StartingOver

Random thoughts on life and messages to a loved one

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Madness

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You're my world

Without you, I'd have nothing. You're my best friend, an amazing lover, a perfect wife. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen. No one could ever compare to you, no one could turn my head the way you do, still, after all this time. It's funny, the times when you seem the most dissatisfied with yourself, convinced you're lacking something, are almost always the times when I'm completely enamored with you. I'm staring at you, hypnotized by you, and yet you seem so oblivious to how drop dead gorgeous you are that it leaves me dumbfounded. You make me feel so completely helpless, just by casually strutting past me in nothing but your panties and a tank top.

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So Into You

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Kiss

Your soft pillowy lips, slightly parted, brush against mine. I taste your lip gloss on my tongue as I gently press my mouth to yours, your sweet breath fills my mouth, the tip of your tongue pushed between my lips, I push back... My tongue inside your mouth, my hands find the curves of your body and pull you close to me. I can feel the heat of your body against mine, I feel you melt against me, pushing your hips into mine. Sliding my hands down your hour glass shape, I find the curve of your cheeks in my hands, you thrust yourself against me. I kiss you hard, our lips hungry, pulling, sucking, gently biting... I can feel your hand on my body, sliding down, I rise against you, straining at my jeans, your hand finds the heat of my manhood as my hand slips between your legs...

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Home

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Conflicted

I know you're making a good decision, and I know this will help, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me, and that's when I seem to think otherwise. But know that I think you're doing the right thing, even when I may seem bitter and sad about it.

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365 days

This is it. We've made a decision and we'll have to stick to it for one year, 12 months, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes, 31,536,000 seconds.

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Well, that was sort of melodramatic wasn't it? Seems a bit over done by the light of the morning, ha... I'm really getting tired of waking up at 5:30 in the morning... I don't even know why I'm waking up this early. I hope I'm not turning into one of those annoying "morning" people.

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Sleep

Sleep runs from me. Again. It hides in the shadows, just around the corner, eluding me.

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I love you

No matter what, I love you. I hope someday you believe that. Someday, you’ll feel safe enough with me to tell me anything. To tell me how you feel. What’s on your mind.

Someday, when I’m the man you need me to be, you’ll feel that way.

I'm trying.

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Sometimes it has to hurt like a mother f__ker before you can feel good again. To have the happy ending, you have to go through the bad times first.

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Home.

“I’m home.” Odd. This is the last time for a long time that I will say those words about this place. Tomorrow, it will be somewhere else. Not by choice though. I feel a sting, like a cut.

The bitterness tries to stir up old doubts, fears, questions, insecurities….

Is it my disease of addiction manifesting itself, my mind trying to manipulate itself, trying to give itself that reason, excuse, justification to fall back into bad habits?

I remind myself it is. This feeling is just sadness. Ignore the bulls__t that crowds around it.

Time will heal the wounds I've caused, they’ll scar over and nearly disappear. Nearly.

My mind will find peace, and let go of any unreasonable paranoia, then it will see only the truth, clearly.

The good. I will walk away from the bad.

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Almost there

Soon, you'll be back in your home, and you'll be near me again. Soon, I'll court you again, romance you, we can fall in love again...

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I fell into a deep sleep last night, maybe because one piece of the plan is in place now, my mind slowed down for a night.

Finally!

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12 in the afternoon, I can't keep my eyes open. 12 at night, I can't close them.

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Again…

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…and again….

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Every night.

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