Secrets & Challenges

Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom

[stayathomemomconfessions]

I’m exhausted.

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I despise the phrase, “Oh, they are just being kids.” Would it be acceptable for me to say, “Can we stop making excuses to avoid parenting?”

[stayathomemomconfessions]

Life is full of ups and downs. My grandfather has been in and out of the hospital. His roommate of 17 years is such a low life piece of smushed feces.

He had surgery to remove a lump in his throat. He now has a trach, feeding tube, and is connected to oxygen.

He has always been a smoker and now will be facing chemo and radiation. My mind is a little all over the place.

I planned a trip to visit family in a few weeks prior to this turn of events. I’m trying to prep my kids for what to expect.

I’ve bumped heads with this man my whole life. We have great memories from my younger years. I’m concerned about my mom more than anything with these past few weeks and moving forward.

[stayathomemomconfessions]

Happy Friday!

So ladies, you’re getting Pandora Jewelery. I went to the mall and the fellows are all lined up at Pandora. There was no line for the Apple store. I also saw ghetto thugs shopping at the cheap jewelry carts trying to purchase that fake bling ginormous costume jewelry.

Tell me about your Valentine traditions. My husband and I exchange cards and then try so hard to downplay the day. We usually make hotdogs and Kraft Mac and cheese! 😂

My plans this weekend:

Run a 5k, ride my peloton, check out the fair, menu plan for the week, sip tea, maybe adventure around the town.

[stayathomemomconfessions]

Can we please stop adding lol to anything and everything we put out into the world. I’m talking social media posts, emails, messages. It makes a person look like they are missing confidence. Just say what you want to say without the three letters that counteract your thought!

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Failing is better than did not try. So instead of stamping an F when you did not try; let’s normalize adding a did not try in place of the zero. Use the F for not there yet! Failing and not trying are two totally different ranges.

[stayathomemomconfessions]

I’m not sure if you know this or not. Tomorrow is Go to Work Naked Day. Hope you have a free feeling Friday on February Fourth. That’s a lot of F words.

[stayathomemomconfessions]

Yesterday I walked a half marathon!

[stayathomemomconfessions]

Listen! 🎧 Learn to let that shit go! ❄️

We could all learn a thing or two.

Here’s my life tips poem.

Be like Elsa, let that shit go!

Have fun, but don’t be a hoe.

Take care of yourself first

Otherwise you’ll burst! 💥

Stop making lame ass excuses!

Your life is for your uses.

My poetry may suck

I don’t give a fuck.

Think about what you want,

Just don’t be a cunt.

Be you. Be happy. Be your it!

Just make sure you give a shit!

[stayathomemomconfessions]

November 8, 2014 🏃‍♀️ 🥓

It’s when I decided to go for a little run that I thought was impossible.

That 5k changed my life.

[stayathomemomconfessions]

I have been thinking about what’s next for me in this current chapter!

Previously I wanted to go back to school for advertising in marketing. Now I’m thinking I remember winning a writing contest way back in fifth grade and explaining how I want to be a published author. Damn! The idea scares me to death. You hear the stories about rejection. Today I decided that’s a bad ass mother fucking goal to work for next.

I right now, am clueless on where to even begin! I have ideas on what to write about.

For the longest time I thought I wanted a doctorate degree and I did. Keyword: did. I’m at a point in my life now where I can say that’s not what I want now. Maybe that’ll change but who the fuck knows!?

I used to be so afraid of my image to the world trying to be this amazing educator. Shit! I’m now a mom that gets pure joy in dropping F bombs and getting shit done.

[stayathomemomconfessions]

One kid tonight made a mistake. I called him out on it.

Kid: Why am I so stupid?

Me: You’re not stupid. You just keep making stupid choices by lying when there’s obvious evidence of your lies.

[stayathomemomconfessions]

You can’t be a jerk, a bully, or rude then say your religious to get into heaven. Showing up to church does not guarantee a pass to heaven.

[stayathomemomconfessions]

Wow! I felt terrible for three weeks. I’ve had covid twice (not twice in the past three weeks)! My daughter continues to share food. No matter how many conversations we have. She shared food with others outside of our home when I’m not present. It’s tough trying to live a balanced life and maintaining balance on everything. I get it’s important to build up immune systems and not be a complete germs phobic! At the same time I don’t want my little people getting others ill and my little one keeps getting me sick. I bust my butt to try and stay healthy, yet as an asthmatic I seem to catch her germs all the time instantaneously! She gets sick for maybe 24-48 hours with the germs and I’m down for three weeks. When I say down, I mean hacking up my lungs while still running my entire household on pure exhaustion!!l Today I feel almost 100% better minus the exhaustion!!

