fun, crossed my mind. Before I could linger much longer in my thoughts, Seonghwa leaned in towards me, asking, "Hungry?"
Stepping into what seemed to be the main street of the festival, a big smile stretching across my face, "Definitely."
“Pefect” Seonghwa says, grabbing my hand, long fingers intertwining with my own digits. There was no hesitation in his action. For a moment it felt as if the world around us blurred. Seonghwa was already turned away from me, pulling us through the crowd. Bodies brushed past us as we searched for something warm to eat. Seonghwa’s grip on my hand tightened as the crowd thickened the further we ventured in. All I could focus on was the warmth of his touch as he navigated us with ease. As unsure as I wanted to feel, this had felt right.
Coming to a stop in at a stall selling Galactic Gyros, the sudden halt in momentum caused me to bump into Seonghwa's side. He gave no indication of annoyance as he ordered from the women running the stall. For once I let myself breath, letting my guard down I relaxed, allowing myself to lean into the space against him, my right arm pressing against his left.
As the women handed us the gyro, we continued to walk through the festival sharing bites of the food between us.
“We should see if anyone’s selling Honey Hive Spears!” I suggest, handing my gyro to him. He bit down on the warm food with a hum of agreement.
As the night stretched on, we sampled sweet and savory treats before trying our luck at a few games. Following another failed game win, Seonghwa excused himself for a moment, saying he “had to check something out real quick but would be right back.” Rocking on my heels, a small stall nearby caught my eye. Crossing the brief distance over to the stall, the older man behind it greeted me. I looked over his goods, they were simple but beautiful, smooth circular stones made into charms, each one polished to perfection. A small teal oval shaped charm caught my attention. I picked it up, running my thumb over the smooth surface and engraved rotund bunnies. Handing over a few coins to the man, I placed the gift, now in a small paper sleeve, into my pocket.
As my hand retracted from my pocket, I looked up to see Seonghwa jogging back over to me, his smile bright and weightless.
“Sorry for taking so long,” he said, hand grabbing mine effortlessly with no second thought or what even seemed to be a first thought to the action.
“Find what you needed?” I asked shyly, trying not to draw attention to the contact between us.
“Yup,” he said confidently.
As the festival dwindled down, Seonghwa and I found ourselves sitting atop a rolling field overlooking the rows and rows of lit up streets still glowing warm. The hum of music and chatter from the late night festival partakers floated up from the city. A comfortable silence had fallen over us.
A piece of hair had strayed from where I had it gathered against my back. The piece of hair hung forward in front of my face. Without a word, Seonghwa reached out, sweeping it gently behind my ear.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said.
My eyes widened in shock. Looking towards him our eyes met. Seonghwa’s gaze was warm and vulnerable.
“Sorry,” he says, turning shy as he glances down between knees and arms resting there. “I probably shouldn't say anything. But you're special. To me,” he finishes, emphasizing the ‘To me’.
“You’re special to me too, Hwa,” I say earnestly, a pause of uncertainty passing me by. “This is dangerous. We shouldn’t entertain this.” My gaze fell to the grass, picking at blades as I tried to ground myself as tears built in my eyes. “I’m so confused. It doesn’t feel wrong, so why does everyone tell us it is?” My voice is straining.
“Maybe they’re wrong,” he said, brows scrunched together. It;s not quite anger that has settled upon him, but inquisitiveness in his expression “The Force is a part of life. The Jedi just choose to wield it in a certain way. Maybe they don’t know everything.”
I hummed softly, neither agreeing nor denying.
Seonghwa reaches into his pocket and pulls out a rectangular box. Holding it in front of my field of view, “What this?” I ask, taking it from his hold.
Lifting the lid and pulling back the intricate tissue paper, a hair stick made from Thaleryn stone is revealed. Its onyx color gives a soft blue hue as it catches the moonslight. “It's perfect Hwa,” I whisper, running my finger over the round gems adorned at the top of the stick.
Looking up at him, “Thank you.”
Gently taking the pin from my hands, Seonghwa holds it up to the night sky. Catching the moons soft glow, the gems at top of the pin refracted the light, projecting multiple moonlight-rays in what seemed to be constellations across our figures and the grass ground. to the moons light.
Later that night, Seonghwa walked me to the door of my dorm. His hand cupped the right side of my face as he leant down, the soft graze of his lips pressed the top of my forehead as he said a soft “Goodnight”.
I couldn’t sleep that night. I laid flat on my back, eyes staring up into the dark at the ceiling.
A Jedi seeks not adventure or excitement, for a Jedi is passive, calm, and at peace
Yet the universe was so vast. Being a Jedi is an adventure in its own right, but how grand would it be to experience everything that's out there? And not just because I am assigned to.
