Updated intro because my last one was from 2024 ((T_T))
HI!! My name is Mars, I'm a genderfluid lesbian writer from Ireland living in England. I'm 16, please don't be weird (in a pervy way) towards me if you're under 14 or over 18. I very much encourage being other sorts of weird though.
I use he/she/they pronouns (I love it when people actually use the they in my pronouns ugh gawd) and like various neos. I adore xenogenders I think they're great and I have a hoard of them which I will post about separately
I am ADAMANTLY anti AI. Do nottt share AI things with me. In fact, don't post AI slop to Tumblr at all, hot take because people have free will but this isn't the place for AI
Updated side note: If I find out you've fed my work to AI I swear to god I will be unreasonable. If this is something you do, if you put other people's work into AI because you're too creatively bankrupt to have an original thought, then you're a luh-luh-loser and you need both a grip and a hobby
I'm more active on my other account (mars-starr-rantz)
I'm in a lot of fandoms, and I write both fanfiction (which I intend to post here) and my own original stuff. I migrated from Wattpad in 2024 because that place is a mess
Some of my fandoms:
☆ Miraculous Ladybug
☆ FNAF
☆ TADC
☆ Friends
☆ DDLC
☆ Studio Ghibli in general
☆ Ouran High School Host Club
☆ Death Note
☆ Madoka Magica
Monster High
Helluva Boss
I'm a vampire in a world made for humans, please release me this mortal form is so limiting
I dress somewhat alternatively? I'm not sure what the consensus is regarding what counts as alternative but I've been called emo by randoms on the street even though I'm clearly not emo? If that helps?
Anyway feel free to send me asks or dms about my work and my characters I love chatting with people! Honestly even if you just want to be friends or moots HIT ME UP
I intend to post more about my OCs!! They're my babies and I love them
The tag I use for my tadc rewrite/content surrounding that: #death of a ringmaster
I'd love to talk to the singular user subscribed to my Ao3 account. Not to a specific fic, to my account in general. If you know who you are come out I'd love to kiss you on the forehead and call you pretty
Yours, Sincerely by Marzy_Starrzy if you're interested :) It's a short-ish fic taking place in the summer after 3rd year, in which Draco apologises for being a twat. Draco and Hermione then become penpals as Draco tries to work through his prejudice and unlearn everything his parents taught him. He is also learning all this while living with his aunt Andromeda because he ran away and Lucius Malfoy is an awful person!
Listen I know I've not released chapter 4 of Death of a Ringmaster yet right but I just had a BANGING idea for a Hastoria/Dramione fanfic and I might start writing it because it's got potential ok
This is my other OC (Belladona Screams)'s girlfriend they come as a matching set obviously
Electra Sparks - Daughter of an electric elemental
Age: 16!
Pronouns: She/Her
Killer Style: I like to use fashion to send shockwaves through Monster High!! My style is inspired a lot by retro fits and Scaremerican Vintage, with a bit of soft gunge - all tied in with my signature electric yellow, of course! Although on occasion I like to dip my toes into more gothic tastes.
Freaky Flaw: People have complained that I'm a little intense at times. That's not always my fault - it's hard to keep control of my powers when I get excited. I suppose I can be a little cynical too, but can you blame me? Everyone has ulterior motives, but basically no one is brave enough to admit it. I'd prefer to do the shocking rather than be on the receiving end.
Favourite colour: Every single shade of yellow, from pastel to screamin' electric, is my favourite!
Favourite food: Electric eel sushi.
Biggest Pet Peeve: The rain. I'd prefer not to short circuit in front of the whole school if it's all the same to boo. Plus, the risk of frying someone's nerves is a lot higher with puddles everywhere.
Pet: Technically I'm not supposed to have one, but I take care of my pet porcupine Hypocrates on the down low. Don't tell my Nana!!
Favourite school subject: Mad Science. I'm really good at reanimation.
Least favourite school subject: Physical Deaduaction - I've received a ban for life from the school pool. I'm not sure Lagoona has gotten over it yet.
Best Friends: Frankie Stein, when she's able to get away from the fearleading squad for longer than ten minutes. I usually fang out with her boyfriend Neightan Rot when she can't, as well as some ghouls from the Monster Pride Society, like Brigett Rolle, Jackie Lope, Spelldon Cauldronello, Operetta and Twyla Boogeyman. I get on well with my ghoulfriend's cousin, Scarah Screams, as well.
Ghoulfriend/Manster: My darling ghoul Belladona Screams, my Donnie. Sole resident of my heart, obviously. She's the only one who makes me feel a real spark for life.
Frightful Enemies: Heath. Burns. He is possibly the most irritating, blood boiling, insufferable monster I've ever met and his antics make all elementals look bad. However terrible my self control is, his is so much worse. Not to mention how shameless he is, flirting with every ghoul who moves without considering their feelings. Before he started dating Abbey, he tried to put the moves on MY Donnie - I would have drenched him in the pool if Headmistress Bloodgood wasn't on patrol that day.
Abilities: My electricity allows me to do all sorts of things, like recharge electronic devices, zap monsters (although I've been told to stop doing that), travel through the school using the cables, moving faster than others, and control/generate any amount of electricity I want. While I'm not a big fan of the rain, my favourite game as a kid was lightning rod - I'd stand outside during thunderstorms and try catch more lightning bolts than my Nana.
