R&S's Serious Blog

Sideblog for all the hard stuff. Asks open. THIS BLOG WILL CONTAIN TRIGGERING CONTENT.

[serious-stardust]

Pinned Post!

About

Hi, I'm Aisling: DID system host, university student, librarian-in-the-making, and organized abuse survivor. This blog is about heavier stuff, mainly trauma, dissociation, abuse, psychiatry, and multiplicity. I use she/her & he/him pronouns.

This blog will contain triggering topics. I trigger tag the best I can, (using the format #tw ___) but I'll post or reblog sensitive research, which can be graphic at times. (Plain text is never as graphic.) Please tread carefully, as this content can be disturbing. We deserve to have our stories told and our research accessible, but that does come at a price. Additionally, this blog is not run by a professional: I cannot say whether you have experienced specific kinds of abuse, and any suggestions are given in good faith but with little expertise outside of my own experience. Please consult an actual professional if you are able. I reserve the right to delete/ignore asks.

No strict DNI; I block if necessary, mainly conspiracy theorists, bigots, queer exclusionists, those against informed self-diagnosis, and those who harrass others. This blog is meant for all types of survivors. It's also a limited-syscourse zone. There are some topics within that umbrella that are more relevant here than others.

Be safe, be brave, and be well! Aisling

[silvermoon424]

This tweet read me to filth

[does-your-system-have-an-alter]

genuinely sorry if this is too nfsw to post or if this makes anyone uncomfortable ^^; please delete this if it does break rules /gen

dyshaa who smokes but the host or rest of the system does not smoke ?

does your system have an alter...

who smokes, but the host and/or rest of the system does not smoke?

yes!

nope!

maybe/unsure?

nuance/other!

results!

Remaining time: 5 days 20 hours

PT: Does your system have an alter who smokes, but the host and/or rest of the system does not smoke? /End PT

(Don't worry anon, this isn't our consideration of nsfw, nor does it make us uncomfortable! Have a paw-some day!)

[pisshandkerchief]

i must not kill myself . killing myself is the myself killer

[angel-derangement]

this post has been in my head so here is a pinterest quote version of it thanks op

[274th]

Let's sing together.

[nukutettu0]

can never relate to those posts about mother trauma where people are like "she tried her best and i love her but she accidentally hurt me </3"

shoutout to all my bitches with evil fucking mothers. people with sadistic mothers, sexually abusive mothers, mothers who had no good reason for their abuse, mothers who commit torture, mothers whose crimes would nauseate the average person

because jesus christ this shit quickly devolves into mothers being portrayed as innocent nurturing angels who could only ever harm a child accidentally

[mckennasdid]

DID isn't just having alters, it's:

Not knowing as the host, who you are most of the days 24/7

Not knowing which name to go by

Derealization/Depersonalization 24/7

[blixandco]

Parents: How was your day? Me: Fine. Family: How was your day? Me: Fine. Friends: How was your day? Me: Fine. My private discord server: How was your day? Me: pk;m new Shadow the Hedgehog

[8-8-8-16]

[ferventlyviolentsecret]

Nothing feels emptier than knowing that what you were born for is no longer a role you can fill.

[charmcoin]

quite callous how the general societal reaction to allegations of child abuse increasing in frequency seems to have been "all these millions of people are lying and faking on the internet for clout, parents are the only real protectors for children" instead of "perhaps there is something wrong structurally with how we treat children"

[charmcoin]

"why are millennials/gen z/etc going no contact with their parents?" is really not a difficult question to answer

[lawbutch]

you don't have to be scared of your suicidal friends. you don't have to be scared of your psychotic or delusional friends. you don't have to call the police every time someone says they feel like they want to die. you can say things like, "that sounds really hard" and "I'm going to bring you some food and you can tell me more about it"

[lawbutch]

Important addition thank you! You can absolutely have boundaries about substance use but your friends who use substances know themselves and their needs better than you, and they do not need policing or threats of incarceration. If you want to help your friends who deal with addiction, be patient and demonstrate that you're a safe person to talk to.

[neurodivergentaf]

it's so wild when your parent changes when you become an adult. my dad is very cordial and non confrontational - he regularly helps me with adult stuff like changing the oil or providing insurance tips. he's always smiling when i call him on video and providing jokes when i complain about college

when i was a kid, i would have to tiptoe around his anger issues often, sometimes running quietly past his work table until he got his own place completely separate from our family, locked away for days. every so often he would start screaming in the car and trying to hit me or my brother for talking too loud while my mom attempted to calm him down as he swerved on the road. and now he, smiling, helps me with car insurance.

like oh, this is just who you are when you have power over someone, and this is who you are when you dont have power over someone. no wonder you can have a normal life, friends, work while scaring the shit out of your kids and wife. i see it now. i see why no one would have believed me. that, i think, is one of the core fears of trauma - seeing the outside of it from the perspective of other adults that brushed you aside, and understanding. of course, that understanding gives the opposite of solace; it just gives you more grief with nowhere for it to go

[d1g1t4l-cr1ppl3]

The whole "disability isn't a barrier, ableism is" always pisses me off because obviously ableism is a barrier and eradicating it would significantly improve the lives of disabled folk, disability does impact peoples lives and prevents them from doing things with or without ableism

[heavensghost]

[serious-stardust]

I guess I just try to put up as many warning signals I can that I am hazardous and people are blinded by my charisma, proceed to get obsessed with me and ignore all of the communication I've done to prevent this. and it doesn't work? like it doesn't work AT ALL. people talk up "being clear about your boundaries" so much and it doesn't help. I don't think I'm uniquely abuseable or these people are necessarily mean. but it's just. so infuriating. I do what I can to tell people to treat me with care and the second they are not 100% locked in I am forgotten

[serious-stardust]

severe/program-y stupid brain associations kicking my ass

casual sex partner snatched my phone from the hotel breakfast bar w/o asking because I was not looking at it That Very Second and they were like "I was worried about it" -> "someone taking my electronics" -> "I'm gonna get caught" AND "I see you as an irresponsible child [after a trip of consistent messaging like this despite me knowing the area better and not actually being drunk]" = EXTREME suicidality at 8:30 AM when I'd been awake for less than 10 minutes. like unshakeable "I'd be better off dead" for hours and hours and hours after.

being talked down to like that by someone who I've literally had sex with (things like "I don't know if you should cross that street, it's really busy" as if I don't commute to that area weekly) is so distressing. being seen as a child has always been one of my pain points even when I was a child and even when it was appropriate, so it happening as the sober and competent adult was just so. agh

and don't touch my shit!!! don't touch my phone!!! don't grab my stuff without asking!!! I'm pretty open about my sexual abuse history with partners and friends because it's intrinsic to my DID and if we're gonna get handsy, I might as well show you the warning labels. AND YET no one ever grants me any sort of additional grace or thinks twice about how they treat me. I make sure chairs fucking fit my fat (neutral) friends. but people have no problem taking my property, talking down to me to the point that "going to a gay club and making out with strangers" is discussed with the tone of a child going on a field trip, and being given mixed signals the whole night. idk. I try to go out of my way to give people the best tools on how to work with me and everyone just fucking ignores it