they say it's darkest of all before the dawn

25. miran. she / they. dark content. minors dni. with no regrets, you're already gone.

[starofmiran]

┌─── this blog has nsfw & dark content. if you’re uncomfortable with either, please block or dni.

┌─── asks can and will be deleted. if the ask makes me uncomfortable for whatever reason, i will delete it.  i don’t like people trying to pry into my private life.

┌─── don’t steal content. you can share links to my works, but do not reupload anything to wattpad, tiktok, or any other platform.

┌─── minors are not welcome here. if you’re a minor, do not interact.  don’t like my content, reblog, follow, send ims, tag me in anything, or send in asks [even on anon].  refer to my before you follow for more information on this.

┌─── i do not accept requests. you are more than welcome to send me messages and if inspired, i may write a small thirst drabble, but i do not take fic or drabble requests.  for an example of what you can send and how i will respond, please refer here.

about me  ───  byf & dni

rules & content

tags   ───   wip

masterlists

┌─── drabble

fleeting | kaeya  — reader

┌─── fic

not today | aone  — reader not today ii | aone  — reader 

                                          ≻───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺

𝖚𝖕𝖉𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖉:   2.15.21

[starofmiran]

so i ended up making a new blog just because of wanting a fresh start

some of you may have seen me follow, i go by a different name

just lemme know if you want to know it [not publicly though because i don’t want it to be just out there]  i’ll just check here very occasionally to make sure no one sends a message

[starofmiran]

so i ended up making a new blog just because of wanting a fresh start

some of you may have seen me follow, i go by a different name

just lemme know if you want to know it [not publicly though because i don’t want it to be just out there]  i’ll just check here very occasionally to make sure no one sends a message

[starofmiran]

okay but would anyone like to talk about slashers?

specifically michael myers or some of the killers from dbd?

[starofmiran]

So what's wrong with you if you don't mind me asking?

i don't mind! i'm assuming you're referencing the reason i disappeared for so long. i'm going to put it under a read more just because i know i can get wordy sometimes and wanna give a little backstory

so what happened is basically i've been struggling for nearly 5-6 years with my lower body (mostly legs) going numb and getting extremely painful randomly. my pcp and i have been doing everything we can think of to figure out what's been causing this issue. i've had nerve conduction studies, bloodwork on top of bloodwork, ultrasounds, mris, had my bloodflow checked, seen a heart doctor, all sorts of stuff.

instead, i found out i have degenerative disc disease. basically the discs in my back are disintegrating at a faster rate than they should be. my bottom 4 vertebrae are affected by this, it's causing bone spurs, arthritis, and just a lot of general pain in my lower back.

but in finding out this, we also found out that i have underlying neuropathy that i have to go to the local hospital and have biopsies done to find out about.

and on top of that, we found out i have inappropriate sinus tachycardia, so my heart doesn't beat like it should, and now i have to monitor my heart or else i could have an early death.

so yeah

lots of interesting stuff lately

[starofmiran]

I knew it. I knew you’d be ok and back. I was unfollowing a bunch of people and I went to you and said “no i refuse to unfollow”. AND I KNEW IT. WELCOME BACK. how are you? hydrated?

i just

I JUST GOT BACK AND ALREADY YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY PLEASE DON'T

but anyways, thank you so much-- i think i'm hydrated! at least, i hope i am. i drink enough water i should be. i'm just exhausted and sick, but that's an everyday thing for me, so i'm fine! how are you doing, anon? i hope you're doing okay.

[starofmiran]

miran!! hi 🥺🥺 i'm glad you're doing alright & i'm happy you're here again <33 don't worry about writing at all okay?? 💕

- luna (sukiglycerin)

hi! i wouldn't say i'm doing alright, but i'm okay enough to at least hopefully interact with people some.

but thank you-- i just don't want people to have an expectation of me and me to let them down.

[starofmiran]

uh

hi

[starofmiran]

i know i have been gone way too long, but-- things have happened, and i need them straightened out first

[starofmiran]

that really sucks, but besides that, how have you been? i took a long tumblr break bc i just forgot i had tumblr but ye kdndjjf

not super great, but i'm making progress so that's what matters and it's okay because i've half way done that too just because there's tons of other things i'm trying to focus on right now

[starofmiran]

hi miran!! im so sorry that she didnt make it, but hopefully she is resting better now <33

alex bb

thank you. she had horrible copd, so at least i'm glad she's not suffering through it any longer.

[starofmiran]

are you going to post any more song recs?

honestly i haven't even thought about it

but it may do good for me to get my mind focused on something like that. i haven't listened to a ton of new stuff that's not metal lately, but here's what i do have:

slaughter to prevail - demolisher & baba yaga [russian deathcore band that i really like and i really want to get a mask from their store because they're so cool??]

oceans of slumber - a return to the earth below, winter, suffer the last bridge, the decay of disregard and no color, no light [i really enjoy these guys. i sent @ushibo one of their songs and just dived into more of their music because i really like it. no color, no light is definitely my favorite of theirs]

alien weaponry - kai tangata [i don't know why i like this so much but i do and i need to look at more of their stuff because it's just interesting sounding?]

[starofmiran]

I've been waiting for your inbox to open back up, did your aunt ever come out of the coma?

i'm going to go cry

i didn't know anyone was waiting for me to accept anons again, i don't remember when i turned it back on but i'm so sorry i didn't see this until now

putting it under a read more because of the contents. unfortunately, she didn't make it. about 2 days after she went into a coma she passed. since she was cremated, there wasn't a funeral or anything for her, and i'm not sure if they're going to have a plaque at a cemetery or how they're going to take care of her ashes. this makes me realize i need to make my rounds at the cemeteries since it's been a bit since i've delivered flowers

[starofmiran]

so i have a little update

this does have talks about mental health and other health issues so if you don’t want to read the entire thing, here’s a tldr:  things are still broken in my head and rest of my body, so while i never officially came off semi-hiatus/hiatus, just know it’s still in effect because i’m not ready to be back fully.

for those who want to know more:

i have to regular therapy every 2 weeks, see a nurse practitioner for medication.  the medicine i’m on helps the anxiety, makes the depression worse and nerfed any semblance i had of a sex drive so now even just seeing gifs or anything makes me nauseous and i don’t know why.  i’ve never had this happen with other medications.

in other news, other medical conditions i have are getting worse, causing me to need more doctor appointments, more tests, more medication, bunch of everything.  i need to get things fixed and settled before i even remotely think about coming back, but anyone is still free to add me on discord if they want to talk or join me in a gaming session.

good news is i’ve lost a bunch of weight (healthily so don’t think i’m doing anything harmful to myself) which is a huge win since i’ve been trying to for nearly 3 years with no success.

so long story short, i may pop in every once in a while, but for the most part, i won’t be here until i can get a bit better.  i have a much needed trip to see someone very important to me next month, so i’m hoping that will help me with some of the stress and depression.  you may even hear about some of it if something really great happens and i can’t help myself but to share.

[starofmiran]

it can be both bc i know its dream takes but i read it dream tales and yk what, that’s amazing

i mean with the stuff we write you know the other is a definite possibility

[starofmiran]

IVE BEEN ALEX SINCE FEBRUARY LMAO I STILL GO BY ASPEN BUT IT MOSTLY ALEX

and yes url change bc i didnt like my last one

also i sent that like a couple weeks ago

i’ve been on hiatus for a bit so i haven’t seen

and i know it should probably be read as ‘dream tales’ but i keep reading it as ‘cream tales’

[starofmiran]

i keep disappearing so i’m sorry

BUT

i’m sad i have to get a custom nobara outfit because a normal one doesn’t fit