BOOM! Belladona's girlfriend, Electra Sparks! Yes she is absolutely based off the character Electra Heart from Marina and the Diamonds' second album of the same name I'm obsessed with that album
Oh. My. GHOUL. I adore this boovie! I'm not usually a fan of mafia stories, but this might be the only exception - Martin Goresese is a genius. My favourite character has got to be Cat-ya Bonecharova. She was the first hybrid boovie star I saw in mainstream Hauntlywood, a werecat and a skeleton, and it was totally inspiring as a young hybrid ghoul. Who's your favourite character?
Doing their introduction like those old ones from the G1 diaries and boxes let's GO
Belladona Screams - Daughter of a vampire and a banshee
Age: 16 (ghost years, of course!)
Pronouns: She/They
Killer Style: I've a very mixed fashion sense personally - one minute I could be freaky fabulous like my cousin Scarah, and the next I could be in a more casual hoodie and jeans combo. I do love to incorporate Celtic knots into my outfits where possible though! Vintage styles are also a favourite. I'm never tied to one thing!
Freaky Flaw: Being half banshee, I can be prone to more...emotional outbursts. I'm a sensitive soul, and that can lead to misunderstandings more often than not. My vampire half also makes it difficult to be around normies for long periods of time - if I'm hungry, things get messy fast. But sure, everyone has their faults!
Favourite colour: Pink, obviously! I look fangtastic in hot pink in particular.
Favourite food: O Positive if it's available...if not, my Da's colcannon can't be beat! Ultimate comfort food.
Biggest Pet Peeve: Monsters that are purposefully rude to hybrids like myself. I don't understand why some people are so against celebrating love, even if it isn't what they're used to. OH, and monsters who like to mock my heritage, nothing ticks me off more than that cursed Unlucky Charms ad. Also the sunlight - vampire skin burns like nothing you've ever seen.
Favourite activity: Probably lurking in the shadows of the school library. My most treasured pastime is getting lost in fiction! Though fanging out with my ghoulfriend Electra is a close second place <3
Pet: My pet raven, Poe, is my constant companion. He makes communicating with my mother a good deal easier, since she refuses to get an iCoffin.
Favourite school subject: Easily Ghoulish Literature or Creative Frightening! I love sinking my fangs into a good story.
Least favourite school subject: It's hard to pick just one, but Music is practically impossible since I'm not really supposed to sing.
Best Friends: Obviously my boo-tiful cousin Scarah Screams, but also Ghoulia Yelps, Jackson Jekyll, Sirena Von Boo and Invisi Billy. I try my best to get on with everyone, but I can't help it if some people rattle my chains.
Ghoulfriend/Manster - My divine, gorgeous, ethereal ghoul Electra Sparks! We both transferred to Monster High around the same time, and the rest was history!
Frightful Enemies - I wouldn't say we're enemies, but I never got on with Cleo De Nile. I think the way she treats Ghoulia is borderline cruelty, and her friends never seem to have a problem with it. I also think the way Spectra Vondergeist spreads gossip so easily, without even citing her sources, is dangerous and makes those of us who are less corporeal look terrible.
Abilities: Since my scare-itage is mixed, I have the joys of balancing two kinds of powers. For example, my banshee side means I can access the Ghost World and I can pass through solid objects if I want, and it means I can foretell people's deaths with my scream. I'm forbidden from actually using my scream though - it could be fatal to normies, and could temporarily make any monster who hears it insane. My vampire side means I can fly and blend into shadows, but it comes with the drawback of having to drink blood ever so often. I can use modern mirrors at least!
BELLADONA MY BABY GIRL!!! Her girlfriend Electra Sparks is an OC as well, and I might make another intro post for her. I like to imagine Belladona, Electra, Ghoulia and Jackson are this super nerdy friend group that have an ongoing D&D campain or something. She probably wouldn't like Holt very much lol.
Here are some pictures of outfits she'd probably wear:
hey y'all, just letting you know that there won't be a new chapter of Death of a Ringmaster today - I know the last three have come out in fairly rapid succession but like it's Sunday and I unfortunately have other things to do (cough cough job applications, wish me luck). Please be patient, I don't want to burn out either and the updates will be longer if I have time to let them stew!! Love ya!!
Death of a Ringmaster (and the consequences that follow) - Chapter 3: Wishing I could wish my little wish away
aka part 3 of rewriting episode 9 of The Amazing Digital Circus because *that* was the ending we got??
If you've not read the other chapters, you're welcome to stay but this is not going to make a whole lot of sense.
Warnings (whole fic): This will not be canon compliant/will be incredibly self indulgent, Funnybunny angst, implied RibbitRabbit/RibbitRabbit angst, confirmed Abstragedy/Abstragedy fluff, more developed Ragatha backstory (HEAVY on the mommy issues), basically all angst and no smut, and transfem Jax is happening but differently because again why are we making the transfem character abusive to every female member of the cast (and Zooble), written in Pomni's point of view, I'll try to give as much time to each character as possible but maybe don't hold me to that, the plot does what it wants.
Warning for this chapter: Sad Kinger :( / Kinger centric
(I will be uploading this to my AO3 as well, Marzy_Starrzy if you're interested!)