A Jedi knows that anger, fear, and aggression lead to the dark side.
The attack on Master Jakai and I had filled me with a fear I had not been acquainted with before. It made me ponder. If I had been stuck in a similar situation, would I be able to keep my emotions regulated? Assignments with Master Nira faced no real dangerous adversary, no challenge to emotional restraint.
A Jedi does not cling to the past.
This was something I had never been able to truly get a grasp over as a Padawon, or even before my time at the Temple. Rumination was my lady of the night.
To love without wanting to possess or influence. To cherish without keeping. To have without holding.
To love, to have passion, how could that be without the existence of occasional jealousy? Without the whirlwind of emotions, without a degree of possessiveness? Jealousy was a shade of green I shared with my saber. On every outing outside the Temple, I noticed the way other girls gazed at Seonghwa.
The Jedi Code itself may seem simple upon reading it, but the true challenge is living it. Passion can rise to the surface. Emotions can cloud our thoughts. Chaos can spiral us into the unfathomable darkness. We all find ourselves staring into the abyss at times.
Master Skywalker had shared this thought when he first founded the Enclave. He had approved marriage between Jedi, even though it was still frowned upon between most to have romantic attachmentns.
I didn’t think this path is for me.
I shot up from my bed, and pulled out the only bag I owned. Throwing in my favorite items and minimal clothes (not that I had much, the Thaleryn sector frowned upon material possessions in large quantities). Once packed with what I needed, I placed the bag on the floor and reached over to my desk for a pen and paper.
PLacing the packed bag on my floor and I reached over my desk and grabbed a pen and paper.
I don’t want to be the reason you can’t reach your potential.
I don’t think the path of the Jedi is the life for me, so I’m leaving.
Please don’t search for me, I don’t want you to regret such a choice.
Ps. This made me think of you. For your saber.
Placing the note into an envelope, I picked up the small paper bag with the charm from the corner of my bed. Standing with the bag in my hand, I slung it over my shoulder as I excited the room that had been my life for the last 8 years.
The hauls were empty and quiet. I quality closed the door and made my way to Seonghwa’s dorm. Reaching his door, I squatted down and wedged the letter under the small crack between the floor and the door's bottom. Placing the gift atop the note, I stood back up.
Giving one last glance, I turned and walked down the corridor exiting Ondine in search of a ride off Thaleryn in Eryndel.
The streets of Coronet were busy. Bodies brushed past one another, hundreds of lives overlapping as people went about their daily lives. Workers rushing between shifts to grab lunch, sparks flying into the streets and bouncing into the air as Smith’s welded scraps together, the voices of mechanics shouting traveling into the busting streets. San and I passed many customers battering with open shops, accusations of counterfeit parts flying out every few blocks, as we made our way through the bustling district.
A layer of smog clung to the air, not uncommon to Coriallia’s jewel urban metropolis. But the strong light of Corell still managed to fight its way through, the sun's heat blaring down particularly hard on us on this particular day. Coronet, despite lying on the coast of the continent's southernmost side, was the most polluted city in the Corellian system The wind never quite managed to chase away the industrial haze.
The alleys were crooked and gray as San and I made our way towards the junk shop. Rusted pipes crawled along the busted building overhead, dripping coolant from cracking pipes onto the bumpy pavement below. San wanted some type of new scrap metal for the outside of our ship to reinforce the hull. The ship itself is a medium sized Freighter with a truly unfortunate color scheme. Worn and faded cartoon-tiger-orange lined the sides, making the vehicle stand out like a sore thumb. For the last year, Wooyoung and I had been trying to convince him to repaint the thing a neutral gray complimentary to the ship’s main body. Something not easy to spot, forgettable, and a whole lot less suspicious when smuggling supplies. But San argued that we would then have no charm.
Coming to the end of the alley where it split into a crooked T, I instinctively turned right. San caught my wrist gently, softly tugging me towards the left.
“We go here at least once a week, how do you always manage to turn the wrong way.” he said playfully.
Shrugging, I let San guide me as he shook his head with a tilted smile.
“What’s that weird intuition of yours good for,” San continued, gazing over his shoulder at me.
“Getting us out of close calls when Wooyoung runs his mouth too much,” I pan.
San’s hand naturally slid down from my wrist, his palm meeting my own, as his fingers graced the space between my own. A tingling-buzz ran up my skin, goosebumps erupting on my forearms. Before San could fully grasp my hand, I stopped, arm dropping to my side. Concern flooded my features. Something was wrong. Has someone been following us? There was an energy in the force around us. Familiar. My heart hammered, a sheen of sweat forming over my forehead, as nausea settled over me. My chest began to hurt. That presence, it couldn’t be. No.
