The United States of Anarchy

50 + 1 + 5 = unmitigated chaos   -  APH States Account

[statesofanarchy]

Wisconsin: Has anyone told you what happened with Michigan and Ohio—

Illinois: No, and I am not interested in whatever antics Tweedle dork and Tweedle dumbass have gotten themselves into this time.

Wisconsin: So I’m guessing you’re not going to be looking at the kitchen in the next week?

Illinois: Why...?

Wisconsin: You said you weren’t interested. Don’t worry about it, Grant and Rhys just kind of... repainted it with the blender.

Illinois: They what.

[statesofanarchy]

My sister said America looks like he will help you file your taxes.

Why does he look 37?? What happened to our golden retriever himbo????

[statesofanarchy]

It might be an unpopular opinion, but between I always assumed the Iberian brothers had the brightest green eyes. A lot of people talk about England having eyes like emeralds, but that’s always been Spain and Portugal for me. Bright, sparkling Mediterranean waters, warm sunshine in their eyes: that’s the emerald green.

England has eyes that look more like a forest in the rain: muted, moody. The exact shade is hard to pin down. And have you ever seen a forest saturated with fresh rain? The explosion of different greens is just magical and that fits him much better.

[statesofanarchy]

Nebraska: Look, Kit, I’m gonna put my cookie in the queso dip!

Kansas: That’s disgusting. I’m going to do the same thing.

[statesofanarchy]

Kentucky: I am not sure how many horses it takes to be happy.

Kentucky: But so far, it’s not twelve.

[statesofanarchy]

I would just like to say, Wisconsin is the EPITOME of “well-intentioned but stupid”

[statesofanarchy]

A brief summary of some of the southeast:

Missouri: pure of heart, dumb of ass

Arkansas: disgruntled vodka aunt

Mississippi: everyone’s grandpa

Alabama: token straight friend

Florida: basically, i’m baby (also problem child)

Louisiana: aggressive self-care

South Carolina: closeted serial killer but bakes cookies

North Carolina: how did you even get in this family

Georgia: intentional murphy’s law

[statesofanarchy]

SoCal: Matí! What did I teach you about making expensive purchases while you’re super depressed??

NorCal: How. You taught me how.

[statesofanarchy]

SoCal, Maryland, and Rhode Island are terrible at keeping secrets. If you tell them anything, the rest of the states will know within three hours.

[statesofanarchy]

I’m stressed and procrastinating; have some Dakotas :,)

[statesofanarchy]

Do you think we all assume HRE is Germany because the alternative is actually really sad?

I mean, yes, historically it makes sense, and they look too much alike, and canon skirts around the issue but basically fosters the assumption. However, as far as I know, it’s never been explicitly confirmed, we just all came to the consensus ourselves.

Because if HRE isn’t Germany... 

The last time they saw each other, Feliciano promised they would be together again and then that never happened, not even in the roundabout “oh, they do but Ludwig doesn’t remember him” way. HRE dies and after a time Feli moves on to someone completely different (Germany).

Obviously, that’s sad for Feliciano, who has to get over the death of someone he loves. But that’s kind of the same either way, seeing as if HRE is Germany, no one knows but Prussia (maybe Austria? But that depends on your own interpretation of who did what in raising baby Ludwig).

The worst part comes when you have poor HRE, stuck in whatever afterlife the nations have, who’s forced to look down and watch Feliciano fall in love with someone else. If HRE can’t see him, he has to wait patiently for Feli to join him there. When that happens, imagine how devastated he’s going to be to learn that Feli is in love (has been in love) with someone else. 

To be honest, it makes more sense in-universe for HRE to be Germany, and it’s much more interesting that way, but just imagine poor HRE if that’s not the case. To love someone for so long and when you finally reunite, they have moved on without you, and there is nothing you can do about it. 

[statesofanarchy]

baby Florida: God? I’m new, and there aren’t any other people like me around here... I need a friend. Maybe you could send me an angel! The nicest angel you have...

baby Georgia, clambering out of a house fire, gun in hand: (maniacal laughter)

(and then they proceeded to fight for 100 years and become best friends)

[statesofanarchy]

Anon might of not of realized but Rocky Mountain Oysters are a Colorado and Wyoming thing (for obvious reasons). It’s also where the first part of the name comes from

I’m not sure why anyone would want to claim this stuff for their state, but good for y’all. Someone also said they’re a more Canadian thing than American, which might explain why I’ve never ever heard of them.

I definitely see Wyoming also trying to get people to eat it without letting them know that these things aren’t actually oysters.

[statesofanarchy]

Add Rocky Mountain Oysters to that list, I think it’s the most cursed thing in the Midwest

Thank you so much Anon, my day is ruined.

(I knew bull testicles was a thing in the Mediterranean, but I was not aware they were a thing here, wth)

What bothers me the most is that Wikipedia has the AUDACITY to list these as hors d’oeuvres.

Actually, please read the whole article, it’s a freaking trip.

But it’s absolutely canon that Michigan and Montana will try and get the coastal states to eat these by “conveniently forgetting” that they’re not real oysters and then gleefully revealing what they just ate. The first time they did it to Maryland, she actually cried, and New York almost threw up when they told her.

[statesofanarchy]

You know, you’d expect the midwestern states not to know how to cook because they’re all chaos gremlins, but honestly?? They’re some of the best cooks out of all the states.

Like, Kansas and Nebraska might not be able to whip up the gourmet stuff South Carolina and Louisiana are so good at, but they make the best home cooked mac and cheese and burgers anyone’s ever tasted.

Texas’ secret coleslaw recipe is something he will die before telling anyone. Arkansas’ cornbread is to die for. Minnesota and Wisconsin cook fish frys that will make you cry.

For those stereotypical American foods, you literally won’t find anyone who can make it better than the Midwest.

On the other hand, this is kind of a well-kept secret for two reasons:

1) the coasts don’t like it when the landlocked kids are better than them at anything, and

2) yes, the Midwest makes good normal food, but they also have a ton of really weird things they try and push on their siblings. Things like Watergate Salad and toasted ravioli and deep fried twinkies that make the coastal states sick to even think about.

[statesofanarchy]

May I ask, Nebraska, why only Colorado?

((Anon, you are dangerously close to a very well-kept secret: that Nebraska has human emotions and can show them to other people))

[statesofanarchy]

Nebraska: I have only said “I love you” to two people in my life:

Nebraska: Colorado,

Nebraska: and Wyoming, because his back was turned and I thought he was Colorado.