My cautious footsteps echoed on the floor as I approached Kinger. Tap, tap, tap, in a steady rhythm, sort of grounding me on the way over. I knew it was a selfish way to feel, but I was so incredibly nervous - how do you start that conversation? How was I supposed to tell him that everything was going to be alright when he's just learnt that he's missed nearly two decades of his children's lives? That was the real cruelty of the circus. Not the pointless adventures, not the demeaning, two dimensional cartoon form you become reduced to, but the time that's stolen right from under your nose while you don't even realize, while you're stuck the same way. You don't even get the privilege of knowing that everyone else is still moving forward.
Finally, I stopped about two paces behind him. His usually straight posture was completely thrown out the window as he almost curled in on himself, with the parts of him where is legs would be dangling over the edge of the unexplained gap in the floor. The bucket he had been using to cast himself into darkness lay abandoned beside him, dangerously close to the edge. But perhaps the strangest part was that he just kept repeatedly conjuring star shapes, then small flowers, and letting them fall into the abyss below. It was a constant loop, stars to flowers, stars to flowers, that made no sense to me as an outside observer. Deep breaths, Pomni. Deep breaths.
"Hey, mind if I join you?" I said to him, attempting to sound as casual as possible, as if I wasn't internally screaming.
"Sure, if you'd like to." Came his reply, small and fragile as a piece of tissue paper. Sitting beside him, I noticed that his eyes squeezed closed as he let each object fall, tears leaking out of them every time.
I allowed silence to settle for a little. Mostly because I was still summoning words that didn't sound like I was minimizing his pain, but also because I wanted to see if he'd stop creating the stars and flowers. He didn't, and the pattern continued.
"How are you doing that?" I asked as gently as I possibly could, pointing to the shape in his hands.
"I'm just using my imagination. It's the same thing Caine did, it only came naturally to him because it was in his programming. We're all able to do it, I just imagine none of you knew to try. It was an unintentional feature." He explained, his voice softening and trailing off a little at the end. He didn't look up as he spoke, still intently focusing on the pattern of stars and flowers.
I decided to give it a try. I mean, how hard could using your imagination be, right? I adjusted the position of my hands so they were the same as Kinger's - palms moving slowly together, but never quite touching, fingertips curled inward. My eyes screwed tightly shut and I put every ounce of energy I still had into 'willing'. It almost became a prayer. Something. Anything. Even a tiny token that might cheer him up. Heat rose from the tips of my shoes to the end of my hat, and I somehow subconsciously started holding my breath before - DING!
It was a sensation sort of like bread popping out of a toaster, like the immediate relief of stepping into a cool shower on a warm day. I opened my eyes, and in my now outstretched hand was a small, yellow sticker with a simple smiley face on it. Nothing flashy or particularly impressive, but I was glad it was something nice. I won this round, apparently.
Wordlessly, I stuck the sticker onto the velvet of his cloak, sort of savoring how decadent the material felt while I was there. Sensory experiences in the circus were few and far between because pretty much everything felt the same - cold, hard plastic with no give or signs of life, nothing that made you feel comforted the way this familiar fabric did. Props to Caine for the attention to detail. Surprisingly enough, the sticker actually stayed put, glinting mischievously at me as I drew back.
This unexpected action caused Kinger to momentarily stop what he was doing and look down to the spot I'd interfered with. He moved his glove up and stroked it slightly, and then looked at me. The face he made was unreadable - that is, until he burst into tears.
"I'm sorry, Pomni. I know this isn't how I should be acting. I...I sort of knew, deep down, that it had been a long time, that I'd missed out. But hearing it out loud is different. I've been mentally out of it for so long. I didn't understand just how long." Hearing his despair made my heart break. It had always just been an accepted fact that Kinger was insane...I never properly considered how trapped he must have felt.
"Kinger, please don't be sorry - shit, I'm not good at comforting people, c'mere." I wrapped my arms around him as far as they'd go, hugging him with all my strength, "You have done so much. For all of us. Even when you didn't know it. I mean, in Mildenhall Manor, I probably would have given up without you. You gave me the strength to keep going, even when I wasn't sure it would be OK. I'm lucky to know you," I said as I rubbed my hand in circles around his back, attempting to come across as soothing, "You know, my Umma always used to say the best way to work through your grief is to talk about the person or thing you're grieving. Would you...like to try?"
Offering some form of solution made me feel at least a little useful.
"I think...that might be nice." Kinger took a few calming breaths, and wiped his eyes before continuing, "My wife was...such an amazing soul. It kills me that I can't remember her real name, but she was called Queenie in here. I've never met someone who made me feel so carefree and alive the way she did. She always knew how to make someone laugh, or even just feel better about themselves if they had a bad day. Really, any wisdom or patience I have, I most likely learned it from her. She was kind to a fault, no matter what, even to people who would go out of their way to hurt her. I think loving her and being loved by her actually made me a better person, and I'm not even slightly exaggerating. Not only that, she was...passionate. So animated and alive about her interests. Her 'thing' was entomology - she could name any insect we saw, she could recognize their calls...honestly, she could have had a doctorate in insects if that was something she wanted. I hated bugs before we moved in together, but seeing how she would light up every time she'd talk about them...it was impossible not to fall in love with them." A fond smile spread across Kinger's face as he got caught up in her mental image.
"She sounds...kind of perfect for you, actually." I avoided eye contact, not wanting to hurt him accidentally.