“Something wrong?” San asked, his face set in stone as his eyes locked on my face.
“Uh…no,” I said, forcing myself to continue walking ahead in the direction of our destination, San falling into line beside me. “Act casual.”
My senses were honed in, adrenaline set on high alter. Reaching into the force, feeling the buzz around me as the energy hummed faintly like sand falling between the sides of an hourglass.
“Have you noticed anyone following us?” I ask quietly.
“Nothing too out of the ordinary, no.” San said, glancing over his shoulder. “Why? Did you see something”
“Not quite.” I paused. “I don't know.” shaking my head. “Maybe I’m being paranoid.”
San studied me for a second before nodding once, “We should trust it to be safe. How many times have you been wrong? Let’s split.”
“Hive of Aulen or Ship Row?” I ask.
The Hive of Aulen was our regular go to cantina on Corellia. It was a crowded underground bar that was cavernous in appearance, with many gems and colourful glasses that were embedded in the wall as it curved up to the ceiling, bleeding in the moon light at night. The cantina was usually full of those who minded their own business and honored the Smugglers Code. On the other hand, Treasure Ship Row was the heart of the Blue Sector in Coronet. It was the place where one could buy anything and everything they desired. It was one of Coronet’s main attractions for a reason.
“Aulen,” San said definitively, “if any shit starts, there’s enough roughians to put a stop to it, or get lost in a brawl.”
I hum in agreement, as I non-suspectively keep an eye on the crowds of people around us, searching for a body that doesn't quite fit.
“20 clicks or I come looking for you,” San says, catching my eyes.
“I know,” San says kindly as he begins walking away.
Diverging from one another, I move swiftly through the crowd looking for a side street to slip into.
That energy. It couldn't be. He died. I felt it.
Tears misted in my eyes at the thought of Seongwha. If I had known The Order was going to fall I would have stayed. I would have fought beside him. Died beside him if it came to it. Just to spend one more day with him. Maybe I was selfish for leaving. Would it have been more selfish for me to have stayed? My throat burned, the fuzzy memory of Seonghwa’s face stood in my memory, the years of distance wearing down what used to be a clear image. The only thing still clear in my mind was the sparkle in his eyes that shone during nights spent looking at the constellations on Thaleryn, and the way his lips would stretch into a smile before a laugh bubbled through whenever we’d spar.
The air around me suddenly thickened, my lungs constructing at the heavy feeling.
Looking down the jagged side street I found myself in ,I spotted an offshooting alleyway. Swiftly turning into the alley, I noticed halfway down the narrow walkway that I made a mistake. Meeting a dead end I looked up at the back of the building, I could climb it with force assist but it would be rough and maybe not so feasible. Going back out of the alley wasn't an option, too noticeable.
I sensed the figure behind me before even turning to see. Like second nature I swiftly pulled my saber from its holster, igniting the pearish-emerald-green blade, the blade humming its breath, as I spun around to face the cloaked being. A searing buzz echoed into the alley as another blade exploited life and met my own saber’s light. As the blades pressed into each other, I froze.
Anyone could have purple. No?
“Senses are sharp as ever”
I began to tremble, hands unsteady, as I stumbled back, my saber dis-engaging.
“I thought it was you,” the man lowered his hood, "You're hard to find.”
Seongwha stood before me. I would have claimed it was an allusion, or trick, if it wasn’t for the fact he was older. His hair had grown shaggy, long layers framing his face. Time had sharpened his features. He was handsome, maybe more so than my memory could re-conjure up. My eyes jittered across his features, trying to commit them to memory as quickly as possible. Across his left cheek lay a stroke of rough skin, a saber scar. The healed skin ran from just before his ear and down toward just before his chin.
Succumbing to the shock my knees gave out underneath me, a sob shuttering throughout my body. I heard the sound of Seonghwa's saber disengaging as the gravel crunched under his weight as he knelt before me. Seonghwa’s hands met the sides of my face, warm worn skin, as he lifted my face up. His own eye’s glossy as his left thumb sweeps over my cheek, caressing my face.
“I thought you were dead,” I choked.
Finding the courage to look at him and meet his gaze, I brought my own hands up to Seongwha’s face. With one hand gripping the fabric of his chest, the other reaches his cheek. As my skin made contact with his own, Seongwha visibly looked like he relearned to breath, lungs filling with life. Running my thumb just under his scar, a tear ran down Seongwha’s right cheek.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
Without a word, Seonghwa pulled me forward into his chest, his arms wrapping around my shoulders and waist. Only then did I realize Seonghwa was trembling as well, as he kept my head tucked into his neck.
The world faded away, just the two of us existing.
