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@starschizo
schizoscope -> starschizo
hi!
my name is aether. i have schizophrenia that IS medicated, with mixed results. i try to tag posts as "actually delusional" when they are, but i slip up sometimes and this generally isn't a safe blog for you if you pick up other people's delusions easily.
fine with notif spam.
my mainblog is c--------v
(more info about me and this blog below)
i think i am going to do something very unadvisable tomorrow
i realized i can just walk into the store down the street and buy alcohol now that i finally have an ID as of a month ago
i think i am going to do something very unadvisable tomorrow
beautiful caffeine on an empty stomach I'm going to live forever
i feel so unsafe
i'm always so scared to tell anyone what happens in my brain. because if its someone with power over me they could have me hospitalized, if it's my friend they could decide i'm Crazy crazy and leave, and if it's a public forum i know exactly how ridiculous i sound to strangers
they really don't respect the time of disabled people. your application can take up to 12 weeks. the specialist waitlist is 3 years. your assessment will be any time within the next 6 months. let us know if you cannot attend this appointment you waited 7 weeks for and we'll reschedule next year. we've decided to assess you at this time and day and you have to be available or any support you dared to apply for is not going to happen. and in between these long bouts of waiting you have to survive the everyday
There is a kind of grief that comes with constantly having to decide whether something is worth the energy it will cost you.
I think a lot of disabled people carry that grief quietly.
I think one of the missing links in the "How can you be a psych abolitionist if you choose to use psych meds?" discussion (besides the obvious and fundamental consent/autonomy aspect) is reconceptualizing things like neurochemical medication as adaptive tools for a disability, tools to help the user do something xe has difficulty doing, rather than treatment for an illness.
I have difficulty managing the stresses of daily life without becoming overwhelmed and debilitated by anxiety. That is disabling. A drug that blunts my anxiety response is an adaptive tool I choose to use to manage my disability.
I don't have to use that tool. I didn't always use that tool. When I choose to forgo that tool or don't have access to it, I just Am More Anxious.
I also choose to wear eyeglasses to improve my eyesight. I could choose not to wear them, but then I wouldn't be able to see very well. It's okay not to see very well (plenty of people don't), but especially in a highly visually-oriented society, I would rather wear glasses and see things.
I don't think of my glasses or my duloxetine as treatments for illnesses. They're tools I choose to use to improve abilities I don't naturally possess much of (seeing past my nose, managing daily stress without panic).
Ok but folks aren't like anti-optometry. There are experts who's training is directly in figuring out which tools might be effective (like which prescription in both cases lmao)
People don't need to be anti-optometry, because optometry is not a system of oppression the way psychiatry is.
Without diminishing the reality of vidism and systemic oppression of people with vision disabilities, the fact is that people with vision disabilities and Mad/neurodivergent people are treated very differently.
An adult who doesn't want to wear their glasses generally has the legal right to make that choice.
When someone commits a murder, the public's reaction is not "This must have happened because the killer wasn't wearing his glasses. We need laws to force people to wear their glasses, or else they'll become murderers."
If you called the police and said "My 18 year old daughter ran away from home and refuses to wear her glasses," the police would probably say "That's not our problem."
If you said "When I was growing up, my mom was nearsighted but never wore her glasses, so she mostly navigated by sound and touch," the reactions would probably be negative and judgmental (because, again, vidism is a very real form of ableism), but most people would probably not say "No child should live through that kind of trauma, obviously she should never have had you!"
If I want surgery for something unrelated to my eyes, no one is going to turn me away because I also happen to be myopic.
If I take off my glasses to have sex, no one is going to accuse my partner of rape because nearsighted people can't consent to sex.
That's why there's a psychiatric abolition movement but no optometry abolition movement.
my brain has been so fucked recently
the minute someone is noticeably psychotic people's social skills fly out the window because they don't see psychotic people as people
"what do I do if I shouldn't call 911?"
well "I'm sorry I'm in a rush" is a pretty good option or "I can't talk right now, sorry" and then move on.
psychotic people, ultimately, are people. they are just as human as you are and the vast vast vast majority of the time they're not interested in hurting you.
when you're approached by a psychotic person ranting about delusions or hallucinations (and possibly speaking with disorganized speech) they are just looking for human connection, that's all. they might not have many people around to talk to and it gets lonely. when someone talks to you about a secret society of mind readers out to kill them they are just trying to connect with people and sometimes process the fear they're experiencing (because a secret society of mind readers out to kill you is rather scary!)
things like mania can also make you very talkative and very social.
someone coming up to you to talk about being the second coming of Jesus isn't trying to hurt you. they just want to talk. if you have time then have a conversation, most of the time you don't even need to say much. you can politely nod and go "wow that's crazy" and "that's so scary" and it might be one of the kindest things someone does for them that day. if you don't have time just say you're in a rush and leave.
it's that simple
save me, fourth cup of coffee. save me
its fighting a war with my antipsychotics and somehow losing even though its, as i said, the Fourth Cup. absolutely useless human fuel
save me, fourth cup of coffee. save me
sharing front with an alter who is firmly In It delusionwise while i'm not nearly as much so is the most common form my double bookkeeping takes tbh
he's chomping at the bit to crash into every blog and dm we have and talk to anyone who will listen about how he's a mech being restrained to a human visage and i feel an awful lot like i'm holding back a very persistent very Strong dog
sharing front with an alter who is firmly In It delusionwise while i'm not nearly as much so is the most common form my double bookkeeping takes tbh
The whole "disability isn't a barrier, ableism is" always pisses me off because obviously ableism is a barrier and eradicating it would significantly improve the lives of disabled folk, disability does impact peoples lives and prevents them from doing things with or without ableism
It's always "stop harming yourself or we'll have to lock you up!!!" and never "what do you need to change to want to harm yourself less and how can we help you make some of these changes?" and that's why we're not getting anywhere