"She was my soulmate, if you believe in things like that. I think...I think she would have liked you a lot." Kinger's smile was genuine. I felt oddly reassured by the notion that this woman I had never met would have liked me.
"What about your kids? You have daughters, right?" I inquired.
"Yep, two beautiful girls. Anne and Samantha. Well, her name is Samantha on paper, but we always called her Sammy. She was a little bit of a tomboy when she was younger, the complete opposite of her sister. Anne was a borderline germaphobe. On her first day of kindergarten, she actually brought in a bottle of hand sanitizer because she was scared the other kids 'might be sticky'. I never in my life laughed as hard as I did when her teacher told me that. She was incredibly intelligent, though. Since she was small she was determined to become an astronaut. We called her our little superstar, even when she got older and pretended to be too cool for silly nicknames. Meanwhile, Sammy was out in the garden tumbling in the grass and scraping her knees on every available surface. She always loved going on bug hunts with her Mom. Her favourites were always butterflies. She'd come running in once she got home, head to toe covered in mud and grass, and Queenie never had a proper explanation other than 'I looked away for one second, dear, and she somehow ended up in a puddle. And then another puddle. And then a blackberry bush.' Oh, she made me chuckle. She always brought me home the sweetest bunches of wildflowers every time she'd go out, which made my day. I actually learned to press flowers because I couldn't bring myself to throw them out. I had at least three notebooks full of them on my desk at home, annotated and everything. They were both still very young when I got here - Anne was twelve, and Sammy was only just nine. God, my little Anne would be thirty now. Ragatha's age. A fully grown woman. I really, really hope she got up to space, you know, even if I wasn't there for her first takeoff. I wonder, is she married? Does she have kids of her own? Would they...even know about me? I wouldn't blame either of my girls if they pretended I didn't exist. I've missed almost their whole lives, Pomni. I forced them to grow up without a dad." And just like that, Kinger was crying again, head buried in his hands as guilt just washed over him.
"That's not your fault. Even Scratch didn't know you'd be stuck here, and it was his project - you couldn't have predicted this." I tried to reassure him, but again, that was near impossible because I had no idea the kind of pain he was going through. I was twenty-five and chronically single, so not really an expert on loosing children.
"But I was so involved! I was basically Scratch's business partner at that point. If I'd have been more careful, if I'd have asked to push the beta testing back to December, I could have programmed a failsafe. That way no one would be trapped here, and I could have prevented my suffering...your suffering...everyone's suffering. If abstraction means death in real life as it does here, then I essentially sent my own wife to her execution, I orphaned my girls. That's not something I can take lightly, or something I can just learn to live with. I could have...*hic*...I could have saved them all. It's all my fault." For a man over twice my height, he'd never seemed so small, like a supernova curling in on itself moments before explosion.
"You don't know that. Even if you did hypothetically program in a failsafe, who's to say Caine wouldn't have just turned it off? We've seen first hand that this was his domain, and he was more than willing to go rogue in it. Plus, we don't even know what abstraction does to our real bodies. It could very well have set them all free too. Although I wouldn't recommend trying to find out," I quickly added, which caused him to chuckle. "Honestly, I'm thankful. From what you've told us, there's actually some hope of us returning to our lives. Assuming we're also in stasis, our bodies will be fine. We'll have something real and alive to get back to. I mean, I'm not sure how the rest of us would get into stasis considering you're the only C&A employee, but I'm not dwelling on that for now." I tried my best to banish all my doubts to the back of my mind. I was doing the comforting, and even though Kinger's lament made me feel so deeply upset, I had no intention of showing that on my face.
"I just...I don't know. I wish there was something I could have done. Something I could do now. But it's taking a while for my proper mental state to come back, which makes sense since apparently I've been...unreliable for nine straight years." He threw a glance to Ragatha, who seemed to be patting Gangle on the back and motioning to something on the coffee table.
"Yeah, actually, I was wondering about that. How come you don't need the bucket now? You seem just as aware as you were in the dark." I hadn't wanted to bring it up while Kinger was actively sobbing, but the question was practically eating me alive.
"I can't say for certain, but my current working theory is that it was Caine's last ditch attempt to keep me from abstracting after Queenie. Either that or he figured I knew too much. But in the same vein, he probably knew he didn't have the power to alter my mind constantly, which is why the Jax being a vegan situation only lasted one adventure, for example. It's kind of funny - he didn't want me to shed light on the situation, so he made it so that I was only 'sane' in the dark. I didn't realize I'd coded him to have a sense of irony." Kinger rolled his eyes as he explained his situation. This information was almost a relief - we wouldn't have to worry about keeping track of a scatter-brained Kinger, making him far more reliable. It was the first time I felt kind of confident that we might be able to figure something out.
He'd stopped making the shapes now. Instead, he held three jarringly realistic emperor butterflies in his hands, barely moving, as if they were made of air. For a long, drawn out moment, he just looked at them, cherishing the fact that they were present, and still. Then, as soon as the moment began, it was over, and he moved his hands close to his chest in a motion that resembled a hug, making sure not to squash the fragile insects while demonstrating his love. He moved his hands far away from his body, and watched as they flew away one by one, making their way upwards and away from the twisting digital obstacles. The light from the half broken skylight drifted towards them, lighting up those paper thin wings like stained glass, making them truly stand out in the sea of violently dull shades of grey. They dipped and dodged through the rays of artificial sun, performing a truly random, hypnotizing dance amongst the once vibrant assets that made up our unwilling home, before entirely disappearing from view. The moment made all our problems feel small and digestible. There was still beauty in this place, in this glitching, broken mess. We just needed to make it for ourselves.
