Starynight

[missmentelle]

My sibling is alt-right and extremely hateful about his beliefs. He goes on tirades about liberal agendas and screams and insults me and our other family members when we attempt to debate with him. I live with him and being around him negatively impacts my mental health, especially with me being part of some of the groups he hates so much. I don’t know what to do. I feel so much hatred for him, but he’s my brother and we used to be close.

Members of the so-called “alt right” or “manosphere” actually bear very strong similarities to cult members - they become increasingly rigid in their beliefs, they have decreasing tolerance for ambiguity (everything starts to become either right or wrong, with no room for grey areas), they become increasingly preoccupied with “purity” of thought, their beliefs start to become the core of their personal identity, they accept the word of thought leaders without question or critical thinking, their relationships with family and friends deteriorate, and they often experience negative consequences at work or school as a direct result of their beliefs. 

Dealing with a friend or family member who has joined the alt-right is very different from dealing with a family member who is dabbling with the idea of voting Conservative for economic reasons, or dealing with a family member who erroneously believes that Game of Thrones isn’t very good. Reasoned discussion and laying out your point of view will not work here. The tactics that you need to use with him are actually the tactics used to deprogram cult members, which includes things like:

Do not debate him. Never debate a cult member under any circumstances. It’s a complete waste of time for everybody involved, and it only serves to further entrench him in his toxic beliefs. Cult members do not approach debates in good faith - they are not open to having their minds changed, and they have no intention of ever listening to the other side. Cult members use debate as a tool to recruit people with possibly like-minded beliefs, or as a tool to gather evidence that the “other side” is delusional. The more you debate, the harder he will fight to come up with justifications for his beliefs, and the more satisfaction he will get from feeling like he is defending his “side” from attack. Shut down all debate with him. If he tries to start a debate, redirect immediately. If he makes an inflammatory statement at the dinner table, respond with something non-committal ( “hmmmmm”, “is that so?”, “okay” ) and immediately change the subject. Don’t get sucked in. No matter how hard he tries to open up a debate, deflect, shut him down, or walk away. 

Treat him with detached politeness. I know that it is very difficult not to get visibly upset when someone is insulting the very core of who you are as a person and what you believe, but but you have to stay calm and detached here. Do not let him see that he is upsetting you. When he is going on rants about his beliefs, treat him like a child who is explaining the rules to a video game that you don’t particularly care about - have an air of detached boredom, and no matter how hostile he gets, respond only with politeness. Remember, part of the core beliefs he’s being fed is that people outside of the alt-right are “emotional”, and that his beliefs are “triggering” to those people. Give him no evidence to suggest that is true. Stonewall him. Give him nothing but bored stoicism in response to his outbursts. No matter how much he escalates or how horrifying his beliefs get, always act as though you are having a polite conversation about the weather with a stranger at Starbucks. If he tells you that women should should be property and gays should be killed, respond only with a polite “Well, I suppose that’s one perspective”, or “Yes, I believe you have mentioned this before”. Nothing takes the wind out of a cult member’s sails faster than being treated with calm politeness when they are expecting a fight.

Do not insult him or the people who share his beliefs. The glue that holds cults together is a persecution complex. Cults absolutely thrive on being persecuted for their beliefs, and they depend on it to keep members from leaving. “People outside this group hate you and they will treat you much worse than we will” is the message that keeps people from leaving hateful cults, all the way up until the Kool-Aid is served. He is being fed the message by his fellow cult members that he is hated for who he is - a, presumably, straight white man - and that “Liberals” hate him so much that they want to take away the things he is “owed” (money, power, security, etc) and give it away to undeserving minorities who haven’t really “earned” it. Give him no evidence to suggest that this is true. Refrain from insulting him, or insulting the people he views as thought leaders or role models. You can definitely express your political opinions and make it clear that you are not buying into your brother’s worldview, but keep things direct and refrain from personal attacks. If he is gloating about the president to intentionally get a rise out of you, a simple “I disagree with his policies” is all you have to say - launching into attacks about the president’s looks, family, mannerisms or intelligence is fuel for your brother’s hateful beliefs. Remember that when it comes to your brother, you are not acting in the role of a left-wing activist facing off against a dangerous right-wing activist with a platform. You are a concerned family member dealing with a family member who has gotten involved in a cult. 

