mulder, it's me

[korolevx-deactivated20180128]

the new drink of the new decade

[antimereplex]

Wait- how is this diet

[korolevx-deactivated20180128]

one sip and you decide not to drink the rest

[jasper-rolls]

like, i’m pretty sure tiktok has existed for longer than vine did at this point but i’m yet to actually see an “iconic” tiktok. like people always caption like “this tiktok is ICONIC” but i’ve never seen one stay in the public consciousness for any longer than the 2 minutes it appears on my timeline. i never see people quote tiktoks or like, act them out with their friends or anything, not a single tiktok i’ve seen has had any actual staying power

meanwhile i can just say like “ROAD work ahead?” and i would bet a good chunk of you have just read that in the guy’s voice. i still see people tag things like “i wish i was jared, 19″. one night at the bar where i work we started an impromptu dance party purely by saying “hi, i’m renata bliss, and i’ll be your freestyle dance teacher”

i guess brevity really is the soul of wit

[7842758406546745643087-deactiva]

practice social distancing by going to one of those vampire castles where the vampire will encourage you to stay for dinner but you have to sit at opposite ends of an extremely long table

[cognitohazardous]

[targent]

cant fucking sleep bc wikipedia has separate lists for vampires and for fictional vampires

[sadcypher]

were having online classes from now on and the struggle is real. took my robotics prof 15 minutes to unmute himself on skype 

[homewithyoubyfkatwigs]

[medievalthymes]

after social distancing is over everyone is gonna be so touch starved every contact with another human will be like the hand flex scene in pride and prejudice (2005)

[whitepeopletwitter]

[deaddolin]

[actuallygodzilla]

i am not immune to the giant valentine bear aisle

[997]

whoever did this needs to get

a raise

fired

[popokko-deactivated20210315]

peeling a clementine is so easy. it comes so naturally. its inviting… the clementine WANTS to be peeled. its melancholic, sanguine… but an orange? whats an orange but a nuisance… the orange torments and mocks with its brute strength. it exists only to create chaos. next time you decide to indulge in a citrus delight, heed my word. choose the clementine 

[cadaverkeys]

Eboy this...egirl that.... And what am I ? An ediot...

[valtsv]

me consuming fictional work after fictional work to distract myself from the fact that i exist: i can have little a escapism. as a treat.

[prokopetz]

Concept: fairy tale where the wicked step-parent (who is of course also some sort of warlock) transforms the princess into a swan, as one does, but rather than running off to mope around in a lake and be beautifully tragic, the princess decides to stick around the palace and cause problems on purpose.

[twinicegiantorbiters]

do those little soot sprites from ghibli have a union