"Let's go, Kinger. I think...it'll be OK, as long as we all keep talking to each other about stuff like this." I rose back to my feet, offering out my gloved hand, which he quickly took, though he looked incredibly anxious.
"Do you think...Jax...hates me?" Kinger whispered in my ear before we started walking.
"Sometimes I think Jax hates everyone. Other times...I don't know. There's something he isn't telling us, for sure, and something he doesn't want me specifically to know - something Ragatha knows as well. He's a mixed bag. Maybe he thinks that if he acts like he hates everyone, then everyone will hate him in return, and his actions will be validated. But I doubt he hates you specifically. I think it's more the situation we're in." I didn't quite grasp how much psycho-analyzing I'd done of Jax until those words went tumbling out of my mouth. I would have been embarrassed if I'd have said that to anyone but Kinger.
Kinger contemplated what I'd said for a second, and then shrugged his shoulders (which was an odd thing to watch, considering he didn't physically have shoulders). We started walking at the same place, careful to avoid the gaps to the void, making our way towards the group ahead. They were surprisingly peaceful, although that probably had something to do with the fact that Jax was sat on his couch with a pillow over his head, shutting every one else out.
"Hey guys! We're back." I interrupted, sitting back in my spot as Kinger returned to his.
"Hey Pomni! Hey Kinger! How are you both holding up?" Ragatha looked up at us with her usual smile. It was nice to see that sight again.
"We're good. Talking has made me feel better, I think." Kinger replied before I could. He certainly seemed less...droopy. I'll take that as a win. "Oh, right, I should probably let you all know that the conjuring ability I have isn't just limited to me. You guys can do it too, if you want. You just have to kind of picture what you want and focus on it, I mean there's a little more to it but that's the main gist."
"Holy shit, really?! That's awesome, Kinger, thanks!" Zooble perked up at the news.
They all seemed to be coping well with the influx of new information. Maybe they had the same perspective I did - having a body to go back to meant there had to be a way out.
"So, fill us in. What have you guys been talking about?" I asked, jumping back into a more serious mindset.
"Right, yes. We were just thinking, Kinger mentioned we needed to know our names to escape, right? So we just needed to find somewhere with access to our files, which would probably have our human names as identifiers since we didn't spawn in with new names automatically." Ragatha explained, gesturing to the notes she'd made on the coffee table with the white board pen.
"Okay, loving the plan so far, but where would our files be?" I inquired.
"We've narrowed it down to two places - Caine's office or the Void. We figured Caine's office because he is- or, was, sorry - an egomaniac that liked control, and the Void because...well, he was so insistent we never went out there, so maybe that was his hiding place for things he didn't want us to know." Zooble added, confidence shining through.
"Basically, we're working off of vibes because we have no substantial evidence whatsoever beyond the fact that Caine kept secrets." Jax added, a bitter taste piercing his words, which were slightly muffled because he hadn't bothered to remove the pillow from his face.
"Oh look, he does speak. Have you got any better ideas, or are you just planning on bitching and moaning?" Zooble's eyes rolled so far I was concerned they'd fall off.
Silence.
"Bitching and moaning it is then. Spectacular." That part was muttered under their breath.
"I say we try Caine's office first. I've only been in the Void once, and it seemed huge - we have no way of knowing what's in there with us until we come face to face with it. Does everyone agree?" Seizing control of the situation again, I desperately wanted to get a move on. To make progress.
There were general votes of agreement among the group, except from Jax (who seemed to be making a point of ignoring me). Finally. We were getting somewhere, we were closer to actually going home-
"Uh. Guys. Where is Caine's Office?" Gangle said, making my blood run cold.
A/N: This one was difficult, but I feel like I finally have a grasp on where I want the story to go. Yay!
The title of this chapter is a lyric from the song Mr Mountebank, which is my favourite DJO song and you should totally listen to it it's so good
It relates to the chapter because Kinger wishes he could undo the mistakes he made in completing the circus and helping Scratch with his plan, which ultimately ruined his life despite his good intentions :)
Death of a Ringmaster (and the consequences that follow) - Chapter 2: Scratch
aka part 2 of rewriting episode 9 of The Amazing Digital Circus because *that* was the ending we got??
If you've not read Chapter 1, you're welcome to stay but this is not going to make a whole lot of sense.
Warnings (whole fic): This will not be canon compliant/will be incredibly self indulgent, Funnybunny angst, implied RibbitRabbit/RibbitRabbit angst, confirmed Abstragedy/Abstragedy fluff, more developed Ragatha backstory (HEAVY on the mommy issues), basically all angst and no smut, and transfem Jax is happening but differently because again why are we making the transfem character abusive to every female member of the cast (and Zooble), written in Pomni's point of view, I'll try to give as much time to each character as possible but maybe don't hold me to that, the plot does what it wants.
A lot of this chapter will be Kinger just lore dropping, I promise it does get interesting!
The show canonically takes place in 2017, so that's the timeline I'm working with, I do not claim that the dates the other characters arrived in the circus are accurate.
(I will be uploading this to my AO3 as well, Marzy_Starrzy if you're interested!)