I have been toying the idea of writing a book! I have an idea in mind. I’m letting my fear of failure get in the way of actual even trying. I have always been self critical and it holds me back!

I’ve finally had an epiphany on my own life. Well a huge milestone epiphany! I get so caught up in what I THINK I should do based on society’s stereotypes. Last year I took a leave of absence and was feeling embarrassed about leaving my career temporarily because “a winner never quits!” Well, a winner never settles and CAN make changes! To be honest I avoided invitations to gatherings with former colleagues because I was embarrassed to explain myself. I’m also struggling with the balance of knowing I don’t owe anyone an explanation and providing reasons to my kids on why I do the things I do. Kids need to know WHY. They have a better chance to understand if they know the why. The whole because I said so I feel is super outdated and shows the adult has superior issues. On the other hand I feel I need to get better with not giving explanations to defend my No. I need to get better with boundaries and if something isn’t working for me, I also need to stop letting that shit go. I decide my self worth. Society is changing. There’s a difference between respecting elders and keeping quiet to just keep the peace. We can do both. I’m not sure if my message right there is clear. Help me. Read that again. There is a difference between respecting our elders and keeping quiet to just keep the peace. If we are not at peace at something our elders are doing it’s not worth staying quiet. I’m not saying yell at them and be like Danny Divito in Matilda “I’m right and your wrong…” No. No. No. The whole ‘Oh they are set in their ways…” let’s just fix our own mindsets and take action to change the world!!

Even to this day, I’m told to just be like Elsa and let that shit go. Life is too short. No. If we all don’t feel peace, we can’t let it go!! Unless someone like you cares a whole lot it won’t get better!! ⬅️ I butchered that Dr Seuss quote.

What you are doing is enough!! I wish I had that in my mind when I was teaching!! I constantly felt I never was doing enough because any person knows we should never settle for believing we know it all since we are constantly evolving to grow!! Part of my educator burn out was constantly feeling guilty! If I didn’t give my all, I felt I was failing my students. Then if I did that, I was failing my family! How do you say no and not feel guilt going into a career where 99% of educators have hearts of gold and GIVE GIVE GIVE! I felt my leaders were out to “get me.” I felt guilty taking days off to go see a doctor. Hell, couldn’t even call a doctor because doctor offices have lunch breaks the same time and you can’t/shouldn’t be taking care of personal matters during class time. So I guarantee so many teachers did and are doing the same!! Imagine trying to do in vitro and practically forced to inform everybody from your boss, to your team, because you don’t want to be judged as a careless flake being late to work every day. It’s easy to say stop caring what others think of you. This thought process of caring what others think actually got me so sick that I had a mental health breakdown. I’m now in a place that realizes not everyone was out to get me!! But that’s how I felt because I cared too much about everyone and everything and striving to be my best. I can finally say with confidence I needed to leave that career because it wasn’t healthy for me and impacted my family.

I was ashamed to say I’m a stay at home mom. When all I wanted for over a decade and being childless was to be a mom!

I still struggle because I feel like people think I believe I’m better than them for being able to step away from my toxic workplace feelings and now working on making myself better for my family!

[stayathomemomconfessions]

Holy 🐮

My scale broke. Well, died. I need to put new batteries inside of it.

One Fall sport is over so we have a slight break.

One of my children are struggling with home life. I’m wondering if it’s triggers of the holiday season.

I’m down 19.9 pounds!!!

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I’m down 12.5 pounds!!

Holy crud there’s so much going on.

My limits are being tested, yet I’m becoming more and more confident with saying no to respect my boundaries!

Yesterday I received a speeding citation!

Then there’s the struggle of dealing with a difficult client.

I’m addition my child earned a detention!

Oh, and then we have a destination wedding in less than two months. We are obligated to go yet constantly being reminded not to be present.

Wishy-washy relation stresses me the F out.

My boys have f’s!!! Due to laziness, not ability.

Those are my complaints! Now for the positives.

Amazon is amazing!

A cheat meal is fantastic! Totally cheated yesterday and lost another pound over night. Can I get a hell yeah?

I woke up today.

My dogs don’t talk back.

I have a roof over my head!

It’s Scorpio season!

I will admit it was hard to develop positives to match the number of negatives!!

Even though I took the time to vent, it’s equally impute fix the mindset. Without stress, we’d never know about bliss.

[stayathomemomconfessions]

Anxiety.

Anxiety. It’s not cute. I hate it! I’m such a planner and organizer. It drives me lividly nuts when I get details at the last minute!

Things that give me anxiety:

Things I’m involved with and have no control over

Last minute details that could have been avoided

New environments

My kids and their half truths