Ask polite questions, but do not engage directly with his beliefs. Do not read any of the reading material he recommends, listen to any of the podcasts he puts forward or view any of the videos he asks you to watch; it might be tempting to do so just to prove that you are engaging with him in “good faith” and that you have given his views an “honest try”, but this is a mistake. There is no such thing as “good faith” or intellectual honesty when it comes to cults, and there is nothing to gain from engaging in their propaganda. Do not treat anything produced or recommended by a cult as if it has value, because it does not. When he provides you with something he wants to you read, behave as though a young child has just handed you a live earthworm - thank him for the gesture, but decline to accept. Engaging with propaganda just legitimizes it, and gives him more ammunition to hunker down in his beliefs. When you do ask questions of his beliefs, be detached and polite. If he is ranting that all women are whores, ask him what the basis is for that belief. You are not looking to debate him or get a rise out of him - don’t fire back with counter-points, but make a polite, disinterested noise of acknowledgement, or ask for further clarification. You are merely looking for holes in his reasoning, or gaps where he doesn’t have evidence to back up what he says. You don’t need to point these holes out to him - there will be many. When he is unable to be specific, once again, make a polite acknowledgement ( “Interesting.” ) and move on.

Emphasize how much you miss your former relationship with him. Tell your brother that you miss him. Be specific - talk about the things that you used to do together, and the ways that he used to be involved in your life. If he tries to deflect and start talking about his beliefs again, or how he can’t be involved with you anymore because of your own beliefs or identity, don’t engage. Go back to talking about how you miss the relationship you used to have with him. If he insults you, pretend you didn’t hear him and remind him of a happy memory or a fun thing that you used to do together. It can take a really long time to have success with this tactic, but your brother does remember the relationship he used to have with you, and it is possible to remind him of what he is missing out on by continuing with his hateful beliefs. The idea is to take his beliefs out of the equation as much as possible - make him miss the relationship that he used to have. Any attempt at mending the relationship on his end will necessarily require that he get less extreme in his beliefs - it’s difficult to pursue a close relationship with someone and still insult them. 

Remind him of normal life outside the cult. People in the alt-right - and other cults - tend to become hyper-focused only on issues that concern the cult, and begin to forget about normal life. Your brother is likely spending a lot of time and focus on things like the “sexual marketplace”, abortion rights, refugees, gay rights, female superhero movies etc. Bring him back to earth as often as you can with reminders of things that are outside the scope of the alt-right, and are minimally politically charged. Start a conversation about a new restaurant that is opening up in your town. Show him a funny cat video. Ask him if he’s seen a minimally controversial movie. Constant reminds of normalcy can gradually help him realize how hyper-focused he has become on a few small issues, and remind him that his worldview and priorities are incredibly skewed.

Protect your own mental health. Living with a cult member is exhausting. The combination of fending off the insults, being bombarded with hate rhetoric and missing the person they used to be is exhausting. Make sure you are protecting your own mental health. Take breaks. Leave the house and spend time with other people. Lean on friends and other family members for support. Take care of yourself. Getting someone out of a cult is a marathon, not a sprint, and it’s important to conserve your energy. It can take up to five years to get someone to fully leave cult beliefs behind. Be patient. 

One of the hard parts about dealing with alt-right family members is that people make the mistake of approaching them as a political movement, when it is more appropriate to address them as a cult. The way that they operate is much more similar to the dynamics of a cult than the dynamics of a mainstream political movement, and deprogramming techniques are your best bet for getting your family member back. I highly recommend that you and your family read up on cults and the tactics used to get people out of them. It is especially helpful to read testimony from people who have escaped cults or successfully been persuaded to leave them - if possible, look for materials from people who have left the alt-right, and try to present this material to your brother. This is an incredibly difficult thing for a family to go through, and I highly recommend that you seek out other families who are dealing with similar situations - you are far from alone here. 

Best of luck to all of you. 

[dailynakaharachuuya]

3,000 followers art raffle!

Thank you so much for 3000 followers!! As I said previously, I am hosting a raffle!

How to enter:

🎩 Like this post! 🎩 Reblog this post! 🎩 Follow this blog!

Art raffle ends 13th October 2024!

Raffle prize for the winner is a fully-illustrated and rendered piece of our dear Chuuya!! Any pose, any outfit, and any background; it is to your choosing!

Enjoy!

(Winner will be chosen via a random pick spinning wheel!)

[notbecauseofvictories]

A customer contacted our team with questions, and then finished their email with: "I am daunted by the complexities and unknowns." I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

[cameoappearance]

Reblog if you are daunted by the complexities and unknowns

[trivia-sea]

double black

[ledouche-lamperouge]

Skk and sskk going on a double date.

Chuuya: and then Dazai said that we are fated to—

Dazai: *chokes on breadsticks* THAT DID NOT HAPPEN

Atsushi: and then Akutagawa's mouth is on my neck—

Akutagawa: *rashoumons the table in half*

[avnasace]

everyones saying chuuyas going to roast dazai for his speeches but you just know dazais going to pull an uno reverse card and whip out a recording of that godawful screech in retaliation

[bdscat]

Spoiler alert

The best thing is to know that he decided to make that sound himself.