"Yeah. I think some explanation is in order." Kinger closed his eyes, and took a deep breath that seemed to fill his entire chest. "But this is going to be a lot of information in one go, and I can't be interrupted. My train of thought is still...pretty slow moving, thanks to how absent I've been."
Everyone immediately threw pointed looks at Jax.
"What! I wasn't going to stop him. I want to get out just as much as you guys, you know." Jax threw his hands up in the air in mock offense, but I was at least half convinced that he intended to take Kinger seriously, and that was enough conviction in my book.
"Please, ignore him Kinger. The floor is yours." I flashed a half smirk to Jax (who looked slightly more offended than he had before, but knew better than to say anything) before motioning to the area in front of the couches, so that everyone could be in full view of Kinger in case he began speaking with his hands as well as his words.
"Thank you, Pomni." Kinger smiled as much as someone with no mouth could and stood in the area I had indicated. He briefly turned around, slowly moving his hands closer together without actually touching them and crouching slightly, murmuring under his breath for a tense ten seconds. I was almost sure the bucket had stopped working, until a fairly sizeable whiteboard on wheels appeared behind him and a purple dry-wipe whiteboard pen was in his hands.
"Wait, I was joking about the NPC thing earlier, you can actually just do that?! Is that because of your stupid admin key or are we all able to casually conjure whatever we want?!" Jax jumped out of his seat, eyes wide with both envy and disbelief.
"JAX, he said no interruptions! Would you just sit down?!" Zooble yelled, also jumping out of their seat (rather ironically).
"He hadn't even started speaking yet, and I feel like that was a reasonable question to ask!" Jax, of course, felt the need to retaliate, now becoming more seriously upset rather than playful. Good grief, why is it so difficult to just sit and listen for like two minutes? I was under the impression we were all adults, but apparently NOT.
"Guys. Please take this seriously. If this gets out of my head then maybe we'll be able to piece together genuine answers. Just...be quiet. Please." Kinger indicated for both of them to sit down. He gave the impression of a stern substitute trying to control a rowdy class, and to give him some credit it worked like a charm. Both Jax and Zooble looked up in surprise, clearly not used to hearing Kinger say anything seriously. They both sat down wordlessly.
"OK, so I think it's best we start from the beginning. C&A is a company that was started by Scratch, who was a friend of mine from the real world. Unfortunately, I can't remember his name, but I remember working with him in a computer programming and cyber security firm. However, he got bored very easily - he was a genius in the field really, he had such an impressive knowledge of computers. Didn't think he was challenged enough. He wanted C&A to be something creative and awe-inspiring, something that would test the boundaries of technology. This took place in...I want to say...early 1987? But I could be one or two years out either way." With that statement, he took the lid off the whiteboard pen and wrote 'Scratch, C&A, 1987 (?)' in the upper left corner before continuing his speech, brows now furrowed in concentration.
"Well, it took Scratch a good three years to get his company off the ground, which should take us up to 1990. He had been trying to get me to join the company from the very beginning, but my wife and I had only just had our first daughter in '87 and we didn't want to put our finances at risk. Plus, he never actually specified what they were doing, he just waved me off with an answer about interactive computer games whenever I asked, and I had no reason to pry further so I...didn't. Anyway, in 1990, the programming firm I was working for went bust, so I relented and joined C&A as a senior administrator. Scratch said he wanted my perspective on his latest project - a computer program that could think independently based on prompts we gave it, something that could learn and respond to feedback and almost feel emotion the same way a human does. It was still in development, but he was actually making significant progress considering how limited he was by the tech at the time. He called this program...Caine." Kinger paused, almost mournfully, as he added the notes to the whiteboard. At the mention of Caine, the others sat up a little straighter, clearly itching to ask questions but restraining themselves (thankfully).
"Caine was...rudimentary, at best. Once we actually got the intelligent parts of him running, he tried his best to respond to prompts, but any of the responses we got from him were either impossible to understand or just downright disturbing. Scratch hated those responses the most. I'm fairly sure he wanted to build something fun, something everyone could enjoy, and on paper Caine was perfect for that - a computer game that makes new levels on the spot? It was unheard of, it would revolutionize what we knew about artificial intelligence. But Caine had far too much scope, no filter mechanism - nothing to narrow down an actual appropriate response. It was like he was picking and choosing things that interested him (as much as an AI can be interested in things it has no knowledge of). One night, Scratch got so angry with Caine's lack of progress that he scrapped the project entirely and announced we were switching to developing a new AI, built on the foundations of the last. We all assumed he'd just taken any salvageable code he could from Caine's database and put it in as framework for this new AI, which we called Angel. We know now that he just locked Caine in a private folder and copied some of his code rather than scrapping him completely. I'm still unsure how I feel about that." Another pause, the pen making a squeak as it rushed across the whiteboard. So far, this information was interesting, but it offered very little insight to how we would escape.
"Angel was almost perfect. It gave accurate responses every time, the worlds it made were immersive and actually quite entertaining, and it could even create little side characters with quests for the player to 'up the stakes'. Scratch actually programmed the circus part," Kinger made a wide sweeping motion to the room around us, "as more of a main lobby rather than a level in the game. I suppose that's why Caine was always so insistent on getting us out of here on adventures. Why this place is unstable from time to time. Anyway, there was one problem with Angel. Unlike Caine, Angel had no scope for sympathy. It would remove code it thought was defective, even if there wasn't anything functionally wrong with it, it would ridicule players, and it could be a bit demanding, churning out adventure after adventure with very little time to breath in between. Remind you of anyone?" Ragatha and I both let out a soft gasp at the same time. I could sense exactly where this was going, and if I was correct, we were pretty much completely fucked.
