Son is deeply deeply depressed, filled with rage thatâs pushed down deep within him, his heart has been decomposed for a long time- He cannot maintain genuine relationships with anyoneâŠfriends, romantic partners, his family, himself,
For the longest time he tried so hard, so so hard, to be good, to show people that yes he was so pure and caring and deserving- Tried to convince them and ultimately himself the things his father used to scream at him were not true and never had been. But once he realized he was unable to live up to anyoneâs standards, much less his own, it fell apart, and he gave up, gave up on everything.
The time he had propositioned his father was in a moment of desperation. they had fought so badly, over nothing that warranted the screaming or humiliation or anger; he felt like a child again, stupid, voiceless, useless,
He had begged his father on his hands and knees to please love him, just do something, anything, whatever it takesâŠ! At any costâŠ!! He flung himself at him, trying to force an embrace, eyes wet with tears, so desperate for any shred of affection. he was rejected yet again; his father always did this, always, always refused to soothe or love or do anything at all-
His father pushed him away yet again, leaving him on the ground.
A massive rush of adrenaline came in- the kind one feels in fight or flight mode- without thinking he frantically undid his fathers belt with shaking hands, unbuttoned his jeans, pulled them down, and hesitated; he looked up at his father with wide wet eyes for reassurance, instruction, punishment-
Father stared back with a blank expression, grabbed his cock and put it up to his mouth expectantly. He opened his mouth and accepted it, closing his eyes and trying to make himself enjoy the sensation. For a brief moment he had paused to wonder the exact moment his life had gone wrong, and how exactly he ended up on his knees with his fathers cock in his mouth,
Wondered what exactly he had ever done that made his father hate him so much, what he did that determined he was worthless,
His mind walked away from itself and he now distantly found himself enthusiastically sucking his fatherâs cock- he was in such a disconnected state that he couldnât entirely feel the now throbbing tent in his own pants- he couldnât see his face covered in saliva and mess, he couldnât see how pathetic he looked, or hear the loud wet sounds his mouth was making, or hear himself moan-
All he was able to focus on- all that was tangible was the feeling of his father running his hands through his hair, the warm satisfied feeling deep in his chest, the sound of his father as he moaned every time his dick hit the back of his throat, or the constant stream of praise-
âYouâre doing so good, god your mouth feels so good, fuck- yeah thatâs right, look up at me, look at daddy with those pretty eyes- get it all the way down, I always knew youâd be a good little cocksucker-â
His hand mindlessly took his now excruciatingly hard cock out and frantically stroked it, making sure to gag for daddy because thatâs what he likes, made sure to look deeply into his eyes, made sure to moan like the women in the pornos daddy used to watch with his bedroom door wide open when mom wasnât home-
Daddy grabbed his head and began to fuck his throat; he couldnât take it anymore, the sight of his own son playing with himself as he sucked his cock with great enthusiasm was something he had thought about for years; his boy shut his eyes and went limp, the kind of limp that signals surrender,
Sons mind shuts off completely, now surrendering to his new role as daddyâs cocksucker, existing to stay on his knees and make daddy happy. Thatâs all heâs ever wanted, to make daddy happy, proud, to make daddy proud of his good grades, or the 4.0 he graduated with, or the good job he got, or even just proud of the person he was- before heâd just resigned to the fact that there really was no hope for him, he wasnât worth a damn thing, the world is cruel and nobody can be trusted- all dad did is yell and scream and use his belt, mom didnât help him, the world wonât help him-
He cums a moment after father does, gagging and hacking at the slick slime going down his throat, out of breath and shaking all over; his mind wanders back to him, letting itself be known by the intense feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach, the humiliating realization of feeling used, the nausea that now washes over him in harsh waves, his throat felt sore and abusedâŠlooking at the floor, his heart drops at the sight of his cum puddled on the carpet, the same carpet he use to cower on as a child when he heard fatherâs footsteps coming up the deck and his keys jingle-
Father did nothing as he shook violently on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest; father went into the other room to answer a phone call; father yells at his employees on the phone; father ignores his son crying and broken on the floor for the millionth time-
He wanted to say he was ashamed of what he and his father had done, but those words sounded wrong- what âthey had doneâ- it wasnât something they had done together, or an act of mutual desire, a moment of lust gone too far- it was justâŠsomething that happened, something heâd have to live with for this rest of his life and walk around with his head weighed down in shame. Just something that happened. Thatâs all.