[dazaistabletop]

Okay so a) that reaction was real

b) Chuuya definitely did that on purpose

[verynonyideas]

[sleepy-cone]

Waiting for ao3 😔

[seizethecringeofproduction]

When you realize there could very easily be a Drake & Josh style spin-off show about Robbie & Miguel

[unicornswithbowties]

Alastair: I hate seeing you like this.

Charles: Seeing me like what?

Alastair: Like in person.

[queenhelenblackthorn]

Alastair: I didn’t see you—you were this boy, following me around at school, and then I met you in Paris and you’d grown up and turned into Michelangelo’s David. I though you were beautiful.

Thomas, in his head: He called me beautiful?!?!?! Nooo!!! He is the most beautiful person I've ever known!!!

[brightwoods]

Writing is hard so I decided to take a break to make some TLH shitposts

[macfairchild]

I think that Chain of Iron should be renamed ‘Chain of Everyone confesses their love except for the two people who are ACTUALLY married.’

[rinadragomir]

Alastair: You're doing that staring thing again

Thomas: Its hardly my fault you're so hot

Alastair: what

Thomas: what

[this-broken-world-deactivated20]

Broken Souls (Thomastair): Chapter 1

Chapter List

The trip to Paris was the worst part. Alastair didn’t know how he was expected to handle Thomas sitting across from him for ten minutes, let alone several hours. He’d volunteered to go after Cordelia and Matthew, but it was decided that Thomas should go with him because he might know better where Matthew would go. No one mentioned that they didn’t trust Alastair enough to go alone, even if it was his sister he was looking for.

Thomas kept looking out the window, as if trying to see where they were. He also kept looking at Alastair, who pretended not to notice. It wasn’t as if he wanted nothing more than to lean over and kiss him, but knew he couldn’t. He’d set rules for himself, and he would not break them.

Eventually, the repeated glances became too much. Feeling more than seeing Thomas’s eyes on him, Alastair said, “If you want to say something, just go on and say it. Quit staring at me like a madman.”

“Do you take that book everywhere?”

Alastair’s gaze snapped up. He’d been reading The Prince by Machiavelli, not for the first time. It was his favorite, after all. “What on Earth are you talking about?”

“Practically every time I see you anymore, you’re reading that book. Even—even when we were locked in the Sanctuary,” Thomas said carefully. That was dangerous territory, and they both knew it.

Alastair considered for a moment if he should respond. He had no reason to tell Thomas anything, and doing so would be going directly agains rule number one. Don’t let him in. If you let him in, you won’t be able to push him away again, said a small voice in his mind.

That voice was not his own. That voice had been born from years of misery, from heartbreak and anger and all the emotions he tried to shut out. That voice had controlled him for months now, ever since the engagement party. He heard it every time he saw Thomas. There was only one time when it had not spoken, when it had gone mercifully silent. He savored the memory of that day.

Maybe it was time to stop listening to the voice in his head. “It’s my favorite book. Any time I think I might be in a boring situation with nothing else to do, I bring it.”

“Oh.” There was a note of disappointment in the word, as if Thomas had been expecting something else. Alastair couldn’t imagine what. He opened his mouth to speak again, but was cut off abruptly by the train slowing to a stop. Looking out the window, Alastair saw they were in a train station, and he could see a sign written in French. They had arrived.

He didn’t like being in Paris. There were too many memories there, some good and others bad, stained by the knowledge of worse things to come. Thomas, on the other hand, looked around in wonder as if he’d never been there before. Or as if he were remembering the best days of his life.

No. Alastair didn’t let himself think about that. Thomas had friends and family whom he loved very dearly; the best days of his life would be ones spent with them.

Remember, he doesn’t need you. If anything, he needs you gone, as far away from him as possible. Yes, that was a good idea. Maybe, after retrieving his sister for their father’s funeral, he would leave London for good. He could travel the world and see everything he’d always wanted to, and he’d be alone. That was for the best. No one needed him. Especially not Thomas.

They went to the Paris Institute, which had been expecting them; someone, likely either Will or Charlotte, had sent a letter ahead explaining why they’d be coming. It was already evening when they got there, so there would be no searching until the next day. That was fine with Alastair; he was exhausted for a reason he couldn’t explain.

He tried not to think about Thomas in the room next to him. That was going against rule number two, which played in his mind as he fell asleep. Don’t think about him. If he has a hold on your mind, it will be harder to let him go.

God, he hated rules. He hated the voice. But it spoke the truth and it spoke reasonably. He had no choice but to listen.

Keep reading