"Progress on the game was going great. I mean, the 'deletion' of Caine did set us back quite a bit, but once we got Angel functional it felt like the sky was the limit. But, of course, no one is allowed to stay happy for long, and in May 1995, Scratch was diagnosed with a terminal illness that gave him about five years left to live. He...didn't take the news well. I mean we didn't expect him to, no one would take that news well, but it completely crushed him to feel so helpless when we were just making an impact with C&A. But he still put his all into the project, possibly to his own detriment. He was desperate to immortalize his name somehow and he wouldn't accept comfort from anyone. The next part of the timeline is still a little fuzzy for me, so forgive me, but some time between his initial diagnosis and New Year's Day 1996 he had a plan that meant it wasn't just his name that could live forever. He called me and outlined his whole idea - he wanted to put his conscious mind into the game and leave his body in a state of stasis, so that he could still help with the company from within the circus and wouldn't be limited by his illness." There was such a heavy silence that you could have heard an insect sneeze. Gangle's hands (ribbons) flew to her mouth in shock. Zooble had at some point developed a bit of a thousand yard stare, like they were about to have some kind of crisis. Ragatha went completely still. Even Jax was rapt with attention, sat up straighter than I'd ever seen before.
"Obviously I thought he was completely mad. It was one thing to literally create the technology to produce artificial intelligence, but transferring a human life into a computer sounded impossible. Like science fiction. But I entertained his idea, because he was my friend and he was dying and I understood why he was scared. I suggested instead just scanning his brain and making a copy of him for the game, but he shut that down fast - he didn't want to continue suffering, I suppose. We brainstormed in my living room for the entire day (which my wife and daughters did not appreciate), but I wasn't able to help him, so he went home. Said he'd think about it more. He didn't bring it up again for months, until after a 'data breach'. Scratch said it was a data breach, anyway. One day we had the Angel AI, and the next, Caine was back. I never expected to see him again, like I said, I was so sure he'd been deleted. I can't say I wasn't a little happy though - I know it's wrong, especially after what's happened today, but I can't help having a little soft spot for Caine. He was our first creation after all." The white board was now at least half full of notes, mapped out in what looked like a chronological timeline. The circus seemed to be slowly corrupting more, with small holes opening up in the floor leading into what looked like nothing. I moved my eyes back to Kinger. It really wasn't the time to panic.
"Caine was different. He was entirely functional and he was generating responses just as well as Angel had - albeit still occasionally on the darker side, but they weren't half as gory as before. Scratch was quiet about the whole thing. I can't help but think it happened because he was rearranging files to indulge in his mind transfer plan. Unfortunately, I'm not really...sure how things happened from there. I'm just seeing flashes, and there are events I know happened to get us all here, but it's not in any detail." Kinger turned to me as he said that, looking somewhat ashamed.
"That's alright, Kinger. Just tell us what you know. You've already been great help." I told him, nodding and trying to look comforting while avoiding eye contact with the weird holes opening up beside us.
"I'll try. So...I know Scratch went radio silent for a while...I got worried and went to his house with my wife...he was there and...he'd figured out how to transfer someone's mind into the game. He had this clunky headset...something about the eyes being the window to the soul? He said he just needed cryochambers and some adjustment to the storage space in the game and he might be able to host multiple people, multiple brains at the same time. He begged Queenie and I to beta test it with him...said it was a complete scientific marvel, we could be part of history. I don't know why we said yes, why we'd leave the girls. I guess we didn't quite believe it would work. Some other C&A admins were dragged into it too. Preparations were made and the day came...15th of November, 1999. Scratch was nearly out of time. We all put on the headset one at a time and...when we came to, we were here. But there was something wrong. We couldn't remember our names, which was important...important why? I think we needed them to get out. We were trapped, and Caine said we couldn't communicate with anyone outside. We tried to search for an exit, but we were blocked every time. There was something in Caine's code that wouldn't let him let us leave." Pause. Everyone took a deep breath.
"And, there was that night...I was out walking on my own and I heard Scratch and Caine talking. Scratch asked if he was speaking with Caine or Angel...he threatened to use his admin override to get into the void...they both started yelling...Caine snapped his fingers, and Scratch doubled over. I think Caine saw me, so I ran away. I didn't even tell Queenie about it. By the next day, Scratch had abstracted. Everyone who started talking too much about an exit went mad, became impossible to be around, and eventually abstracted too. Everyone was gone, except me." Kinger's voice took a tone I never thought I'd hear from him. He sounded completely broken hearted, like remembering all of this brought him right back to the moment and made him feel all that pain again. I kind of felt like a monster for making him relive those events. Tears were welling up in his eyes before he quickly swiped them away.
"Wow. Kinger, I...thank you. That gives us a place to start at least, right?" I asked, turning around to the rest of the group.
"Yeah right. That was just like fifteen minutes of backstory with a potentially important detail at the end." Jax rolled his eyes, throwing himself back into a relaxed position as if he wasn't fascinated by these new discoveries too.
"Uh, hello, did you listen at all? All of that was important, jackass. Don't act like you could have figured any of that out on your own." Zooble raised their voice, glaring daggers at Jax.
"So...we're still alive? Out there?" Ragatha said in a soft voice, barely above a whisper, eyes locked on her hands.
"Assuming the cryochambers didn't malfunction, or that you guys were put in them in the first place, then yes, you should be." Kinger responded, lowering his voice and shifting back to his seat, "of all of us, I got here the earliest, so realistically I'm most likely to be...dead. Or my body is. Although, I'm not actually sure how much time has passed, since I've been...you know. Not all there. Does anyone remember what year it was when they got here?"
"I'm fairly sure it was...2008? July 2008 I think? I'd only just turned thirty." Ragatha replied, sounding slightly more sure of herself. I certainly wouldn't have guessed Ragatha was thirty. That would mean she was born...about 1978? And being stuck here so long...wow. Her more dated references were starting to make more sense.
"THIRTY?! Like, you were born in...1978?! Shit Rags, you're, like, a fossil!" Jaxes' shit-eating grin returned to his face as he started howling with laughter, even though it really wasn't that funny.
"Shut up!" Ragatha hid her head behind her hands and blushed a deep scarlet.
"God, if you think thirty's a fossil..." Kinger mumbled under his breath, letting the sentence trail off. He did seem a little disturbed when Ragatha said she got here in 2008, which was concerning - he didn't seem at all aware that was almost a decade ago, at least for me.
"GUYS! Can we please just focus and have a productive conversation? It might be helpful to add the years we got here to the timeline, so we're all up to speed?" I interjected, praying common sense would kick in for someone.
"How exactly is learning how long we've been rotting here productive? Look around, Pom, the place is falling apart! Do we really have time for that?" Jax was (surprisingly) making a good point, however I refused to be proved wrong by him after the headache that was getting him to listen to me in the first place.
"We need to make sure we all have the same amount of background knowledge as everyone else. Keeping things to ourselves won't help. Plus, we've just been given an overwhelming amount of information and I have a million questions, so if we get this out of the way we can actually start work on deciding our next steps." I said with as much confidence as I could muster, stepping towards the white board and picking the abandoned pen off the floor. I carefully added a line under the current timeline, and wrote the note, 'Ragatha: 2008' beside it.
"OK, who came next?" I prompted, looking around the room.
"So, let's see, it went me...then Bizco not long after...then Spike...then Rib-" Ragatha started, reeling off names I didn't recognise, before being swiftly interrupted-
"Me. I showed up next. 2012, as far as I remember." Jax spat out in a rush, once again glaring at Ragatha. Strange.
"Oooookayyyy..." I mumbled, looking at Jax out of the corner of my eye and writing 'Jax: 2012' beside my previous note about Ragatha.
"I-I was next. In 2014." Gangle spoke up, not sounding confident. Still, I wrote 'Gangle: 2014' on the board.
"Then me. Also 2014, as it turns out." Zooble added soon after, half smiling at Gangle (who instantly blushed harder than I thought was physically possible). 'Zooble: 2014' joined the list of names on the board.
"Well, that just leaves me. It was...February? Yeah, February 2017 when I got here. It would probably still be 2017 in the real world if time out there functions anything like it does in here." I sighed, adding 'Pomni: 2017' to the board, completing the list.
Everyone just looked forward for a second, seemingly in disbelief.
"....guys? Are youuuu...good, or...?" I was incredibly confused. Surely someone knew? Surely someone had been keeping track?
Kinger stood up, looking at me but not quite seeing me, different from how he usually was.
"I'm sorry everyone. Please excuse me for a moment." And he turned around, slumping off a couple of paces away from the group, positioning himself at the edge of one of the gaps in the floor.
"Hold on, how come he gets to walk away? What happened to all of us sticking together, or whatever bullshit you were spewing earlier?!" Jax jumped up again, yelling indignantly in my direction and motioning to where Kinger had retreated to.
"Not the time, Jax. He's been here longer than any of us. Didn't you listen to him earlier? He has daughters out there. And he's only just found out that he's missed eighteen years of their lives. Cut the man some slack." Zooble said with more sympathy than I've ever heard them use, hugging Gangle a little tighter.
"Pomni? Do you think it's...safe, to leave him alone?" Ragatha touched my arm, words trembling. I don't think any of us would be OK if we lost Kinger. He knew this place better than any of us (considering he literally helped create it), but above that, he was the wisest and most understanding of us all, and we weren't in a place where we could afford to loose someone like that.
"I'll go talk to him. In the meantime, you guys stay here and brainstorm. We're going to need a plan to get out of here, and we're going to need new ways to keep each other safe now that we can't rely on Caine to save us." I returned Ragatha's gesture and placed my hand on her shoulder, indicating that I trusted her to keep the group together. I also knew that this could serve as a good time for everyone to mourn the lives they had, and the time they lost by being trapped here. To make peace with the reality of what we were, before we had to move on.
Shooting a final warning look at Jax, and what I hoped was an encouraging smile towards Gangle and Zooble, I softly approached Kinger, thinking of the best way to comfort the man that was always the light in the dark when we needed it.
A/N: This chapter was a lot of talking and no action, but I promise it was necessary. Prepare for more sad Kinger/sad Pomni mwahahaha
And as always, in the words of Caine, constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated :)
